theleelajoker

Well, I have no memory of sth like this. I do have the feeling of being guided sometimes, and I do have the feeling of being taught lessons. But how exactly, why, by whom, what for etc...don't know. There's certainly more going on that the eyes can see on the surface. But again, what exactly I don't know. There are so many stories about entities, reincarnation, purpose of life etc how to know what's really true? How to know that it's even the same for all humans?

One more thing just came to my mind...meeting people! So when I hang out with friends, I typically meet them just to be with them.

@emil1234 welcome to the club!

I have the experience you describe sober, at least to a certain degree. Alcohol sometimes also increases this awareness, even if many people condem it (I read there are spiritual traditions that actively work with alcohol, maybe it was tibet.) It's like exploring my own mind, other people are products, are representative of my subconscious. Re your questions: 1. Can't verify or falsify that for you. I can only talk about my own experience. And it feels for me very similar to what you describe 2. You see it as "loosing ability to fool yourself". That's one perspective to look at it. But it's a narrow one IMO. On my path, I stated the intention "to be free" several times. Always wanted to be free, since I was a small kid. I met a stranger in a train, short time before my awakening experience, she asked me (more or less randomly) what I want most in life. It wasn't money, fame, etc I said I want freedom. I got what I wanted, "God" gave it to me. So maybe you wanted that too? One the one hand, it seems I can't go back anymore. I see the interconnectedness almost all the time and I am unable to not see it. So re your question, it seems I can't go to back to being unaware. But do I even want that? When I am fully engaged in life, then I am back in my role. I cry, I laugh, I flirt, I talk, I do sports etc etc. So I recommend to go and engage as much as possible with what is. You said you do not want to loose the ability to fool yourself. That's where psycedelics and this whole "teaching" by Leo is a very dangerous, very slippery slope IMO. Psycedelics force you to open, it's not you slowly opening up and integrating. Can be too much too soon for many people. People will disagree, and it's fine, it's just my opinion and observation. I had many of my big awakenings during meditation, and it is and still was quite tough. But I learned more to let go instead of substance doing it for me. If you really want to got back to not seeing, I don't know, but I guess God has a way of giving you this experience as well. Just be careful what you wish for, might not be better then what is now.

Don't know how long it will take. Don't know if it's possible to stop at all. If I had to GUESS, then I would say it stops when resistance reached very low levels / zero. And GUESSING again, I think it's a dynamic process, the more integration, the more flowing with life, the faster body is re-calibrated to hold this energy. A friend told me about a body and mind 3-D to 5-D transition, don't know how much there is too it. Getting goosebumps also a lot, when me or others talk about certain topics, or when there is a intensity behind their words. Tai chi seems like a very good idea! Many years ago I did a course, but I wasn't "feeling" it, you know what I mean? For sure I would be feeling it today hahahahah @Davino had good input re diet in a other thread, maybe worth to take a look for you. Something is happening re you and me, so let's find out how to make the best out of it

Thanks brother 🙏 Curios to explore this path of new diet. The stuff with fungi was completely new for me.

Yeah also still have lots of tension but the trend is clearly going towards relaxation. Key is for me to not create tensions again in daily life but flowing as much as possible in any situation. Jaw tension is key for me, being aware of tensions there is a good indicator. I'm watching my thoughts and breath more lately this helps too Edit: today I realized I need to dance! Body wants to move - OK let's move! Will pick a club with good music and then release as much as possible:)

