mr_engineer

To me, the ones who use the word 'creepy' are not socially calibrated. They're not calibrated to the fact that the world does not revolve around their feelings, which is why they expect others to take responsibility for their feelings.

You got your boundaries, I got mine. Why do you get to have a monopoly on deciding what's 'appropriate social behavior'?! This is my rule for the people I associate with - do not use this term. For me, or for anyone. I prefer to deal with people who take responsibility for their own feelings and emotions, who do not blame others for them.

Whether it's personal or not is none of your business. I'm not going to tell you about my personal life, end of story. I don't care what people think. You can be as deluded as you want, you can blame others for how you feel as much as you want, as long as you're not acting that out. As long as you're not trying to control their behavior. You can work on yourself and control your feelings, you cannot control other people. What I'm saying is that I find the usage of this term inappropriate, I find the name-calling inappropriate.

To hell with social etiquette (as long as you're not overstepping boundaries). You know what the most 'socially appropriate' thing to do is?! To be an NPC who follows a normal routine and to enable others to 'live' (exist, really) like that. If you try to connect with people, that's not 'socially acceptable'. If you touch-escalate with people, it's not 'socially acceptable'. It's not 'socially acceptable' to open up about your feelings and emotions, because 'others don't want to be burdened by it, they're not your therapist'. There comes a point, where you say 'to hell with this crap, I'm going to do what I want, as long as it's legal and not overstepping boundaries'.

Women, in case you're hoping we'll 'improve our social behavior' when you name-call like this, understand something - we do not give a damn about how we come across. It's your job to see the reality of what we're doing and why, it's your job to be in reality about men. We do not feel the need to tiptoe and walk on eggshells around women, because we do not need your approval. All this name-calling does, is make you come across as a man-hater. So, if you do not want to come across as a man-hater, be genuinely loving to men instead of giving us this crap.

Do not make this personal. This is a big-picture conversation we're having here. Or a third possibility - the guy disregards petty social-norms because they hold him back from going for what he wants. If you didn't tell him what he could do instead to get what he wanted, what you did was kinda pointless. Fine, 'don't be a narcissist'. The word you're looking for is 'narcissist', not 'creepy'. 'Narcissist' means selfish, 'creepy' doesn't mean anything. He did it despite you trying to hold him back. I really don't think you deserve credit in his success-story. Why should I give a damn? Is it illegal to not give a damn about how I come across?

Because, once upon a time, rape was not a crime. So, there would be nowhere to run to from a rapist, it was 'normal'.

@Marcel Kicking them in the nuts is another very simple option, if you're cornered.

Also, another option, if you can't outrun them right away, is to kick them in the nuts. That should do it.

If it's not possible, you're pretty much toast anyways, right?! I still wouldn't advise someone in that situation to give up.

@Marcel No, I said run first, then when you reach a crowded area, loudly threaten to call the cops.

I'm not disagreeing with the stats. My question to you is - what's your solution?!

It's very easy to nitpick imperfections in someone else's solution. You got a better idea?! To answer your question, this is why you do trauma-work with a therapist beforehand, so that you don't enter a freeze. And this is why you work on your fitness, so that you can run! I guess personal safety is worth all the efforts.

What, it doesn't work?!

Then first run to a more populated area and if he follows you there, loudly threaten to call the cops there. If you can't because he's physically attacking you, someone else will. All of this is textbook self-defence for women. It's not that hard, everyone's on your side.

Then actually call the cops! Duh. Always be willing to fight for your rights.

@Ulax Therr are no risks in calling the cops if you have social support. It's an easily solvable problem. In order to get the confidence to do this, though, you have to know your rights. That's how you trust that the police will take action.

I don't know what you're projecting.

@Ulax Oh come on. If she just talked to her friends, showed them the messages and took a couple of them to the police station to file a complaint, there would be no repercussions. Police would have to do something if there were evidence.

@Ulax @Buck Edwards Fine. Would you be okay if he gets tired of harassing you and moves onto harassing someone else? Citizens have as much of a responsibility to create a civilized society as the government systems. This is bigger than one man harassing one woman.

To figure out when a woman should call the cops vs when it's uncalled for.

@Ulax There are a couple of things that need to be done to solve this. 1. Everyone needs to know their rights. Women have the right to call the cops on guys who are committing a crime (being sexually explicit can be considered 'catcalling'). For this, everyone needs to know what is a crime and what's not a crime. 2. Everyone needs to take responsibility for their feelings and emotions, socially. Meaning, no blaming others for your feelings. Hurting someone's feelings isn't a crime, violating their boundaries is. There's a difference.

That doesn't get fixed if you don't call anyone, right? There's no compromising with criminals in a civil society.

@Buck Edwards Did you call 911? What happened?

My problem with the word 'creep' is that it mixes up legal ways of hitting on women, with harassment.