kavaris

For as long as we're anticipating the world around us, in the normal, traditional, within reasonable measures kindve way, it'll eventually/always lead to us doing something wrong, whether it be in realizing that we worked on something that wasnt enough, or that we are stopping ourselves after a long time after the fact, way too far into the future; Where we've set about a path. And in this path, we've been convinced that the path takes 'x' amount of steps, or that kind of contemplation—but those are from a traditional standpoint. And we will allow ourselves to work for years before something either dawns on us, or literaly treats the situation as that *criticial section* that is being blocked because it naturally lead to a state where it had been programmed to be blocked. For that reason, its not enough for us to reivaluate our purpose based on the information or the assumptions that lead us to this point right now, to then presume that we make it align with whats foreseeably a better opportunity of some kind—thats a start, but its not going to work, because it follows the exact same cycle, and rules. And its likely a purpose that lives within a realm of laws and rules and insurmountable blocking mechanisms that will be self imposed in order to confront it in the first place. It will be like, imagining yourself in jail, for more time inside the jail cell itself, in order to spend less money out of jail. Theres too many things being anticipated in the same way, and until thats realized, we havent made any progress in areas that matter or help in any imaginable way, and that means our story is built on a subject-predicate relationship intended to hold us back for eternity. You almost have to ask yourself, how many years you want to be held back, cause all destinations will block the road in some formation or another. They are themselves like, different types of mazes, each one where the archway is in another corridor, another place that has to play that out in reasonable terms to acquire it. Whats the zelda game that randomly generates different items (iuno if it does it for the layout of the dungeon too) but thats what its like. As a child, its more about inheriting and witnessing this effort towards paving the way for you. But now as an adult its getting bleaker and bleaker every second, and either your someone who hasnt yet taken the time to understand the full extent, and how deep it goes, acknowledged it in all forms from all roads that suggest seperate forms interacting, or you have been actively contending with these qualities, seeking the truth for what it is, compartmentalizing the compartments and categories, into more categories for the sake of catering to it in a realm that can quantify something thats like, so far from telling a story that caters to us... For a story that caters to the world primarily, holds us back, assumes us as a secondary character, in a story where only one main protagonist should exist. The reader at this point would say, "Why has the protagonist taken a backseat to let the world unfold, why does it live in such contrast?..." For the world has become epitomized in some sense, the moment it requires doing this*to*get this*, it is another toll, another fate of death, another merry go around, another confession at the yggdrasil tree, how we wish we wouldve looked deeper at the root causing it, wishing we wouldve seen this little hair truth earlier.... Thats what we're dealing with. Thats why we will kneel at the same tree, forever, is my claim. if we dont think in a drastic way right now, we'll be forever regreting that only *one seed* made it into our lives, only the tree we grew, was the tree of spontaneity, that existed for us... Even though we grew two trees in the beginning, even though our entire life was splintered into finite form, we only ever looked at what was there (what there even was to look at..) this, "side thats mine", was mine..., and over there, "thats a tree that either existed already, or that was grown by someone else"... What happened to realizing our own family? Its a thin line between individual, family, forest and world—its just one *switch* to it becoming two trees again, if we are brave enough to revisit, remember the place they we first awoken in the forest, naked and trying to articulate ourselves. Trying to point at things and identify with them (or whatever it was we were doing... like being told we identified with them) That is to illustrate, how far we are from understanding the severity of whats about to unfold, and the regret we will have, seeing as we are carrying the weight of so many qualities, without knowing how to carry them to the center, thus they drift in separate directions, misplaced. We are to die in our regrets soon, if we havent yet decided to make a b line towards the center, or to let go of all qualities to begin with. Its never too early or too late, especially if you are humility, lost within humilities world of rememberances.

yeah. its just words and im sure someone will come around and find a better way to describe it... which makes things still worth talking about, cause hey, what does anything mean, right? I mean, words and ideas change meaning all the time, and.. what was "hello ma'dam" at one time, become "hello stranger" , etc, etc.. theres always stuff to still talk about as long as theres a separate self thats still present.

your phrasing of it is off and wrong, atleast, im interpreting that as (there exist multiple realities, timelines that look like ours, but slight differences etc, etc..) and thats not what it is, its infinite possibilities, limited by your own conception of what is even possible. So really its just *imagination*, and anything after the fact is predicated on what imagination can conceive of. doesnt that make sense now?

