theleelajoker

I think everyone is doing the best he/she can. Yes of course OP needs to conscious of how much he wants to be involved. But do you think there is anyone that willingly takes the choice to stay in his trauma patterns? How can you take responsibility if you never learned to do it? It's a chicken - egg problem. I know people that really do their best, going to therapy, really want it change, really want to work through it and it's still not easy, takes time, etc etc.

Men too. Same same, just different fears. Yes. It's great to watch the woman slowly opening up and expressing herself. Mega-attractive. A big bonus is that when I notice that the woman becomes very relaxed, and her tone changes, her voice becomes very soothing for me as well. Beautiful mirror effect. And while admitting that there is some pride and ego involved, I also simply enjoy feeling useful and being able to co-create such safe space. Simply Win-Win in my POV

Yesterday, I spent almost the whole day with girl. We also talked about the safety point you made above, and I think what she said is pretty much aligned for Natasha's point above. It's also what kind of experiences a woman had in her past, can make you more or less fearful, careful, courageous. So there's high variation among the women I got to know. And the older I get, the more I learn that being able to provide comfortable safety to women is key in dating and developing connection and intimacy. I can relate to the safety point myself, because even as a man you will - sooner or later - be in a position where you have to be careful about your physical safety. For instance, if you work with big animals such horses, big dogs etc. Or if you go to dangerous, criminal areas in some countries. Not saying it's the same, but you still have to work with your instincts to stay safe. And the discussion about truth or feelings...well, I don't see big difference. I know women that also care a lot about truth. And the meditation retreats I went to very typically 50:50 m/f

Yes, then the apparent "comfort" becomes very uncomfortable.

@Xonas Pitfall I enjoy your posts, IMO refreshing views and nice deconstruction of believes/assumptions

Because they want to be happy themselves. Not everything is about being chased by the other sex

I think that's a pretty good description

Yeah I agree about like and like attracts. That's why I said seems to my type when saying that there are many emotionally ungrounded women:) They were/are great humans, same as my male friends with strong emotional experience. Just experiencing life differently

+1 Met many, many emotionally ungrounded women, too. Seems to be my type 😂 They are not hard to find... @Xonas Pitfall great analysis above. You basically want your lizard brain constantly stimulated long-term, without any consequences or boredom. It's a core mind trick in almost everything in life, haha. This one really got me 🤣

Re your question. Sometimes I get desperate, too. What motivates me to stay alive Don't know what comes after and if it's truly better Experience shows that bad moments pass, too Contact, interaction with others. Talks, walks, exchange in general. Extra points for cuddling Life has good surprises now and then

@Meeksauce It's similar for me. I am pretty confident that "something/ someone" is communicating. Thoughts, words, and actions seem to have an impact on "others" and "external" reality. Sometimes almost immediately. Beyond that it seems that our current energetic structure also emits and creates although that's mainly unconscious. That's maybe aligns your point of "where you are in life" The challenge for me is to read and act according to the signals. What does really have meaning, and what meaning? It seems like the more aware one is of this phenomenon and the mental nature of reality, the more God is open to communicating with. I agree...your post is also one this instances of this communication haha

+1 Yeah my POV is that's it's not about learning techniques, it's about "unlearning" all the crap that got into our system first.

Yeah man all part of the experience. Been there. If you're sensitive, probably she's sensitive, too, you know? So it's not a bug, it's a feature What helped me to become less nervous and more authentic is realizing the oneness with everything and everyone, the connection that permeates all. Consciousness is aware of everything, so there's no sense in hiding anything. It's just a matter of "do I express or suppress it"? Of course, it's not a switch you just flip but a gradual process...

Yeah I get you. Last time a woman approached me, she was suuuuuper nervous. I was nervous, too. But still was great experience and because she was much more nervous then I was, I could be - tataaaa - playful with her and give her a safe feeling

Agree with basically everything that has been said in the posts above. Lots of cultural misconception about what attracts men / women and what makes them attractive. Lot's of what's written here fits my experience. @SpiralBut my POV is quite the opposite re woman approaching me - I find it super sexy! She knows what she wants, she's open, she's interacting, she's courageous. There is still play, you just go deeper immediately. The play is then not "OK do I like you or not" but "how deep do you dare to go? How much you open up"? Just different game. I have no problem (anymore) approaching women I find interesting, but if she's able to take the initiative, at least from time to time? Super sexy.

