theleelajoker

"But my closure rate is 300%. There are three of them and they take turns."

And follow up the day after: "She refused the kiss, kicked me in the nuts and now I am in a sex dungeon. Any advice on how to open the handcuffs?"

@Hojo Yes I had an experience like that on Friday. I just sat there, in a bar and everything felt ...strange. Energy flowing through my body. My legs were shaking. I did simply nothing, and it felt like stuff is suddenly offered to me out of nowhere. Drinks, a smoke, women flirting... So you think it's a power play, again and again? Because sometimes it feels like it, but I just wonder if there is not a more constructive way to play more with and less against each other. Or maybe I am delusional even imagining that? And just look at @starlight321 comment LOL Fits really well : )

@Hojo Interesting take. Really interesting. I agree on the "we do it even if we don't feel good". I have enough examples to see that, including myself. The direction society is going - yeah did not see it that way but there is something to it. Gives a lot of basis to the incel and black pill stuff, you loose your way of getting things - control and power - and you don't know how to do it differently. So you get frustrated, scared, angry and direct it outwards. So let's keep playing the game, shall we? : )

So the women are doing what we all are doing with reality? Sticking to some kind of image in our head as long as we like the story, feel good and are entertained?

@Hojo This is IMO such a valuable and funny comment! Valuable because especially this aligns so well with some of my experiences. Reminds me of times when I fucked it up because I was talking too much about myself and not let her do her "image in the head" thing. Bold marked by me - SO TRUE. Sometimes I just let it go when they said this or that about me. I was like "OK if you want to think this, alright. I don't care, that is not important to me". But sometimes I felt the need to correct her image of me. I said something and I remember the irritated look on her face, as if physically destroying the image of me in her head. Almost could hear a loud bang LOL. In hindsight I can see how I destroyed some mystery and fantasy. And I can see how it hurt my chances with her and I should have known better and just STFU. But re other times, I was happy to correct her because I don't want a intimate relationship where I am just a projection of her fantasy, I want her to know me as I am and not as I she wants me to be. I don't do vague answers on purpose or as a strategy. If she asks me a question that I care about, then I express myself openly. If she ask me uninteresting stuff, then I answer vaguely or re-direct into something more interesting. Quality of reply correlates with quality of questions. This is the funny part. It really is. If I watch closely, then you can see the mysterious part building up, or the destruction of the mystery happening in real life, just look at the eyes, facial expression and body language On the weekend I had a date and I saw the woman wanted to ask some stuff about me, she had this gaze in her eyes and was clearly checking me out. I said something like "if you want to know something, you can but also you need to ask". She was hesitating for a while, and then said sth along "No, if I ask I might destroy something and I like you as you are right now" ---> They know they are doing it In the end, for me it's about the balance. Being too open destroys some of the mysterious fantasy. There is no need to talk a lot about every little thing. But being too closed prevents true connection among each other. I also know other guys that use this vagueness like you say as a strategy to appear interesting, attractive etc. While it works re being interesting for women, it feels for me that they always "play a role" and are never themselves, never truly expressing. I guess it's like always - depends on what you want out of life. A good "middle way" is often for me to express myself with actions and less with words. I once read sth like "if you can express what you want to say with an action, then prefer action before words".

Ok, I guess we can more or less settle this I also get you. For me similar - casual encounters, F+, ONS etc are nice but ultimately deep connection with one woman is the intention. My point is that being more picky makes me somehow more interesting because there seems to be a "Ok he's not like others, that is interesting" effect, at least with some women. So if I am looking for sex, it's rarely happening. Not looking for sex I seem to become 500% more attractive and obviously, there are enough fantastic women out there that stuff happens sooner or later. But re quantity, I know friends that chase quantity and do get quantity. So you also have a point here. Who can be positive about anything? Life, my own action, actions of others, my subconscious, their subconscious ..it can be quite a mess I think it's all about the definition of "bond", "connection" etc. Now thinking about it, I actually have a hard time defining it myself. Giving it a try I would say it's the degree of being authentic when the other is around, a harmony, a synchronicity in actions and desires, a feeling of calm and happiness throug simple presence of the other, showing and sharing emotions, exchanging intimate information with each other, also being able to be in silence together, a certain amount and intensity of experiences you go through together, physical intimacy, behaving as if one was alone even when being together, alignment in values and direction in life. And then there is a certain "I don't know factor" with this person that I can't put into words. Just having a special place in my heart. Each of these factors (and more I forgot now) then goes from a scale from 1 to infinity.... And I talked about traveling, but it's not limited to that. The interactions I talk about include every kind of scenario, placed I stayed for a day, week, month, year..up to 7 years that's the most time I stayed in one place since childhood. What I mean is that having traveled a lot, studying or working in different countries, I believe I interact differently with people compared to others that did not have these experiences. Different degree of openness. Right now I am in the same city for about 5 years. Been there. Yes. I hear friends talk about it but it's not my thing, so I don't really know. If they are in a romantic relationship, and I know about it, I stay away. Women that cheat are not attractive for me. Fits my experience. Fits my experience. Ok, so giving the goal of maximizing "high quantity of hookups", I agree. If it's the "right" goal for an individual we discussed above

