theleelajoker

It's kind of strange passage. Yes OK women are like this and that, but as @Puer Aeternus pointed out then it's a "oh just generally" And then it's "women are more like this and that" but also, "yin and yang", and nothing better just different. I made a great discovery today I want to share: I found out that my pillow is smaller then my blanket. I noticed that it's better to use my pillow for my head, and my blanket for my body. You could say the blanket is male because it's bigger, but you could also say it's feminine because it can wrap me like my mothers womb when I was a baby. You could say the blanket is - generally speaking - better because I could use it as blanket AND as pillow. But then, if I am in my hammock, the blanket is too big to use as a pillow so...pffff, don't know, tough one, very tough. Moreover, there is a yang in the blanket as I could use it as pillow, but there is also a yin in my pillow because my little nephew is so small, he could use it as a blanket, too! And that's just the outside! You have no idea what I discovered when I opened up to the divine inside my yin blanket and my yang pillow!

Yeah would be great if they just said that they want only sex and orgasms Women CAN have a way of making you like them for some stuff they are just pretending (same applies for men oc)

When I had my Parisian gf, in one year, we never went to the tour eiffel. Small cafes, walking along the seine, forest fontainebleau or other nature around the city. Makes me quite sentimental thinking about it

I think where it gets blurry is that judgement can also work as an assumption depending on context, time frame. Example: You loose your job, your gf breaks up, you car breaks down You judge the situation as "bad" because you experience right now negative consequences, a decrease in life quality. Examples: You can afford less, you worry about future (job), you are sad for not having company, Sex, intimacy (gf),your way to work takes double, can't make weekend long weekend trips (car) But it turns out, that 6 months later: Because you lost your job, you reorientate and find a even better one Because one gf left, you realize that your happier on your own or find a gf that fits even better You start using bike 🚲 and are feeling much better and healthier So you judged something is bad, but as information and evidence changed, you realize that your judgement was actually an assumption. As soon as you introduce the dimension of time, things get IMO a bit blurry. You can still say "I don't like the consequences now" and be aware that your judgement is fluid, and take the assumption that it can be good in the long run even judged negatively now

Next time, combine it with a french baguette. Psychoanalysis without baguette is like Paris without the Tour Eiffel

Drop all expectations. No There is no luck, just stuff happening

Ok scream at him. Let it all out. Scream at top of your lungs, with all your heart l. But don't touch him. Talking about family, my dad once made me furious with his BS. At one point I got super mad, screamed at him. Something clicked in him when I did it. I saw an expression on his eyes, in his whole body language I never saw before. He became super calm. Scared. Very peaceful. Very constructive, no more BS. Next day he apologized first thing in the morning. I apologized for screaming, but he didn't bother he said it's ok he's not taking it personal. Since then, we only had good interactions. Months later, my sister said he still talks and process this moment. Bottom line: Showing raw, honest emotion can have positive impact. Depends on context, relationship, etc of course. Never screamed at a woman except my sister once when be both screamed. Also took a very constructive ending. Honest crying, or desperation or whatever else re emotions, same thing. Showing, expressing can be high conscious when you see the positive impact right? It's not all about controlling it, expressing can be best way too.

