manuel bon

It's been a year now since I started my consciousness work, and I feel like I am slowly growing every day always learning something new about myself, how to live, how to do spirituality, and many more things. Along with many topics that I daily contemplate, there is often the one of Death that I never really stop thinking about. Even before starting with spirituality I never really thought of death as a bad thing; then following @Leo Gura's teachings and contemplating everything he says, I understood that death is not a tragic event. But little I knew (and still know) how threatening it is to me (or better, to my Ego) to die. I have never had an NDE or not even an Ego-Death / Ego-Dissolution with psychedelics or meditation/yoga. But in the last year, I had four powerful death realizations (if it is appropriate to call them that). The first one (I took a weed edible) was a year ago, and the other ones (while sober, one of them in a dream) happened in the past two months, and they were all basically the same. I was either lying down or sitting, and thinking/contemplating about Death, and then it just happened. I don't know how to describe it precisely, but it was like a visualization I had: a feeling of darkness and nothingness. It was like my Ego saw its own death; in the moment of the realization, I died, but not completely because I still had thoughts, and I felt really scared. Except for the last one, the one that I remember more vividly, which was a dream. I was in a house with other people, we started seeing lightning striking and destroying buildings around us. In the beginning, I thought that nothing would happen to me, but then as more buildings were falling, I understood that I would have died. At that moment I saw my life stop right in front of me, and then darkness. I understood I finally died. I was not scared, and I remember thinking: "So this is what it feels like to die?". It was a feeling I know I have already felt, somehow, somewhere, sometime. Then I thought that if I am dead I am not supposed to have thoughts, then I woke up. I don't know how to interpret these experiences, especially the dream. I am also quite fascinated by how strong my imagination/visualization could get, even by being sober. I would love to hear your opinion and ideas about it, and let me know if you ever had a similar experience (also without psychedelics).

I can relate to this problem because I practice classical guitar every day, and I need to stay focused to be precise in all my movements, so I can have the best outcome; but often I don't even realize that I am holding my breath, and that makes me physically tense (which is bad for a musician). So I tried to apply my mindfulness meditation practice also while playing, and it works. It is mainly about body awareness: while playing games you can be concentrated, but still keep the focus and be conscious of your body and breath, be as relaxed as possible, and don't let the adrenaline make you tense. If you're tense you hold your breath, and also the other way around of course. In the beginning, it is going to be difficult to do so, but it's a matter of practice, and slowly with time you will notice that it becomes more and more easy to stay concentrated, relaxed and you won't hold your breath as much. Let me know if you try this technique and if it helps

I genuinely appreciate the courage to share this traumatic thing you have lived. I was never sexually abused, but I know how hard it is to share something this difficult. It is great that you still managed to go out there and start pick-up, even after what happened. wish you lots of growth and happiness!

Thank you for the advices @Starlight321, when I get back to the Netherlands I will try the kit for sure. What I meant is that I will get informed on how many mg of psilocybin per gram truffles have, and compare it to a 2 or 3 grams dose of shrooms (which should be 20-30mg, if I'm not wrong). Then I can properly see how many grams of truffles I can take to get a significant trip. This may be hard, as there are so many different types of truffles with different potencies; but I guess I will see.

@Starlight321 Yeah truffles really taste disgusting... I made a tea out of them once but I got even less effects. Do you know if it is easy to grow shrooms with the kit? Have you ever tried? If you have any suggestions on how to do it I'm all ears. Yeah I will compare the mgs of psilocybin between shrooms and truffles.

@Philipp I've experienced a similar situation. I was in a relationship for two years, and she was (and still is) a great person; but we somehow grew up differently and we decided to break up (about 6 years ago). We decided to stay friends, but we both understood that our friendship will never be as a normal friendship. Every summer after that we would come back to each other, and basically be a couple (we were acting as a couple, even though we didn't officially label our situation as a relationship). Then after some moths the situation would slowly fade away. This has happened for 2 or 3 years in a row, but then the last time I decided to stop any contact with her. I know that I could have done it in a different way, and now she wouldn't be 'pissed' at me, but now I can finally feel that there's a closure. Friendship after breaking up is not a good idea. You should take your distances, and let her go. That doesn't mean that what you experienced together didn't matter and that you don't care about her anymore. But life goes on, and so do we, carrying in our hearts all that we have lived.

@Templeofthemonkeygod @igor699669 yes consciousness experiences everything, and one of the multiple things is also dying as early children. It's not about doing something wrong, but the purpose is having also this kind of experience.

After all the insights that Leo's shared about consciousness it would be quite interesting to hear something about time. Most people know that time is relative; but if we apply it to a bigger scale, maybe from the perspective of the Universe, consciousness, then what does time become? What is it? Does it even exist? I already have some ideas about it, and I would like also to share them in this forum. It would be interesting though to have also a video from Leo about it. What is your opinion on this topic?

@Hibahere I totally get it, and I know that it is hard. But if they're not interested in these things it doesn't mean that they are not willing to know you fully. This is part of who you are and they should accept all of these things. But I know it is also difficult to find someone who is interested at least a little in spiritual things, or even only open to them; therefore it is always good to surround yourself with people who are similar to you and are more open mined.

@Hibahere Personally I just go with the flow, and see how I feel about someone. I know that to me connection is really important, and there are many levels of that: romantic, physical, spiritual, intellectual... The more connected I am with the other person the better it is. Sometimes I believe that I would like to find someone who is at a higher level of awareness, but then thinking about it I understood that it is also about boundaries and acceptance. If the other one is not interested in spiritual "mumbo-jumbo" I will be ok with it, as soon as she is ok with my practices like meditation, self-inquiry, etcetera, but there has to be no judgment.