Sincerity

I hope to Awaken to this one day. The Actualized Forum Awakening.

Bloomer is probably Leo's alt account from which he's testing our endurance.

Nothing has been censored yet.

I'm not denying anything. Read my responses again. The claims are unverified and so I'm telling You to be unbiased. We don't want potential misinformation to be spread here. And certainly not out of ideological reasons.

@bloomer You probably haven't even read the article I linked. Project veritas is not the most reliable source.

https://www.newsweek.com/project-veritas-covid-mutations-pfizer-fact-check-1776845 The claims that Pfizer is mutating COVID are unverified as of yet. Don't fall for misleading comments online and try to stay as objective as possible.

Infinite Love ♾️ Endless Unconditional Unbiased Universal It's so great You can't comprehend it. God is Infinite Love... FOREVER!

What the hell are You talking about You don't understand. Drop your false beliefs which You get angry about.

I've been contemplating even more and I've finally come to my senses. Infinite Love is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. This has been the most amazing awakening so far... INFINITE LOVE! How could I have not seen this? I am so fucking stupid. ?‍♂️ It took me 32 hours to realize this after experiencing it. Thank God I decided to contemplate to my maximum... otherwise I would be going through my days without appreciating it. I am SO fucking stupid! It's INCREDIBLE how blinded I was. Mind's capacity for blindness and self-deception is INFINITE!!! It was more powerful than Infinite fucking Love Itself!!!! I literally can't believe how UTTERLY STUPID AND DENSE I can be, oh my God. Infinite Love is the most amazing thing ever and nobody close to me has any idea about it... What a joke. It's comical! And the cherry on top is I cannot share it with any of them HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh my Godddd @Leo Gura Thank You for leading me to the greatest gift imaginable. No one could have done it for me but You and I'm as grateful as a dumb human can be. Also I'm sorry for being a total moron. My ego got the best of me. Obviously I'm not done. No way, Jose.

Thanks I was alone sitting on the floor leaned against the bed with eyes either open or closed. Mostly in silence, sometimes saying things out loud. Closer to the end I played some music. I was reminded of this song I was listening to years ago: I felt like God was talking to me through it, expressing his Love for me. That's alright, let it out, talk to Me. Also what's funny is that the lyrics say "We can talk here on the floor, on the phone if you prefer, I'll be here until you're okay". I was literally on the floor making notes on my phone hahahaha.

Yesterday at night some feelings arose in me that I wasn't expecting. Bitterness, sadness, overwhelm with my own expectations for myself, desperation, nervousness, anger. They weren't present during the trip or the next 6+ hours but I'm guessing they might have appeared in part because of the after effects. I became bitter and sad with the trip not being deep enough (supposedly). It's once again the issue of "MY will be done" instead of "Thy Will be done". It's the opposite of surrender and obvious proof for me that I have a lot more work to do before something bigger. God Absolutely Loves the state of asleepness and unreadiness - why can't I? I've reflected upon these feelings and I feel more accepting now. Everything is at it should be. I think the Unbiasedness of God/Infinite Love is what amazed me the most yesterday. God really Loves everything EQUALLY! As I mentioned it actually stung me in the ass and I'm so happy I noticed this clearly because I literally caught the devil in the act! I saw my egotism standing completely naked in broad daylight, hahaha. I'd say that You really can't see how biased You are until You see the Unbiasedness of God. And You can't see how small your love is until You see Infinite Love. Regarding the statement "I want to Awaken". I've been thinking what I really meant by that. Basically I feel like I have a sense that I am still asleep and unconscious. I don't know what it means to not be asleep but I want to go there. I experienced some awakenings but 1) I'm no longer conscious of what they showed me and 2) I know there is more. I feel like I am profoundly asleep and I wish to shatter this illusion. Another good interpretation is I wanted to die. I didn't mention this in the report but after this interaction with God I became conscious that Death is Awakening. Even though I'm certainly still scared of it, I'm now looking forward to it much more. Maybe it will sound naive, if so forgive me for that, but sometime I wish to really Awaken so deeply that I become undifferentiated and utter Oneness and just be that for Eternity. Not because being here is a challenge but because doing THAT is a challenge. I enjoy many things here but nothing really matters besides this. Not family, not being good to others, not being responsible, not anything. I'll be engaging in these until the time comes because I truly like them, but the end goal is clear to me. Sigh. I wonder whether all of these goals and aspirations of "mine" will make any difference when I truly surrender to God. Maybe "mine" will not play a role then. Consider this post an add-on to the report.

@Pudgey @Vincent S Thanks guys

❤️ Of course. There is no alternative. Damn, this actually had an effect on me. Thanks brotha! I'm way past the trip already but something got to me now.. It's okay

@Michael Jackson Yes, exactly! That's why I'm feeling a bit unsatisfied But I can't complain. I thought about it and I was literally shown Infinite Love. I don't want to be ingrateful, especially if I am to accept the present moment. I'm a little emotional right now and I need integration time I guess.

