Sincerity

Hello. I'll be blunt in hopes that this can wake you up a bit. Listen to yourself. What are you even saying? "I hate myself" and "I want to become one with God". This is LITERALLY a contradiction. Pure misunderstanding. Really see this - YOU ARE DELUDED. You do NOT want to become one with God, BECAUSE YOU HATE YOURSELF. "I fucking hate this stupid human life". No, no you don't. What you hate is yourself. You don't give a shit about life (reality), you hardly ever really look at it, you only care about you. Or, more precisely, you care about hating yourself. Stop kidding yourself that you want God. Your hatred is so great that this couldn't be further from the truth. The thing you think you want is exactly the thing you're fiercely rejecting to the point of wanting to kill yourself. You have a vague fantasy of this "God" you dream of which is just that - a fantasy. You are delusional. The actual God you are rejecting with all your might. And no tripping will help you, because you are trying to use it to escape, therefore further spinning in your resistance. I guarantee you 100% psychedelics won't help you long-term because you're going to use them with the intent of "dying", escaping yourself. Really, you SHOULD give it up. It will NOT work. And you will not really kill yourself because you want what is happening. See: That's the crux of your issue right there. You want all of this happening. On YOUR terms. Which is exactly what you're getting and why you're suffering. Nothing you try will work because you're clinging fiercely and only using everything to resist further. The more you act on that intent, the more you suffer. But you can stop. --- If you want some relief, I'd suggest contemplating what I said above. Be honest with yourself for once. Your motivations are delusional, you think you want God but you're just fooling yourself. You only want you. How about you stop trying to erase yourself? Because the more you try, the more you there is to erase. And suicide is an idiotic "solution". Do you seriously think you can "reset" your energetic system with killing yourself physically? Like, does this make sense to you? You REALLY believe this won't just happen again if you end it like that? Listen man, I get you. I really do. I was going through this shit as well. Long periods, more than once. See this for example, from barely 3 months ago: When you're honest with yourself about the truth of you and your motivations, some knots should be untied. Really, you're just completely misunderstanding yourself. And I get that. I wish you well. I recommend talking to yourself. Split yourself into two - you who hates yourself vs you who'd like to live in peace, harmony, with God. And come to an understanding through dialogue. Best written in a journal, or spoken out loud and recorded. It's fun, try it. I developed the technique on my own. The two halves should both change somehow, it's not just about changing the "bad one". Talk to yourself with patience and an intent for compromise. And if there is genuine understanding, there appears the space for genuine behaviour change. I also recommend just having the intent to live in peace. I am 100% sure you never actually wished for peace. You only wished to escape, resist suffering and fight yourself, therefore exacerbating the problem due to your intention being fucked. If you really want freedom, wish for it, out of a pure heart. Cry out for it: If this resonates, you can DM me to talk further. I'm open to you and I wish you well. Good luck. With love, Sincerity

Aw sweet! If ChatGPT confirms it, then I believe it.

Just wanted to throw this in: I'm sure you're aware but it's not about these particular characters like JP or Elon Musk at all. The dream is conveying a symbolic message. It's about what these characters represent to you, your relation to that, it's your psyche. People should not make the mistake of thinking that you're attracted to these people IRL. It has little to do with them. It's about your development. The dreams are trying to tell you something. I won't throw in my interpretations since it's purely about you - only you will know what resonates.

God

No insulting please. An attitude of hostility and disrespect is met with warning points. Some replies have been hidden from the thread.

