Yimpa

I’ve been following Actualized content since 2014, so that likely helped a lot. When you Awaken, you’ll know for sure. Here is a pointer out of many:

I couldn’t have done it without you

magic mushrooms in your private castle

Awakening will answer that.

The retro video game convention is done and It went well. despite me feeling super exhausted, mentally drained and anxious beforehand! Here’s all the details if you’re interested!: I got a quick glance at the AVGN and then left satisfied. Afterwards, I ate a $14 pizza that tasted like Complete Cardboard Bullshit, but I was so hungry and ate most of it anyway. The view outside where I was eating was *Muah*, so that saved the experience. Then, back inside, my childhood all-time favorite Pokémon WON the costume contest! She was AWW-mazing! Took a traditionally masculine mon and completely recontextualized it to be Super Fem and Beautiful! I loved the originality, attention to detail, and everything was hand designed from scratch. She even did a live evolution / transformation from Ivysaur to Venusaur live on stage. Can’t even put it into words. The audience went crazy for her to win, even before the judges announced her as the official winner. Finally at the end of the day, the voice actor of Super Mario and Luigi and a bunch of other characters did a Q&A panel. He’s in his 70s now and gave a lot of wise life purpose advice to the audience like a wise old sage. Mama-Mia!

Time to come out more… yolo. I came out as a girl in 7th grade, in a private school. Wore a beautiful dress in front of the whole school. My mom’s wedding dress that actually fit me perfectly. BAD IDEA. I got hella mocked and shamed for it, and the teachers were also in on the joke. They thought I was joking, but I wasn’t. That’s why I have built up this stupid character always making crude and shameless jokes a lot of the times - it’s a projection of unresolved trauma and shame that I absorbed. If something is uncomfortable, just make a mockery out of it so I can avoid doing the hard work of deep introspection. Jesus, that childhood experience scarred me for a very long time! I am glad I am putting 2 and 2 together now. Crazy to think I was pushing stage green values, in the year 2009, before they/them was even a thing, at age 12, without any gender education, not lgbtqiabcdefhxyz language. but i had no idea the backlash would be severe. like being burned at the stake. i didnt know how to read the room, but Fuck i was ahead of my time! Plot twist: shoutout to my 7th grade SCIENCE teacher for helping me come out. She was the one that encouraged me to wear the dress. I’m not kidding.

Magnesium Glycinate Magnesium deficiency is a common deficiency in modern western diets. And modern farming has reduced magnesium content inside the ground. We really did treat mother nature poorly and it’s costing us now.

A clear sign is my mind operating in completely new ways. Like a knob in my brain that’s been offline suddenly goes online. Like tapping into a foreign language out of the blue and, in a flash, you intuitively understand it. It blows my mind. When I awaken, I no longer experience separate things that are other than me. They recontextualize and are experienced as different facets or aspects of the One. That’s what that cliche is pointing to, “It’s all One”. It’s really weird and difficult to put into words. The experience is really out of this world, so to speak.

Thanks!

It's

Let’s strive for 90% and everything will be Good 🥺

I have recently watched Notting Hill thanks to Olivia Rodrigo. It is her favorite movie. She mentioned that her latest song references the movie There is a scene in the movie where the main characters do exactly that. They hop the forbidden fence and make Love. The guy character was too much of a wuss to hop that fence, so the girl has to show him how it is done. Hell yeah!

I don’t think so. But fun fact, I’ve been on forums way before this forum was a thing. Two anime forums back in 2008-2012. I lub forums.

My very first psychedelic experience in 2018 was extremely terrifying, Which in hindsight I am thankful for. It set me up for success, and also gave me proper expectations of what this journey truly entails. It made me learn fast that real spirituality isn’t just about transcending suffering, It’s about facing reality straight in the MF’ing face, whatever the truth is, and boy did I. I went from 0-100,000 - even though I followed all the rules and started small. God said F the rules, here you go, this is what you need! So yeah, I donot think I am normal given what I went through. Normally, people would have that kind of experience, of having their entire reality completely melt from the inside out, and never, ever want to explore that deeply ever again. But after I had come down, instead of demonizing the experience and swearing it off for good, I thought to myself, “wow. i really need to explore that again. this is important”.

I read all of it and I enjoyed it in a twisted way It is what inspired my post after all. It reminded me of all the inner struggle I had to go through!

O wow, I never thought of it like that. I always ignored the unimportant characters, but I am glad to hear that you don’t (:

I personally used they/them pronouns from 2024-25, when I was still in the beginning stages of openly transitioning. It was a necessary middle gap while I was still figuring out who I was. I was still in denial of being a trans woman then. But those years of immense pain and struggle eventually cracked me open. While socially and medically transitioning with hormones, I dealt with severe medical complications all over my body and family backlash. And, of course, Trump coming back into power again, with conservatives putting into law that there are only two sexes. All that trauma and torture paradoxically helped me finally take the plunge, put a line in the sand and stop playing games and just accept who I am now. I refused to use she/her pronouns for a while cus of my religious upbringing, and quite frankly, internalized transphobia that I needed to deconstruct. I refused to wear dresses and put on makeup cus I genuinely felt that it was disgusting that a biological/AMAB should do that. I judged the shit out of them. Thankfully I outgrew that fear with lots of therapy and exposure to trans people, and now I’m loving what I wear now, my expression. I am much more stable emotionally, physically and mentally compared to when I was a man. With that said, I still have remnants of transphobia that I still struggle with, days where I still deny who I am . It’s not all gone; it’s an ongoing process

Update: I just bought my tickets (I’m going with Beans/Yimpa 2), and I just checked the schedule. There’s gonna be a costume contest at 1:30 PM… Wahoo!

I'm so happy that I am not the only one suffering 🥹

The self is REALLY an illusionary hallucination. The REALNESS dial can be cranked up and down, which makes the self-deception even more REAL. Notice how psychedelics make the dream even more real. How can something unreal become so real? It blows my mind.

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/7-guidelines/?_fromLogin=1 ---- I’ve fallen for this trap, too. Convincing myself I can say or do anything I want. I was wrong! I was posting high all the time in the past and was on my high horse! The quality of my posts, mind, and thinking have vastly improved when I surrendered and took the whole into consideration.

art. on the walls.

Oh.. I should have clarified. It was a 5 minute video, but there were TONS of research and details that went into it. Each frame meant something very special, so every second meant the world. This video took a lot of time and dedication to make, even though i the end product is only 5 minutes in the end. He definitely loved it No AI used

Yup.