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Everything posted by mydiamondsandpearls

  1. Hey there! Last couple of weeks were not the best tbh. I got COVID and still feel like I'm not fully recovered. I can't workout (no energy) and I don't practice 3D (no energy/brain fog). I've skipped 1,5 weeks of classes. I feel pretty frustrated, because I had good progress and felt so happy about it and now because of an illness I can't do things that will improve my life. I know I should just recover and get back to my routine, it's just I feel this immense pressure to be productive now, because I've wasted my 20s and didn't build the foundation for good life then. I'm now 32 and some form of middle life crisis is definitely hitting me. It feels like I only started maturing maybe 1-2 years ago, I know I should have done these things when I was 20 or even earlier. But I was very young and very dumb. So nothing positive to share really. Just some pictures I took in Istanbul during my trip there in April:
  2. Hi there. This is going to be my self-actualization journal for 2024. 2023 has been a very important year of my life, I started learning 3D art (because I want to do it professionally in the future) and I went to therapy. During therapy I discovered that I don't have any mental disorders, but I do have a very severe neurosis. Neurosis has been very poisonous for my mind, my life, my relationships and my overall feeling of happiness. Dealing with it made things so much better. I still have some big and small goals of course. I really want to get healthy and get in shape (my binge-eating stems from neurosis as well), and I want to improve my skills to be able to get a job eventually. I want to learn to be happy with the things I have now. I want to be less judgmental towards myself and others. I want to do things out of love not because I think I should do them.
  3. Hello! Here's another update: 1. Weighloss: I've lost 17 pounds so far and I feel great. Things that made the biggest difference: -strength training/building muscle (I train at home 2-3 times a week) -walking as much as possible -eating anything I want as long as I fit in my calorie count (I usually have 2 healthy meals and 1 meal something I crave, like coffee/dessert) My BMI is now 23 (I started at 26) 2. 3D skills: I've been practicing a lot, especially sculpting. I feel like I'm more or less comfortable with Maya, ZBrush, Marmoset and Rizom, but I really struggle with Substance Painter, with texturing. It's such a huge thing on it's own so I will invest more time in mastering it. I also want to practice rendering more, since it's a very important step in making sure your model looks as good as possible. pics: clown girl and insect speedsculpts, WIP: texturing props and dwarf sculpt
  4. Hi there again! It's been a while since I've updated. Weightloss: I've lost 13 pounds so far and I'm in the healthy BMI range. I managed to become more active, walk and exercise more, but I have to say I wasn't as strict with my diet as I intended to be. I ate way too much sugar, because that's what I usually do when overwhelmed or stressed. I decided to fix this by doing 2 things: getting enough sleep (9+ hours for me) and planning my meals the day before. I noticed that I overeat when sleep-deprived. Art: I've been practicing 3D regularly and I also started sketching again. I've finished a digital portrait in ZBrush and sculpted an insect. Plus a big project in my art school is on the way. So far things are ok. I do things consistently although not always perfectly.
  5. Hi there! Here's another update. 1. Weightloss: so far I have lost 10 pounds. I don't do anything crazy, just eat mostly (around 80 percent) healthy (never go hungry), walk more, take the stairs everywhere, and I started doing strength training at home (bought weights and other equipment). I haven't binged and I feel and look a lot better. 2. 3D: Also doing well, I've finished a game-ready model and working on my next one. I've been doing 3d for 1 year now and Just started to understand more or less how things work, how to model/sculpt what I want. It's been a struggle, it's still a struggle, but I get more enjoyment out of it since the results are getting a bit better. More work ahead of course. gif: pomegranate game-ready model
  6. Hello! Long time no see. Life's been pretty busy lately, lots of studies and traveling and work. My 3D learning is going well, I'm really enjoying my art school, the teacher and my classmates, an I see a lot of progress. I've been also traveling a bit, I went to Rome and fell in love with the city and the people there. As far as loosing weight I lost almost 6 pounds! I feel lighter and stronger. I've been watching what I eat and walking a lot. What I want to do now is add strength training so I can build some muscles. I don't go to therapy now because I honestly don't think I need it right now and it's way too expensive. Maybe I'll start again in the future, we will see.
  7. Hi there! Things have been pretty good recently, apart from a couple of days when I was super anxious and couldn't sleep. I've been working on my 3D skills almost every day, but I haven't drawn anything. I've been eating healthy too, but haven't exercised much. So there is room for improvement. I should work on my sleep schedule too, I want to be that person who wakes up early and doesn't feel sleepy:). There's something so nice about having the whole day ahead of you rather than sleeping till noon when half of the day is basically gone. My art school starts this Monday and I'm so so so exited! New people, new projects, I have a very good feeling about it. As for therapy, honestly, I think I don't need it. I know what my problems are and how they can be fixed. A lot of my anxiety comes from not being actualized professionally and being financially dependent on other people. What I need is a job. A good job in an office with nice colleagues. Also I realized that to my surprise I'm pretty ambitious so career success is something I really want. My latest 3D sculpt: done in ZBrush and rendered in Marmoset.
  8. Hi there. The last couple of days have been a bit all over the place. I started practicing 3D and drawing again, it’s been a bit challenging. But I accept it and try to enjoy the process rather than focusing on the outcome I want. The idea of deliberate practice and building mastery in art for the next 10 years is both scary and exciting. No shortcuts, just work. I love art and CG. I know it’s competitive but I don’t really care now. I only care about putting in the work. When it comes to weight loss, I’ve been doing pretty well. I started to walk a lot, I enjoy it, especially with good company or good music. I hate working out though, but strength training is required to build a nice figure. Diet-wise I’ve been eating 80/20 (80 percent-healthy food, 20-treats). Therapy is ok. Still hate it but love the result. I feel more confident and relaxed. People close to me notice that. I feel happier too. Thing I still struggle with is sleeping schedule. I find it hard to sleep sometimes, due to neuroticism and being anxious. Also my cat wakes me up sometimes:) Working on that, bought earplugs.
