Sincerity

I had a stroke reading this.

There is no awareness beside Yours.

Some of my fav songs from a year ago. I especially love singing the first two when I'm out on a walk. If there's something to be learned from all these losers It's that the price that you pay For arrogance and a false sense of immunity Is to face the wrath of a dying star.

I had such a great day today. I woke up early, meditated, studied for 3 hours, read a book, spent time with my family and ate sushi, went out for a solitary bike ride, visited one of My favourite cafes and wrote in My notebook for 2 hours, went for a really nice walk... listened to some music, laid on the grass, watched the sunset. A dream come true. Must have been my second best birthday. My family made Me feel really loved today. Besides all the standard birthday wishes each of them told Me 3 specific things they appreciated about Me. It was so sweet... So nice to hear something like this. The one that had the biggest impact on Me I think was My dad saying I'm probably the most mature of them all. Imagine hearing this from your father lol. Saying it couldn't have been easy for him and I respect that a lot - it's evidence of HIS maturity. Also, My mom and sister agreed. I won't go into detail why they think so, there's too much to say there. I made Myself feel loved too. I wished Myself happy birthday (in long written form) and told Myself I love You. I wrote out 10 specific things I appreciate about Myself. I realized nobody knows Me better than Me because the things I most appreciate about Myself people just don't notice. Of course I don't blame them and I don't need them to. I also realized I don't know anyone else better than they know themselves. It's humbling when You think about it. It's thrilling for Me to think that I know Myself best. Well, it's not much, but still. I'm like My own beautiful secret! How cool is that. Privacy / intimacy with Myself is something I've really started to value lately. I LOVE that I don't have to share some of Myself with "anyone else". I can just keep Myself to Myself if I want. I can have My private notes and thoughts that no one else will ever know. Another way to say it is I'm exploring further levels of being comfortable with solitude. And anytime I wanna talk... I can just talk to Myself. To the man in Me as Her or the other way around. I love it haha. Speaking of, today I noticed that it's much more authentic for Me to speak as Her to Him instead of as Him to Her. I mean I identify with Him most of the time but when I start talking to Myself it feels natural for Me to speak as the woman to this man doing various things in My life for Me. Oh and also obviously neither the man nor the woman are what I am really. Or the thoughts, the body or any of these appearances. Words can't describe Me.

Change of state is not dependent on any action or "content" of consciousness. Whatever is, is. But also it is dependent, sort of. When You shoot yourself in the head in a dream at night, is it really the bullet that wakes You up?

Duality of man LOL

Hey Sine! I'm really happy You're resonating with this! One interesting thing is that when I started calling Myself sweet names, I instinctively want to call others these names too. Family, friends, even strangers... Actually when I first read your comment here I automatically thought of You as "beloved". When I change my attitude towards Myself my attitude towards "others" changes too... who would have thought?! Hahahaha. * * * * * * * * * * * * Yawn. I'm tired. Tomorrow is My birthday. For the first time in my life I'm gonna genuinely wish Myself all the best, out of Self-love and care. It's so stupid for Me to think now that I've lived through so many birthdays and not once did I think about wishing happy birthday to Myself, hahahaha. No one ever taught me to God-damn love Myself. Though I think it's a blessing because discovering all this stuff for Myself on the go really helps me embody these lessons... and also it's an adventure. Yesterday I thought to Myself that God literally always learns things "the hard way". There's no other option. If You think You've learned something the easy way, this either means that You've learned it the hard way before in the past and now the lesson is just repeating itself OR You didn't actually learn it and You're just bullshitting. After the last 3 months I learned what it's like to live through a nightmare, what having no strong executive force in My life (a strong-willed man inside of Me) results in and how resisting and not looking at Myself for a long time makes me feel, and more. I'm not saying I've learned this fully and now I'm done. No. But these last weeks and months stang so fucking much that now I'm certain about some things (like the need to be there for Myself out of love for Myself) and I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I don't want to put Her through another nightmare again. I can't, I can't fucking leave her at Her worst... At MY worst, God dammit! I have to be there for Myself, otherwise what sort of a man am I. A weak man that only likes the good times and leaves when it gets bad. It's a horrendous fucking attitude and I WON'T BE THAT IN MY LIFE. No, no, NO, NO NO! I MUST be a good husband to Myself. Absolutely fucking crucial. Yawnnnn. Anyway I had a great day today. And tomorrow is gonna be even better! I'll spend it as well as I can. I will treat Myself. I deserve the best after all.

