theleelajoker

RE the first part: Yeah agree. I often spent too much time and energy labeling, thinking, trying to figure out reality and mind much more then just doing and being. So yes, I can see NOW that I wasn't there as much as I am now. And who knows how much potential there still is. The second part - I don't follow. We are referring to the same thing? I give an example what I mean: Instead of talking with people (direct experience), I thought about people and situation(not direct experience). Instead of expressing my wants, needs, desires etc (direct), I tried to figure out how life works in general and discussed it with other people (not direct). Instead of psychologically risking XYZ, I thought about strategies to reduce or eliminate that risk.

I like that you take it with a sense of humor

New nonverbal prompt: pour a bucket of cold water over each other ❄️ 🪣

Hmmm...can going for direct experience without labeling anything ever be bypassing?

Make it as simple for you and her as possible, that's what's I'm pointing at. It's hard to determine your course of action on your own without her and before the interaction. It's typically easier to observe the situation, feel how and where you and her are at the moment, and go with this in a dialogue. Similar to how you find the best prompts with AI. Sure you have an idea, an intention when you start. But then you need resonance to move on and find what works best

Good point about blueberries. Guess I should also add it were 42 grapes.

To grapes 🍇 They're awesome.

Sooo....so what?

Feel free to give me a better option Trust that you will now what to say then the time comes

Orgasms seems to be a pretty effective way

Yes let's go out and do stuff

I can resonate with the experience of what we typically call "shame" or "guilt" or "fear". I also understand where you're coming from regarding distinction guilt and shame. Deconstructing can have value in dealing with it. At the same time, the distinctions are also meaningless. Whatever we call it, it's always simply a feeling we feel within our perceived boundaries.

🤣🤣🤣

Hmmm yeah I see. But it's different if I do that at a festival, in Nature or in a big city with traffic etc.

You know microdosing, right? Taking so little that you practically don't feel it. You know macrodosing. Taking so much that you can't NOT feel it. Can keep you from being functional for a while, though. I introduce "funnydosing". New word, new way of approaching a day. It's my new hobby How does it work? I feel the substance (shrooms in my case) , but I am still very functional. Everything just gets lighter and funnier. Ordering a coffee? Man, what a fun! Nothing about a little chat with the barista. Smiling at random strangers at the train station? Love it. Enjoying either the smile you get back, or continue smiling about the irritated look you created on their face. Taking things personal? Impossible. Enjoying the little things such as a good song or the sun on your skin? Nice. Say something completely strange with such seriousness that people simply don't know what to make out of you. "I wonder how it would be to live together with two chickens and an alligator" What you aim for The goal of funnydosing is to make the day the best experience possible. Do everyday stuff, interact, do whatever you would do sober. Plus some extra, simply because you feel that lightness in your step. Be a little bit cringe, but have so much fun while doing it that other people join the cringyness. Or if not, make them get this particular look on their face 👀 This look that says "I want what he has" Enjoy

👍🙏

What changed? Your have different thoughts about the thoughts you had about your behavior? You exchanged one label, made up of thoughts, with another label, made up of different thoughts? What I am pointing to is sth I have seen many, many times. First with me, then with others: you find a new explanation for some experiences - and it all makes senses. Suddenly it all clicks. As a result, your acceptance for yourself and for your behavior rises. Your more happy, more content. For a while. Until this effects wears off. The explanation doesn't fit as well as before. Something changes. Until you're pretty much back to where you where before. BUT: there's hope. Because there is a new explanation. Have your heard of [ enter new label] , which explains [enter sth that I couldn't accept] in a great way?

Re your point task vs. intention: yes, agree. Same time, then the argument just shifts towards the translation of intention into actions. So what's your criteria to verify if the action is appropriate re your initial intention?

Don't know. I'm not an expert, just some ideas and assumptions. All I can say that feeling physical pain - think for instance of BDSM stuff - seems to act as an possible release mechanism. Not saying always a good one, but a possible one. You're forced to FEEL and to be in the moment. The fact that self injury is typically visible - maybe silent scream for help? Why do it on the forearms, when there are others places that are easy to reach and not visible? Rip area for instance, or feet. But also: just ideas and opinions.

First part: yes, I get you. But if I go one by one, there's the chance I won't go out because I'm not 100% functional. It's rather "intuitive dosing" then. Depends on intention for the day. Re second one: trust in divine intelligence vs. knowing myself what's best: I don't separate it that strictly those two perspective heavily overlap IME

I'm very comfortable with it if done respectfully. Happened last time 2 week ago. A guy told me that he finds me cute and that he wasn't sure if it's too much telling me this or not, and that he hopes I don't take it in a bad way. I told him that he shouldn't worry about that, that I liked that he had the balls to tell me, that I'm flattered but that I am into women only. He said ok thanks for the nice feedback and that was the end of the story. My point: a nice approach is easy to reject in a nice way. I had gay guys repeatly touching me on the dance floor after I told them no several times and I was literally close to punching them. Other people felt started looking and almost intervening, that is how tense it became. Input determines output.