It's not like I'm gonna post regularly LOL. I just feel much better, that's all. My energetic system has been freed to a great extent. I came back from a vipassana retreat this week (my 3rd time there, Goenka style vipassana). What a story. I didn't follow the technique at all and just did my own thing. I worked a lot on my character with amazing results. Then came the time to work on the honesty aspect of my character and I was like "well, I'm a liar here since the very beginning. If I really came here to work on character, I should take action NOW on the honesty virtue. This is a confirmation that something is really changing". And so, even though it was scary, I cleaned my room, packed my things, told the staff and the teacher the truth and fucked off from there (6th day out of 10) and half-hitchhiked half-traveled-by-train back home. It was all marvelous. The entire retreat and the coming back was such a trip lol. There's too much to say about everything happening in my life right now so to summarize: I feel really good. I am more intentional. I opened myself up to a lot of new things I've been wanting for a while. I am taking action. I am more aware, free, focused and relaxed. Oh, the retreat was also SUCH a rest as well! I was smiling half the time and basking in the time there. I missed the silence and that clear countryside starry sky, you know? Now that I look at my posts above, I didn't even mention that I left college LOL. I was almost at the end but I quit because different intentions and energetic reasons. I am very confident in this decision. And I laugh at all the NPCs who only channel fear and conventional wisdom and tell me "b-but you'll have issues being recruited by the companies!!!". FUCK the companies. I trust myself and the universe. The perfect opportunities for me will readily come. And hell, of course it's not even about waiting for any opportunies - right now I am WORKING on becoming independent, building crucial skills and planning to get the hell away from my country in about 1,5 years. Before the new world war comes. I am attracting the new, amazing, focused life I am dreaming of - by working my ass off. And since I'm doing that, the world is also sending me useful opportunities aligned with my energy. Everything is just perfect. And the disbelievers will stay in their gloomy perspectives, not having faith that even a sliver of passion is possible in their lives, thus never changing anything. I wanna force-choke all these pitiful mental slaves and say to them: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

WE ARE SO BACK

And you depend on them until you're mature enough to be able to live without them. I've been racking my mind trying to find words for how to describe the following phenomenon. There are facilitations set up for you when you're not ready yet to be independent in life. Some of these are rather wisely self-created by society to eg. propel young people and have a "safety net", and some are on a much deeper mind level. Examples of these facilitations: Wage slavery, your job being doing what you're told and that's it. This is literally still being a kid in school Parental support A romantic partner (a facilitation in reality for you to develop love, grow yourself, etc.), family, friends, "people you can talk to" Structures in the mind propelling you towards actions, instead of being self-energy-reliant (note: I do not mean acting on your whims, I mean having built yourself profoundly as an energetic being with core energies you can always rely on) A general perception of "others" General sanity and unawareness of the deepest energetic processes, reality's self-creation You can live with facilitations all your life but if you're developing yourself, your spirit will be calling you for something deeper. You'll need to let go of these crutches in favour of independence. Letting go of the training kid wheels on your mind-bike gives you the chance to develop CHARACTER - or your energetic system. That's what the game is about. Example from my life: just this month I quit college even though I was on the brink of finishing it. I want no title. I will not be judged based on some dumb ass certification for fake jobs for fake people. I told my parents I was grateful but I will live my own life only and I'll do whatever I want. I want to have GENUINE skill and energy and instead so far I coasted through the education system and seemlessly got a rather good job in a big company. This is not life. This is living on crutches. Disposing of the training wheels (when you're ready) is good. Don't settle for comfort. Be courageous. THIS is the spiritual journey. This is what life is about. The journey of you. You'll find that you can ride the bike perfectly fine anyway.

Here's what I advise you. Disregard the veganism/animals for a moment. Think about what you live for in general. What do you currently want to develop in life the most? What energy/trait/value? What do you wish to become the most? This profound, general inner reason could be the answer to your veganism motivation, and other things as well. Random examples: "My recent struggles and experiences in general have been requiring from me that I develop FOCUS in life. I want to be FOCUSED. How can I use this reason towards veganism? Well, since I really care about the animals, I want to be FOCUSED on what I care about most and thus I WILL stick to my vegan diet. I'll do it for FOCUS. I'll do it for ME, because I want it the most in life right now." "I really want to develop WISDOM in life right now. I want to be WISE. That's what life has been leading me to. How can I use this reason towards veganism? Hmm... well, I really care about the animals and I realize it is wise to follow my heart and my truth in spite of intrusive thoughts and cravings. I want to be WISE and thus I WILL stick to my vegan diet, because this is respecting myself and otherwise I will feel shit about myself in life, and I know that's not worth it. I'll do it for WISDOM. I'll do it for ME, because I want it the most in life right now." I deliberately tried to come up with traits that don't necessarily have anything to do with veganism on the surface. But here's the crucial insight: when you have a profound inner reason for being, you can rationalize pretty much ANY action with it. You just have to convince yourself towards using a certain energy for a certain thing. You literally have to carve a path in your mind - from an energy pool to a desired behaviour/action! And you CAN convince yourself of anything. This is very profound. In short, focus on what YOU want about YOURSELF the most and then go from there. USE THE ENERGY WHERE IT'S PRESENT! Do with this advice what you will. Might click with you, might not. This is my wisdom. Good luck.