I meant that this thread is too long for Me to read with comprehension right now haha. I'm tired after the day, is all.

Stop being a victim. You fucking are God. Take more responsiblity for your life and reality in general.

Too much to read, My brain hurty.

Sorry I just felt like posting this hahahaha. I hear You tho, to some extent at least. You forgot what You are.

I'm sorry You're struggling right now. But have faith it's going to get better, because it will. You're gonna pull through dude. You have it in You!

That's the goal.

I experienced this to a degree in 2022 for months along with panic attacks. Scary then, but quite a fun memory now. I really thought I was going to die, I wrote goodbye letters to my loved ones haha. I just love the smell of fear.

Locking due to mysoginy. @Mesopotamian Please check your biases. We won't allow this kind of attitude towards women here.

My mind was shattered and then reborn in a healthier form. Yes, some "long-term issues" in my attitude towards reality were corrected - if that's what You're asking. I'll gladly die no matter the circumstances.

This is Me from today. [image removed] I changed My haircut. I think I look nice. I awakened so hard on Friday, haha. No point in even describing it. I'm an Endless Mystery. I've started talking to Myself in a loving manner. Calling Myself lovely, honey, sweetie, whatever I can come up with. I'm using Google Tasks for task management and when I add a task I add some sweet words to it. When I make a reminder for Myself, I call Myself something nice. When I think something to Myself, I do this too. It's really great. And I started telling Myself I love You in general. Because at least now, I finally do - at last I love Myself. This loving Myself thing is quite complicated because to do it I have to kinda divide Myself into two, but it's fine. Now there live a woman and a man in this body, there have for some time now. The man's name is same as before and the woman's name is... nuh uh, not gonna say haha. It's my little secret, but actually I've known it for like 3 years now. I didn't know She was Me tho. I identify much more with the man and when I say I love You, I most often tell it to the woman, as the man. Of course both the man and the woman are not what I am really. It's just a game I'm playing - and I'm having fun doing so. Yeahh it's complicated. I might talk about this more sometime else. But it's so so great because now when I want to do something but I'm lacking the motivation I simply have to remember to do it for Her. I have to remember the love. Of course She is Me and what She wants is what I want. Again - it's a game, it's a construct but I love it haha. She is like a more emotional part of Me and every evening I'm committed to listening to Her unexpressed feelings, grievances... but also thankfulness and that sweet sincere love She emanates with when My actions during the day were acts of love for her. I get love by giving love. It's so simple... I become love. I don't know if it's all sounding alien and weird but it is what it is. I'm happy with what I got. My journey is very unique and personalized to Me... I feel like I'm exploring totally new territory. How exciting!

I'm not sure what You're asking.

Well, just don't limit yourself artificially. When You awaken You die, but then You are reborn - wiser, more authentic, more sincere, more motivated and connected to what You really want. At least from My experience, awakening is CRUCIAL for building a healthy ego. To be honest, I find this talk about "being too young for awakening" or "not ready" complete bullshit. I am so fucking grateful I am doing this work at a young age. Just 2 days ago I died and was reborn (again) and I'm the happiest and healthiest mentally I've ever been. I'm so motivated to do everyday work, study for college, read books, etc. - nothing can stop Me. I personally think that the sooner You awaken the better - but approach it wisely of course, don't slack off on work / studying and other things. Be careful because "I am not ready" may just be another dumb story You're spinning to keep yourself asleep for no reason. But only You can know whether it's true or not. I'm just telling You My perspective on the issue.

Is awakening one of your ambitions? You don't have to "formally" meditate. Do it as You like, make it fun. It has to work FOR YOU! Each meditation session could be an adventure for You.

... ...? ... .. . HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA It's You all the way down, silly.

Thanks for sharing, great quote. I admit I've been too serious lately.

@Razard86 ? Of course. Unless that difference comes at the cost of comprehensibility. But I acknowledge I could be more appreciative of different styles and perspectives. I'll make the effort to be that. ^ If this isn't being a smartass, I don't know what is. I'm a guy in front of a computer reading this and thinking "god wtf is this dude on about..." and You're calling me some guardian of the realm. Just don't be the guy that laughs at his own writings while most others have no idea what he's on about.