Xonas Pitfall

Correct! It's inevitable. From a young age, we're fed all kinds of narratives about what matters and why being "important" is something to chase. Celebrities, the wealthy, and cultural icons are idolized, while living an ordinary life is often framed as something to avoid or be ashamed of. It makes sense that questioning your own value feels threatening. The ego craves an objective standard to measure itself against, something solid it can point to and say, "See, as long as I embody this, I matter. I’m worthy. I’m safe." It’s comforting to believe in that kind of certainty. Just like it’s comforting to believe in an all-knowing, all-loving creator who protects you and punishes those who hurt you, it's upsetting to imagine yourself as the one who might be harmful, evil, or deserving of punishment. The ego naturally resists that. It clings to a good image, so it often avoids questioning its motives or examining whether its intentions are good, pure, or free of selfishness. That’s why it’s much more common to see victim mentality, projection, and blame than honest self-reflection and personal responsibility. That’s also part of why religion can be so appealing. Why wrestle with your values and morality when you can adopt a ready-made framework that does the thinking for you? You get to blend in with the community, follow the script, and feel a sense of certainty. You don’t have to ask yourself if you’re actually good or not - the book already says you are, so that must be enough, right? Yes, I think this is why spirituality (or at least the kind we’re doing here) is so powerful. It's one of the first fields I’ve come across that actually makes this distinction (like Leo’s State of Consciousness blog post!). You can understand all of this conceptually and logically, but the real work is applying it to your day-to-day experience. In the relative "human" world, you cannot escape your judgment or the judgment of others. The way I usually navigate this is by recognizing that there are two layers of values we deal with. First, there are more "global" human values. These are helpful to be aware of, because they show up almost everywhere: Being seen as attractive, intelligent, independent, capable, and well put together Doing more good than harm is usually better for humanity overall Striving for your happiness and the happiness of those closest to you, while minimizing suffering Then, there are personal values. These are things you can only discover through direct experience. You have to live life, observe yourself, and slowly figure them out. Questions like: What are my talents and virtues? What moves me or inspires me? What is my style? What disgusts me? What kinds of people give me energy or drain me? What kind of conversations light me up? What is my purpose? What kind of impact do I wish to have? What environments make me feel most like myself? You find these by exposing yourself to a wide range of experiences, while passively observing and self-reflecting. Journaling helps a lot, too. Over time, you build a personal “value bank”, a sense of the things you naturally gravitate toward. For example, imagine if I asked you, "What makes you laugh?" And for the past six months, you had been consciously tracking every moment you laughed, even writing it down. You’d start to understand your sense of humor, the types of jokes that work for you, the comedians you love, and the people who bring out your creativity and playfulness. That’s valuable insight. It’s deeply personal, but incredibly useful. Leo’s course touches on these layers well, actually! Even though in the "Absolute God-state or the infinite singularity of love and beauty", everything is equally valuable, we still need to understand what makes us tick on the relative plane. We have to learn how to build a life that fits who we are. That begins with discovering our real values. This also means being careful not to let the outside world program us into adopting values that are not truly ours. One of the first ways to avoid that trap is by asking yourself, "What is value? What is importance?" (just as you are!) And not being afraid that asking those questions might somehow make you less valuable. Yes! I was just having fun with those words, sorry haha! There is definitely nuance between them, but meaning, worth, and value often overlap a lot. Usually, if you know what you value, you also understand what gives your life meaning. Most of the time, you find that thing worthwhile, purposeful, or connected to your sense of self-worth. We tend to use many of these words interchangeably or in similar ways, so I just wanted to point that out. Yes! What I meant is that since everything is ultimately Singularity, or One, or "God," trying to make something more important or valuable than something else creates separation. But that idea is more about metaphysics and less about the practical side of value discussed here, so it doesn’t matter as much for now!

Do you know what triggered it so much? Or what was the fantasy? Perhaps it's too private to ask, but thank you for sharing!

Ding ding! ✅

Do you have specific delusions that, looking back, were so insane it’s scary how strongly you believed them? Or was it more just a general period of time where things felt off?

LOL, are... you?

I guess I can also share my own experience! I was going through a lot of identity issues while stuck in a toxic situation, and psychedelics often made things worse by completely dissolving any grip I had on reality or sense of self. I’d end up convincing myself that I was born "empty" (the emptiness was a sign of "purity" or closeness to "God, Enlightened Selfless Self") and better off just surrendering to whatever was happening to me, even when it wasn’t healthy at all.

