Saarah

I agree! When I went to sixth form we had to go the entire day and I couldn't take days off when I felt like it because my dad would make me go. It was the worst thing ever, I would have to study in the schools' study room and the teens there acted like 5 year olds so I could never concentrate. A lot of my lessons were a waste of time, and it put more stress on me because i'd have to relearn everything at home anyway so time was wasting. In the end I didn't get the best grades I was hoping for, Biology was particularly abysmal and this was legit the subject I dedicated so much effort to! I would feel really sad and hated my routine, didn't feel like waking up in the morning. Stuff the system and do what you know is best, although there are certain lessons which it can be beneficial to be in so don't miss those! It's not good enough to be grinding through the day just for a grade, if your happiness is suffering now, then you gotta be a rebel for sure, in a wise manner! I'm in university now with more autonomy and I feel 100 times better in everything

You have to find ways to enjoy your life now, not just thinking of the future and saving it for retirement, the future doesn't exist yet, but obviously make wise decisions that'll help you as you go on in life You should genuinely feel like you can go on, not just saying you must go on, because life isn't a must and remember it isn't an end goal, it's a process, so you've got to enjoy the process, there's some great advice above like being grateful and I also think the themes you need to look into are happiness stuff, because it seems you're not quite satisfied at the minute

I think it's only selfish if you're doing it to serve your ego or self-identity like if you do good for recognition, then that's selfish but if you do good, and then afterwards you feel good because you helped someone, feeling good was just a consequence of it, but you weren't being selfish by feeling good after helping someone Also, sometimes that feel good factor is delayed or not immediately felt, like if I gave some change to a homeless person, I might think "it's good that I helped, but now I haven't got any money left, and I bet that bit of change didn't even help them in a massive way anyway, I feel quite useless" That doesn't sound so great, but the reality is you engaged in an act of kindness where you put others' needs first, and to that person it could mean the world

I think to stop doing something you've got to love the alternative

There is this idea that I hear a lot that I really like in personal development on living life to the fullest while at the same time being detached This is something I too would really love to understand and feel at a deeper level because sometimes I do get quite attached to things even If I don't show it on the outside. You first talk about being heavily involved in the lives of others, and while I also agree that you should not cut them off, I think you should space out your interactions with them, keep it regular such as once a week (I don't know entirely how you meet and talk etc.) because in that way you're showing commitment to keeping them in your lives while at the same time not having them in your way all the time. If you text such people, just maybe set a specific time of the day when you do that. Whenever your friends will have any issues that they rely on you for, you then may have the energy to spend an extra bit of time with them to help them, but then let them know where your help has ended and where they must begin to help themselves. As for the emotional part, with them heavily influencing you, the first thing of spacing out your time with them, this may help give you breathing space. Secondly, you still want to be involved with them as we mentioned but just detached, but if you want to do this remember that emotions will always be involved, it's a part of life. I think therefore, it's important to acknowledge these emotions and allow yourself to feel them, always look inside to your emotions and look upon them with wonder, and see them as beautiful like the comings and goings of the seasons as Alan Watts says. Leo's video on strong negative emotions hints at this idea of reducing resistance to your emotions, and this can apply to all emotions, especially when you're resisting them. To live means to feel. It only becomes a burden when you avoid or resist them, then they become difficult to deal with. So you may find it easier not to resist. I'm trying to deal with this idea too of being independent and not having people impact my emotions so heavily, so I hope these ideas helped that I've been ruminating on, I hope the discussion continues because I still need to learn a lot more about this

There's a book called The Power of Focus by Jack Canfield et al. I started reading it and it was very good at showing you how to form and stick with habits and how focus is key It's something that I personally need to work on also, although I started reading the book, I never got far because it belonged to an auntie who has a problem with me, so i'll have to look for it elsewhere Another useful tool i'd like to share with you is Zenhabits, this is a website led by another Leo (lol!) and it's all about habits, but I heard he's releasing an app soon to help you develop good habits, so look out for it. I think he already might have an app out of some sort, he also has a paid sea change programme which helps with that stuff but I've never done that.

Even your username suggests to me this is just eating you up You should leave and laugh your way out because clearly something isn't right, the clinginess and all that chimpiness I grew up in a Muslim family and still am (i'm secretly an atheist) and here the expectation is that marriage is this big step and part of life and I've already been asked if I want to get engaged to so-and-so and I of course said no. I'm 18 for crying out loud, and I don't see it as necessary anymore, I used to think 23 was an ideal age, and now I realise that is way too young, if you wanted to get married in the first place, which I don't think I do anymore.

I felt like this last week You just may not be feeling very optimistic or happy with life and everything you have to do in the day, I would wake up thinking "what's the point". From that the first thing to do would be to change your mindset about everything, It certainly helps to listen, read or watch something inspiring as soon as you wake up I know people say don't check your phone first thing in the morning, but I think if you do it to do something inspiring instead of draining, that helps a lot

West Yorkshire, England

I've recently been listening to Yellow - by Coldplay You know how he says "look at the stars, look how they shine for you" reminds me of Alan Watts when he talks about the fact that there is no light without your eyes to perceive it, life is relationship It reminds you to remove your identity and your ego, and to realise you are part of the universe, you're not some separate entity, and that you were not put on this universe, you came out of it which ties in nicely to enlightenment

This is what I've felt too You just have to understand that they're not aware of a lot of the things you're aware of and you have to be non-judgemental about it. They are as they are, and as you come across many people in life who seem asleep, you just got to see yourself as playing "the human game" or the society one, whichever, lol

I don't think it would be worth it, a lot of stuff we learn in personal development like not being judgemental, this is a huge theme that runs many religious texts like the bible I believe there are these 'golden threads' which run through religions, like being grateful (albeit to god) and being self-less towards others, these feel good factors of religion trick you into believing that you feel good because you follow god, in reality it's just those nice acts, the golden threads that can be done without religion that are actually making you feel good

Anger was one of the first things I tried to deal with too when starting personal development Thing about anger is, it's often a result of wanting to control things and wanting things to go a certain way Whenever you find yourself being a control freak, you have to remember that everything that is happening just is, you have to accept reality, and remember the only thing you can control is yourself not other people or situations That's just something I always remember when I feel angry to stop myself from acting on my anger and whenever I am acting on my anger - always remember to be mindful of what you're doing, just watch yourself, and learn from it It's ok to feel angry, you just need to learn not to act on it in a way that can be destructive