First you have to define "dies" or ends, what even is that? Thats a pretty important question mark in there.

When we are first a conscious being.. it inherits people... like... We are the people watching us be conscious at first... or something... and thats like... thats very different to the being that we know, if that is the case... it does feel like, here "i am", and theres, "them now, over there"... iuno im jus throwing a wild stray hair idea out, to think about... i have alot more ideas surrounding this sortve idea but its like... im tryina understand that part.. where as, this part is something other people can participate in answering. p.s. i think i left out a word. its like, the 'quality' of.. like, the quality of inheriting, the quality of no doubts and no direction (you are being directed) and likewise, you can ask about the qualities from the other persons perspective, and they should be the same.

I just look at it as a point of no return, a paradox to language, and to reality. Wherein the paradox is the pantheon of all gods and conceptions of things that are like... creation myths, and other sorts of places and things we cannot name smoothly, without contradiction. that we cannot, try as we might, to communicate, but that are on the tip of our tongue... this drawing, this leonardo da vinci painting that hangs and transforms into a world of characters... its like, a dilemma that we stumble into. And we make all the mistakes to get here, and then its like... Dangit. Cause like.... its macrocosm, and a microcosm of things in our present awareness... a smaller reality that we (potentially, if yous are like me) pouring all your heart and soul into, as having made all the mistakes, its like... how many things must be conceived to make things right... that is, if we go in the direction of knowledge, interacting, participating in the knowledge experience, expending and expeling it — that in turn is reshaping/rewriting it such that it becomes the version that makes sense to you (a version now told in your unique language) In the same way, we can look at "beingness", the first order of our relative experience, and sortve, draw conclusions on what the absolute is, perhaps playing it by rules of elimination to get there (or however we might try...) If we consider our imagination and all of our wild dreams, we work on life and this microcosm of creative thought, as a masterpiece, as the pure expression of our experience. We direct our attention to this "one", smaller reality of the macrocosm, conceptualizing, bringing the spirits together, spirits in a fractal of other spirits speaking through us. And, its like a header towards a more holistic place, albeit in a whirlwind of thought and confusion at times, it all ends up coming back to this one answer were trying to understand. It starts in the imagination, but then (much like our being & development of identity) its realized to be this sortve smaller facet of a dream, one reality within another, predicated on the assurance that we have a self and some solid dream to spawn all others from. Thats a long winded tale to describe the multi directional landscape, with multiple decisions and directions to lead ourselves down. And some may not be the right way, but trusting the process helps. Trusting our gut/heart/body, and just, sticking it out, or doing what makes sense really, which could be anything... It could mean sacrificing yourself at the altar, like this epic greek drama where all the characters stab there heart through their chest somehow like, "curse you spirits of count dracula, i take my life for the spirits of the woods, Darla, who haunts me, who lives in a bubble dream. i meet you in death..". I find myself making a very simple hierarchy, and then those left or right directions dictate which way im gonna go creatively with decisions; or rather, they are subsets of the absolute—ruling all imagination absolutely. When you tap into that, which i only got to through writing so much that it became evident there needed to be sub categories of the absolute, else it was like... trying to catch a grain of sand floatin' through the air. As, all the "known" categories, dont really capture the sense of like, artistically having progressed and made it to something, since like... almost everything is like a guaranteed failure in the beginning, surely someone has to have gone crazy enough to be like, "hold on now... how are we tracking progress in this bitch...", so in that sense, the hierarchies are like, final stages towards the absolute. if that makes sense. it prolly doesnt. but i tried. - "im very confident in doubting everything". *paradox included, your welcome*

