theleelajoker

First time I am quoting myself. Brothers and sisters, please stop this meta only stuff at least for this thread ok? Free yourself. Or in other worlds: get the fuck out of your head. Posts related to direct experience only. Pragmatics stuff. Real life application tied to the physical experience we have here, no speculation. Thaaaaaank you 😘

The best response often came to me five minutes afterwards 😂 Best strategy to me is no strategy. Sometimes I have a clever response, sometimes I feel humiliation, sometimes I freeze, sometimes I get angry and show it, sometimes I get angry but keep it to myself, sometimes I get angry and also act very aggressive towards the other person, sometimes I give a very loving response and /or make friendly physical contact, sometimes I laugh with them, sometime I just make or seek very strong eye contact, etc etc Be fluid. Be flexible. Allow the flow. The more open you get, the more powerful your response. But if I had to give one strategy as "best practice" then it's eye contact. Do that and then see what happens next

@MuadDibDid you do it? Do you use tarot cards?

@Loving RadianceHmm...not sure I understand what you mean. How do you describe getting lost in the grieving process? For me, being lost implies that there is a way that can and should be followed. Which is exactly my point - it's a pathless path. Different for everyone, every time and trying to follow SOME concepts, to find ANY outward orientation is what is likely to get you lost in the first place. If I misunderstood, please correct me. Good chance I'm missing your point

Carful about projections, also towards yourself. I don't know you but just looking at your content in this forum, I clearly lean towards healthy. Talk about it with your girl, be open be transparent and especially be aware. Her reactions - in particular body language - will show you in a very clear way when it's exactly what she wants/ needs and when you're crossing a line. At least that's my experience and with few exceptions (that spanking was too hard, that pull of hair too much) the actions above are all you need to be aligned in sex. And even if you miss alignment - so what? You simply move bit by bit, inch by inch, carful and aware of your actions so it will never be too harsh if you miss the mark a bit. If it happens, I say I'm sorry, I am more gentle next time and the girl has the experience that setting a boundary works if she speaks up.

How is this in any way constructive? At least tell say what could be done instead. "What about stop doing X and try Y instead" Personally I am very happy that he's contributing to this forum and I learned a lot from his content no matter if I agree (often) or disagree (sometimes) Simply the idea of "openness" as guideline for my life created a significant positive shift. Tanks for that @Breakingthewall But: your input is sometimes very abstract and I would welcome more personal experience and less mental concepts. Helps me to understand and integrate the information you give Real life situation in which you acted, observed, responded etc etc. That's also openness IMO

❤️ Takes courage to admit that you don't know. Takes courage to admit that you can't do sth. Who knows what impact your post has on others that have/had/will have same or similar experience (including me)

Resonates. Well expressed. When you say "make it scientific" I think of an approach I follow as best as I can in interactions: What do I really feel like doing right now? What is constructive, what is my energetic pull? Same questions for the other person. Sometimes I ask the other one directly, sometimes I act intuitively. I believe it's a skill you can develop. Reading one's own energy signature, reading the other one's and then acting accordingly The more closed a person is, the harder the process becomes. Vice versa with openness. Typically, when all parties are doing a good job, being authentic, as honest as possible, then the actions synchronize to a win win. If you take care of the hive, the hive takes care of you.

Yeah I think this point is crucial: no matter how he was, what he experienced etc - he's different and everybody needs to find his/her own way. Looking outwards at others for orientation is great and helpful - but not to imitate, but to use that information to create your own way. Like cooking, great to look for recipes but everyone likes his meal different

