effortlesslumen

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Posts posted by effortlesslumen

  1. Posted · Edited by effortlesslumen

    Im unconsciously trapped at ego development stage of a child pretending to be grown up. Everything  stems from childhood believes. Is there some way to work through this despite awareness to let go and react, feel, perceive from a higher consciousness stage? Neurotic child hood vows, inner child, trauma does not seem to fit into my problem. I feel like a child in an adult body. Im no man child who lies excessiely about myself, but my social activities and descion making is compromised by this part of my ego. What can i do ? I notice when this is happening but my behaviour does not change. It is like a loop of ego backlashes. 

    Should i start with trauma release? Reichian therapy ?  What would be the first best step to resolve this?  

  3. Posted

    It could be that im hyperaware of how my way of acting changes when im around certain people, but i dont to this willingly. Maybe more like imposter syndrome. But also my emotional state is highly reactive to the ones of others. It sometimes feels like i feel there being as a whole. Than on the other hand it crystalizes as hiding my intellect of fear from the reactions of other people getting an disturbance by there current perception of my person. And sometimes my intellect as it is self fluctuates. Sometimes around people and sometimes when im alone , but more rarely. Like my roles get activated with the flick of a switch. 

  4. Posted · Edited by effortlesslumen

    I know there are exercises for this, but i keep on sliding into the same ones, because everyone is stuck in their boxes of ego survival, so it is only encouraged it seems. So it puts me back in a spiral to copy others. Of course this makes sense and is good to some degree or better than the alternative, but im mindlessly thrown into this boxes. It becomes a threat to survival.  Find your authentic self someone would say, but that would be the same?  

  7. Posted · Edited by effortlesslumen

    Enhancer for YouTube™  - search for this web browser extension. It lets you customize your youtube to a certain degree. Like hide, related videos (to not get triggered to click another video) , hide comments (comments are sometimes useful), adblock, and others. Those simple tweaks are great to use youtube in a more aware way and educational.  What also helps me is setting an intention of use before using it mindlessly. After struggeling with this as well, i made a similar approach and got more control of this tool. 

  17. Posted · Edited by effortlesslumen

    1 hour ago, Nilsi said:

    I dont see it as an ultimate mean of human growth either. Its intended as an encounter with the shadow, thats all.

    This is nothing new of course - Im just rehashing Nietzschean ideas here, but I think it needs to be heard.

    Im not here to preach, Im here to learn, but people are so butthurt by this stuff that it makes me want to push it all the more. 

    I get it. As am I. 

  19. Posted · Edited by effortlesslumen

    Maybe there is some entitie or person called lucifer with a higher form of being and intelligence, but he/she/it would only be part of the whole.

    As a archetype for development it certainly can assist growth, but I would not stay there or loose myself in the idea. I dont see it as an ultimate mean of human growth and it maybe leaves you to be a zen devil

  20. Posted · Edited by effortlesslumen

    7 hours ago, Nilsi said:

    The problem I have with these dismissive arguments is that you act like you choose not to be powerful, yet you wouldn't even know how to if you wanted to.

    It's easy to demand equality when you're a slave. How about you first become a master and then care for the weak - that's real virtue.

    "You have to become an absolute monster - and then you have to learn to control it." - Jordan Peterson 

    If you are refering to my statement, it was more of an opinion, but by my writing it seemed like i wanted to state absolute truth, when in reality i did not awaken to love. So i only stated it as my truth. I wanted to be straight forward with my opinion. Im humble enough to say that im very out of balance and need to do a lot of work. So in that way you are right. But i still would have rather said on word more than fearing to speak from an arrogant point of being.    How can i be a master when i constantly see myself as a slave.  Also Im not sure if I would want to be powerful even if had every possible means to be so. Depending in which context you refer to the word powerful. Do you mean in way of not being helpless or in a way where you are in need to controll others and being selfish? 

  22. Posted · Edited by effortlesslumen

    Learn to enjoy  boredome. Maybe some walks in Nature without any electronics. I would not call this boring but the constantly overloaded dopamine flooded brain would. Or meeting some therapist to talk to maybe as part of  establishing a healthy new routine. Depending on your situation.( I dont want presume something.)  Most of the time someone distracts oneself for a reason so might working through emotional aspects of yourself could help. Yoga, Writing, Setting a higher goal, mindful eating without distraction, making a slow unimpulsive mindful act out of your habits (just like a tea ceremony) to really become aware about them and ditch them in the long term. Removing refined sugars from your diet and fast food, and processed foods, as a start. Visualize what you want to become in life and ask yourself what really supports this process and what does not. You could also  answer one question in your journal daily: What drained you of energy ?

     

  24. Posted · Edited by effortlesslumen

    16 minutes ago, Jordan said:

    Are you getting any noticeable benefit from your mind being silent? Does it seem like your consciousness has changed? Increasing your ability to notice things like your thoughts and emotions, increasing sensory clarity, improving your ability to focus are all things that may be pointing to moving in the right direction. I am not sure if what you are doing helps with any of that. 

    I chose not to explore it further so i cant tell, because i was afraid of walking into a dead end. I think I should do some more reading on that topic and try out some more techniques on the side . But maybe there is nothing wrong to try it more deliberate.  The comment you made about forced concentration being necessary als resonates with me as does the Alan Watts video.  

  25. Posted

    25 minutes ago, tuku747 said:

     

    "You" can't do It! You ARE It!

    So its more about being present. Waiting for the meditation to arrive.

    I was aware that i could supress my thoughts to a certain degree, but I always had the feeling i should not do it this way. 

    But it kept on gnawing on me, if there aint a reason to explore it more. So i made the decision to ask here.