Yeah I get that with the burden. In terms of tips of how to get free: You can go the "100% self responsibility path" nobody is ever responsible for my feelings, I'm not responsible for theirs. But it's hard to apply this fully because we are such social beings. Maybe helps a bit. Read about theory of constructed emotions for instance You can go the "no causality path". Stanislav Grov once made a comparison: You sit watch a movie, one guy A shoots another guy B. Guy B holds his stomach, blood all over his body, he falls down and dies. The viewer of the movie is made believe that A shot B, and that there is a casual relationship between A firing a shot and B being hit and dieing. In fact, there never was a bullet. There is a self , bit it has no influence on other selfs. Watch "le deuxième act" to go deeper into that You can go the "you screwed me first" path. You say you would like to have freedom of this burden, of this weight, you would like liberation. Man that sucks, doesn't it? Sounds you surely suffer because of that feeling. Something on your life happened some time ago so that you feel that way. You didn't decide to feel like that, did you? Life plays tricks on you, there's no reason to feel guilty it's simply the game that's supposed to be played. You know when kids tease you? My nice loves to go on my nerves, I tell her "one more time and I tickle you!" She.... just teases me harder, I tickle her, she hates it. I don't feel bad, she started it. (How it continues: She promises to don't tease me again. I stop. She starts to tease me again. I say: "One more time, and..... Live. Tease. Get teased. Repeat) Yeah you can also go the no-self path but you mention you still have this feeling despite no-self resonance so I slip this path. Did rather increase the feeling of responsibility for me because things and people in the outside world SEEM to be more connected to my inner experiences

Got it. Agree. Thanks.

Germans are a bit more distant compared to many other countries I know (I am German, but lived/traveled abroad a lot). Nice, but not as "warm" or "emotional" as in other countries I have been. It's one country, but there are (as in most countries) regional differences. Berlin is like an island and feel very different from all other federal states. Many people are a lot about rules, and order. Be careful about this but if you stay friendly they loosen up and are open for softening rules. And it's very safe and stable almost everywhere German like to tell others what and how to do things, don't take it personal. People can be quite direct; don't take it personal Alcohol is big and a social catalyst Southern regions have great wine. Go for the vineyards, connect to the owners Lot's of medieval architecture (castles) and festivals Lot's of festivals in general. In small and medium and big cities We don't dance a lot together, it's more techno culture where people dance "next to each other". But you can also find your niche for dancing other stuff There is A LOT of underground culture and subculture, at least in medium to large cities. Seriously, after decades here I am still surprised to hear about clubs, bars, arts, events etc. Stuff where often there is even no website Nature: Amazing and very different. Fields in the north, hills and forest in the middle and south, mountains and forest in the south

Surprised that no one picked that thread up before. Remember a south park episode about this topic. Would not do it, but I feel more motivated re my diet now

And then laugh about it As hard as it is, as often as I forget it, as often as I tell others not doing myself: When I do it, it's great! I mean holy shit the cosmic sense of humor is incredible and laughing is amazing ingredient of freedom!

Not sure I understand what you mean with "uncomfortably open ended"? Can you elaborate please?

My take: Everyone doing his/her best. Sometimes it's just good to take a step back to see the same thing with fresh eyes 👀

It's subtle. I also see it with friends. Girls might not like me, but my friend. I see them looking at him or the third guy that is with me. If the girl smiles she's already super active, quick glances are common IME. And it depends on what vibe you give off. When I sat at bars in my own, and girls approached me, I remember one saying "you just look like someone that's easy to talk to". There's the illusion in western culture that the individual ends with the skin on the body. My experience is that is if I have an open vibe of "I like people, I like to get to know others, I'm open to connect and exchange" - then situations just happen. Can't force it, not always happening but I can see the correlation between my attitudes and my opportunities for social interaction.

Best way to do that IMO: have fun, dance be social. This weekend I was at a festival, there was a female DJ I normally would not approach but OMG she had so much fun doing her set, smiling a lot, dancing, and she became super attractive just through that. Wanted to approach her later but no opportunity opened up. Anyways, her energy was contagious, I got into good mood dancing, went into the first row right in front of the DJ table and enjoyed myself. Also a way to become visible, later girls just came to me and started talking...