Hmm get where you're coming from. I can see the problem you're describing. Just not sure if it's the right strategy. Tell a guy that is stuck in his "masculine" programming that he needs to integrate the feminine, what's likely gonna happen? He's gonna resist, get defensive, he's gonna attack both the message and the messager. What do I propose instead? As a man: If another man is super stuck in his "gotta be more masculine" program, tell him and SHOW him that he will "get pussy" by acting in a way that integrated the things Emerald talks about. If the man already has a woman he loves, tell him and SHOW him that this will help him to keep this woman at his side bc otherwise she will go for the more integrated man at some point As a woman: pick only the men that do act integrated and be smart enough not to fall for your own mental traps. Don't seek self -value by choosing men that behave in a harmful way. Help your female friends to make good choices. Just imagine for a second that all women act more consciously and ignore all men that show toxic behavior and instead choose the one that act in a more integrated way. Within one day the "masculine" guys will be begging the "more integrated men" to tell them how to get women. Sent clear signals, no mixed messages, no double binds. Clear communication about what you want and need. Women have all the power but you don't realize yet how much and /or you don't know how to use this power yet And don't call it "integration of feminine". This creates resistance. They will say "I am a man, not a woman!" Talk the language of men. Explain them that they are made of atoms, and that atoms are made of something, and that integration and making use of this something makes you strong and powerful...and that this process makes them more attractive for women (see point 2 above). I experienced that women can get very horny when I was just nice, authentic and interested getting to know them. Why I know this? Because they told me 😄 Verbally ("you make me so horny") and nonverbally. If it's true and authentic for you, tell a man this. We're programmed to respond to such signals IMO. It's very easy to steer men in the right direction. Feed him, show your emotions, trust your intuition, send clear signals and be gentle. Same time, physical contact is key. As much as you need as much as you are comfortable with. Slight touch, hug, holding hands, cuddling, sex. But whatever you do, don't "promise" anything you don't really feel like doing. Don't send signals that you're interested in getting to know a guy is all you want is simply attention. Don't send signals that indicate sex if all you need is a hug. Otherwise that will create disappointment and aggression. So getting to know yourself is key for a a harmonic dance between men and women : )

Griev - yes. Sharing - yes. Friends can help - yes. But IMO, be very careful with the 7 stage model. It's a programm you upload in your mind and IT'S NOT REALITY. It's a mental model. It's a cultural conditioning. It might create a mental path that you feel like you should follow while dangerously distancing you from the present moment and present feeling. In my experience, it's best to make yourself free of all concepts.

+1. Fits with my current experience of life Don't have a opinion of whatever you said re Maharsi. Never met this guy in person so I don't know what he experienced, how he acted etc. Projections can easily happen.

Ok I want to clarify my OP: Can you please give concrete examples from your own experience? No meta discussion, no concepts, don't explain the world to me. I gave examples situations above, but you can choose any situation. Useful replies for me are posts along the lines of: I experienced this situation, in this situation it felt like this and that, there were thoughts that came up, I took action in this and this way, the conclusions I drew from that for me personally is this and this... Thanks.

Why makes sense to think in archetypes? Isn't that also living in the mental world?

@Inliytened1 Ok I can follow more or less but it's really abstract. I experienced that repeatedly, why does it seem so hard for people to reply less meta and more concrete even if asked directly?🤷 Doesn't matter if it's illusory because it feels real. And what means embracing it? So if your GF breaks up with you, do you say "thank you" no matter what because you say it's all one and the one always makes the right choices? If you feel it's the wrong choice do you try to convince her to stay together? Do you then say "my feeling that's she's wrong is right because I am the one, too"? When someone tells you in a forum that you're too meta and avoid concrete situations, do you think "wtf does he know?" or do you take that seriously because it's the one talking and you're direction in life is to embrace everything? When you see war, famine, depression etc do you say "that's how the one wants it to be" or do you actively try to change it?

@kavaris yes I do that also more often just expressing instead of thinking about it. Like this thread haha @Inliytened1 everything merging together, yes I can feel that. What duality you mean? Why real and imaginary? Can you elaborate pls? Helpful would be more information on how you handle concrete situations. Did change how you communicate before and after realizing that everything is merged together?

