mr_engineer

Another way of putting it is - can you get sued for 'needy behavior'?

Answer the question, Leo. Is it, or is it not, legally punishable?

I'm gonna keep bumping this question until someone answers. I don't care.

Just answer the question. Is it illegal or not? Yes or no?

I'm not kidding, this is my actual question. Is it illegal to be needy or not? Is there a legal reason to 'not be needy'? Is 'being needy' a crime?

Mods, it's not illegal, right?!

@Consept You're not answering, so I'm assuming that you agree that it's not illegal.

Not illegal, right?

My question was more along the lines of 'What is this nonsense concept of 'neediness'?! WTF are people going on and on about 'don't be needy'?!' There really is no logic behind it, it's pure nonsense.

And yet here you are, spouting it as a scientific fact. It's a dogma that's held by the entire online dating-world and it has totally destroyed dating. It's making people less and less straightforward with each other about what they want. There is a special place in hell for people who propagate this lie.

Saying 'having emotional needs is bad' has really, really not worked for me. It doesn't even make logical sense. I'm still waiting for you to explain the logic.

Dating-coaches love to invent new problems to solve. It's one of the oldest business-tactics. And now we have ordinary people spouting their propaganda like this.

No, it's a contradiction. Aka, BS. When you make 'neediness' or 'the desire for a relationship' a problem, this fills your mind with conflicts. Is dating a good thing? Is it not a good thing? Is it a sign of 'neediness', which is 'bad'?! When you just accept that you want a relationship and you have the balls to tell people that 'these are my needs in a relationship' and 'this is how my life would improve if I entered a relationship', things are just made easier, don't you think?!

Why would you even date if you're happy being single?! It's one of the biggest internal contradictions in this rhetoric.

Having needs from something/someone external does not necessarily mean that 'you're not good as you are', right?! For example, if you need food to survive, does this mean that you're not good as you are?

If it feels like the right step, you shouldn't worry about it hindering your personal growth. Marriage is full of problems. The experience of facing and tackling them will definitely grow you.

Is 'neediness' a real thing or is it another shaming-tactic dating-coaches came up with to shame people into buying their products?!

Let's settle the nice guy debate once and for all. In a capitalistic society, the reason people behave nicely with each other, is because they want to have a good relationship with that person, for their own selfish reasons. Not out of the goodness of their hearts, not 'out of love'. You will behave very nicely with a famous person and you will ignore a homeless person on the street (sucks for the homeless person, but it's true). Let's apply this logic to the dating-situation. If a man behaves nicely with a woman because he values that relationship for his own selfish reasons, what is wrong with that? Does this make the niceness an 'act'? It is conditional, for sure. But why is that so bad? An argument goes that 'a real nice person would not ignore the homeless person, they would help the homeless person'. Fine. But, if I value the relationship with the famous person more than the relationship with the homeless person, I'm going to be nicer to the famous person!

My honest opinion is that this whole talk of 'nice guys finish last' is internet nonsense. It was a tumblr trend that started in the early 2010s. Since then, everyone's been coming up with BS rationalizations as to why this is in fact the case. It is common sense that relationships work better when people aren't shouting and screaming at each other, i.e., they are behaving nicely with each other.

By 'theoretical nonsense', I meant, saying 'women want a kind man' only to negate me saying that 'being nice is important to have a good relationship'. What you're saying is also theoretical nonsense. How on earth are we supposed to prove to women that we can 'kill everyone in the room'?! Should we actually do that?! Will women get wet then?! What are you even saying?!

For some weird reason, everybody has equated 'nice' and 'pussy' and everyone collectively believes in this false equivalency. Where in the definition of 'nice' does it say that 'nice people don't face their fears'?!

This is theoretical nonsense.

@Onecirrus It is definitely healthier than marrying someone because of looks. Strategically smarter.

Others can also weigh in.

@Leo Gura What does 'be yourself' mean, when said to nice guys?