Is it even worth bringin up the notion of everything fluctuating, this violent sea of of it trying to become onething/different things, to sustain the sense of coherent things happening in working order, and ultimately, that we cant become one if it means experiencing two, or however you might word it... Is it even worth mentioning?... or is that crossing the line of communication rules? And in the same regard, do yous even take that into consideration and how do you think about it... I consider it a paradox, as like... its the mother wavelet of all other paradoxs that could ever come from it, so its like... iuno, maybe we need like... rules? or should it just be chaos, i dont mind either way, its always some level of pure chaos particles flingin every which way...nd i cant make heads or tails of em (i say that, cause theres somethin in that, that deforms to a chaotic event when you try to wrap your head around it... i just phrased it in a way that makes it sound like it makes sense) i know why things dont make sense, but theres a couple avenues where its like, you can bring it to the table, and theres a spectrum of avenues that descend deeper into like, "you are tryina create reality internally, so prolly best to not..." -typve thing. lol. well then.

also, i misconceived the point, which was to bring the "paradox" back into the equation (fron the above explanation) but it gives you an opportunity to do so. p.s. maybe thats one perspective/query itself, like... "working paradox into the equation...", as a header instead of a footnote... as a conceptual anterior object to let everything else fall against when it all comes into question... this is more so just a stray hair, experiment/idea to throw out into the air and play with, nevertheless its an interesting thought, such as having a question as a means of building other things around, and what sortve cosmological relevance it has in the grand drama of things.

Its just that, reality is assimilated, crystal form by default, seeing as it has to harken back to something each time... even aswe dream, ourcrystal self is like... well obviously its a dream *because* there is a crystal form present—that we know is wat happen by default... default is maybe the wrong word... its wat happens when we are born into *nothing*... and so, we create a default... And i say this to establish why.. why its like, not flowing, becoming, living, breathing, loving, etc.. and ultimately why we are having difficulty getting beyonder the point, see... we have a (stuck in an old pattern) solidification problem. of course, its quite different from like a "routine" ... routines can be replaced.. this is like, we are (or atleast i am) new to the world of, "what do you want, is now", and "hurry up cause u are creating a bajillion trillion unbeknownst, unconsciously/subconscious.... (lets just use the word subconcious to refer to anything that isnt at the forefront of the conscious one... less terms, easier to communicate)

@James123 Thats an interesting question/continuation. im not sure how to get beyonder the question... perhaps it is like, the shadow land of what can be felt and communicated? unless you know what comes next... i just wonder what the mind convinced feels... like, okay, its sortve faced with this truth, that it not only anticipates but then that is like, seeping into the experience, in such ways that it collapses the senses, as often... like in a meditation, theres a wall between the senses, and getting them to this light source... as lots of baggage is being hulled and its like... totally confused as to what that baggage is like, "Sir, your bringing all 3 million things with you on the boat to atlantis, and we only accept 0.0001% of a decision/anticipation" ... okay, lol ive gone full nuts i see this now.

@James123 and the 'god' we might say is like this, prior creation, that is like the direction we didnt take, and anything we didnt take with us, is then behind us, kindve spooking us... like... if you were to mythologically turn around too quickly, its like, "whah, what was that...", then you continue on, and realize, "oh, i saw it from the *behind* direction that i never took -direction". therefore, the directions we arrive at, are at the posterior... as a highly refined split of the like... the wholly separated act of splitting it in the first place. And so its like, an interesting idea, this 'whole', this thing that potentially doesnt look or feel like anything, due to it being in such a spectrum of explanation that it satisfies both halves of the pear we're looking at...

@Razard86 i think the reason i saw a flash of its profundity, was because of what comes prior to thoughts, or decisions, etc. this notion that *i* or 'we' for the sake of argument, are assuming theres a "direction", like... We lookat the "most straightforward" way, as being that which we've arived at... except that, actually, in a multi directional landscape, creation can be happening from any direction. Creation can therefore, be happening *prior to*, some idea of what direction we have set foot on, as reality is like this "creation myth" at the fundamental level, this pantheon of divine beings that represents a larger notion...

