Yimpa

From my journal 2 years ago. I’ve come a long way “Today I fell for an HVAC company scam and paid $680. I felt pressured and coercive. I felt violated and raped. I couldn’t say no when they came to the house even though I felt suspicious. I couldn’t set a boundary. I am a failure. Years of bullying and abuse make me small. I can’t stand up for myself.”

I log every single time I sexually satisfy myself via the Apple Health app. From September 2023-24, I had sex with myself 178 times. *From September 2024-25, I had sex with myself 50 times. From September 2025-26, I had sex with myself 120 times. *It used to be massively down. I had to add a small dose of testosterone gel later on due to major health complications. Now I have the hormonal profile of a Unicorn.

I’ve identified that I avoid deep contemplation and tripping sessions out of fear that I won’t be able to handle uncomfortable truths. This is inevitably delaying the awakening process. My obsessive need to be 100% ready and for no mistakes to be made is a huge trap. The day I will be 100% ready and problem free will never come. With that realization in mind, I am no longer going to wait for the perfect situation. I desire to awaken, I have the proper tools and infrastructure, and I’ve experienced the highs and the lows many times before. I’ve overcome the difficulties before, and I will do it again, with higher intelligence and wisdom. So there’s no more time to waste. My next trip will be profound as fuck and I will have no regrets!

On a personal note, I couldn’t have integrated being a trans woman without hormone replacement therapy (HRT). There’ll obviously be certain people who’ll criticize that as unnatural, but that’s a lot of braindead political and religious noise. I kind of view it like psychedelics in a way. No way could I have deep insights about myself without them. The way it has transformed my internal emotional landscape and connection to my physical body is undeniable. And I see how that can piss off people who have traditional views of how reality should be. I love drugs (medicine), when used responsibly and with intention. And I love Women (with a capital W). And I love Myself. I still have much to learn and catch up on, given I only started transitioning as an adult, but I’m in a much better place than I was before. Egoic? Of course. But who I am now is far better than the self-destructive, porn addicted, out of control, borderline criminal ego that I was a slave to before.

Have fun! I’ll be going out tonight and loving myself

Metaphysical Sex

i am full of nothing

Are you truly convinced that you can enter that state forever? Why would God want to be in that state forever?

Downward spiral that nearly killed me. I’m glad I got the fuck outta dare!

Yeah, I ain’t going to visit Gaza anytime soon Although, I am now reminded of this dream I had a few years ago: Looks like there’s way to explore darkness without getting consumed and lost in it. I’m starting to remember now For added context, I was doing a guided meditation with Teal Swan. Very powerful stuff when you get to the meat of it and remove all the fluff.

@LordFall Leo answered your question here: https://www.actualized.org/insights/squaring-ugliness-with-beauty I’m gonna update my signature to link that blog post. Thank you for reminding me

here's a visual for u sweetie

Science and religion aren’t the same, but it is problematic to take models religiously/dogmatically and taking science to be the only right way to view reality.

Not gonna happen anytime soon. Survival is on the line. That’s like asking Apple to stop producing iPhones.

@Human Mint Well, I am glad you’re feeling better. I’ve dealt with health scares and issues my whole life, so it’s just become a part of my identity. Healthy people haven’t a clue about the seriousness of such issues. It’s one thing to see it on the news or from a loved one, but to actually live it is completely different. And they’re in for a rude awakening when it comes to them.

I’ll let someone else handle your second question, as I am not familiar that method. As for your first question, I’m actually going to utilize Leo’s advice on how to handle pre-trip anxiety. I struggle with this (and I am assuming you do as well), so the next time I will be utilizing this technique to help get me out of my head.

Been there haha. https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-737

I imagine some normies stumble upon the spiritual content for a few seconds, then shut it off and don’t care. It’s not a big deal to them and they treat it like science fiction; not something to serious contemplate on. So they go back to their dream of being a human as if nothing happened.

Interesting. I have tested it myself and you’re right. I wonder why that is.

thanks for sharing

Depends on what you are identifying as. Ask a scientist, a mystic, a rock, and a relgiious person, and you’ll get different answers. What are you?

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Your loss then. We realized each other as God, but stopped since it is unethical.