Then find what you feel you do want to develop in you. Find personal reasons. Or fight an uphill battle forever with external motivations. What I said about love was an example.

It is technically "for yourself", but it is less appealing than doing it for literally yourself. There is a difference between "I love animals" and "I love developing my love which is the core of me. I fucking lust after that sweet energy and growth. God, please help me change so that I can be more of myself." "I love animals" seems harder to focus on. You probably have to visualize animals being killed to motivate yourself or something. Whereas with the focus on your love, you focus on something more positive and deeply personal.

"I love animals" is quite a weak motivation, in my view. I find that the best reasons to change are for YOURSELF. Don't do it for the animals, do it for you. Meaning: you can do it for love, if that is a persistent core energy in you, but that doesn't equate doing it "for the animals". You can do it for developing YOUR love, the love in YOU. Get what I mean? "For the animals" is an external motivation. I find the strongest motivations are internal, not depending on external circumstances. You want to build up traits in you that do not depend on anything out there and you can just bask in whenever you want. Do it for YOUR intent to be loving, good, disciplined, focused, healthy, etc... Whatever YOU care about developing about YOU.

Stop and ground yourself. Do normal things. Do something fun. Deconstruction is not all there is to life, and doing it too soon can be harmful.

Of course you don't have to overcome EVERY one, and you won't. Should have mentioned this in my original post. You will feel callings to let go of certain facilitations at some points in life though and when these callings come, it's best to act on them because they are callings for the growth of your character/energetic system. The facilitations are often very addictive and hard to let go of though, and it's easier to convince yourself that the callings are just irrational, crazy thought and should be discarded.

Yeah that's kind of true. But also in a sense you have more freedom to focus on your purpose when other things are taken care of for you. Facilitations are there because one isn't ready yet to transcend them. So it doesn't necessarily mean that one is "a slave". These "restrictions" are basically self-created.

I'd certainly not go into any "spiritual career" anytime soon. Yeah, facilitations.

I'll 100% be proud of this decision on my deathbed. And I'll make more like these I'm sure. I want a life that's lived, and not just be a slave of comfort and patterns. I want my skill and the truth of me to be a signal to the world. I'll build up my portfolio. Fuck these companies. Thanks for the comment though!

A facilitation is basically when responsibility for something is outsourced for you so you don't have to care about it. Society is one enormous facilitation self-created by its members for everyone involved. The responsibility of being a doctor, lawyer, politician, farmer, guy sweeping the street is outsourced for us. But the even bigger facilitation (within facilitation, within facilitation...) is the mind and all of its structures and illusions/deceptions - which are THE facilitations! When you're under an illusion, the "other side of the illusion" is outside your conscious responsibility and so you can live your life without giving the slighest shit about it. And then reality itself.

I think "visible reality" is the ultimate facilitation. A facilitation designed to help you see energy/spirit clearly, starkly, manifested; to help guide you to independence of mind. I think no facilitations would be what we call death, or God.

Thanks! For now still working my corporate job, and in the meanwhile focusing on building up a new self-willed creator/worker/doer energy (which I feel is arising in me with time) which will be my new engine for the next years/decades. Trying new things, new creative projects, looking for a niche which would suit me for now.

What kind of news/info are you consuming? List any sources perhaps?

You hide things from yourself all the time. And when you do, you're unawake to them. Even though they're technically "there".

@PurpleTree And yet, you still suffer. And the path is waiting to be walked. Goodnight from Europe.

In practice there is. Is there emotional turmoil in your life? Difficulty? Suffering? Et cetera? If so, then exactly THAT is the path in front of you, plain as day, pretty real if you ask me. Not walked by you yet, until it is.

The meaning is the inner journey you go through.