Love your response 😄

+1 If she's texting you, she's interested. What this interest is leading to is what it's about to find out. Welcome to life

Challenge accepted ; ) Experience so far is that the individual dynamics was far more important. Distance was not a factor. I think it all depends on the individual definition of "bonding". I like people, so I like to get to know people and connect to them at least to degree. And the reason why is connected to the next point... ....because I had too many times where I "just had sex with XYZ" and there was an empty feeling afterwards. This feeling of "OK I actually could have done without it". Just sex for the sake of having sex does not give me much. There are ONS I enjoy, but I don't feel like going for every opportunity just because there's "tits and ass" in front of me lol Some of my friends follow different approach, but I believe it stems from a cultural narrative of "lots of sex = great" and/or sex als seeking approval and self-value. I know guys chasing to maximize amount of sex, otherwise super healthy guys, taking Viagra in their 30s. Well, everybody as his/her own way. IMO there is the missing component of "quality of sex*quantity = great". And quite ironically: becoming more picky - to say it in your terms - seems "get me laid more" I see where there is a risk. Especially because people are - for own experience or cultural programming - used to one way of experiencing life. Communication is key, every time and with everyone a bit different. Some of it is implicit of course but not all. Of course I communicate with body language, and subtle hints, and reading between the lines. But I am sometimes also VERY explicit in how I see this interaction, what my intentions are, if I plan to see her again, if I just want to go to my room and have fun or if I am really interested in getting to know her more etc etc. Whatever I feel is the right way, implicit or explicit, in the moment. Saying it's nonsense is just a different way of saying "I did not experience this yet". Again, I have sufficient evidence that it works. Just yesterday a girl where I had a ONS with and she was interested in more, I wasn't, she send me a message by accident, then realizing that it was the wrong chat. Tiny interaction followed and ended with her wishing me "have a great day". That truly made me smile. There was zero bad vibes, just harmony on both sides. Because at every step, we were communicating as clearly, openly and respectfully as possible. I believe a huge difference might be that I have been traveling a lot in my life. Backpacking, without home, just going around the world. You often know "OK I only stay here for one day, one week and never come back". So you assume that you will never see the other again + there is great openness to connect and to have a great time. So in my POV there is a incredible intuitive understanding of "traveler mindset" across people that traveled a lot: This person in this moment is great for me, the moment will pass, but let's make the goddamn fucking best out what we have right now and we do this by simply letting go, by being authentic and expressing as freely as possible"

If you want to understand why living next to the club is NOT important, you will need to understand what I said. If don't care to understand, then continue holding your current view of things. And if you want to leave your current mysogenous perspective on women as "children that don't take responsibility", then you need to understand that your personal projection is a) your bias of motives and behavior and not what really is and b) even if it was so, it can not be generalized from personal experience to "women are like XYZ"

😁😁😁

That is your projection of reality, which you expand from personal experience with subjective filter to a generalizated statement. My personal experience is very different. I gave examples above and I am unlike your statement it's not a projection. Yes sometimes I could see how she intentionally guided our interactions towards sex while she was doing it. But much more, they told me what they did or said, when and how, what their thought process was at the moment etc. 100% responsibility. No idea what you get from painting women as "children" that don't take responsibility but IMO it's a harmful narrative and plainly very wrong.

