theleelajoker

@Howtolive My thoughts: It's true that many people with "game" are often as you describe. I have seen it many times I agree with your conclusion It comes at the right time for me, too. Recently had a date and when I'm honest, then I have to say this: "I don’t find think we have a fit for a serious relationship, but I’d still like to have sex with you. Are you in?" And I can see how my desire to have sex with her creates doubts if I should do it, how strategies are created in my mind how to best to do this and still get sex. Makes my laugh about myself😆 I already felt like doing it despite the resistance and your post confirmed this - honesty for my own sake, it will be good to talk openly. You are relatively black and white in your assessment of men and women, and their patterns. I know women that were really fast re having sex, and I know men that need emotional connection. Women are equally hunting in their own way and the strategy - make the men seen, respected, feel good - is also the same, just the methods differ. The inner conflict you describe - I think there's something but it's suppressed. It's a problem IMO that our culture puts so much meaning on having sex with many women. It's so closely tied to male identity and many follow like sheeps. The more conscious I get, the more I see things as energetic exchange. And sex being the plus ultra of energetic exchange between man and woman. Makes sense to keep this interaction as "clean" as possible, without inner conflict. And to ask myself with whom I actually want to do this exchange, and how to do it If you drop some concepts and narratives about men and women, you still end up at the same conclusion This quote is the essence and resonates a lot. Ok you MAYBE don't have as much sex, but the one you'll have is better and you feel better before and afterwards because no inner conflict but peace of mind.

Yes it's really hard to observe families from the outside, see some concerning trends and patterns and then realize that there's not much you can do. One thing is that people get defensive about their identity and kids in general, like you say. Requires IME trust, skill and right timing to influence things in a good way. But also, parents in most cases unconditionally want the best for their kids. If they could do it better, they would do it better, right? And as long as they have love for their kids, they are motivated to change for the good of them. Can't say my family is a role-model family either. Maybe best we can do is doing it differently ourselves and if we manage that, maybe there's a contagious effect on others.

Yeah that's when the "core" programs were established. I recently saw my niece and nephew, and phewww..that was something. Very interesting experience that made me wonder about my childhood. Certain behavior patterns from parents were literally copy-pasted. How to laugh about certain jokes or not to laugh about it, the tone of voice, grammar structure in talking, the whole energy from the child in certain situations. What to get mad about, but also how to express love and so on. Some things are quite noticeable, others are rather subtle. I imagine us humans as an empty hard drive as a kid, and the our surrounding (family, friends, education system, general culture etc) loads all kind of behavior programs on our drive. Only later we can realize it's a program and then change it

That's a pretty accurate description of my experience. The recognition of the previous state and how normal it was - that's is really strange. And for me it correlates with seeing this tension more clearly in others.

Yes, it works for a while but I see what you mean. I know that feeling of reality becoming fluid. Was very strong after meditation retreats. Your other points also resonate. It's like when you learn riding a bike, or in the end like riding it freehand.

Good questions. Wondered about this a lot myself. Maybe good to start small. You probably know if Ikigai? The ten rules are a good start, but it's not the main point I want to make. I once talked to a half-Japanese woman, and she said that in her view, we make it often "too big". All about life purpose, long term etc. She said she uses it is more short-term, something simple like "what gets me out of bed today?" Another idea from a friend. "If I don't know where to start, I start with my body" --> look how you feel and then see what thoughts and desires for actions comes up once you do that. Short: No I don't feel complete on a consistent basis. Because I sometimes have thoughts of lacking something + plus my action, thoughts and feelings are not always aligned, so I sometimes have inner conflict.

Good points. When reading it, I immediately could see scenes in front of my eyes where what you described happened to me or others. The panic when believe structures are questioned for instance. Or the identity stuff. Who am I, if I leave aside all my learned behavior? No wonder Ram Dass talks about becoming "nobody" Really like they last sentence: "The question is the direction of that movement: is it to maintain identity or to understand, anticipate, plan, and so on" IME, that's really the thing. Like directing a flow of water in a river.

+ that women will pay attention to men that look less handsome but have personality. But at least among some of my friends, there is agreement that a great personality also makes less pretty women also substantially more attractive. Are there also very superficial women? Same as men? Yes. Do men have it easier then women? Don't think so. IMO, it's pretty even.

