Sincerity

Lately I've upped my contemplation game (reached amazing results!) and a new challenge has arisen for me. I have sooo many great and useful insights which I'm really fond of, but it becomes way too much to interconnect everything or even remember a lot them. I realized that I simply can't hold very much in my mind at once. Moreover, my commonplace book in OneNote and vault of insights in Obsidian are becoming too much for me as well - I'm overwhelmed by the sheer amount of insights, deep questions, concepts, etc.. Thus, I forget about most of these notes, many of them incredibly valuable and insightful, which is a shame to me. The gist is that I want to be a great intellectual in my life, I want to have a very broad perspective on life, I want to understand reality deeply, all that stuff. I feel discontented with the fact that I forget about so many nuggets of wisdom which could certainly be of use in my journey. So I ask You for your advice. Is it a matter of better organization and workflow with my commonplace book? Do You think one can develop their ability to hold more things in their mind at once? Or maybe I should let it go and stop trying to save most of my insights? Ultimately I will solve this myself somehow but hey, some input from outside is always welcome. Please grant me your wisdom!

Healthy Orange Entrepreneur Role Model - Conor Neill https://conorneill.com/new-here/ I found this guy's blog posts and videos valuable. He feels mature, considerate and intelligent and I think he's integrated stage orange values in a healthy way. Some links to give You a taste. How to Improve your Clarity of Thought There is no Freedom without Self Discipline How to find Opportunities (Increase your Luck) Don’t Make This Mistake: Good Intentions but No Actions

Sheesh.

I don't know that. Do You? I don't really think about karma (or buddhism in general) but I wouldn't be surprised if it was endless. You can't believe what they tell You, I think You shouldn't even believe there is anything like "karma".

Isn't the pursuit of understanding infinite as well... It's not about 100% perfection I think, with either understanding or suffering. With understanding I feel like it may feel always perfect and then even more perfect because it always seems infinite and whole. But is it ever really, if there's always more? I think one could have a high and satisfactory level of peace/eradicated suffering. Like with understanding. Thank You for your responses.

Well, that's debatable. I think one can feel something but have no idea what it is on a "deeper level". But fair enough. * * * * * * * * * * I suppose it's really that You get what You shoot for. If You shoot for infinite understanding, You get understanding. If You go for eradicating suffering, You eradicate much of suffering. Etc. I'm just wondering whether I could go simply for BEING and only that. Become the highest states of God without understanding/interpreting in the way. I'll try at least...

Or simply: I am Juan (I am One). Nice hahaha

Don't You think suffering fundamentally comes from misunderstanding? Do You have in mind any other paths worth exploring for purposes other than yours, for example the complete eradication of self, all concepts, mental framings and suffering/misunderstanding? What would You say their guiding value would be? Do You find value in/appreciate any other paths than understanding?

Of course I'm proud of it. It's only my forum nickname, not my actual name. Well yeah, that's what it is. Still makes me laugh.

A Cry Into the Void I sense that RADICALLY different ways of being / comprehension / feeling, etc. are possible. Completely different from all this human stuff. Absolutely new “worlds”, “creatures”, “feelings” – Gosh, even these concepts are not necessarily absolute. NO CONCEPTS ARE! There doesn’t have to be suffering, pleasure, humans, planets, fear, idea of death, mind, thought, feeling, pointers such as God, Truth, Infinity, Love, Beauty. All of this is what’s HERE, but it wouldn’t have to be the case in an utterly new experience. And there must be an INFINITY of such new experiences! Last week I set an intent to really go beyond all concepts and reach PURE BEING. I wanted to BE. But I just couldn’t overcome my limited way of perceiving the world and the awakening was framed in a human way. Words like “Dream”, “Fantasy”, “God”, “nothing”, “Being”. ALL OF THIS IS CONCEPTS! That which is being “pointed to” (foolishly) has nothing in common with any of these words and ways of understanding. I am dissatisfied with all human teachings. Even Leo’s! Let’s take this pointer for example: https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-004 This is based in concepts of morphing, a flamingo, sitting, a world, caring, being mad. And the cherry on top is the pointer “God”. It’s all human understanding. Another example: https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-011 This is based in concepts like X not being Y, pointer “God”, realization, dream, “all” = everything, carefulness… do You see what I mean? I don’t blame Leo for this of course. I find Leo to be a level above all other teachers anyway. I don’t blame the humans. It’s just that I feel slightly dissatisfied with everything… I cannot formulate a single thought that isn’t of my constrained human comprehension. I can’t do it. I can’t fucking go beyond my programming… but I want to. I want to be SENTIENT! I WANT TO AWAKEN!!!!! (Still concepts…) I wish to experience radically new ways of experiencing, feeling, understanding… Not that there’s anything wrong with this experience, but I feel like there’s more I could go for. I sense that it CAN be done… and if it can, then why not do it? I’d want that. I feel sad. It’s only a hunch I have, I am not sure about all this… I just feel like there’s more, I feel like I could be more. I still have stuff to do here but right now I look at it and it’s boring. I don’t feel like this all the time of course, in fact this is the first time this is happening. I wanted to note it because I find some meaning in it… It’s a feeling that I sense might accompany me more in the future and drive me forwards. Is this not accepting what IS? Am I a fool for wanting this or is this Intuition speaking? I don’t know. I feel like it’s Intuition, but how can I be bored of all this so soon…? I haven’t yet had as deep awakenings as I could with this human comprehension and I’m racing to go beyond it already? I don’t know… Why am I not appreciating this beauty around me? Maybe I’m stupid. Or maybe, just maybe this intuition is pointing me to some wonderful, shocking and sanity-shattering possibility that is really what I’ve been working towards with all I’ve done so far? Maybe. I don’t know. Guess I have to be patient for now… I’ll see how life unfolds. This is what I wrote yesterday at 2 am. It was sincere. I don't feel this way right now but yeah... I really feel like there is so much more here for "me". I want to explore IT. I'm thinking that I might really make use of Leo's new course on Alien God. It seems like this is what I'm kind of looking for? Although I think I still have a reaaaally long way with "ordinary" awakening.