Yeah it's good to go sometimes without signals. Just knowing that I can do it at this stage of my life. But 1) I have a preference for girls that are more active communicators and 2) if I use that filter, I can be more selective with my time and energy

It's one of 1000 for him, and for his way of doing it. For me, and or many other guys I know you can easily drop two zeros. There is "ice-cold approach". You just see a girl, think "oh she's cute/hot/ whatever" and then go to her. You can do that, and sometimes I do, but it's not my typical way of doing things. Most of the times, nothing happens. Why because she has not been sending ANY signals of interest, which is often a signal of disinterest. Yeah sometimes they are surprised, shy or sth but I already have a 90% expectation of her not being interested. Sometimes I just do approach her to check my assumption of "Ok I think she's not interested in me" There is "cold approach". I don't know her or any of her friends, I see her the first time in my life but she has been giving me SOME SIGNAL of interest. Ah look, moving, dancing, body language in general, proximity, moving in my field of view, a smile, just SOMETHING. Often it's very subtle, and not always does it mean that sth is going to happen. But signals mean IME there is some openness to find out together where this can go. Some women are VERY conscious of how and when they do it, for others it's more intuitive, instinctive, subconscious. Best indicator is eye contact IME, and then it's typically also very conscious. You get less frustrated if you select less by looks, but more by signals, initial openness for interaction. Which means less rejection, which means more success, which means better mood and vibe, which means higher % for success. Which means learning how to better filter your approach, which means...

OK focusing on the content of the discussion (bold barked by me). My experience and perspective as of now: Agreement to bold text: there is dynamic, it requires experience, and there are most likely limits Thoughts are one part of the system, and focusing on thoughts ALONE are unlikely to create significant changes; cellular structure, body, nervous system etc is important, too. Examples for this: When I fasten, or after sports, deep sleep my organism produces different thoughts effortlessly without intention for different thoughts YOU CANNOT SIMPLY DECIDE WHAT TO BELIEVE: Think of the next election. What is your choice, which party, which political direction? You are convinced that THIS CHOICE is the best for society, country, yourself etc. Now decide to believe, with all your heart, that the opposite end of the political spectrum is the right choice. You can pretend, but my hypothesis is you won't truly believe this. Because your believes and values are shaped by experiences, and you need further experience to change that. Without that experiences, your "changed believe" is just shallow and your subconscious will always override it. You'll suffer because you create tension through inner conflict. You can still get more aware of your thoughts, and reduce ruminating, eliminate some negative thoughts structures, and make unconscious thought patterns more conscious so that they can be changed. The Self, however we want to define it, and talking about it, and getting rid of it or making it more transparent...this is still very tricky for me. One thing that make it tricky for me is the sharp increase I have in trans-personal experiences. For example, I now open a random thread about oranges in this forum. Then I go can call a friend of mine, and suddenly he tells me that he want's to buy an orange plantation So that makes it hard for me to see where the "self" actually starts or ends, how it functions etc. One other thing is context. So when eastern teachings are transferred to the west, I often had this feeling that this idea of "dissolve the self" has also cultural roots. Times were cruel, lots of war, famine, suppression, violence, inequality. So it's beneficial - for rulers and for the poor people - to reduce the self because there was not a lot of opportunity for positive expressions (people's motive) and it's easier to control people that just accept their suffering instead of trying to change stuff (ruler's motive). It's different times now the west created a lot of room for expression of ourselves (although it could be a bit more healthy way of expressing in some areas)

Love the pic

Oh yeah, I agree. Definitely something that is possible, definitely that's is a worthwhile goal. Working towards this and already see some progress. For me it feels like a pendulum, finding the balance between the "don't care/need anything" and "need too much outside validation". Having experienced the far polarities it's now about being aware and competent in regulating the swings towards healthy balance

Great thought. With some things, I fell in the "I don't want" trap but it was rather "telling myself I don't want to because I am scared to fail"

What I see is either the validation from the outside you mention or the "I don't care" or "I don't want this don't need this" stoic attitude. It's kind of tricky because the defense mechanisms to both paths are not easy to see for oneself, quite deep in the subconscious IME.

Amazing, absolutely love the idea!

+1 I said something similar recently, in a conversation with a friend, although in different context. But you said it much better