Yeah I get the suspicion. The context is that three months ago on MDMA I sort of unlocked the ability to talk with God with my intuition. I've made pages and pages of Q&As. Nowadays I'm doing it only sometimes. I'm careful not to fall into delusion. Words are meaningless anyway. Direct experience is what matters. I even spoke about it with Him and He told me exactly that. On the other hand, what I was told proves to be very true and I'd be wise to follow it I think.

?‍♂️ Might be. But I'm looking to get knocked off my feet. Even though the report is long the trip was fairly short and didn't go as deep as I'd want. Dammit, these expectations again... I'm just itching to know what I am. Thanks for the advice and support as always

Story of my life right here

Sorry? I don't use any other forums.

@Swarnim Very nice!

Ohhhh that's a good one! How could we forget haha.

Hey everyone. Grateful to be a part of the staff. I promise to fulfill the duty responsibly! Oh we will!

I agree The greater the surrender, the better. But it's hard to take.

Thanks! Hmm. You're right with this point, I kind of forgot about this. My idea was that sometimes shutting off contemplation and sitting in silence is necessary. By which I mean that contemplation is not a substitute for meditation. Self-deception would be thinking that it is. The truth is I like deep contemplation a lot and it comes very easily to me, but rigorous meditation not so much, and so I caught myself deceiving myself that contemplation is enough. Still don't have this God damn meditation habit, but contemplating for 2-4 hours is a piece of cake. How am I gonna realize my Nature and integrate it into my life like this? I didn't phrase it in the best way.

Cool initiative! I'm on board. Here's my personal list. I've experienced these at some point in my life. Some of them might be already behind me, I don't know. Not taking action on my career work unless I'm sure this is 100% the right thing for me Waiting for something to happen, to break me out of my lethargy Distraction (!!!!!) Romanticizing being attached, loving in a limited way Nihilism-induced passivity Attributing universal meaning to events, calling it fate or something Claiming possession of awakenings Feeling like I'm special in this specific form because "I am God" Rationalizing my questionable actions Romanticizing the past Comparing myself to others, especially Leo Endless contemplation with little action Claiming possession of intuitions and insights which weren't actually created by "me" Oh yeah, "me" Waiting for the next psychedelic trip Lack of execution and inaction in general Thinking that my insights and models actually represent reality Belief that no one could truly love me romantically, for who I am Trying to be right in an argument Trying to maintain the image of being impartial, rational and correct in my analyses The belief that anything I do has any true meaning or purpose The belief that anything matters here Fear in general (!!!!), fear of death, fighting for survival even though everything would be okay nevertheless Shame in general (!!!!), being averse towards accepting things as me, cringing Being cold towards those in need sometimes, fear of being exploited, not seeing myself in them Obsession with the forum, addiction Judging others Lying in arguments (even subtly) Dishonest, close-minded shaming in arguments --> "You can't really believe in X. Seriously?" Closemindedness towards perspectives Thinking I'm so advanced and wiser than others No matter how productive I am during the day, it will never be enough Thinking that by contemplating I'm raising my consciousness, but actually I'm just lost in thought and concepts Wrongly interpreting experience, especially on psychedelics Actually, interpretation in general - it's just me building my conceptual castle The assumption that I can't really fuck up my life permanently - dangerous naivety The assumption that everything will turn out okay even if I don't take action and build anything stable Being too passive and not fixing stuff that bites me in the ass, learned helplessness Hating and cursing my father in my mind, hating anyone in general The belief that I am entitled to awakening and I am somehow held back by God (haha) The belief that I am entitled to anything in life, even respect, safety, food and water, health Thinking that I have some relation to Leo, unhealthy obsession Addiction to social media, watching all the dumb shit there and believing it's normal, it has any value, it's wise in any way Compulsive need to do something instead of not doing anything, perceiving not-doing as bad Forgetting that I will die Believing that I will die (haha) Desire for affection from certain people, especially women, which really distorts my vision and floods my thoughts Creating fantasy scenarios and getting stuck in them for a long time, living in fantasy Thinking that my solutions in life will work for others as well Giving answers and solutions even when no one asks for them, being the fixer and the wise guy I'm tired so I'm going to stop here. ?‍♂️ Might edit in the rest later.

@Federico del pueblo I don't think You should expect emotions and altered states from your first session. I'd tell You to maybe at least try 30 minutes one or two more times and then go for more. There's no rush. Be gentle and don't overwhelm yourself. This is my advice. Take notice of what is happening in your mind and body and adjust the technique appropriately, using your intuition. It's like with working out at the gym - do it wisely, don't overstrain yourself and don't expect big gains right away.