@Razard86 thats profound. even though its such a simple idea. i justnever really saw it from enough angles before to see this eternal, fractal dreamer dreaming -concept that you point out.

since ive already flung out an extra crazy message, i mine as well continue on what i was tryina say... as i recalled this thing that lsd, etc. did... and that is, understanding how the mind has the ability to fall/throw up — say — *over there* on the other side of the room.. which represents the "current experience", and anything that already happened is being blacked-out in a sense, leading to these gaps or deep striations in the experience overall — but more importantly, the current experience always feels super duper *in the moment*... and so... i thought it would be a neat experiment to take experience in that direction, just to see if its possible, and what the effects are... i seem to recall life attempting to like... fall to pieces right behind me... but i mean, it might be a good thing if everything is stagnant... like i feel like we are all one, and we aint even one yet. its just cause - nothins movin, like a constepation... its like the 10 year constepation on earth, possibly on alien planets as well.

i want to add, theres a "brain power" ability that you can begin practicing/adding into your arsenal... its not a logic thing directly (at first), its not an enlightenment thing (not directly at first), its also not any other notion that youd associate with brain power, its more like, sitting and focusing on your temple lobes, and the pineal gland, and that whole relationship... Trying to feel it, like people who can wiggle their ears might feel there ear in order to wiggle it, you are doing that in this practice (whilst tuning in to the natural frequency ), and you are wiggling your brain, like different parts — so, if you can imagine that, then thats what your trying to do.. and you are like, working on this 'hidden power' type thing... whats that pokemon move that can produce a random effect? Its like that, you dont know what your gonna get until youve done it enough to know, when you can use 'hidden power', and which pokemon its super effective against, or when its too weak of a time to do it.

Things that youve last encountered as the "last big scare" always are gona stand out- in the chaotic beginnings —the new, fresh mind whos figuring things out... For you, it is this lingering fear, this sense of discovery that you got a quick glimpse of, and then, some sortve debilitating dark impression suddenly. you want to figure it out, but at the same time, you do not like that fear, that rejection from the spectrum of white lights and, ostensibly, what could have been just feeling like you were apart of something larger maybe?... You tell me. What were those positive things you felt originally? Write them down. What were those things that fear took in its place? Write them down. In the beginning, for atleast ten years youll be writing this sortve, poetic life stuff down.. There comes a juncture where it all comes full circle, in wholly separate ways from lsd, mushrooms, etc. this is more like, a natural full circle that shines under the new moon. and its at a mythological place that everyones heading to.

Lets all admit, we are scared, and scared we are together. With that said, we are the scared helping to lift the scared... "Much of what he has to say on the nature of reality resonates with feelings I had in my ego-death-like experience. The past half decade or so I have been following his video releases, but I have little discipline. I have an issue building “my” life. When I am high, either smoking or tripping, I see everything going wrong. Visions of death, mostly my own, plague me." You have a youth to you that i find so light and nice, which is good, you are just starting. Ah visions of death. Da, theres a certain beauty to death that is to be appreciated, which is kindve far from the whole getting high & tripping scene, because you are witnessing those negative/positive ebs and flows, and misunderstanding what they mean. Though theres a deeper notion to grasp there too, course, isnt there always... Now this "building your life" cannot be found instantaneously, so you got to give it time, spread the worry out a bit, you know... (write down "life builder" and then draw some bubbles around it to understand the elements that are circulating in its orbit, to try nd get a better grasp) Then maybe, having it discretized and chopped and screwed, will give you enough time to analyze whats going on, "why" it is you are worried, and if its really the root cause/reason for it... Usually theres a deeper reason you just havent found. The faster you find these things, the quicker you can start understanding these descents and ascensions... Theres alot of smaller details to it nd i understand that.

