mr_engineer

If they're doing something illegal, threaten to call the cops. If they're not doing anything illegal, they're just doing something that you don't like, maybe you need to reflect on how you judge people you don't like and/or you need to learn to keep your distance from them. A narcissist. If he actually did harass you, he's a criminal who deserves to be thrown in jail.

Calling someone a 'creep' is an accusation, that your feelings are their fault. That's not okay. I'm not saying feelings shouldn't matter, I'm saying that when judging people, facts should matter more.

@Buck Edwards I know for a fact that women call perfectly fine guys 'creeps', guys who never did anything wrong. Why?! Women are not held responsible for their feelings. I'm not telling women how to feel, I'm saying that facts should matter more than feelings.

If you haven't experienced it yet, it absolutely is the ultimate mountain-top to climb. Worth any amount of years of your life to dedicate to. Once you experience it, though, that's still just a theoretical answer to the issue of emptiness. Objective, because it's based on experience, but still theoretical. Then, the real work begins! To figure out how to bring in and keep such individuals in your life long-term. That is its own struggle! That's what I'm focusing on for the past 5 years. The harsh reality is that the 'toxic individuals' who are doing toxic shit, have a warped understanding of what 'love' is. Now, to have loving individuals in your life, you have to rewrite the story of what 'love' is in your relationships, you have to integrate this understanding into the narrative of your relationships. This starts by teaching others what 'love' is, and seeing their bottlenecks when it comes to waking up to it, on the one hand. And, on the other hand, looking at your own problematic patterns (because just understanding what 'love' is doesn't automatically make you a loving person in practice, that is its own struggle) and improving on those. This will bring you out of stuck-situations in relationships and you will start to find ways to meet, bring in and keep individuals who are genuinely loving. That is the long-term answer to the issue of emptiness.

I asked the 'what is love?' question for 10 years straight before I actually experienced it. You really need to be looking for the answer in order to then be able to integrate it into relationships when you do experience it!

Before this point, your entire post was fine. You did all the right things. From this point on, though, you started to fuck up. You started to convince yourself that she's going to cheat, and you let a good girl go. About your emptiness (which is the real issue, not sex), what you're wanting is an attachment-relationship. This is possible only with a woman, because it is a sexual relationship. Now, here's the tricky part - why didn't it work in your relationship last time? Here's why - it's because you made sex the goal. In a romantic-relationship, sex is always on the table, because it is a sexual relationship. But, what you should be looking for, is love. So, if I were in your position, here's the enquiry I would commit myself to - what is love? Spend as long as it takes to truly figure this out. It's not going to be easy, because there is a lot of conflicting conditioning around 'love'. But, once you figure this out, the next step is to visualize the relationship you want, based on what you want out of it and your understanding of relationships. Then you date!

@Clabber Girl Join an art-club and discipline yourself to go there every weekend. (Twice or thrice a week, if you have a deadline for your business) Go to art-galleries, talk to artists. They are ever-ready to talk about their journeys and if you say you want to enter art, they will be very supportive. I think you're being drained by the people around you, more than your work. Accounting is not fundamentally boring, you can always get better at it. But, I can understand how being surrounded by accountants all day can drain your spirit.

So, this whole scheme to criminalize 'needy behavior' really is bullshit. Because what you're saying, to justify this narrative, is that going for a loving individual is a coping-mechanism for internal issues. I mean, come on.

Blah blah blah personal attacks

@Javfly33 Ignore all of the power-talk. It's coming from jaded individuals who have not met loving feminine women. This whole issue of 'having needs is a problem' is pure nonsense. It's another ideological trap that dating-coaches came up with, bringing in a 'spiritual' angle to it, so that they would have more courses to sell on 'how to not be needy' and 'how to overcome your attachment using the power of meditation' or other crap like that. Bottom-line, there are loving individuals in this world. Pure souls. And, there are individuals who are unaware of these pure souls, because of which they only understand the transactional style of relationship. Associate with the pure souls, cut out the other people.