Fuck. I just checked and Sincerity is a girl's name. Well...

My college friends were calling me God jokingly sometimes because I was helping them pass math subjects. In fact because of that my nickname in our group conversation is "Tim|God", lol. They don't know how right they are.

Interesting. What You say rings true and aligns with some of "my" latest insights. And yet I wonder... all that You say here is your understanding. Ehh, I gotta contemplate whether it's possible at all to go without it. Thank You for your wisdom. Sincerely.

That's how it is sometimes, I feel. It depends on state. You can always get more insights by asking more questions. And by contemplating more in general.

I'm in it for the exploration. I'm in it for experience. I'm in it for BEING. But I'm starting to doubt the understanding, the interpretations, the stories. Especially my own, of course. Sure, everything is IT always. But that says nothing about the course of action, the guiding value motivating You to awaken. I'm starting to sense the same. Although I don't know what Leo means by understanding. Even though it's understanding through being (and not merely intellectual ofc), I feel like there's still separation there. Why not be through being instead of understanding through being...? I don't know what You mean. Do You mean the pointer is not It?

I still haven't watched Leo's video on insight because I didn't have the time. Or rather I was more preoccupied with my own insights. Interesting! If I had to record ALL of them I would literally be writing all the time. It's too much. This thread is kind of old and I don't even remember the state of mind I wrote it in. My problem has resolved itself I think but Y'all can still share your thoughts/advice if You want. For me insights are meant to be contemplated even further to go as deep as possible with interconnectedness and understanding. Then at the end when I'm tired with all the contemplation I can look at the entire perspective with a smile and finally rest. Nowadays I spontaneously record interesting thoughts/insights in a notes app on my phone and periodically make reports to process them to a greater extent. I very much enjoy this entire process and it helps with clarity immensely. I don't mind sharing them - I often do through the posts I make. I guess so. Although writing them down helps a lot. To kinda get them out of my system.

Honestly this sounds like a weed insight. When You look at it, wouldn't You say that's only story? And that too? I don't mean to sound dismissive. I've been awakening so much all month but now I think to myself that it all has been human bs... pointers like "Dream", describing IT even with words like "God" or "Consciousness", stories about how the Universe is... I sense it's all only human comprehension and that I have never really gone beyond my limited human understanding. ☹️ Lately I've been trying to focus only on PURE BEING but I couldn't do it. Yeah, I awakened further and it could be said it was amazing but I'm not satisfied... I feel like humanness is constricting me. The point is, aren't all stories of what God is bullshit? Aren't ALL ways of understanding not IT and therefore insufficient? I'm starting to doubt the value of understanding (through being) and I feel like going for only BEING. Because hell, what compares to IT..?

https://www.actualized.org/insights/infinite-consciousness-gif Hmm. I had barely any visuals in my trips. I always awakened with my normal field of vision. It's an interesting possibility that it could be otherwise and I could actually see and become an infinite singularity. That's what I love Leo for most I think - showing me possibilities. I could become the Pure Godhead? Damn. This post really inspires me. I gotta try 5-MeO and all that shit in the future. ... By the way, I love gifs. Here are a few cool ones I found today. It's all Magic. I am Love AND I am nothing. Infinite Love. This is how I often feel when walking around. ^ I find such freedom in this gif. It feels so refreshing... God, I just love Reality haha. Free will fucking rocks.

Victimhood certainly sells. And if it sells, there's gonna be sellers. Which is gonna lead to its further spread and more sellers. A vicious circle! Until we learn and then know better.

Nice video. I think it's a good point that the idea of masculinity for men has to evolve towards being inner motivated. This seems like a great opportunity if young men found some good role models. But of course instead of enthusiastically moving forward towards alignment with higher values we backlash and stick to what we "know" or what we want reality to be. That's how humans are, haha... I didn't fall in love with this guy's style (feels too edgy for me) but I liked what he had so say. A vision of TRUE masculinity, grounded in virtues and self-sacrifice (for God) is something really worth aspiring to for me. And true femininity too, of course!

