Sincerity

Nah, I found it on the internet. I always love searching for new spiritual/visionary/dmt art which will resonate with me ever more deeply. This shit is just too awesome.

Lately I feel like I'm my own hero. Every day I'm getting better at making good choices for myself. There were difficult things I had to go through and I did. In spite of the suffering, I'm still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah... I just wanna appreciate myself more. If I don't do that, who will? Who's going to give me the love I deserve? Who's going to appreciate the little things, and the big ones? The big ones are even harder to see sometimes. Like my whole pursuit of self-understanding. I LOVE IT. I am happy I am me. Well, at least now I guess. I'll forget later most likely, but I just wanna take the moment to thank myself for doing what I love, and for always going forward. Thanks me. I am my hero, even if I forget about it and berate myself again. Maybe the TRUE love is doing things for me even when I'm ungrateful. Like a parent taking care of their child who hates them... But the child just doesn't understand. And it will weep years into the future when it finally does.

Yup, I get that. Kinda like with a psychedelic trip. Probably an acquired taste yeah. I love it too. ?

That's so interesting! Lucky You. I'd love to experience more meta shit even if it's frightening. Bring it on, Consciousness! Dreams are fucking awesome. Two weeks ago I had my first lucid one and it was metal.

It's about radically evolving "it". Of course YOU are "the ego". It's about You growing YOUR SELF, You maturing as the consciousness YOU are. But NOT about "surrending yourself altogether". I wanted to make this personal post because for so long I was suffering due to this stupid idea that the point is to somehow transcend "the ego". The idea that "the ego" is somehow impure and it has to be surrendered. That I'm sinful, evil and corrupt for having a sense of self and personal desires. That the point of spirituality is to get rid of me and my wants and let the universe work through me. That I'm weak, cowardly, evil and selfish for concerning myself with my desires and not with the world as a whole. I'm not sure where I got this idea from. Maybe from my christian upbringing. Maybe from my parents. Maybe from spiritual teachings. Probably all of these in various degrees. Treat this post as a warning of the danger of this kind of attitude. This God damn stupid idea is so disastrous I can't believe I survived as long as I did carrying it. The last year - and especially the last 5 months - have been the most difficult time I've had in my life ever. My mind has been plagued by vile and suicidal thoughts, I had very little control of myself and my mental health was severely damaged. Never before did I reach such profound emotional lows. There have been many weeks when I was just in a numb state and didn't do anything (besides distracting myself) because I was feeling so terrible. During this year I (mostly) unconsciously held the belief that I just have to surrender myself and that hopefully I'll be taken over by the universe and finally be pure and be able to do God's will. I especially considered this belief true when I was going through deep emotional hardship. When I was feeling better I mostly did have the capacity to think good of myself. I had VERY little faith in myself. This was especially devastating because I had no hopes of setting myself free in any way and I just wasn't doing things, thus diminishing my self-esteem further. I was convinced that the only way is to surrender myself more, process more emotions, understand more and maybe then I will finally disappear somehow and be free at last. I was convinced I am weak and sinful and that I need a higher consciousness to take me over - and that that's what's spirituality is about. What I want to say is: this is NOT true. The point is to evolve your self towards Godhood, as much as You can handle. Well, at least for me I guess. Maybe You'll resonate with this message too. In retrospect I can see I was shown this insight a lot of times but I was stuck banging my head against the wall still focusing on the "surrendering myself" nonsense. Believing in yourself and healthy self-esteem are so crucial for a satisfying life. I notice now how utterly tired I was from having no faith in myself and seeing myself as something to let go of. Life is SO MUCH EASIER when You trust yourself and have high self-esteem. So much stress and anxiety goes away. Of course it's good to let go of many things "relating to yourself" like various attachments, thought patterns, etc.. I'm not denying the beauty and usefulness of letting go. I'm saying that the idea of surrendering "the ego" ALTOGETHER is rather misguided. I'll add that I guess You could say that evolving yourself requires dying in a way and surrendering your old self, thus getting rid of it to a degree. I think that's partly true, but I'd still say the attitude of wanting to let go of yourself isn't particularly helpful. To end this post I'll say this: It is entirely okay to be YOU and to do what YOU want. Always have faith in yourself. YOU can do anything You set your mind to. Don't wait for things in your life to change. YOU are the creator. You have the power to change them yourself. YOU can awaken your consciousness (=yourself). It's possible for You. Don't wait for a miracle, You work your ass off. If You want to of course. Please let me know what You think. Thanks for reading. EDIT: Treat this as a more empowering perspective, not some objective goal or something You "should" do.