theres a point that im reaching, where i no longer feel the need to read, write, or do much outside the scope of this being and experience of myself... as i have found this thing im tryina penetrate now... suffice to say, any deep knowledge at the end came from being on the quest, trusting the process & collecting bits of this, and that, and compiling them into a sortve, written work that involved many many different methods to read, write and record, as alot of the learning involves your interpretation and interaction w/ it — to filter it down into a way that gives that understanding, right? So, theres that... But as far as specific sources, i cant say that theres many... Many were related to topics i found interesting, and that i was able to gleam or pull it into the artistic endeavors here, and spin them around into a kind of hidden knowledge (that would frankly not be found in many books...), however... Greek Mythology, and stuff like that has some good grandma cookies so to speak... You mention the word "scientific" in there, and i suppose if thats what you are into it can give you something to do for now, but im not a big science guy, and i cant say whens the last time i looked at anything science, unless it was either a quick wikipedia thing, (the concept or something seemed to be interesting) or it was related to mathematics or something, or ya know... jus whatever random thing tied into science. p.s. im looking at my notes, and alot of it came from looking up random stuff, like architecture and poems, languages, runes, patterns... fractals, motifs, magic, lots of my own darkness and experiences, etc, etc. p.s.s. another good idea is to buy a good pair of wireless headphones, cause its nice to tune out everything with a loud ocean sound or something, so you can start focusing intently on this internal, — call it, a world flipped upside down now -world.

Am i the only 1 in this sound field, that i find myself in, at a certain lvl of meditation.. At first i was describing it as like this "ping" sound, like a little pinball bouncing around, while everything was underwater... Ive changed my mind on that, this is more like: 1) very bright, like someone really turned up the lights in this bitch, 2) everything isnt necessarily underwater, but its distorted like, a frequency becomes ripped apart into some sortve strand that joins the light frequency... and 3) im not feeling any different, but my senses are sure getting like... iuno whats a good word for like, everything sucked into a finite point. And anything that made sound with inflection points becomes a single, drawn out echo, until it becomes nothing... so like, in a dream, you might call the things you "hear", or "see" as feelings right? thats what this is, things becoming *senses fron subconscious realm*, and so theres layers of senses going on in the subconcious... like, you might have "two phones", one phone in the realm where you are conscious, with five senses, and you imagine another phone, playing a song or a frequency in the subconscious realm... until you acknowledge it, then it might accidentally disappear on you... same is the concept of other things, when you know how your doing it, then you are directed towards the direction to stop doing it... but i digress.. Theres of course more to it, but thats fine for now.

I dont think about it in the way of, "this is the exact year i go", but instead like... Everyday im thinking deeply about, whether or not the white light is with me or not, as ive already had a near death experience, and so im always analyzing it in this way, the silver ends are. But to be is to then see around the outer edge of my self, looking at the skirt, seeing where i can interject and explore... how closeup i can get where, new information seems relevant, and i can reinact by thinking about the exact image im at where the lights instantiated (sometimes nearby) - typve thing (which is hard to explain since im describing the nde) And thats all to say, that at 22 the fear of having a fear thing thats like, acknowledging something twice—work towards stripping away that second sortve echo of the fear.. If you focus on the noise you can circumvent the sound of these looming issues that are themselves an echo of the natural reaction towards hearing something to fear, however then you have to turn down the noise XD, if u know what i mean... anyway, hope this helps to see in new way(s)

Look at it this way. A dream, an image, a perspective that is—does it have rules? Do the confinements of your own image have a preference, and is that in itself a limitation?... Are you tracking what happens here, at all times, even when youve been spit, puked out and churned within lifes touring machine? What does it mean to be free, unbound, free floating, endless. What are the darkest darks and smoothest roughs that combine to become a being?... What happens when you hear the sound so loud, a noise that pushes you, either in the dreaming world or waking. What does it feel like, and have you been pushing or being pushed, both as self sufficient selfpusher, back and forth. Do the things around you move when you move, or do you move everything and you yourself appear to move within that? What is happening that can be put within words, within a one hundred percent label that doesnt change, doesnt move or doesnt appear as something new, some piece of love that falls behind in the past, les you had grabbed it and held on in the ever falling forward in time.

i suppose we could just say, that theres a larger, dark cloud typve entity in the mix that is making it hard to do anything consciousness related, or to like... to *fit* everything into a perfect frame, its like... theres no frame or box that can contain this picture. ... thats like a more simplistic, boiled, refined, many times - version.

