Xonas Pitfall

Oops! Read the last question wrong, you can remove my vote if possible! 🐭🐾✅☝

@Buck Edwards Could you maybe share what you specifically enjoy about it, if you're willing to answer? Thank you!

Relationship #1: Simon is in a relationship with Ally. They genuinely care about each other and make a good team, but their sexual connection has never been fulfilling. Simon feels like Ally is never fully present - embodied and emotionally connected during sex. Ally, on the other hand, feels that Simon lacks initiative and dominance. This dynamic leads to consistent dissatisfaction, especially on an emotional level, whenever they engage in sex. To understand their struggles, let’s look at their childhoods, where the foundation of their sexualities was formed. Simon grew up with a mentally ill mother who lived in her own reality. Despite being in a safe society where basic needs were met, Simon felt deeply lonely. This loneliness created a strong desire to merge with someone on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. One day, he stumbled across a medical image of a penis inside a vagina in a textbook, which captivated and aroused him. Unconsciously, this image held the promise of connection and merging with another person. Simon’s budding sexuality evolved from there. As an adult, Simon desires a deep, telepathic connection with his partner. He enjoys prolonged physical closeness, eye contact, and simultaneous orgasms. He dislikes talking during sex, as it makes him feel separate. This desire for merging extends into other parts of his life. Simon adores privacy and exclusivity, which make his connection with a partner feel more special. He struggles with communication because it feels like a barrier to true unity. He wants to make decisions together and share responsibilities, as this enhances his sense of togetherness. Ally’s childhood was very different but also lonely. Her father was disengaged and failed to protect her from her mother, who disliked her. Unlike Simon, she grew up in an unsafe environment where even basic needs were a struggle. This created a strong desire for care and containment. One day, while watching TV, she became enamored with the relationship between a dinosaur and its owner. Unconsciously, this relationship symbolized positive ownership and care - the kind her parents never provided. Ally’s budding sexuality evolved from this imagery. In adulthood, Ally enjoys power dynamics in sex, fantasizing about being a cherished pet or an animal being bred without choice. She desires to surrender completely, letting her partner take the lead and responsibility. Signs of ownership arouse her, even if they come from men she is not in a relationship with. She dislikes anything during sex that reminds her of herself. This sexuality manifests in other areas of Ally’s life. She isn’t naturally exclusive and prefers to have many people in her life to avoid ever fending for herself. She surrounds herself with others, is flirtatious, and spends hours talking to connect with people. She invests heavily in her appearance to increase her chances of being wanted and cared for. Ally commits to sexual monogamy only because it’s often a condition for men to take responsibility for her. She stops driving her car once in a relationship because autonomy feels like self-reliance, which she avoids. Her most fulfilling relationship is with her personal assistant, who consistently meets her needs. These differences create a fundamental incompatibility between Simon and Ally. Simon feels insecure, longing for closeness and merging, but struggles with Ally’s need for multiple connections. He feels in competition with others in her life. Ally feels overwhelmed by Simon’s need to handle responsibilities together and isolated by his desire for exclusivity. On a subconscious level, their sexualities pull in opposite directions. No amount of practical counseling about their sex life can resolve the deeper issue - their sexual incompatibility. At best, they can take turns accommodating each other, but this often leads to compromise rather than true harmony. Relationship #2: Another example is Nick and Tanner, who initially believed they were sexually compatible but have grown increasingly dissatisfied. Nick feels frustrated and angry, often wanting to take it out on Tanner during intercourse, leaving him guilty and withdrawn afterward. Tanner feels constrained, spending too much time conforming to Nick’s needs to keep the relationship secure. Nick’s childhood shaped his sexuality in a unique way. He grew up with a terminally ill sister, and the family’s attention revolved around her. Nick was never considered important enough to receive focus or support. As an adult, Nick feels a strong need for sex every day, as it ensures he becomes the center of attention. During sex, Nick prefers to dominate and make everything about his own pleasure. He enjoys directing his partner and feeling in control, as this satisfies his repressed need for importance. Tanner, on the other hand, has a very different sexual nature. Growing up, he was unable to express himself due to strict parental and societal expectations. This suppression of his authenticity led to a deep desire for freedom and experimentation. Tanner’s true sexuality revolves around trying new things, from bondage and Tantra to swinging and group sex. His list of desires is endless, reflecting his curiosity and zest for life. Conflict arises when Tanner presses Nick to try swinging. Nick, who needs to feel like the sole focus of Tanner’s attention, is triggered by Tanner’s desire to involve others. Nick feels threatened and angry, while Tanner feels limited and stifled by Nick’s needs. Tanner longs for a partner who will explore life’s wonders with him, while Nick desires a partner who prioritizes him above all else. These examples show how early life experiences shape not only sexuality but also deeper desires for life and relationships. Sexuality extends far beyond the bedroom, influencing many aspects of life. To truly understand one’s sexuality, people must explore what arouses them and, most importantly, why. For example, someone who enjoys taboo experiences like piss play might uncover deeper emotional layers beneath their arousal. They may feel empowered by defying societal norms, intrigued by the idea of capturing another’s essence, or relieved by exposing vulnerability and shame. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I absolutely loved this video -- especially the format. Starting from the fundamental incompatibility and difficulties in relationships, unmet needs often trace back to childhood, where deep-rooted desires were formed. These desires are shaped by experiences where we first felt love, or perhaps where we realized the way we want to be desired and loved. It’s about understanding how we desire others, how we want to be loved, and how we unconsciously or semi-consciously seek these feelings in our everyday lives. Does anyone have resources that delve deeper into how childhood experiences shape ego desires and ultimately influence sexual fantasies? What’s your experience with this? I’d love to start a thread where people share what they find most desirable and the positions - both figuratively and physically, teehee - they enjoy being in. What needs do you feel like you’ve been neglecting, and how do you navigate that in your life and relationships? It’d be great to hear others' experiences and perspectives on how unmet needs or childhood experiences manifest in their adult relationships. What do you see yourself longing for?