My experience align with what @Joshesaid Me not wanting them made them typically want me more (truly not wanting, not pretending to not want) ONS yes, but after that it's typically "committ or no more sex" Multiple times sex only if they see potential long term Women with self esteem don't come back when you make things transparent. You have an mature conversation about it and then part ways Yeah silence signs the contract. It's one way to get more sex but I don't do that (anymore) because of mentioned integrity and more awareness about my own intentions & dynamics m/f There are exceptions of course but most interactions went as above And I strongly recommend integrity, every action has consequences. You fool some girls and then you fall in love and ...she fools you lol

@Natasha Tori Maru Open to share your entity encounter? To draw the line to the videos: What you are saying - "spiritual work" - one could also call "removing/reducing the veil" right? The way I perceive it, the veil is a combination of different things: set of assumptions about our experience, thoughts (mainly created by culture) a way of perceiving and expressing reality (fear vs love) a clarity about human behavior, an intuitive knowing why people do something Reducing the veil then goes along with changed actions because the way you relate to life changes

@Chadders Yeah sounds good. But what to do with that now? What's the practical value of that? So you say it's in both, so why make the distinction in the first place? Just seems like more concepts to me. Or am I missing something? Litte side-joke: I write about divine feminine above, right? Shorty afterwards, I go to a bar, talk to this girl, look at her tattoos. She has "divine" and "feminine" tattooed on her left and right arm LOL

❤️

So, I had a time when I felt similar to what you feel. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I experienced. I went out, met some strangers, got very drunk with them, poured my heart out, expressed all the desperation. Went home, talked to another stranger, shared a joint with him, he said "if you kill yourself why you think it will get any better afterwards?". Made me think. And made me reconsider. I continued to express my desperation, talked to people. Then it faded away within few days. Had great, amazing experiences afterwards. Now I am as deeply engaged in life as I ever was. Conclusion for me? Whatever I resist, persists. Whatever I feel and express makes me free of it. Maybe I'm wrong maybe I'm right. Leo says a lot of stuff, but he doesn't seem happy. Would not put too much into what he says. Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong.

Yeah, let's take 50% of your POV, 50% of my POV and I guess we are on a good way?! I see where you're going with some statements. "Too much to handle at one point of time" --> yes, of course. And yes, strategy seems to have value...but you can strategize too much, too (as you said) Also, is being in a state of "not ideal self" not already the ideal self? Imagine you are your ideal self, WTF you do then? I think we got to watch out chasing the carrot on the stick and not realizing the chase might be the goal : )

I am a man and I love to play. LOVE TO PLAY. LOVE IT. Holy shit, playing is fun. Sports. Board Games. Flirts. Dancing. Relationships with friends, family, others. And I love truth to. But the search for truth is a GAME And masculine leadership? Yooooo, have you noticed how subtle women are leading men? I think you're delusional not seeing this All this feminine-masculine play is often seen through a lens of playing against each other. But I see it as playing with each other What's the difference? The first maximizing winning, the second maximizing fun : ) Where I agree is that it's great to have a feeling of "do I still want to play? Do I have enough? Do I want to play a different game"? Where I agree is the timing, and the unsafe part. You need to respect the role, the character, the personality of the other. Where I agree is that balance is required. You need to play the your role the same way she plays her. Well...the feminine is not divine?

Yes, and I am one of those "hoping to get her back" I accept if she does not want that, and I move on as best as I can. But my heart is still with her, so what choice do I have? I don't read Leo's blog, and I don't know the context of his statement, but calling women that go through such experiences "weak" makes me very angry. I remember holding my ex one time, my hands on her chest, her back leaning against me. I was super sensitive to energy and vibration at this point, having finished two vipassana retreats within 2 months and smoking a joint few minutes before. So my hands are on her chest and I feel her vibration in the heart area...and it was pure fear. Pure, naked fear of death, fear of survival, very fast, very strong, very intense. It's so strong, I have no doubt it permeates the whole body and all behavior every single fucking day. I felt all her trauma and just seeing how people go through experiences and then move on in life...that's not weak, that's courage.

First of all: Sorry bro! That's tough, for you and for her. Really tough when everything seems fine, when you feel a connection and when you have plans that you both feel comfortable and looking forward to. I think you already have a good perspective, and knowing that there has been abuse is - as far as I can say with limited outside perspective - an important step in processing this, for both of you. I have ex-gf that showed similar behavior to what you describe. I suspect abuse experiences although she never explicitly said something like this. But knowing my ex, and how she feels and felt, I am extremely confident that your ex wishes things were different, and that she hopes that you are doing well. I believe in this case you can take what she says at face value. My ex also had this energy of "it's not fair towards you", I think she said literally the same words. I assume a person that goes through abuse (irrationally) feels guilt. There was a lot of guilt with my ex, completely unnecessary, she was/is great. Such victims might feel like a burden, and they don't want to project their "negative feelings" on others, so breaking up is a solution to a) protect the partner (you and me) and b) to free themselves of the bad feeling that they make life hard for the other person. I think my ex (and yours?) is torn between the desire for intimacy and the desire to be alone, the only way she knows to somewhat feel safe. That's why the back and fort, and the deleted texts. That's pretty tough, this divide and this fear it tears your soul apart...

Thanks!