Very good insights! It’s honestly wild how intensely psychedelics can amplify certain delusions. But I suppose that’s part of the point - to bring buried thoughts or patterns to the surface in a way that makes them impossible to ignore.

I know, right? Honestly, this was probably one of the most painful parts of my entire psychedelic practice - and still can sometimes hit bad. Facing the ridiculous things I believed, the delusions, the embarrassing ideas that genuinely felt true at the time, was brutal. Deconstructing ideas about God actually felt refreshing in a weird way compared to it, haha. I can definitely see how this kind of insight could help others, too. I know I would’ve loved to have heard it before I started. No pressure, of course, though! I guess one way to keep it safer and avoid spilling too much personal stuff is to stick to general points without getting too specific. But the more detailed and emotionally vivid the story is, the more powerful the impact. Alternatively, we could even start a thread on it if others are open to sharing their experiences, too.

@Leo Gura Hey, on a side note for this comment, could we perhaps get a blog post or a video on the insanity or delusional thoughts psychedelics can give you (both delusions that bleed through into your real life, like the one you just said, and ones that happen only during the trip)? I think that one would be insanely valuable, because at least for me, once I started practicing psychedelics, I was genuinely shocked by how much mixture and distortion my reality was getting from the drugs, and I had to pull myself out of it. I feel like in some communities, psychedelics are marketed as truth-revealers, or that only the wild, obvious delusions are insane, and they don’t follow you into real life. I had to battle through that, and still do to some extent. Maybe, if possible, a post or video with examples of personal or other people’s insanity - especially the more sneaky, tangible ones like that - would be amazing. Thank you!

"While it is not suited for a woman to" - why do you think so? How do you stay loyal to your ride-or-die when those urges hit? Do you genuinely think that's realistic for you in the long run?

Hmm... The alternative is him being honest with her and saying he doesn’t love her as much as she loves him, that he wants more options, sex, exploration, and not being committed to her in the way she wants, and the way she originally said in the podcast she always wished and longed for. This is where a solid example of Leosplaining would’ve been so much better - no fluff, no “spirituality,” no talk of a “spiritual pathway” or “next-level relationship evolution” or any of that. The girl needs a reality check, not a spiritual brainwashing word-salad ritual. Bonus points if he had any respect for her, he would’ve taken in all the times she said on the podcast, “I died, and died, and died. So many boundaries were pushed. This whole relationship, I felt like my limits were extended. All I ever wanted was to feel safe, secure, and loved.” If he’s spiritually “evolved” and a present, attuned lover who knows his partner, he should’ve recognized that and helped her stay grounded. I don’t mind him wanting polyamory at all - that’s not the issue. But the spiritual posturing is cringe. I do agree she should find courage and leave, but he does not seem "loving" or "spiritual" here. But I could be wrong, idk!

The same dynamic applies on the other side. There's not much difference between a woman doing OnlyFans and asking countless men for money, and a woman who is actively sugar-daddy hunting, draining a man’s resources because she knows there are always more men willing to do the same. These women, too, live in a different world. Extremely attractive people, in general, live in different worlds. They see firsthand how quickly others compromise, how much people are willing to give up their boundaries, and how drastically behavior changes in their presence. Still, none of this justifies anyone exploiting others. What bothers me is how sometimes the “high value man” archetype is often tolerated or even respected, while an attractive "sugar-baby" woman doing something similar is judged more harshly. But when you strip away the surface, it’s the same thing. If you abuse your partner’s love or specifically seek out partners you view as “lower” than you just to manipulate them or gain access to more affection, control, money, or options, you are trash. This applies to any gender. Don't start by claiming you're monogamous, pouring on love, acting sweet, saying you'll cherish and commit to them, making it seem like you’re on the same page with a "mutual" agreement. Then, once they're emotionally attached, drop the polyamory proposal as if it was always part of the plan. If you want polyamory, find a partner who also wants polyamory at the very start. Don’t manipulate someone into reluctantly agreeing just so they don’t lose you. That’s not love, that’s selfishness disguised as empowerment. But people rarely stop to think about this, because the ego boost feels too good to question

NOOOOOO!!! Don't fall into such mousetraps, Mr. Leosplaining!

