Sincerity

She gave me enough candy and video games and I still became a drug addict. I'm joking. I could never have enough candy.

Quite a reaction. What was your childhood like, did You feel loved as a child? kidding ofc

I try to be frank, harsh when needed, but also keep my biases in check and not go too far. Sometimes I can also get heated though, I admit. Some things get under my skin.

No hard feelings. I'm never your enemy.

No, You won't understand every single thing. You won't even understand one "thing". Try grasping a pencil or leaves swaying in the wind. Whether You're doomed because of that or not is a matter of perspective.

Inspiring! Nice to hear about your progress.

I love this movie so damn much lol. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish fucking slaps. And I don't mean it metaphorically or rhetorically or poetically or theoretically or in any other fancy way. It slaps. Straight up. Reveal the tab below for spoiler content. (If You're interested in the spoiler tag functionality, see this post) I don't remember ever crying so much on a movie. I watched it 5 months ago and it almost retriggered my panic attacks associated with fear of dying. The titular cat actually had a panic attack in the film and it's very well portraited. After the movie I went to the bathroom and had a literal breakdown lol. "And you didn't value any of them." It's unironically perfect. It had no fucking right to be so great but there it is. A puss in boots sequel haha. Everyone who watched it will tell You it rocks. Tomorrow I'm gonna go see Spiderman: Across the Multiverse because I heard it's amazing too. I don't usually watch superhero movies... with their shallowness and dumb one-liners and all. But SOME of these movies are so so beautiful and they're my favourite things to come back to, especially when I want that sweet inspiration. I love to watch a complex character overcome their struggles... add breathtaking visuals to that and I'm in.

Woke up early, studied for 3,5 hours... out of love for Myself. My friends from college invited me over to a grill party and sang me happy birthday, gave me presents... we had a lovely time talking, eating and playing games and I'm so so thankful to have such people in my life. I feel really blessed. Then I went to my dancing classes and had a great time there too. I went back home on foot, thinking about my life and being grateful for the people in it. And now I'm chilling. Yawnnn I'm so tired. And I still wanna meditate and read a bit. I had weird emotional nightmares today and didn't get much sleep. Yawnnn ok I really have to go. I will be limiting my time on the forum cuz more and more I feel like I'm wasting time here. I love this community, I love moderating it, I want it to prosper, I like expressing Myself here, I love interacting with certain people and reading their posts... but yeah the forum is a big distraction. And I can't let it draw Me away from what's most important to Me in life. A little more action please...

God the amount of blabbering You guys are doing. ?‍♂️ A little less conversation, a little more action please...

I had a stroke reading this.

There is no awareness beside Yours.

Some of my fav songs from a year ago. I especially love singing the first two when I'm out on a walk. If there's something to be learned from all these losers It's that the price that you pay For arrogance and a false sense of immunity Is to face the wrath of a dying star.

I had such a great day today. I woke up early, meditated, studied for 3 hours, read a book, spent time with my family and ate sushi, went out for a solitary bike ride, visited one of My favourite cafes and wrote in My notebook for 2 hours, went for a really nice walk... listened to some music, laid on the grass, watched the sunset. A dream come true. Must have been my second best birthday. My family made Me feel really loved today. Besides all the standard birthday wishes each of them told Me 3 specific things they appreciated about Me. It was so sweet... So nice to hear something like this. The one that had the biggest impact on Me I think was My dad saying I'm probably the most mature of them all. Imagine hearing this from your father lol. Saying it couldn't have been easy for him and I respect that a lot - it's evidence of HIS maturity. Also, My mom and sister agreed. I won't go into detail why they think so, there's too much to say there. I made Myself feel loved too. I wished Myself happy birthday (in long written form) and told Myself I love You. I wrote out 10 specific things I appreciate about Myself. I realized nobody knows Me better than Me because the things I most appreciate about Myself people just don't notice. Of course I don't blame them and I don't need them to. I also realized I don't know anyone else better than they know themselves. It's humbling when You think about it. It's thrilling for Me to think that I know Myself best. Well, it's not much, but still. I'm like My own beautiful secret! How cool is that. Privacy / intimacy with Myself is something I've really started to value lately. I LOVE that I don't have to share some of Myself with "anyone else". I can just keep Myself to Myself if I want. I can have My private notes and thoughts that no one else will ever know. Another way to say it is I'm exploring further levels of being comfortable with solitude. And anytime I wanna talk... I can just talk to Myself. To the man in Me as Her or the other way around. I love it haha. Speaking of, today I noticed that it's much more authentic for Me to speak as Her to Him instead of as Him to Her. I mean I identify with Him most of the time but when I start talking to Myself it feels natural for Me to speak as the woman to this man doing various things in My life for Me. Oh and also obviously neither the man nor the woman are what I am really. Or the thoughts, the body or any of these appearances. Words can't describe Me.