Hm, misunderstanding. I try to be more clear. I see how I made it too complex in last post by trying to be precise. New try: Everybody see me different according to their own experiences, perspective, comparisons Some women specifically liked me because of my feminine side (so they said) Regarding the one example: yes I was more masculine than her previous guy - but I still have more "feminine side" then most of my male friends and expressed that also with her I don't have the feeling I get "attacked" by women or that I have a disadvantage by embracing my feminine side Quite the opposite: more balanced integration of all sides gives me a different vibe that seem to be rewarded by women Maybe one reason for last point is because it also allows them to integrate their male side more? Don't know got to ask women I am speculating here And the women that don't like certain sides of me? Well, they are not for me then they 'll pick sme that suits them better. But it seems that there are enough women where the potential fit is there not despite, but because of my feminine side Bonus info: I have a older sister I guess that helped somehow

Thank for your reply. I think I get what you're pointing at. Someone recently replied to me "I don't want to talk about the past so much because it just strengthens this character idea that I have of me". I think what he meant is the same you describe as identity. Do you actually ask these questions when engaging other people? Or is it sth you are only thinking about?

Generalizing and projecting IMO. White? In my life I got sufficient attention from women and sometimes I asked them why they like me. Sometimes they specifically mentioned my softer, feminine energy. For me, its showing in my way of connecting, being social, listening to my intuition and being vulnerable. Not all women like me, and some might judge as you describe. But more then enough women do appreciate it. And before you draw any conclusions, I don't see myself as feminine guy and neither do my male friends or women I dated. The last woman specifically said she likes me because I am the opposite of her ex who was very feminine and a male friend once said that I am the most masculine friend he has. Do I think that there are more masculine men out there? Definitely! But I like the balance I have and women reward me for showing this side of me while still being different and masculine enough to be attractive for them as sexual partner. Which confirms the points emerald made in the OP - it's about balance and integration...

One girl that I imagined marriage with. Don't like all the legal stuff, and the cultural conditioning BUT a) it's a way to prove my commitment not only with words but some action b) it's creates a bit more stable base in times of crisis (U might think 1 day about breaking up and 3 days about getting a divorce and c) it has a certain romantic flavor for me d) I imagine the event as pretty cool Friends, family, music, fun, dance, etc

Yes, gone through similar process...more then once. 3 Things I want to emphasize First thing I want to say: simply sucks. Sucks a lot and it hurts. Second : it will pass. At least, I did every Time for me. Sometimes faster, some times slower Third: Very good chance that next relationship will be even better:) What helped me after last breakup was to meet other women (good talk, cuddling and sex helps to process the break-up) and while doing so being as honest as possible with then. Other people might tell you that it's unsexy or unattractive but at certain points I told the girls more or less direct that I recently had a breakup or that I am not over my ex. They appreciated the honesty and we still had good times as I focused on the beauty (not talking about looks) of the women right in front of me. Honest interest to get to know them. Other then that: take time, allows your feelings, don't rush.

Regarding OP: To know what works (and what is more or less certain), you need data. Best data comes from action. You don't know what action to take right now? No problem. Take no action and collect the data that arises from non-action. Observe this as closely as possible. What happens within your body? Your mind? Your surroundings? My current POV born out of experience is that there is no final answer to certain metaphysical question. It's just continues infinitely. Some concepts, ideas etc help but their purpose is IMO to help you to act not to understand.

Agree. And did you ever notice how similar the mind -in particular thinking - and AI is? Collecting information, attributing probabilities, connecting associations, making predictions...and a lot of mistakes (hallucinations)

Personally I am not involved. But maybe Temple Step project is sth for you

Great question. Maybe it's not totally exclusive and freedom and a good life can co-exist and promote each other? At least I hope so. Other than that, I feel similar to what @Someone here wrote. So many choices I took for whatever reason that take me on a path of a rather mundane life. And it's not really bad or good. People with more status, money or power don't seem to have less problems while having similar happiness and moments of joy. Same same but different