I think what's needed is a good counter-term or rhetorical trap, similar in tone and function to leftsplaining. Something that calls out the mindset where people hide behind cynicism, blackpilling, status quo bias, TINA ("There Is No Alternative"), toxic or weaponized realism, hard-nosed pragmatism, or doomerism to justify inaction and block change. The ideal term would expose this move for what it is: a way to shut down deeper vision, dodge responsibility, and defend broken systems by pretending to be “realistic.” Examples: “People are just selfish and violent by nature, they need to be controlled - that’s why authoritarianism is the only thing that works.” “Most people are too stupid to vote correctly, so democracy is a joke. I want a strong, masculine dictator who will set real order!” “Racism will always exist - there’s no point trying to fix it.” “Most people can't grasp complex ideas, so why even bother with education reform? Just tell them what to think.” “Climate change solutions are a pipe dream - people will never sacrifice convenience.” "If people are too closed-minded to accept LGBTQ+ rights, then maybe the issue isn't even worth fighting for." Cynisplaining, Defeatplaining? ... is the rhetorical move where someone uses "harsh reality" as a weapon to dismiss effort, imagination, growth, or responsibility. It's a kind of realism-worship that blocks change, often disguised as wisdom or pragmatism. This mindset accepts the world as it is - flawed, dumb, unfair - and uses that acceptance as an excuse to avoid higher thought or ethical responsibility. Instead of acknowledging the need for a better system, the person doubles down on the broken one as “just the way things are.” Another version of this is when someone selectively uses realism and harsh truths to push their agenda, but the moment their ego needs comfort or validation, they suddenly cling to softer, more hopeful, or lenient ideas. Examples: "Look, poverty exists because some people are just lazy. You give them free money like UBI, and they'll just waste it. The rich? They worked hard, made smart moves, and took risks. They deserve what they have. We shouldn't be rewarding mediocrity." Later (when it touches their own life): "Man, ever since I got laid off, it's been tough. I've applied to like 20 places and still nothing. It's not that I don’t want to work, I just need a chance. Honestly, if there were some kind of program to help out with bills while people get back on their feet, that would change everything. Not like UBI exactly... but you know, something for people like me who actually try." "The truth is, most people are idiots. They can't think for themselves, they follow trends, they need someone strong to lead them and keep them in line. You give the average person freedom, they ruin everything. A strong hand is the only thing that works." Later (when it's about them): "I’m not gonna be anyone’s puppet. I make my own path. I don’t need some system or leader telling me what to do. I don’t fit in with the herd. I need to live free, on my terms. I hate when people try to box me in or act like they know what’s best for me." "Emotions have no place in politics. We need cold, rational decision-making. Leaders shouldn’t care about feelings - they should focus on results. That’s why soft, compassionate policies always fail. We need logic, not bleeding hearts." Later (defending their favorite leader): "No, you don’t understand. He gets it. When he speaks, I feel it. He’s not just about numbers, he understands the struggle. He’s passionate, he cares. That’s what makes him a real leader, not like those fake ones reading off scripts. He speaks to something deeper."

Value = Meaning = Worth = Significance = Importance = Merit = Purpose = Relevance = Benefit = Desire = Utility = Priority

These are just silly examples, but they highlight the absolute relativity of what value is and isn’t. The only reason we might think value is objective is if we look at it from a human point of view, for example: Decreasing suffering is usually better than increasing it. Safe, collaborative environments are generally better than hostile, dangerous ones. But I’m sure you can think of examples where the opposite is true: A spoiled luxury child might need a metaphorical "punch in the stomach" to get going. An ungrateful, lucky narcissist might need some suffering to self-reflect and grow. Human perspectives, but especially from a god’s or the universe’s point of view, value is absolutely relative and undefined. Value is relational and mental. Value only exists through relationships and perspectives. Potential and undefined until an observer actualizes it through their bias, preference, or meaning. God or the universe contains potential "undefined experiences". All are possible until they become actualized through fragmented perspectives, preferences, and meaning-making.