Welcome to my life stranger! Seems there is some synchronicity happening 😂 I experience things like this too. My body twitching and moving, sometimes jerking violently, sometimes smoothly moving, also in an 8 like you see in snake charming. Neck and jaw are where the main movements appear, lots of cracking in my spine. Also started for me after significant awakening experience during meditation retreat. I also took a break from meditation for few weeks and now slowly get into it again. Also had a rough, a tough phase of integration / transition period. I also attribute it to Kundalini Moreover, I feel regularly like throwing up in daily life. Never happened, but my body is clearly going though a re-calibration. It's accompanied by getting high a bit, like weed or sometimes small dosis of MDMA. My approach: I can't sit still anymore, and I don't even try to force stillness. I let the energy do it's stuff because I believe holding it back will be counter - productive. I sometimes try to direct the energy in a very,very subtle way, but mainly my goal is to feel it and synchronize with it, align my movements with the energy flows. For this, I feel tensions, or dense areas and either focus on just feeling or on relaxing these parts. Or doing nothing but being aware. I then typically feel the energy rising, how and where, and what it's trying to "tell me" re movement. Then I move my body to harmonise my flow or offer minimal resistance and maximum letting go. At least I do this for the subtle flows. For the violent ones I am just an obsever, it's really like being possessed or controlled by this energy. Very interesting experience, loosing control over my body like that... The reasons I "just let it happen" is because it's feels like it's positively influencing my nervous system. I also see positive changes in my external reality and my interactions with others...so I trust it to do its job Side note: parallel to the stuff above I suddenly get feedback about my eyes 👀. I think I got more compliments about them in two months then in 20 years before. One woman asked me to send her pictures of them. Spiritual version of dick pic haha 😆 So this energy seems to have some effect that is somehow visible to others although I don't see any difference myself in the mirror 🤷

@Natasha Tori Maru Had no time to watch it yet, but it sounds a bit like the theory of constructed emotions by Lisa Barrett Feldman?

@Judy2 You like music? I like to take a walk with my headphones and sing to songs I like.I also like videogames. Those are things that have no desirable result, no bigger purpose except for doing it for the sake of doing it. (Don't want to become a singer or pro gamer) Reading for entertainment, not to learn, might be something. I like character - driven fantasy books or historical stuff. Feeling, putting attention in your body, also might be something. Simple curiosity of "ok how does this or that part of my body feel right now?" The key is to be a) deeply involved into some activity and b) feel like the activity itself is the purpose. What exactly these activities are for you, that of course I don't know just giving ideas to maybe support your process

Wow that's an interesting post, didn't know where this is going until the end. I don't remember being physically attacked in a way you describe. What I have experienced - personally and told by others - is that people leave situations that are actually good for them. They seem to can't handle being loved. Seemed strange: Everything is ok, why sabotage yourself and leave? During my last Vipassana retreat I got very deep in meditation and in this state I believe to have recognized that the reason is in line with the comment of @samijiben. There is fear of loosing that good situation, and out of fear for the "good" to end they leave before they get more used to it, before they go deeper into this connection. It's a "ok I'm still in control I can end it on my terms" > it's ending for reasons beyond my control. It has some logic, and seems to be "normal" for humans in some areas of life, but of course EVERYTHING ends and you miss on all the incredible loving experiences that could have been.

You made me laugh, thanks! It's true, one doesn't need drugs to see and know this. But KNOWING something and FEELING something are two very separate things. Let's face it, NOBODY REALLY knows what's going on. Who's projecting what on whom, why and when? What's symbolic, what's real, what's illusion? One person saying the world is about [XYZ], because he/she realized this on substance [XYZ] or on meditation [XYZ]. Then second person comes, proclaiming a new truth [XYZ], because he/she realized this on substance [XYZ] or on meditation [XYZ]. Then person A and Person B fight about what's the right [XYZ] and why [XYZ] of the other person is wrong. And people assume that there is one [XYZ] for all and call that "true" or "real" or "what it's about". Maybe, maybe not. Maybe there are infinite [XYZ], who knows? @tashawoodfall I also had some strange ideas, feelings on substances. Nothing re doomsday, but the main character thing, sense of agency, or the idea that something needs to be done. Is it ego, is it projection, is it a message, it is just my subconscious fooling around, is it a cosmic joke, is it a mission, is it a mechanism of creating meaning in a otherwise meaningless world, all of it, none of it? Who the fuck knows. But psychedelic "revelations" can be tricky, I wouldn't "believe" them just based on this one experience. So what to do with it? Go and find out. Action, action, action. Test your hypothesis. Figure out how much is symbolic, how much is projected etc etc. If you truly know, then acting seems like the right choice. Get in touch how things feel, instead of how you think about it. Action and the feedback will most likely show you if you're moving in the right direction. At least, that's my [XYZ] for you And who says that this world is "just" an illusion? Maybe creating in this dimension is all we got, all that matters? Who knows? To say it with the words of Esterly in "Bad man" My eyes Are blind I can't seem to tell me What I need to get right Your eyes They can't seem to understand What I've realized Realize This isn't just a dream Stuck on a bad repeat

My impression: See it as something that moves, not a final state. Ok you reach 100% NOW, and then? Life moves on, new circumstances, new situation, new challenge. You change so everything changes. Don't block yourself by saying "not reaching this or that", work with what you have / are right now.