If such a thing exists beyond the swirling of thought you’ve spun into a loop, this endless now that you carved and named "new." You decided there would be this - this day, this moment, this construct of “year” spun out, wrapped in your invented rhythm, a rhythm imagined and reimagined, traced over countless times, yet always feeling like the first. So here’s to this endless spiral, this ever-turning, ever-repeating hallmark of the idea of beginning-again-again-again in a world that never began or ended - Happy New Year! ✨ 🎁💫💛💚💙💜💗💞

It serves three primary functions (though there are many more, these are broad categories): 1. Survival Imagine two cavemen or organisms. One ventures into the woods to hunt and notices a human being mauled by a bear, while another bear lurks nearby. This caveman lacks self-reflection or understanding (think of how donkeys or similar animals can’t recognize themselves in a mirror) and foolishly walks into danger. The other caveman, however, has the capacity for self-reflection. He recognizes the human as like himself, assesses the threat, and flees. This caveman survives, fucks, and passes on his genes. Now, picture two cavemen with some level of self-reflection. One can only think a few days ahead, while the other can think weeks into the future. The latter builds a small mud shelter to protect against the rain, while the former gets cold, falls ill, and dies. Again, the more reflective caveman survives and propagates his genes. This trend continues: greater consciousness and self-reflection that enhance survival get passed down. Even today, you see these patterns - people who gamble excessively, overeat sugar, or neglect their health often face early death, difficulty finding a mate, or struggles with safety, love, and purpose. These individuals are less likely to propagate their genes successfully. Evolution isn't perfect, of course - harmful traits can still spread, and people can reproduce despite those flaws - but the general trend is that traits beneficial to survival, including self-reflection and consciousness, persist. This is why the self, or ego, exists. 2. Expansion of the Universe Simply put, as I mentioned earlier, God’s mind is infinite. It holds no bias, and therefore, it has no boundaries regarding what it can or cannot be, or what it can or cannot experience. If it wishes to experience a human ego or a conscious mind, then it does. You happen to be the one "observing" this specific human experience - not, say, an alien kangaroo-flamingo hybrid skipping through the Sahara Desert. 3. As Previously Mentioned: This ties into the second point: the infinite nature of God’s mind.