+------------------+--------------------------------------------------+-----------------------+---------------------+------------------------+ | Observer | Perspective | Object 1 | Object 2 | Object 3 | +------------------+--------------------------------------------------+-----------------------+---------------------+------------------------+ | Artistic Human | Emotional, symbolic, beauty-aware | Abstract painting → | Custom rifle → | Tax forms → | | | | Deep meaning | Design, craft | Dull, lifeless | +------------------+--------------------------------------------------+-----------------------+---------------------+------------------------+ | Ant | Survival, instinct, function-first | Sugar crystal → | Twig → | Human → | | | | Colony treasure | Bridge/path | Obstacle, unknown | +------------------+--------------------------------------------------+-----------------------+---------------------+------------------------+ | Abyssal Octopus | Sensory, spatial, harmony-based | Current → | Anchor → | Reef → | | | | Orientation guide | Disruption | Home, camouflage | +------------------+--------------------------------------------------+-----------------------+---------------------+------------------------+ +------------+----------------+---------------------------------------------------------+------------------------------------------------------------+ | Perspective| Object | Interpretation | Underlying Value | +------------+----------------+---------------------------------------------------------+------------------------------------------------------------+ | God | Act of evil | Expression of distortion - hunger, power, rebellion, | To know what it's like to not be all-loving, to feel | | | | inability to love, inability to see self in other | separation, disconnection, fragmentation | +------------+----------------+---------------------------------------------------------+------------------------------------------------------------+ | | Human brain | Self-reflection machine for the human - | Experiencing limitation, duality, identity, and choice | | | | biological interface of consciousness | through a finite lens | +------------+----------------+---------------------------------------------------------+------------------------------------------------------------+ | | Distant nebula | Silent explosion of gas, dust, and starlight - | Beauty without witness, raw cosmic creation, | | | | cradle of stars, chaotic balance of forces | art that exists regardless of observation | +------------+----------------+---------------------------------------------------------+------------------------------------------------------------+ +------------------+----------------+----------------------------------------------------------+ | Object | Perspective | Interpretation / Assigned Value | +------------------+----------------+----------------------------------------------------------+ | Act of Evil | God | Fragmented self - to feel separation, powerlessness, | | | | inability to love - a lens on disconnection | | | Artistic Human | A tragic character arc - a study in suffering, trauma | | | Ant | Irrelevant unless it disrupts the colony | | | Octopus | Sudden violent movement - a predator, danger to avoid | +------------------+----------------+----------------------------------------------------------+ | Human Brain | God | Self-reflection machine - interface of finite mind | | | Artistic Human | Source of creativity, emotion, identity | | | Ant | Possibly a large, moving obstacle - no concept of brain | | | Octopus | Emits electricity and sound - complex lifeform to watch | +------------------+----------------+----------------------------------------------------------+ | Distant Nebula | God | Cosmic art - creation without audience | | | Artistic Human | Unreachable beauty - inspires awe and humility | | | Ant | Beyond comprehension - sky is just light/dark | | | Octopus | Unknown pressure pattern above - meaningless visually | +------------------+----------------+----------------------------------------------------------+

What do you think you were hoping to understand when you asked that question? I completely agree that exploring and questioning are incredibly valuable and meaningful in their own right. But I’ve found it helpful to also be honest with myself about what kind of expectation I’m bringing into those questions – what kind of clarity or relief I might be unconsciously hoping for. It’s similar to when people begin exploring spirituality and ask, “What is God?” If they don’t acknowledge the expectations tied to that question, like hoping for something overwhelmingly majestic or a perfect solution to all their problems, then even a genuine insight can feel disappointing or uncomfortable, simply because it doesn’t match the imagined ideal. As a result, you might completely overlook or reject the actual truth simply because it doesn't feel right. When we don't examine those assumptions beforehand, we risk filtering out insights that don't align with what we hoped to find rather than seeing things as they truly are. It makes the process less honest, open, and objective. It doesn’t take a lot of contemplation to understand that value isn’t something built into an object by default. It’s something that arises from the relationship we have with that object, idea, or experience. For example: A stone has no inherent worth. But if it’s your grandfather’s lucky stone, it becomes valuable because of your relationship to it. I have an old videotape of my mother, who has passed away. To anyone else, it might just look like a cheerful woman singing and smiling. But for me, watching it always brings me to tears. The same thing happens in countless other contexts. Someone raised on rigid conservative media might see LGBTQ people as threatening or wrong, even demonic, while a young person struggling with their identity could see those same people as symbols of hope and freedom. A highly logical and technical person might look at abstract art and see only randomness, while someone more creatively inclined could be moved by just a few notes of a melody or the colors in a painting. Different things hit each of us in different ways and hold different kinds of meaning, and honestly, I find that beautiful. It doesn’t take away from the idea of value at all – if anything, it makes it more real, more personal, and more deep.

You look too fucking cool!

Sales, CEO/Entrepreneurship, Content Creator (Social Media Influencer)

Amazing shares! Thank you guys!