Yeah, more focused, less ego games It's not 100% black and white, each day is a new step. Yes I can see it with so many others and myself. Unrealized potential. And it sucks. For quite I while, there is this feeling inside me of "there must be more, there must be something better then what we have right now". That feeling of "That can't be it" And I don't know about you, for me it's funny once I have - at least more or less - recognized some of my own traps, it's so easy to see it in others. Impossible to not see it. Of course, others likely think the same re myself - so honest, authentic, open and skilled interaction is key to actually realize all this untapped potential for each other.

In general valuable concepts and I generally agree with most of what you say in most of your posts. But here, my impression is that you are putting too much structure, too much intellect, too much 3-D thinking. It's a interdependent system, not an order. And does it really take one year or more? I would challenge that. Ans what does mastery mean? Skills and evolution are infinite, it's not a final stage. You are right that you cannot "jump" to one thing, 100% agreement. But IMO structuring as you it here and in your mind does not help. Look what situations reality creates for you, what people enter your life, what decisions you are forced to make, what (in)actions you take. "External" reality perfectly synchronizes with your inner energetic patterns --> that's your "structure", if you need one, but it evolves automatically, naturally, flowing with you. Trying to create a plan/order/structure with your mind is in my experience a dead end. So much my 50 cent, happy to hear other experiences and perspectives

@Breakingthewall Great OP IMO, one of your best texts as far as I see it. Also agree with most of what you and @sugarcoat say in the following discussion: Attention is key Concentrating and focusing attention, especially inwards Opening up myself --> "external" reality synchronizes with my inner movement. Once there is enough openness to be aware of that, it becomes impossible to not see it all the time I was "forced" to look inside, too. Looking for way out of trauma, certain experiences and conditions (still ongoing, but made major steps) If you experience reality as dull and dead --> I know this experience. What helped me was to feel, to feel everything and then gradually some suppressed structures dissolved and I was able to feel more, express more, live more BUT re my previous point: "No one can tell you how to do it, because each enigma has its own solution." Some pointers and information from others can be helpful...or maybe not

@Joshe Lots of agreement from me re your post. Logic and thoughts (alone) don't really help because thoughts are not the cause, but part of a system with many other parts connected. If you’ve ever tried to talk a depressed person out of it, you’ll notice the vast majority will say they want out but when you attempt to remove what got them there, they resist. That goes for basically everything, doesn't it? Eating healthy, being more social, trying new stuff, advancing in career, creating good relationships, living more happy etc etc. Nobody wants to be stuck, everybody likes the things above, everybody wants to change but there's is resistance when facing change. Because of fear. I see your points with stoping negative thoughts, and the value of story - creating and story - changing. But IMO you have to go further: the energetic structure is stored in your body, it can actually be felt during deep meditation or high states of awareness. Somatic work is key, it has to align with work on thoughts and believes. If you want to test my hypothesis, you can easily do it with fasting. When I fasten, my whole psychological and emotional structure changes. Thoughts and emotions change because my body state changes, while external stuff (work, relationships, living conditions etc) stay the same. And finally, what helps me is not so much the bypassing of emotions but really really feeling sadness etc and expressing it fully. Sharing it, talking about it.