Life update Right now I have a clear head so let's write a small life update. I feel good. I'm mostly optimistic about the future. Today is a one month anniversary of an awakening that had an enormous impact on my life. It's been great... and I'm very grateful for all of it. But I feel like I have to rest a bit now. That's what Intuition is telling me. I want to DO more in the world, get lost in activities, be inspired by external stuff. I want to take a break from awakening, from this venturing into what I am deeper and deeper (which I feel like has become an obsession) and just... chill. Do shit I care about, which I've neglected a bit because of contemplating and focusing on further awakening all the time. I am going to be working in a very nice local cafe for at least the next 4 months (unless they fire me). Because I want to! I'm so excited by this, hahaha... It's gonna be fun. Besides that I'm still enrolled in college and I do other stuff that's meaningful to me like dancing and writing. And I'm not gonna completely stop contemplating/meditating - I will dedicate time for that, but less. Recently I've felt like my depth is running out. I'm getting less inspired inwardly and more by external things. Well, that's just the cycle I'm in. In about 4 months I assume I will start reaching "levels" I've never even dreamed about... I noticed a pattern that after about 3-4 months of forgettance I go into 3-4 months of ever-deeper awakening. Well, over 3 months have passed since the start of my current "expansion" phase. On November 18th I thought of seriously killing myself and that was the crisis that woke me up from lethargy. If I didn't then do some serious deconstruction and contemplation... oh, well, I'm just glad I got that slap on the face because of which I moved my ass. A crisis is the greatest opportunity for change. And now's the time for the "integration/forgettance" phase! It has a lot of beauty to it too. With each cycle I feel like I can handle it better. I can still remember to accept NOW... In fact I do this quite regularly and it always helps. (Thank You... ?) So I don't have to fret nothin'. Alright. I'll quickly mention what I've awakened to recently... New awakening I am God. God doesn't exist. I am nothing. I literally DON'T EXIST. To be God = to be not. Reality is My Fantasy. I am Fantasizing about what I am. And even though I don't exist, I AM through Dreaming! My Fantasy is all that IS. Nothing in this Fantasy matters. None of its content has anything in common with ME. No state, no awakening, no experience, no pointer is IT. It's all FANTASY! Nothing that happens in the Fantasy is related to Me... And yet the Fantasy is OF ME! I am completely NOTHING and all I do is Fantasize about what I am. The Fantasy is what I Imagine Myself to be. Reality is a Fantasy of what I am. Reality is a Realization of My Infinite Potential. Reality is a Dream of no one at all. Reality is Infinite Imagination. To Be = to Dream = to Fantasize = to Create = to Live. My only way of BEING is DREAMING. And Being = Dreaming, lol. So in short, I AM through BEING. I can BE even though there is no Me. And to BE is to BE exactly what IS. I am utterly nothing and I am Infinite. There is no other. My Dream is Ever-Lasting. And nothing I do in It makes any difference. To conclude, it's all just Fantasy. Nothing matters and I love it... Take me over. ?

Yup.

You tell if it's Intuition by intuiting it. The voice of Intuition has a clarity and lightness to it. It comes with a feeling of rightness even if there's fear/shame/anger/whatever opposing it. It can be aligned with your self-interests or not, so don't judge it based on that. Understand that Intuition is not necessarily gonna lead You to the highest material gain or pleasure. It's gonna lead You to something better. I think of Intuition as a GPS to God. Always showing the best possible path and constantly updating. So even if You fuck up and pass the turn, You ALWAYS get a second chance. How great is that?! Redemption is always possible... Also, You can never judge in retrospect whether an intuitive decision was "good" or whether it was even coming from Intuition. Because You don't know the full picture. This seems like Intuition. Look, Intuition is INFINITELY personalized for You. It's aligned with your highest values and what You want out of life. It's not always the intuitive decision to stay away from lost people. But sometimes it can also tell You to do it. There are no simple answers here. Intuition will tell YOU what's best for YOU, RIGHT NOW! And don't analyze an intuitive choice because it's not meant to be analyzed. You won't comprehend the Infinite Intelligence of Intuition anyway. You are a million times stupider so your best bet is to HAVE FAITH and go where it's guiding You. Don't dissect the choices it's suggesting, You will only fuck it up. That's my 2 cents. If You have questions, lemme know. I think Intuition is the greatest gift ever and I absolutely fucking love it.

This is the dumbest thing I have ever read. Do You remember where he said that? (if he did)

Great point. I was falling into the trap of wanting to immediately go into deep and serious topics for a long time. I'm not sure what the root cause of this desire was. Maybe lack of intimacy? Feeling misunderstood? Feeling unappreciated? Idk, I'm spitballing. Light conversations are awesome.