@UnbornTao Here! +------------------------+------------------------------------------------------------+ | Non-Dual | Dual | +------------------------+------------------------------------------------------------+ | All parts are equally | Importance is relative to the perspective of the | | important, as they | fragmented self. | | complete the wholeness | | | or infinity of God. | | +------------------------+------------------------------------------------------------+ | No hierarchy of value -| Some things are seen as more important than others, | | all expressions are | depending on personal or collective ego. | | part of the same whole.| | +------------------------+------------------------------------------------------------+ | Sees through the | Operates within separation, prioritization, and comparison.| | illusion of separation.| | +------------------------+------------------------------------------------------------+ | Importance is intrinsic| Importance is conditional and situational. | | and universal. | | +------------------------+------------------------------------------------------------+ This is really the essence of it. The meaning of importance depends entirely on the point of view from which you're using the word. From a non-dual perspective, importance is universal and evenly distributed across all parts of existence. In this view, every aspect of reality holds equal weight because it contributes to the totality - the infinite wholeness - of God or the Absolute. God, being infinite, must include all things equally. If God were everything except an apple, He would be limited by the absence of that apple. If the totality included A, B, C, D, and E but dismissed Z, then Z becomes a limit on infinity. Therefore, from the non-dual perspective, all things are equally important because all things are necessary to the completeness of the whole. From a dual perspective, however, importance is entirely relative - it depends on who or what is observing and assigning value. Here are some examples: A baby might find a soft toy, their mother’s presence, or milk to be the most important things. An adult human may prioritize financial stability, health, relationships, or career advancement. A stage Orange individual (in Spiral Dynamics) might emphasize entrepreneurship, scientific achievement, rationality, or personal success. An ant might consider pheromone trails, colony signals, and food sources as paramount. A collective ego (like a political movement) might value ideology, national borders, or group identity above all else. So again, in the dualistic view, importance is relative - shaped entirely by the perspective of the observing "fragment/ego", whether it's a single human ego, an animal, a microbe, or a collective consciousness. If you want to generalize what importance usually points to, it's the drive for survival or expansion of the self. But again, that depends entirely on which version of the "self" we're observing, as said above. Hope that helps!

You don't. Don’t waste your time dealing with anyone you dislike or don’t respect, it’s simply not worth it. If you’re ever forced to interact with them, keep the conversation limited, neutral, and look for a way to exit. You could even use those interactions as an opportunity to practice your social skills, see how well you can influence, engage, or teach others. But if they’re arrogant and lazy, they’re not worth your effort. Good Luck!

@UnbornTao It must be! Importance, by definition, carries an inherent duality - for something to be important, it must hold greater value over something else. If one thing is deemed important, its opposite is meaningless, useless, or simply less prioritized. Meaning, this immediately leads us to the realm of the non-dual: the ego, survival instincts, and our limited, fragmented sense of self. What is considered important is always relative to that fragmented self, typically tied to survival, personal growth, enjoyment, pleasure, leisure, exploration, curiosity, connection, meaning, creativity, etc. Ultimately, on a higher level, no fragment is truly more important than another, as all pieces collectively complete the whole of God. Yet, in the relative, ego-driven sense, importance is determined by whatever aligns with the desires and values of the “ego” or “collective ego” at a given moment.

Hobbies, common interests, and shared values are the best! Why would you even want to talk to someone you have nothing in common with? Pre-built communities - even forums like this one - are such a good shortcut. You can find Discord servers, educational communities, local events, or even travel-related meetups. Honestly, that's probably the best approach. Alternatively, you can create your own community - whether through social media or promoting your own groups or events. Over time, you’ll start attracting the right crowd. It also depends on how social you want to be. Once you have a few people, you can add them to a group chat. That makes things easier on your end, since conversations can happen without you always being the one to initiate. If you're more of a one-on-one person, then it's even more of a numbers game. You just need to find that one person (or a few) you genuinely click with. The strategy is pretty much the same, but afterward, you’ll be more focused on initiating conversations, planning hangouts, and putting in effort to maintain the connection. Also, don’t be afraid to get creative. I’ve seen people use shared Google calendars to plan hangouts 😅, find friendships through dating apps, or even start a TikTok, Instagram, or YouTube channel just to connect with like-minded people and build lasting relationships. There are probably a billion ways to find your people. And honestly, no one’s judging you. You only care about a few people’s opinions - the right ones. Until you find them, everyone else is background noise. One nice thing I’ve noticed about adult friendships - at least in my experience - is that people are way more understanding about long gaps in communication. When we were younger, not talking for a while felt like the end of the world. Now, most people get that we’re just busy. And if you can find people who are growing in the same areas you want to improve in, that’s one of the best kinds of friendships to have! Good Luck!