+1 had the very same thought recently. It seems to boil down to openness vs. fear Fear - I don't want experience X to happen, I want the known Openness - I am fine or at least neutral re any experience, I am curious, I don't know, I make/ let it happen Not perfect description yet, open to ideas for improvement;)

Seeing how my experiences are stored within my body, you have a point. Don't know if plants do not store it at all, maybe much less? Anyways, good points. Practical stuff instead of ethical. Will fasten next week and then afterwards do some vegetarian/ vegan diet for a few months and see how it feels

I work in education industry. It's scary that many companies are outsourcing educational content creation to AI. Just like that, no responsibility, no bad conscience, no foresight about what the consequences are. It creates low quality bullshit, nobody really gets the stuff, it's mental self castration at it's best. Future generations are gonna be dumb as fuck re critical thinking, creativity and human interaction if we continue on this path as we are doing it now.

Identity isn't something to be cultivated internally but something to be displayed. Humans instinctively equate access with value - what is hidden is protected, and what is protected is presumed valuable. West demands you pick sides and cut ties with their ''adversaries'' publicly. In the West it's birthed a spectacle society - everything is more shallow because life is lived at the periphery acting, expressing the self, never sitting in the self being grounded. Those quotes really resonated. I can see it in daily behavior. Especially the "pick sides and cut ties." I think that's also something that attracts other people in the west to me in a certain way. I lived abroad for a while and thus are significantly "less western" then most people that only lived in the west. Western lifestyle as you expressed above reached limits, so more depth, harmony, community, connection and inner work seems to be the solution. @zazen So my gut feeling since a long time is that it's about integration. To say it simplified, "put some Westin the East and some East in the West". WDTY is the solution?

"Hey, this guy is not scared to go out alone. Pretty cool, if he feels like going out on his own, then he does it. And he doesn't need anyone else to validate himself." If have been out on my own quite a few times. More often then not, I got to know people. Random people that talked to me, I talked to random people. Men, woman, anything can happen. Sometimes I bumped into people I knew before. One time I was super depressed, went out, asked people for a cigarette, they invited me at their table. Spent whole night with them until the bar closed, we were the last guests. Life can surprise you anytime anywhere. HOW you do stuff is more important then what you do. If you carry a vibe of being approachable, and you approach people in general, then people are likely to connect with you in some way. Moreover, @NoN-RaTiOnAL has a valid point IMO. Action, action, action. Once you start, it gets easier and easier. Like climbing a mountain, after initial resistance you cross the peak and then it's a comfortable downhill movement where you actually don't need to do much except going with flow

I am highly skeptical of using AI or bots for mental health stuff. So you already are afraid of people, afraid of interacting, afraid of being with other humans - and what you do? You avoid people even more, and instead of talking to humans you talk to AI. AI which is programmed to give replies that are pre-determined, ruminating past input instead of being present and seeing the individual. Yes it's not black and white, there are some studies that show positive benefits.... but all in all I am afraid that humans are getting lost in the idea that technology can save us.

I think Alan Watts said sth like: "Just because the rabbit screams louder then the carrot doesn't mean that the one is more alive then the other" 🐇 🥕 I think there are good arguments in favor or against eating meat. Would go so far to say that it's necessary for truth seekers, that seems a very arbitrary and constructed logic. Truth is, that life feeds on other life, right?

The best advice I got was from a girl some years ago. We talked about intuition. I told a story where I was in the subway, heading the wrong way without knowing it (I mixed up the directions). As I was sitting in the subway, I got a strange feeling. I also overheard other people's conversations about stops on the way, and I had this strange impression of "hmm does not sound like the way I'm heading, strange they talk about stop XYZ". When I write this now, it seems clear, but I didn't think these words, there was just a strange feeling. It's like seeing an outline in the fog, but not enough to recognize what it is. So, I stayed in the subway and found out 30 min later that I fucked up the directions 🤣 I told this story to the girl, and she just looked at me and asked, in a friendly way sth like "why not listen to this feeling? Why not act on this feeling? What reason did you have to not trust yourself?" I had simply had no answer to these questions. Some years later, I still remember this part of our conversation. Grateful because she opened up a door for me to trust "these strange feelings" more and more over time. Women in general have been/ are a great teacher for me re intuition. Not saying that men don't have this, or cannot be at the same level of intuition as women. But watching my sister, GFs etc act has resulted in great learnings. I learned to not ask them how they do it because it gets them into their mind and then the connection to their intuition gets blurred/ lost (which might be a good pointer how to not improve your intuition 🤣)