Sincerity

I propose your interpretation is not accurate. My suggestion would be: You: God, Consciousness, Reality, Infinity, YOU Are: = God: God, Consciousness, Reality, Infinity, YOU It's not that hard to know (= be that) when you already know it (= are that). The highest understanding must come (and does come) from being. Not intellectual knowledge.

Amazing list, thank You! I'd only add: Absolutely NOTHING matters (= everything is of equal value) Reality/God is Magic (I find this a spot on pointer)

I know smoking is bad for the health. I'm asking why do YOU want to quit. You're not gonna make a firm decision if you don't have a strong, PERSONAL why. You have to be incredibly conscious of your motivation in order to persevere.

Why do You want to quit?

I think your teachings are most pure when they're the most authentic. You certainly like swearing so why fight yourself. I think You set the best example for others when You act freely, without inhibitions. Most are (understandably) scared to do that.

I need to get some thoughts and feelings off my chest. Recently I've been regularly having suicidal thoughts. They are not serious and I'm not planning anything but I'm just so tired. Why does everything have to be so difficult? By that I mean, I feel like my mind is constantly working to my detriment. I'm so fucking done with this shit. Sometimes I really see no way out. Today during a walk I sat on a bench and the moment I became a bit more conscious and looked at my thoughts and emotional state I just cried. "How can I be doing this to myself...?" You might notice that I cry pretty often. Yes, that is the case. Sometimes I cry from sadness, from powerlessness, from overwhelm. Other times I cry tears of joy and love. I'm pretty emotional. I feel like a rollercoaster, I can't find stability. Emotions are one of my favourite things in life but too often I just can't deal with them well. I mean I'm blocking myself from feeling so often. This especially happens when I'm at my lowest, like right now. Two weeks ago I realized Aloneness, Love for the first time. I also engaged in a dialogue with God. Two weeks later - I managed to almost completely numb myself and kill this voice inside me. By this I mean that I cut myself off - God is of course still there, probably waiting with pure love and acceptance. But I'm too afraid to leave the dark. SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS NORMAL. For fucks sake. NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE AREN'T INTERESTED IN THIS SHIT! Fucking good for them! Their minds are doing a great job of protecting them and they seem to be cooperating unlike me and myself! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This God damn awakening bullshit. FUCK! I hate that everything has to be so difficult. I fucking HATE IT! I can't change for shit! Can't motivate myself to work hard, can't motivate myself to catch up on studying which I've neglected, can't muster up the strength to quit my numbing and destructive habits. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this. I hate this. I hate this! Why, God? You fucking asshole... Maybe You can accept anything, but I can't. Dialogue with God my ass. Deluded idiot. That's exactly what I do. It's freeing to know that I do have the choice to commit suicide if I want. There is always an escape hatch. Of course it's gonna take much before I use it but like... ultimately nothing matters. I can do whatever I want. God (AKA me) will completely understand. Today I thought about it and when a person feels completely powerless and broken, the decision to commit suicide is actually an act of courage, a regaining of the power. Not that I'm that person but still. It takes true courage to kill yourself, really. It's almost admirable. Note: don't take my ramblings about suicide seriously. And don't do it. Even though there's nothing wrong with it, it's still not the right choice. Ehh. Really tho, don't take this seriously. I'm still gonna post it cuz I wanna vent but like REALLY. Don't kill yourself. Another thing I've been thinking about recently: you know what's scarier than the thought of death? The thought of living for infinity. And the horrors you'll gonna go through. To me that's scarier. I feel like it's my duty to accept that. It's part of my spiritual journey. Being willing to live through anything... man. I salute to those who are. Ehhhhh. There is much sadness and anger in me. And I feel like I'm at my lowest. I smile at the idea of a better tomorrow. I think of all the people that sigh with tiredness but still work towards that thing they want or look forward towards that brighter future. Humans with their visions, aspirations and desires. It's inspiring and pitiful at the same time. Little finite children. Goes without saying that I too am this little foolish child. ... Well. I hope better things are on their way.

Damn You God...

Oh wow. Surprised You're saying that. I've recently realized that reincarnation is "real" and I will be going through lives for infinity. But I was second guessing myself and didn't wanna bring this up here because it's still the dream and yadda yadda yadda. I can't see yet how that could be a dream. And how can reincarnation exists only from a certain POV? Isn't there an absolute way in which God functions? So like: reincarnating infinitely or not?