With all due respect, here's what I will say. If you say that 'rape is due to sexual frustration', this is enabling the issue of rape. It gives sexually frustrated individuals the idea that 'rape is a legitimate option for me, despite the consequences'. It's not! It could be a temporary catalyst, but it's definitely not at the root of the issue.

I'm talking about how religion can solve the problem and evolve the society up to Stage Blue. I'm not saying that's the only reason. But, this is how you can start to educate men into valuing women. These men have a certain degree of male arrogance, like 'women can't drive properly, women can't do this, women can't do that'. They're incredibly sexist! They truly see women as inferior creatures.

The psychology I'm talking about is SD Stage Red psyche. Which is all about power and domination, by hook or by crook. People need to become more religious and more God-fearing, honestly, they need to evolve up to Blue! If they learn that 'rapists go to hell', and if they learn to value women in general because they're potential mothers, and 'the mother is the giver of life', the culture will improve. Then, we'll think about evolving into an individualistic culture.

Fundamentally, boundaries aren't taken very seriously in this country. So, if a man is physically bigger and stronger, he's going to control the interaction with a woman. This gives men a certain 'power', logistically. And, some of them will abuse it. This culture has yet to evolve into individualism. People don't assert their individuality so easily because it is normal to judge those who do and who don't conform to certain norms. Some of them are sexist norms.

This is a fundamentally sexist society, women are seen as inferior to men. And the 'superior party', of course, will assert their dominance on the 'inferior party'! (Not condoning it, just explaining the psychology based on what I've heard.) Not because that individual has a fetish, because he's a 'man' and a 'man' is superior to a 'woman'. Religion has done a lot, actually, to combat this, by making motherhood the highest-status position to be in, because 'the mother is the giver of life'. There are pros and cons to this solution. This makes it so women have to be 'good mothers' and 'good homemakers' to get any sense of social esteem.

You can have a certain fetish. Whether you engage in it consensually or non-consensually, is your choice (there are consequences either way). Rape has nothing to do with your fetishes. It has to do with mental attitudes towards sex and towards women. It's due to the conquest-mindset and objectification of women. This idea of 'consent' is a foreign idea to these individuals. They're literally just uneducated about the fact that non-consensual sex is called 'rape' and it's illegal. That being said, the media does have a way of sensationalizing the most gory cases. That is the media's job, after all - sensationalizing and glamourizing negativity. 'There were stab-marks on her private parts' Today people are angry about this, tomorrow people will find something else to be angry about. It evokes emotional reactions and people don't think rationally about the issue.

When some rape-case happens, feminists start to really psycho-analyze men, saying all men are this, that and the other. That 'this is the problem with men'. When this happens, a lot of men, reasonably, say 'not all men'. Because there are good men out there, and we don't want to be hated for our gender. Why does this make feminists so butthurt? Why are they so insistent on hating on all men?

@Emerald What's up with saying 'if you're saying not all men, you're probably harassing women'?! Why are feminists so set on falsely accusing innocent men?!

I will not be shamed just because I have male parts. Enough is enough. No more sexist rhetoric against men. Not All Men. Is that clear?

Now, back to my question. What's the actual problem with saying 'not all men'. Is it false?

I understand them fine. I understand that their empathy is partial and that their hatred for men blinds them. That's why they say shit like 'if you say 'not all men', you're part of the problem'. That's nonsense. They really like to tell men to 'look in the mirror' and 'learn'. That's just hypocritical. When's the last time they looked in the mirror?! Do they think they're the only ones who can psycho-analyze?! We can also do that. Do not mess with innocent men.

As a matter of fact, they already are dismissing those concerns. Not that I care, I know that this is a performance of wokeness, not real wokeness. This is not about anyone's feelings, this is about the truth. Not all men!

Because they're full of shit, as far as I'm concerned. No, I'm not 'part of the problem'. I don't watch porn, I don't engage in casual sexism, I'm not a misogynist. I love women.

My problem is that they enable false-accusations using this rhetoric. And, ultimately, they're shooting themselves in the foot by doing this, because it makes it harder to believe real victims. All because they're waging a war against men.