Change of state is not dependent on any action or "content" of consciousness. Whatever is, is. But also it is dependent, sort of. When You shoot yourself in the head in a dream at night, is it really the bullet that wakes You up?

Duality of man LOL

Hey Sine! I'm really happy You're resonating with this! One interesting thing is that when I started calling Myself sweet names, I instinctively want to call others these names too. Family, friends, even strangers... Actually when I first read your comment here I automatically thought of You as "beloved". When I change my attitude towards Myself my attitude towards "others" changes too... who would have thought?! Hahahaha. * * * * * * * * * * * * Yawn. I'm tired. Tomorrow is My birthday. For the first time in my life I'm gonna genuinely wish Myself all the best, out of Self-love and care. It's so stupid for Me to think now that I've lived through so many birthdays and not once did I think about wishing happy birthday to Myself, hahahaha. No one ever taught me to God-damn love Myself. Though I think it's a blessing because discovering all this stuff for Myself on the go really helps me embody these lessons... and also it's an adventure. Yesterday I thought to Myself that God literally always learns things "the hard way". There's no other option. If You think You've learned something the easy way, this either means that You've learned it the hard way before in the past and now the lesson is just repeating itself OR You didn't actually learn it and You're just bullshitting. After the last 3 months I learned what it's like to live through a nightmare, what having no strong executive force in My life (a strong-willed man inside of Me) results in and how resisting and not looking at Myself for a long time makes me feel, and more. I'm not saying I've learned this fully and now I'm done. No. But these last weeks and months stang so fucking much that now I'm certain about some things (like the need to be there for Myself out of love for Myself) and I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I don't want to put Her through another nightmare again. I can't, I can't fucking leave her at Her worst... At MY worst, God dammit! I have to be there for Myself, otherwise what sort of a man am I. A weak man that only likes the good times and leaves when it gets bad. It's a horrendous fucking attitude and I WON'T BE THAT IN MY LIFE. No, no, NO, NO NO! I MUST be a good husband to Myself. Absolutely fucking crucial. Yawnnnn. Anyway I had a great day today. And tomorrow is gonna be even better! I'll spend it as well as I can. I will treat Myself. I deserve the best after all.

I meant that this thread is too long for Me to read with comprehension right now haha. I'm tired after the day, is all.

Stop being a victim. You fucking are God. Take more responsiblity for your life and reality in general.

Too much to read, My brain hurty.

Sorry I just felt like posting this hahahaha. I hear You tho, to some extent at least. You forgot what You are.

I'm sorry You're struggling right now. But have faith it's going to get better, because it will. You're gonna pull through dude. You have it in You!

That's the goal.

I experienced this to a degree in 2022 for months along with panic attacks. Scary then, but quite a fun memory now. I really thought I was going to die, I wrote goodbye letters to my loved ones haha. I just love the smell of fear.

Locking due to mysoginy. @Mesopotamian Please check your biases. We won't allow this kind of attitude towards women here.