More like a story telling itself

I'm not your guy for this. I'm getting my stuff from the street for now (and it's not much)

Note: I don't think this quote is 100% right. But there is a kernel of truth here. Yeah, You'll probably go through some hellish states to awaken. This is for your greater good. I experienced this on LSD in the recent months. And sober too, actually. Be safe out there. Never give up. You WILL come out victorious - and changed for the better! You're doing good. Experience these states openly.

Feels more like wisdom than intelligence. Although they intertwine I guess.

I think this second part was much better than the previous one. Many good points indeed. Not gonna lie, stung a few times

Also today I watched Leo's solipsism video. I'm certain it's his most direct and powerful piece of work as of now. When he released (and deleted) it in March I felt like I hadn't gone far enough with my work and that the message was too advanced for me then. But now that I've had my first Aloneness awakening I felt like I was ready. And I wasn't disappointed. Profound shit. Made me recognize the Aloneness again, even a bit deeper this time! Made me cry too. Fuck, I am alone lol. It's 60% beautiful, 30% cool, 10% sad. And 100% me hahahaha. I wouldn't get as much from this video a few months ago for sure.

Actually, to better understand what water is, for example, you should know not only its liquid form, but solid and gas as well.

When I read this in the book this week I started shaking and crying. Then I went back to numbing myself hahaha. Today I searched for definitions of magic. Some of them I found interesting: An extraordinary power or influence, seemingly from a supernatural source. A power that can make apparently impossible things happen. Something producing successful and remarkable results, especially when not fully understood. An illusory feat. Doesn't this remind You of something? Magic is: Extraordinary Inconceivable Ungraspable Enchanting Impossible (or is it?) Incredible Amazing Much like Reality is... hmm

Maybe his spawn count IS his subscribers count. Remember, everything is connected hahahaha Every time Leo gets a sub, his soul respawns.

Ego backlash is a bitch, man. But I will muster up the strength sooner or later. I WILL break free. Or rather let go. I can't reject myself forever.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/how-to-plug-psychedelics

When You're in that state, that's what You are. The ego is not different from You in the slightest. It's not absurd at all. I mentioned fighting because I sensed aversion towards ego from your post. (using the word "ruining') Yes. But it must be done with a proper attitude. You ain't gonna dissolve it when You're averse to it. Because ironically this aversion is ego LOL. God loves ego completely. Btw, I'll just note that while I'm saying this I'm nowhere near above it. I'm not done fighting with myself.

Yea. It also "said" it likes spending time with friends and family. What? It's very impressionable. Basically it will spout whatever it counts as most "correct".

I'm glad You took it in with the right spirit. Much love.

Ohh, red flag. You DO have things You genuinely want to create in life. Don't miss that.

Dude. So many points about this. 1) Even if You someday wake up to your God Nature You will forget about it anyways. And then come back again. And then forget again. It's your nature to get lost in your dream. You forget because actually You WANT to forget. Even if You think You don't want to. 2) Fictional? Fake? Hell the fuck no. This is YOU. This is your LOVE for YOURSELF. Nothing about this is fake, depressing or a lie. 3) By "your own will"? Hahaha. That's a good one. It's the opposite. You have to get out of your own way. Let God into your heart. 4) You don't "suicide and onto the next dream". Forget about this crap. LIVE. That's why You ARE here, to BE here! You don't want to die. If You're thinking of killing yourself You don't have enough perspective and You're closed off from God. And I'm not judging You, because I've had these same thoughts. I get it, really. But I'm telling You - You're SERIOUSLY misunderstanding this shit if you think killing yourself is even a slightly good idea. Consider this small intuition exercise. Imagine You discover the Voice of God inside your heart. Now focus and try to imagine what would God tell You about killing yourself. Good idea or no? Hint: You can do whatever You want and God will NOT judge You whatsoever for killing yourself. But You DON'T want to do it! YOU DON'T. Listen to your heart! It was YOUR WILL to come here in the first place, ffs! 5) You don't have to let go of your family early on. In fact, LOVE them more than ever before. Be more genuine. 6) Yes, go for the objects of your desires, whatever they are. But not because "everything is already fictional" (which is bullshit), but because YOU WANT to. The more You awaken to God, the more You discover your Spirit, your deepest values and genuine desires. You will have plenty of things You want to do in life. 7) Ultimately I'd say I had similar thoughts to You and I'd just tell You to live through it. The further You go, the more You will understand that they were bullshit You can always PM me if You want to.

You ARE ego. GOD is ego, right now, as You. How about You love it, appreciate it? You're not gonna fight yourself out of this situation and come out happy. The ego is not ruining your life. The ego IS "your life". Maturity can't be forced or sped up. Or at least it has to be done EXTREMELY intelligently.