  9. @Yimpa
  10. Hi again! Coming back from my holiday and I’m ready to start my year, yay! My 2024 Resolutions are: 1. Continue my weight loss journey and get in shape by the end of the year. 2. Continue working on my 3D art skills (minimum 20 hours/week). 3. Make at least 1 sketch/day using any art material. 4. Continue working on lowering my neuroticism and go to therapy 2 times a month.
  11. @Gladius Thank you so much! Happy New Year to you too:)
  12. Going on holiday so won't be updating much in the next couple of days. Happy holidays!
  13. @Tboy thank you for kind words and recommendation:)
  14. Lets talk about the last two days. Tuesday was ok, I went to see my Mom before she leaves for vacation. We had great time, she noticed that I became more calm and more mature. Our relationship is so much better. I told her that I’ve been going on therapy, she fully supported it. Wednesday was therapy day. I still hate going there, I don't like the place at all (it’s a regular state psychiatric hospital), I don't like the process. But the result is there. Talking about your deepest pain, things you are ashamed about to a literal stranger is still hard for me. I cry every session. And I feel drained after. But I’m really happy it’s working.
  15. Today was pretty ok, not the most productive, but not the laziest either. I woke up late (around 12 pm), so all I managed to do is to clean the whole apartment and practice ZBrush for about 2 hours. I struggle with sculpting hair and ears. I’m glad I manage to keep my living space clean (struggled with that in the past) and work on my 3D skills regularly (even if it’s only 1-2 hours a day). Next I want to work on my sleep schedule and build a workout routine.
  16. Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate today! Yesterday was another lovely day. It was lovely for a couple of reasons. I went to the cinema to see the new Miyazaki’s film and it was incredible! I love his work, it inspires me a lot to continue with art and the maestro himself is a great example of passion and mastery. I paid for the next semester in Art School! I’m starting on February 5th and I’m so exited! The class is gonna be taught by one of my favorite 3D artists in the industry, I really hope to boost my skill with his teaching. I haven’t binged and overall sleep and feel better. I eat anything I want, but don't overeat. I worry a bit that I won’t be able to loose weight this way, but I decided that getting over an eating disorder is more important. I walk a lot too. pic: The cinema I went to is located on a working film studio, the place itself is very interesting.
  17. Yesterday was really lovely. I went for a coffee with my best friend and we walked in the park. She said that I look and feel different-happier and more relaxed. It was really nice to hear! Therapy works.
  18. Today was not too bad, I wasn't as productive as I wish I was because I didn't get much sleep. I practiced digital sculpting (male portrait) for a couple of hours, and that was it (besides some chores). I planned to start working out, but unfortunately I was too sleepy to do it today. Some of my previous speed sculpts:
  19. Today was a good day. I cleaned the whole apartment and cooked some healthy meals: buckwheat, roasted pumpkin, boiled eggs and a big vegetable salad. I also started sleeping better, because therapy helps with my neuroticism. I take baby steps with my self-actualization, because every time I would do things too intensely (David Goggins style), I’d backslide because of too much stress.
  20. Yesterday I went to a burlesque show for the first time. I didn't know what to expect, but I have to say that the show was fantastic! The most unexpected things for me was that it was really great for helping me to feel more comfortable in my own skin. Most dancers were actually bigger than me, but they were so beautiful and flexible and just gorgeous. It showed me that even if you are on a weigh-loss journey, you can still love yourself and getting in shape can be a self-loving act. You can still take care of your body, dress nicely and just enjoy life without fixating too much on your weight.
  21. Some of my previous sketches. I plan to make 1 sketch a day in 2024.
  22. Being on the journey of healing my neurotic personality, I’ve discovered a couple of unpleasant truths about how my mind, self-esteem and the process of making decisions work. It boils down to me not liking myself much. There’s this very deep belief that something is wrong with me and I am somehow flawed. All my adult life I was trying to «fix things», just to get rid of this feeling. It led to a cycle of neurotic behaviors and caused severe anxiety. There is this stick that I use to beat myself up and I wasn’t even aware of it. I started using the same thing to «beat» others (judging) instead of getting rid of the stick once and for all. It’s a sad realization. Like having the opposite of rose-colored glasses, having a negative image of myself that I really thought was the truth (objective reality). I went through a lot of emotional abuse in my childhood and God knows how much work it’ll take me to get rid of its consequences. I booked another therapy session.
  23. @Greatnestwithin thank you very much!
  24. Being in my early 30s and having a history of dead-end jobs, I realized how important that is to develop a valuable skill that you can later sell as an employee. I really envy people who are great doctors, engineers, lawyers, artists, programmers, etc. I wish I spent the last 10 years working on mastering a skill, but I have to do it now, which is pretty late. Here are some of my 3D works I’ve done since February. I decided to spend the next 5-10 years working really hard to become good at this.
  25. Yesterday was lovely. I spent the day with my bestie and her sister, we went to the afternoon tea ceremony and after that-to a piano concert. I find it hard to socialize sometimes, but everything went well. I got the pictures from the event this morning and yes, I’m even bigger than I though I was. I really should loose around 15-20 kgs, I don’t really like the way I look.