jdc7733

I'm looking for a guy who is lighthearted, goofy, gives more than one word messages over text and has a hidden darkness, but, you kinda get a vibe that there's something dark about them, anyway. I guess all guys have a hidden darkness, but, I want them to be kind of soft but dark, but, not feminine, not macho. If not lighthearted and goofy, then, moody, condescending and blunt, but, as I said, not macho. Maybe all of the above. I thought I was looking for someone with the same interests as me but I guess it's more the general personality, I'm looking for... I wasn't going to mention looks but usually I go for skinny or average, narrow jaw, small chin.

You said, in the video about solipsism, something like: basically most things you say aren’t true. Then again, I’ve heard myself call myself fake and other people call themselves fake, not quite the same as saying that most of what you said isn’t true, but, then again I often say that things I said weren’t true, and, sometimes things I say things that contradict themselves, despite the fact, they are both true and sometimes those truths are true in a different ways that are not possible to be expressed by words, example: the difference between it being true that you have an opinion, and, it being true that enlightenment is real. Let’s not get into relative truths, apart from maybe, I suppose something that is relatively true (I was going to say absolutely true) is that I (okay, I’ll call it the ego) don’t know what I’m doing, or, anything. How can a mind that is so fallible, grasp anything. I think I had more points but lost my train of thought. Basically, there is some absolute and relative truth to what I say, so, I’m presuming there’s some absolute and relative truth to what you say - it is just a projection and I can’t decide whether I want to get to the absolute truth or not.

If you can’t “love” it, whatever your idea of love is, then you can at least accept it as simply a fact of life. You enjoy torture when it’s in movies, watching saw or something. Some people are kinky. I suppose it’s like why wouldn’t you enjoy real torture as well but it’s not that simple, is it?

It is possible that it would have to be through my own reasoning but it’s also possible that someone could hand me the answer on a plate, then again, I suppose you did. Not the answer I was looking for but it may be the answer.

@OBEler I’ll make it even more brief than that. Some of what everyone says is false, some of what everyone says is true, regardless of whether that’s intentional or not, so, I’m presuming that some of what Leo says is true and I want to find out what out of what he says is true.

@Razard86 I’ve edited it

This is my usual self at the moment. I can tell what’s worse: irl, where I say very little and take a long time to respond, or, when I’m writing posts, where I say too much and it’s all over the place!

@Butters it’s basically another way of saying you’re always one thought away from the next thought of enlightenment. It just goes on. Maybe one day, there won’t even be any thoughts, if there’s even anything.

And I’ve took life very seriously, so, it’s not just some fancy quote, I’ve experienced it firsthand.

I’m now becoming amused by certain characters in my head, so, in a way I’m back on track. There is a really serious issue at hand though, I suppose there always is, but, if you take it too seriously, you will go into madness, so, what am I supposed to think? I try to be accepting and forgiving in others in hope that others will do the same for me. Completely selfish, but, if everyone did that, we wouldn’t have even half the problems we have. I mean, you still need to voice something when something is more or less universally considered wrong, or even personally wrong, but I don’t have to demonise people, but, do people have to demonise me? I suppose that is the question. What is it for? Maybe it will teach me some kind of lesson that will take me a lifetime to learn. Maybe I should just sod what people think, that would have a purpose, but, so would the fear of what people think, so, I guess I’ll just see what happens. I’ve give up on trying to avoid the worst consequences that could happen but I don’t want every single thing to go wrong… Then again, what are the worst consequences? I think I’ll end it here for now or else it will go on forever.

I have a tendency to swing from good to bad in various ways, even more in duality than someone who hasn’t even heard of non duality. I swing from one idea, to the opposite idea and then… Oh, for god sake, I can’t even be bothered to write this post, it’s just me banging on about some sort of nonsense, which I will say something that is contradictory to it, the next day. It’s like the more you try to untangle yourself, the more tangled you get, so, sod it. If I feel like maintaining meaningful relationships one day, then, be an asocial something or other, the next day, then that’s just how it’s going to be, but there’s a certain thing about me, that I won’t mention, which most people would consider one of the worst things, even though it’s just to do with a preference. I mean, the effect of it in either non existent or minimal, except for people’s judgement of it, and, I know everyone knows because I admitted it to someone and I hear people talking about it. What am I supposed to think about other people if they demonise me for having a preference? Well, it’s not even strictly a preference, it’s just something I particularly liked, but, now don’t particularly like. Then again, I used to outspokenly, judge people for the same thing, so, karma’s a bitch, I guess. For every finger you point, there’s a community with pitchforks coming after you, and the rest.

There’s a chance that one of you could tell me since I created you. Come on, tell me!

@bmcnicho I used to be same but then I developed paranoid schizophrenia, so for a time, all rationality went out the window. I would say some rationality tends to come back, but, most of the time, I just think sod it! Logic only logic only leads to more questions, but, the only significant conclusion I’ve come to through logic is you can’t trust anything, and, I suppose I can’t even trust that.

All things turn out to be a trick in the end.

There is still a boarder. You do not experience everything, you just experience something different.

@bmcnicho I forgot to mention I haven’t tried dmt so I might not be using the right psychedelics. I’ve experienced being in completely different lives and having no body. I’ve experienced the room looking much larger and more complicated than what it did before or like an optical illusion. I suppose before schizophrenia and after schizophrenia my experience got a lot stranger and it could get even more strange. I’ll come back to your last point when the synapse between my 2 last brain cells is excited enough.

@Thought Art how can there be more than one infinity?

@Inliytened1 I don’t think a mind with infinite possibilities would create something, just to experience it, with so many lessons. Leo says it’s to increase your capacity for love or raise your consciousness. Tbh, I’m giving up hope on finding out what it’s for or experiencing anything pleasant that doesn’t come with a price. I shouldn’t take psychedelics because I’m schizophrenic. It’s probably something incomprehensible atm.

@Inliytened1 Why?

Vegans say eating meat is bad and destroying the planet, people eating meat say they’re trying to take away their freedom (and I suppose that goes for pretty much any left/right argument), “you did this”, “you made me do that”, “the reasons why I did this were complicated”, and, basically, it’s like, sod it. If what you’re doing makes you happy then fine, but, I suppose you want to think about what would make you happy, and, there are consequences to everything.

I don't want to find out the meaning of life, I just want to do little things to improve my relationships. I was obsessed with whether everything was simply a dream or everything in my experience was some kind of ripples in a pool kinda thing.

Is there a process to achieve awakening?

I guess Leo would call it love.

Or there’s some kind of synchronicity but then I can’t remember which video I watched to see if it’s true.

Metaphorical and an oversimplification but hopefully no explanation needed.