theleelajoker

In Freudian terms, you actually complimented him big time

He's polite, not ghosting you. But he does not feel like meeting you again, he should also say it at some point that would be respectful. It's not about you, happens. I know quite a few friends that very often only have sex with a woman once. Infinite potential reasons why, the "novelty" stuff being the most common I have seen and experienced. I meet women I wanted to see again - they did not, no matter how great the evening/night was. There were women that wanted to see me again, and I did not want to no matter how cool she / our time together was. Happens. Don't take it personally. At some point, interests will align. Good luck.

It's funny cause it's true 🤣 Nah, don't ruin the party! We need some outsiders, some bad and wrong people, some fake ones so that we can be the good, the true ones!

Grabbing popcorn 🥸🍿....

I don't feel that social expectation you describe

Watch out, will turn out that she's the sister of your future wife's best friend and you will get to your bride because you make the same reference re the accent...just that it will be a Burger place, not Pizza 🍕 🍔

Exactly that. Seriously, it often feels exactly like that. For example, just today. Today I went to a bar with a friend, next to as a girl she's there alone I ask her if she wants to join us. We are in 4+ million city in 80+ million country. We talk, turns out she grew up in the same small city I did, she personally knows my best friend from childhood because they work in the same (very big) company, and she went to the same school as I did and she loves the same teacher I adored most back then. Lol I'm just waiting for the final call in this show so that everybody can stop pretending and drop their roles

Yeah when it happens it feels like a movie that is scripted Too strange to be "true"

I think you have a point. There was a guy some months ago that wrote a post about "the trap of self improvement" in a similar way (bold marked by me). If you always need to improve, develop, you're never good enough. I certainly used the forum more in some moods then in others. And during some times, it was a compensation for actually going out, being social. A friend once said sth that he noticed for himself that he tend to go into spiritual stuff more when the "normal" life stuff does not go too well. It's all about figuring out stuff, creating a feeling of control. The coping might be "If I understand it, then I am in control, then all is good". It's not black and white, and you can be active in the forum for "good" reasons (exchange, learning, entertainment). But IMO overall, to a solid degree,@Schizophoniahas a point...

You're pointing to absolute acceptance with this, yes? So if sth happens, it's because sth/sme - let's call it higher self for simplicity - want it to happen this way. Any struggle against what is happening would be struggle against your higher self and your "own" intentions etc right? Core assumption is then that sme/sth is in control, like a central creator, reality execution mechanism that let's certain events happen. Events like meeting person (partner, friend, business associate) randomly, winning the lottery, your house destroyed by a hurricane (and before that, your decision that let the event to move into hurricane area, and before that, the decision to move at all, etc etc) I experienced some pointers in this direction, as if sme/sth wants to "show" me that anything is possible, that any event can be created at will. Super strange synchronicites and coincidences. @Inliytened1 What's your take re personal responsibility and agency, free will?

Have seen this cycle many times with friends. Tried to intervene sometimes, talking to my mates. But this "hot or not" brainwashing, this fixation on certain women proved too much.

Nice post thanks for sharing

Good question 😂 It was some years ago don't remember maybe I got into a relationship, maybe I wasn't looking for women at that time, maybe there was another reason. I actually found an advertisement for a dating event few days ago maybe it's time to go I'm single right now

@Apparition of Jack Good Points. It's crazy how social media works. But it's the same mechanism as always, just stronger. Before that it was TV, before that it was movies (Riefenstahl) and pictures, before that it was newspaper and books, and before that it was... story telling? I guess people are looking so much for justification and someone to blame on the outside they are happy for anything and anyone keeping them from looking inwards. I am so happy that I grew up as kid before smartphone and social Media became big - at least I remember a time without that stuff. It's funny because I only know half the people in your list above

I said some stuff happened, not that nothing happened Nothing long term happened. Would have liked to see one again, but she didn't feel the same

Why not just say "yes me too"?

Yeah, I think we're not actually not far apart on that. Where we differ is that I don't think words - even logical explanations - are enough, you need real life experience. You can't outthink the unconscious IME. We all existed without words, as kids and also many many years ago in ape mode. Tell people how to perfectly throw the basketball, what's happening? Nothing. U need the action combined with other stuff like explanations etc

@Schizophonia I think you would actually a fun guy to talk to but hey if it's solitary where you feel good Agree on the last point if you're relaxed with how you are, how things are the chilled vibe is contagious

Friends, but would have done it on my own too

It resonates, but you can't change at will what you truly believe. That's the limit. You can't change your believe just like that, you need experience to do so. Let's say you believe you're bad basketball, no words are gonna change that believe. What's gonna change it? You hitting shots. A lot, with increasing difficulty. Same with everything.

So everyone would like to be in heaven right? So why aren't we? I see your point in creating reality, and changing the dream, there is influence but there are limits aren't there?

For me: Sometimes super fucking hard. Feels like it will never change, just sucks. So you're not alone. I spare you all the "it's only temporary things will pass stuff what doesn't kill you makes you stronger etc etc stuff "

@Hojo your comment made me laugh The thing with "spiritual truths" or "gold bombs" is this: if it's that simple, just do it. Just stop caring what others think. Just make everyday day heaven in your life. Even in the trenches in Ukraine maybe, let's pretend the drones are angels sent from heaven. Well, doesn't work? You still care about others? Everyday isn't heaven? Well, then the advise is useless. Words are easily said but they are just words.

Fits in general my experience. In fairness to @Schizophonia, there are ALWAYS other cases. Some girls like the guy that just doesn't give a fuck about friends, career and social circle etc. But all in all, for MOST women I know and dated, when they saw me being social, interacting etc etc it bumped their attraction view of me, especially if they were less extrovert than me. (Being social --> more likely to make and keep friends) I don't do it to get attention or female approval ("building social circle for game" - I hate this shit it's fake to me. I just do me) but women commented on my social interactions repeatedly and at some point I saw the subconscious mechanics at work. One GF left me because I "didn't have plan in life". She was right, I was not working actively towards some stuff. But the next women did not care that I didn't have a plan...sooooo just find your fit

OK