I have experienced the "finding reasons not to have sex". Left me confused when I was younger because it felt as if her body clearly communicated a desire but her programming (mind) said no. But then it was a general "no" and distance didn't matter that much. They had their reasons, I think most of times it was about not getting attached. Hmmm it varies a lot in my experience. I remember discussing outside a club with a Israeli girl, I asked "what we do next?" and she just gave a look and said " I know what I want". She did think, she had a clear plan and she took 100% responsibility. Another one said "I know exactly where this is going" when we approached my place - took us maybe 45-60 min to get there. She knew already when we left 😛 There are many other occasions I remember where the woman was clearly the one taking responsibility and setting a course that led to sex. The opposite happened as well, but very few times. My impression is that it seemed to be related to religious, cultural or family upbringing, believe systems about sex or not being in touch with herself and her needs. All in all I have the experience that women know almost all the time very well what they are doing and take responsibility for sex. There was a Indian we had a ONS after meeting three times and she could explain to me exactly when and how she checked me out and when she decided to send me the signals for sex. Just ask women when they decided to (not) have sex with you I learned a lot by simply being curious : )

I wouldn't write any of this if I did not have sufficient examples where distance didn't matter. Long rides with bike, long walks, trains, taxi, subway doesn't matter. If both are in the mood you just go for it and the distance is not a factor (don't think I ever had to cover much more then 1h because few cities are that big) My whole point is that if logistics matter that much, then it's nothing that is worthwhile for either one. Depends. You can find alignment, bonding (or the opposite) quite fast by being authentic, honest, relaxed. Couldn't do that in the past, but meditation helped tremendously. Point taken re car. I prefer public transport, bike, walking or taxi. Hmm that makes me think. Isn't connecting the way to find out if you actually feel like having sex? Sure there has to be physical attraction, but it's a necessary but not sufficient condition in my POV. And yes, at some point you have to make clear what intention each person has because it can become awkward if there is a big difference. But that's something you can talk about at any point if sme feels like it, right? What's making it awkward in your POV if you connect too much?

We seem to live in different universes. Let's check if I'm am getting this right. The argument is: If there is too much time, then there a "flight risk" and the woman might change her mind about sex? That's the argument, yes? If yes, are you guys fucking kidding me??? 😂 First: if a woman only wants to sleep with me if it's a short distance to my home, if she might change her mind because it takes 20min more to get home, then how much does she actually wants to have sex with me??? How much does she actually want to spend time with me??? Second: If that's the case and the woman is that uncertain - how much do I want actually have sex with her??? If there is so much process and planning required to keep her wanting to fuck me, how good will the sex actually be??? Sorry, where did I leave my self esteem? Still in the wardrobe, yes? Ok let me get it... If I am missing something let me know. Of course, there is a process of courting, and it can be practical to be close to home. But I don't plan distance because it "gets bad" if her spending more time with me might make her lose the desire to fuck me LOL

Alright

So masculine not to be playful. If you were a woman, you would have added that emoji.

Interesting read. You wrote this on your own? If not what's the source and who's Anon?

How did it go?

Best way to increase your close count is not to think about the best distance to clubs to increase your close count 😉 In my experience, if the woman is really in the mood to spent the night with you she doesn't give a fuck if it's a 5 min walk or a 45+ min ride. It even can be an amazing foreplay, talking, kissing, touching, cuddling, connecting until you reach home and then can set all the excitement and positive tension free together

@Xonas Pitfall Bravo

On the question how / where to meet: Anywhere and in every way. I met people I resonated with in bars, restaurant, subway, train, meditation retreats, yoga classes, dating apps, in the street, festivals, in queues, through common friends, ... infinite possibilities:) How? Being open, being authentic, being aware where your intention goes, and talking to them. Not every person you talk to will be a "bullseye" but the more often and the more authentic I am doing this, the better the fit becomes. Good luck and enjoy the process!

@meta_male Ok I see where you are coming from, too. I don't know if it's the only path to work on it on your own and then entering relationship. Maybe it's something that can be figured out together in a relationship? Probably depends on individuals as every person and every relationship is unique. And while I see your point of pain being stuck> fear of change, I still have hope that there is a approach that involves a lighter path where change is a result of feeling, anticipating lightness, peace and happiness > fear of change