Yeah, a more systemic view is useful. It's not about denying personal responsibility, but finding the right balance. The way we are raised and educated, there's little training for "ambiguity tolerance" - the ability to hold seemingly contradictory perspectives at the same time. What we learn is rather easy stories about guilt, about right and wrong. About mono-causality - it's like this because of that. And you're right about the moralizing other and how one should see life. This site is the PERFECT EXAMPLE FOR THIS btw. Lots of "this is how the world is" and "this is what you should do or feel"

Let's say any situation is happening. There are infinite ways to react to it right? What I have seen is for instance in people are two types: One practically ALWAYS overvalued his responsibility. It was always guilt. Even if I said "look, stuff happens, all good, I'm fine, let's just move on" the person never could shake the feeling of guilt. So what do you do with guilty people in Christianity? In society? You punish them. If there's no one external to do it, but you subconsciously believe it should happen...you do it (subconsciously) One basically NEVER look responsibility. This type had to maintain a "not my fault" frame at all times. So even when I was very open about my responsibility, when I apologized and was constructive, this type couldn't openly admit his/her part in our issues. But it's never black and white, right? Everyone has some share. The subconscious knows this. So part deep within knew he/she behaved unfair in not taking responsibility and punished himself/ herself for being mean One other example: I punish myself by not allowing, not being aware of my wants and needs. I am not allowed to be happy. Holding on to this idea. Which creates lot of tension, and what I have seen is that this tension needs to be released with e.g. cutting yourself (if you look closely there are quite a few women with marks on forearm or legs)

I think it's one part, yes. I have seen people - me and others - doing stupid stuff to themselves just to make the point of "I'm in control of my body". Smoking, alcohol, drugs, bad eating habits - we all do it but beyond a certain degree it barely makes senses. IMO self-sabotage is also maintaining a coherent story. It's not about being a healthy or constructive story, it's about making sense. Example: I have been treated in way XYZ, I thus must be "bad, guilty, not loveable etc" --> information that goes against this identity cannot be processed properly. Heh? You say I'm loveable? But for 18 years, the message (or at least, my interpretation of reality) was the opposite. How can it be true that you tell me now something so different? Maybe the subconscious is very basic here. Like a traffic light, you can't jump from red to green, you need to pass yellow to have a coherent process (story) for your identity.

Feedback in two words: love it. I can see the structure and clarity already in your post, impossible to miss. I like the direction you create with this, including the action focus: "Find your intention, align with inner feeling, with what really matters, be flexible. Execute and stop when you notice misalignment, repeat process" Resonates a lot. The intention idea is something I also do currently, but in less structured approach. Will try the repetitions, sounds promising I often failed to execute on my intention, so I'm open to learn Blind spots potentially: 1) You don't know what you don't know. Or what you're not aware of yet. --> Double check your intention from time to time with someone else. Sme who's skilled in reading you, someone that knows you well, someone that has good intentions for you, sme you trust. 2) Check your personal "quality of life" according to your definition of it. In the medium to long term, where does your method take you? I'm saying this because for instance your idea of highest intention could be "spent time alone to recharge" but in reality someone from the outside - close friend - would say: "Bro, you need to get outside and meet new people". The other thing you already mentioned re "rigide" --> structure follows purpose, not vice versa. Other application: You didn't ask for this, but you sound like it might be something for you. The challenge of aligning your intentions with others. Dating, business, activities with friends doesn't matter. You have an approach for this? For instance I sometimes openly state my "best and worst case scenario" and ask others for theirs. By giving mine first, I give them courage to do so as well. And by giving a range, I do both 1) show openenss but also 2) define my boundaries And if they don't know their intentions, I aks if they want to find out. If yes, I ask them how they want to do it, or make a proposal how or do it. Or I state my intention in a concrete proposal and ask how they feel about it. sth like"worst idea in the world, love the idea let's do it now or something in between?" The better I know someone, the more easier the alignment. Lots of potential for misunderstandings at the beginning of any interaction. What changes is from situation to situation the tone and general vibe - I sometimes do it in a funny way, flirty, playful, focused, empathic, serious etc. What stays is the open feedback loop, approaching it as open as possible like you would in improve theater.