Yes, I agree. Ok that sounds pretty close to an experience I had during a Vipassana retreat - but I was scared AF and did not go all the way into "nothing", or the abyss. For me it felt like "dying", or how I imagine it. I felt like I leave this reality and I was afraid I won't come back. I know now in hindsight that this was a breaking point for my structure and the beginning of a transformation process. I guess I know that I have to do Same as you, go back again, but follow through with the intent of dissolving instead of being afraid. BTW, the content of this topic, and the experience you describe reminds me A LOT of the documentary series by Daniel Schmidt. Inner worlds, outer worlds and Samadhi. If I remember correctly, he uses the same term of looking into the abyss without any hope.

I like that description. Well said IMO. The contracted state is truly spectacular once it can be observed from the outside. And it's incredible how much that mode of operation is really the standard mode for most people most of the time. I still do it, but I get better at noticing and stoping it. It's quite simple in concept - a thought is always a limit and a separation, picking a particular time frame and a particular assessment of any situation expressed in language. This is "A" or "B" or "C", thereby neglecting that it can also "D" or "E" etc. And since it's a limitation, it goes along with a somatic correlation - the nervous system gets tense and contracted, too. The fear and lack you mention fits perfectly: Since I limit my perception of reality to "A", I lack for instance "B". Or I fear reality will be "C", because I want it or be "D". In all cases - thought, limit, resistance, suffering. That's the formula as I see it for now. Even if it was a different context, I love the Kierkegaard quote: "If you name me, you negate me. You negate all others things I could possibly be". Question is - what to do? IME the key to unlocking freedom is presence. Only when you are present, you can notice that you create and apply this formula. And then it's practicing your personal method leaves this mode of operating and go to something different you prefer. @Breakingthewall what is your POV why the mind wants to fill every moment with content? Because of perceived lack that wants to be filled? I agree and I notice it, the need and the resistance to silence. Curios how you see it

Sometimes I also believe to recognize the cosmic joke Maybe the magic in life is to recognize it every time?

In your experience, how do they do it?

I think there can be oversimplification of this topic, but also the risk of overcomplicating it. Can you change your negative sensation by either a) putting focused attention on it or b) by changing your attitude, your mental constructs towards it? Yes? Then you can reduce unnecessary suffering.

You asked for my definition. I gave one. You have a different definition. Whatever works for you, works for you. Maybe different things work for others. Infinite possibilities ♾️

Self-generated pain. I break my leg, it hurts. No suffering. I wake up, I wished reality was different, I feel worse. Suffering.

By starting to believe that there is a "you" that can stop believing.

I expect darkness. A lot of it.

Again, what happens if you stop believing THAT? Think of the placebo effect for instance.

And then tell him to stop doing that.

What happens if you stop believing that?

That's one way of looking at things. Used to think similarly. Not anymore. What changed? I stopped doing it.

Accept. If you have troubles accepting? Accept that you can't accept. What if you can't accept not accepting? Accept that you can't accept to not accept. What if you..... (credit to Alan Watts)

LOL. Too simple! Please come up with more complicated answers so that we can show off in a long post and two hours video all this made up complexity and how smart we are and how much we get truth and reality. Much love and light and pink unicorns!

There is REAL fear and pain, and there is ABSTRACT one. First one is suffering and can be eliminated. Look at the former, and see how you can stop creating it. It really is that simple, just requires practice. It's really that simple. Why on earth would you a) believe in something else and b) even argue against it? Love and light and pink unicorns!

I recently re-watched the matrix and I had a strange feeling about it. Just wondering...How do I know that this is not a prison for my mind? Why is it so hard to get answers to why am I here? Why is my existence so veiled, with zero knowledge of what was before? What DO I actually know from direct experience? Re last question, really leaving EVERYTHING aside that I ever read, heard or seen with others. Forget what Bagavad Gita, or Buddha, or Scriptures or "spiritual teachers" (incl. Leo) or whatever says. What do I really know? It's not much tbh. There can be infinite explanations, "good" or "bad" ones. I don't know what's going on. But one thing I know from subjective experience: whenever I had deep conversations with "others"(especially after Vipassana retreats), when I directly asked "what's going on here?" Or "what do you think is going on?", then I got typically very evasive answers, people dogded the question in ways that seemed strange to me. On the other hand, I heard quite a few times "don't ask to many questions, don't go to deep" or others said "I don't really want to know". There are also other experiences that just seem intended to keep me here. Again, infinite possible reasons for that. The prison planer idea is for me equally valid as many other theories about life here, so I'm surprised this thread doesn't get more attention.