mr_engineer

Yeah, so what?! We're having a different discussion here. This discussion is about how you tell whether she's worth approaching or not. That's the advice I gave to the OP.

When you say that someone deserves to be shamed because they trigger certain feelings in you, that's very narcissistic and self-righteous of you. You honestly think that the world should revolve around your feelings, don't you?! It's just a matter of time before men wake up to this. That's what we have to do right now. Being a woman does not automatically make you more compassionate/have higher EQ.

All of those are crimes under the law. Which is a completely separate conversation from the one about your 'feelings' of being 'creeped out'. They may or may not have a good reason and you don't know unless you investigate them yourself.

When you cut contact with someone because they 'make you feel' a certain way, that's not you taking responsibility for your feelings, that's you blaming them for your feelings. If you're taking responsibility for your feelings, you can deal with them on your own time and have a completely different attitude towards the same person!

Do you honestly believe that the world should revolve around your feelings?! Cuz if you do, that's the textbook definition of 'narcissism'. Which is the opposite of 'being feminine', because femininity is all about being loving, not being narcissistic. This is why this is an important topic of discussion for men who are looking for a feminine, loving woman.

There we go. If someone makes you feel 'creeped out', why is that their fault? Why are you blaming them for your feelings?! Your feelings are your responsibility, right?!

No, there was a point. The point was that the creep-shaming has gone too far. And it was made sense of in a wider context.

Trying to water down/trivialize the point that was made.

They do care. They're just saying to your face that they don't care, because they don't want to 'hurt your feelings'. It's pure two-faced behavior/manipulative behavior. Again, trying to discredit what I'm saying to get away with regulating men's behavior. 'Everything is in your head, nothing is real'.

No, YOU don't care, cuz you're a simp. Speak for yourself!

Then why are you trying to discredit what I'm saying?! This is not just about me, this is about other men reading this. We will not be taking this anymore and we will be calling it out when we see it. It's because yall aren't doing what you should be doing to fix the situation. This calls for an escalation of consequences for your sexist behavior. We will be calling out creep-shaming from this point on.

@Princess Arabia More attempts to regulate men's behavior. The standard arguments of 'he's weak, he's wounded, he's not loving himself', blah blah blah. If I said something sexist towards women, you said 'this is wrong' and then I make it about 'your specific traumas', it would validate your opinion of me as 'sexist', right?! Same deal.

Yeah, I know how much you care about women's feelings. Women's feelings are of paramount importance, aren't they?! Men can't have one conversation about themselves without worrying about how women feel about it. How about 'Be yourself, no matter what others think of you'? That'll work. By the way, it's the opposite of what everyone here has been saying to OP. Everyone here wants to control OP's behavior, just because he's a man.

The fact that the word 'creepy' is even being used, implies that you do care about it. You're already making an attempt to regulate my behavior when you use the word. We have to stop using that label for no reason. In fact, we have to stop using it, period. The day you stop using this word, is the day I'll believe you telling me that 'you don't care how I behave'.

Men have to stop putting up with over-regulation of their behavior. Those of you who think you can regulate us - who do you think you are?! And who are you to speak on behalf of third-parties?! Who decided that you're more socially calibrated than us?! You're not. All of you put women's 'feelings' on a pedestal and are willing to change your entire personalities accordingly. What you don't know is that the women who blame you for their feelings are unpleasable, you will never feel good enough with them. That's the reality. So, focus on finding someone who will accept you for who you are, instead of changing your behaviors to suit people who won't.

If he seems okay with what you've said, doesn't mean that you're right and doesn't mean that your solution is going to work. It's an oversimplification of the problem at hand. Just admit that you don't give a fuck and you're being a simp right now. You think that if a woman feels uncomfortable, it's everyone else's fault but if a man feels uncomfortable, that's his fault.

No, the problem is not 'solved', this is the start of a new problem. Which is this - because of this, he is less likely to meet a woman who will accept him for who he is. When he asked to see her family, that was authentic! Now, we're teaching him to be inauthentic by creep-shaming him.

All of you need to let men be men and not regulate men's social behavior so much. The 'toxic masculinity' rhetoric has gotten way out of hand and we need to bring back some appreciation for masculinity. We need to appreciate the fact that he approached her at all. Being a man is just incredibly thankless these days and we can do better for men. So, please take your bullshit social rules and shove them up your asses.

By 'cases', I mean, with which women. The same behavior will come across as 'creepy' to some women and an escalation of intimacy to some other women. I think you didn't read the first sentence, where I said 'whether the behavior comes across as 'creepy' depends on the other person'. Let me repeat that - 'creepy' is a name that other people call you, it's not something you choose to be.

Whether it comes across as 'creepy' or not, depends on the other person. Now, here's the real question - in which cases will it come across as 'creepy' and in which cases will it come across as an expression of intimacy? That's what I was answering.

Come on, you were defending fearful actions. Don't deflect. Everyone else on this thread has been calling his behavior 'creepy'. Okay, Ms. Mind-reader. How am I feeling?! And what am I blaming women for?! Complaining about what?! I'm giving OP dating-advice! Everyone else here has been name-calling OP, calling him 'creepy'. And I'm telling all of you that this is wrong and explaining to you why it's wrong.

As I've said previously, if her goal is to end up alone and tell everyone who approaches her to 'fuck off', I have no issue with that. But, if we're assuming that she also wants to end up with someone, which we are, when we're dating, that's what our standards of behavior are going to be based on! I'm not saying that my standards should be superior to anyone else's. I'm saying that the standards of behavior that bring people together should be superior to the standards of behavior that separate people. That's all. I'm saying this again - note that her response had nothing to do with what he actually did and everything to do with the 'uncommunicated intent' she projected onto it. Meaning, she would've responded like that at some point, no matter who he was or what he did. So, the real solution, is to figure out whether she's going to do that or not to begin with by testing for her attachment-style.

Indeed, there is nothing wrong with being fearful. The problem starts when this fear distorts your worldview, it makes you suspicious of everyone who behaves a certain way. The problem with fear, is that it makes you come up with the wrong 'uncommunicated intent', which is why you then label other people as 'creepy', you blame them for your fear. That's demonization of a person right there. That is disrespectful and unacceptable. Men should not be putting up with this in their dating-lives. And men should be vetting women for this kind of avoidance before asking them out. Other people are not to blame for your fear. You're feeling fear because of your own trauma and conditioning. Why should a man put up with someone who makes him responsible for her feelings? In which 'he can make her feel fear, he can make her feel happy'? Why should a man put up with someone who doesn't take responsibility for her happiness in life?! Who blames external circumstances for how she feels?! This is why my advice to OP was to vet for attachment-style.

Here's the ground - you asked me to do the same thing, I didn't want to do it. But, instead of calling you 'creepy' and reporting you, I made a joke of it. Why didn't she do the same? What was stopping her? Her own fear. All of us really need to not have sticks up our asses. Everyone is not going to meet our standards of 'social appropriateness'.

My point is, you don't have to get scared when someone doesn't perfectly fit your standards of 'social appropriateness'. Whether you want to share the pictures or not is still upto you, but understand the actual intent at play. Don't project an 'uncommunicated intent' that wasn't communicated. I think it was not a valid reason to cut contact with the OP. The cutting of contact didn't happen because she was asked to do something she didn't want to do. It happened because she wasn't comfortable with getting approached in general, because she was avoidant.