If You want to watch something good and with character and You have Netflix, You should check out Nimona! It's about a rebellious shapeshifter girl hurt by the world, and it's fucking metal.

Today I told my mom about my psychedelic use. I did it in a very composed and honest manner, she was averse of course but still willing to listen to me, we talked for about an hour and yeah it is what it is. I feel in control of my life and I'm proud of myself. I am on fire right now.

Nice!

Things are looking brighter. I've gone through a lot of suffering in the last months, but at least now I can finally see the light. I had to go through everything I did to learn my lessons. And to start believing in MYSELF more. I'm going on a short trip with my college friends in a week. I'm sure it's gonna be fun. In a week and a half I have my next therapy session. Looking forward to talking with the dude. And right now I'm looking for a job and sending applications. I feel really good and empowered. I will deal with any obstacles and eventually come out on top, as always.

Not totally pointless, but more pointless: Keeping an organized commonplace book, writing reports from each week month and year, analyzing my past and how I've changed, setting monthly/yearly goals, saving and keeping track of insights, writing trip reports, buying myself new clothes, arguing and convincing people close to me, studying politics, even travelling to a degree... these are off the top of my head. Again I'll note it's not all psychedelics' fault, it's complicated & not all of this is "negative" obviously.

I feel like psychedelic use has made me care less about many pursuits I previously had. Like Leo said: even the stuff I didn't really want undermined. This has resulted in confusion and struggle for me. Not having the drive to do stuff which I knew would be worthwhile for me, it was just too pointless and "whatever". I'm sure psychedelics weren't the only factor and it's all complicated of course (some things I'm more motivated towards now). But yeah I think this is one potential downside to psychedelics: losing meaning and not caring that much anymore. It's a blessing and a curse.

Beautifully said ?❤️

Can confirm, exactly what I've realized recently.

Thanks for responding everyone! I hindsight I wouldn't have said that it's "the point" to evolve yourself. It's not like You have do anything or that this is the "objective goal of spirituality" or whatever. I only wanted to propose a different kind of attitude - a more constructive and empowering one, I think. And this perspective isn't perfect too, obviously. It is true though that I still want to have an internal compass for how to live and "do spirituality". I enjoy contemplating that. I like creating models for myself for what to do and what to avoid. Clarity and simplicity remove a lot of stress from me. I addressed this point here a bit: I think You'll never "get rid of the ego", but You can deepen yourself / evolve so much that You're pretty much unrecognizeable, as if there was no "you" there. But it's still YOU, just much more mature and broader. I hope this clears things up.

Hey there, welcome to the forum. This is something I can't help with unfortunately, only @Leo Gura can. Please wait for his response. I'm sure You'll be able to use all of the functionality soon. Have a nice day!

We have one thread for that already. Let's stick to that one okay?

In case someone has further interest in this, we have another 3 threads discussing Ralston's stance on psychedelics: Just throwing it out there.

Yes, I think it's best if we keep it to one thread.

There's already been made a thread for that.

It's clear a scientist made this meme. So reductionistic. If You got memes laughing at science, share 'em!

When someone's making a sincere apology, it's not the time to mock them.

I won't lie, I cried reading it. It's funny, isn't it? How we understand something only after we go through it ourselves. And how life can always humble us. Sorry You're going through hardship Leo. We're all in this together. I hope You recover soon.

Today I went to therapy for the first time. Quite a big step for me. I'm actually glad. I'll happily work further with the guy because I think he understood what I'm dealing with. He was very chill and nice, asked good questions and listened well. Also he's a buddhist AND he even seems to understand psychedelics!! God damn, did I hit the jackpot??

Good, maybe now You'll stop posting about him.

Ana de Armas too. And Gal Gadot. They're soooo cute.