Alright, i have a burning question i find myself asking now, internally... And thats how to *think*, act and dream in this sortve straight and very narrow path, but still discover new and interesting things... Like... There seems to be this direct contradiction between: The thing we would want to do, versus the things we need so as for it to for realistic and like... real... like... I realized theres these two parts that unfold in a world of possibility, its like... One is to approach the white and shining thought, and the other is like anticipating it (WHILE believing), on the other side... Where its ostensibly from a place that you hadnt actually thought of really, or not in a way that hasnt defied the whole premise of self discovery. But when you are observing all thoughts, and entirely tracing everything from start to destination, its like... Well wtf is this now, i have to anticipate it as the second turn, before the final prestige can occur. But if you are observing it, anticipating, and having to force it like, "i tell my mind now i believe", then what even is that and is it even something that any person would ever feel like... Yes... Great, real fun... To me it seems like, not very good... Good would be where you dont understand how anything is happening, and you are guessing at random ideas you have... before it all comes tumbling down for not working... iuno, i guess what im saying is that its kindve retarded, iuno like... iuno what would be the right direction to go with that...

@Evelyna "Likes"👍 I suppose your right. I guess it has to do with the sudden influx of creative things that are now rejoining this sense of like, very deep pain that ive emerged from, coupled with trying to find a way to reverse it, but also trying to operate the control panel in such a radically different way... Its like this nuanced mechanism that im trying to wrap my head around, like... A) you are approaching some undefined texture, B) You are anticipating/believing it to be, C) theres some nuances in there still, cause its like... like, its microscopic dingbats & gizmo's, and its like im trying to influence one variable in a multi-sea, multi-variable situation—that is to say its like its only having had *half* the influence, as we are not present from every direction possible. theres only so much we could ever acknowledge in that process, although its still enough to change it!.. Its like, the thing im tryin' to say takes awhile to pull apart, and i end up writing multiple pages in my attempt... which leads to erasing it, cause its like... ive changed my mind suddenly, typve thing... Like, im selling you a misfit stuffed animal w/ the buttons missing, then im like, "WAIT, No.. its actually got poison in it, i just remembered srr.. and its a cycle of trying to make sense -> create/express it in a new way -> erase it cause its too absorbed w/ me -> and then i try to remember if its following the right sequence... because if i got too... silly.. or too.. dark or something, i have to do deep reconstrucion on that part... cause, in retrospect, it wouldnt just be about the mechanism in our mind, but what we were working on, or the final artifact thereafter that was passed the torch so to speak, in terms of being a kindve, "from our heart" typve enthusiasm, that is like a piece of the puzzle youve created so that the mind may continue (almost putting to mind to rest in some sense, by means of making sense—where sense could not be made prior)... and all of that becomes its own effigy, if that makes sense, lol.

I like math cause its like, dividing or identifying free floating segments that dont have a length yet, and figuring out what they are. Likewise, i think about times when im in my dream, thinking that im now in this scene (Note: Thats the significant part, the being in the scene (why'm i stuck there) ; Not the flashforward thereafter). And its not until i start to control myself that it suddenly falls apart, much like pulling the curtain up, in the quickest of flashes... Its like "FLASH", and its over. I think about things in this way, like being hit by lightning. To me, i see things as being a *weirder than you thought* situation, being an individual whos experienced many, quite unusual things. Unfortunately i have this foundation now of missing lego bricks that i have had the misfortunate to collect off the ground; As a witness of a sledgehammer doing sledge hammering, scattered and gone, both staggered and in flashes. Thats why, to understand anything we have to look beyond the realm of what has, and can ever be known. Likewise, the subject must enapsulate the story somehow. Without the story, then it is a reduced broth that fits into a small vile, further contained in a napsack that is a lone bag on the picket fence. Words dont have meaning without the movement of other words and other individuals to make mistakes watching them move, leading us to a mistaken place while we speak in mistaken fallacys about its mistaken nothingness. It is not til later that we say, "Oh i think i under_stand it"... and later, "I think i under'stand it some more"... does that make sense?