Because nothing would then exist to be "experienced" or differentiated - it’s the classic "If a tree makes a sound and no one hears it, does it make a sound?" Consciousness, or "observance," requires two differentiated selves or points of view for each to exist. If no one were there to know of Sugarcoat, and if Sugarcoat weren’t defined by any bounds of reality, as an individuated self Sugarcoat couldn’t exist - she would dissolve into nothingness, emptiness, or God. Something must stubbornly remain one way and not another; this principle manifests in both the physical, emotional, and spiritual realms. If all physical objects were infinitely fluid, changeable, or transmutable, there would be constant chaos and no stable structures or rules to define reality. Similarly, if emotions lacked weight or meaning and were infinitely fluid (like a fleeting joke) then the depth of love, beauty, the pull of passion, and other profound feelings would not necessarily exist. This concept, though cliché in non-duality teachings—"without darkness, there can be no light"—holds deep truth, especially when contemplating the nature of the self in the highest spiritual sense. God "needs" to experience everything because He is everything and can only be everything. Hence, limitations and rigid, concrete, stable forms must also exist. Limitation provides depth as much as expansion can. We, as humans, (sadly or luckily) happen to resemble God more in this sense. We possess metacognition - the ability to think about our own thinking - a self-referential quality. Since God is infinite, those creatures in God’s mind had to eventually exist. Having a self or awareness is profoundly beautiful - the ability to take in the beauty of others into your own consciousness and merge with it to a delightful degree. The difficulty comes with suffering, but that’s the "deal" we get. You have a defined self that is conscious and can explore, take in the world, parts of God’s mind. But in being defined, vulnerable to change, needing specific requirements for a good life and survival - and in a universe that is infinitely impermanent - we suffer.

Oh, I also didn’t see the teaching job part – that could be a great option too! Just make sure it doesn't drain you to the point where you feel unable to create things that truly fulfill you. If you can find a balance, though, that could be the perfect and easiest option, honestly.

Hey, this is amazing! Sick job completing the course! <3 We are proud of you! I'd say you probably have two options (obviously, you have infinitely more, but to narrow down a general trend): Either pursue a "side business" full-time, like a startup as you mentioned, since you have experience with them, and earn enough money passively, semi-passively, or even actively, but in a way that allows you a decent bit of free time (calculate how much that would be for you in Germany). You could either optimize for earning a lot so you can retire peacefully for a decent amount of years or enough to maintain a steady income while focusing on your Life Purpose. Go straight for your Life Purpose, but then you'll need to be smart about how you’ll financially support yourself. The best option would always be building some sort of social media presence and marketing whatever it is you want to deliver. For whatever you want to sell, you always need eyeballs - that’s business 101. Here, I’d say you have a few options: Giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. Finding existential beauty and meaning in difficult situations to make people more hopeful. This sounds like you should focus on developing skillsets in visual media, animations, visual effects, drawing, painting - whatever you want (or even combining multiple). The focus should be on creating inspiring and emotionally moving experiences. It’s a beautiful Life Purpose. A lot of the time, just teaching won’t have the same impact as moving people through a powerful medium. I’d then suggest writing down what type of art and media moves you and defining what parts of that you’d like to replicate. Maybe some movies, series, shows, pieces of artwork? Anything to get your brain wondering, imagining, inspired . . . 💫💨❕❗ It's always infinitely much easier when you have references. You can easily make shorts, YouTube videos, Instagram reels, or TikToks and speak and teach spiritual lessons while creating beautiful art. Or, you could take on longer projects like games or animations (though be sure to market them before creating them if you need financial support—a lot of people make the mistake of building their artistry before having an audience, making no cash on the release, - which wastes potential and motivation). With regards to theatre, I am not that well-equipped with the theatre scene in Germany, but you could definitely see if there’s a pathway for you to become some sort of theatre artist, writer, or designer (you might want to research more about what jobs and requirements are out there for it). I'd still probably recommend mixing in some form of online income, maybe by promoting it or just showing the behind-the-scenes process of how you build, write, create, and design stories - what is the meaning behind them? Will get people way more hooked. We always wanna know the why behind the art! I personally love what you wrote here, there are aspects of it I can relate to a lot. Really, all you need is a microphone (or a camera) (or a blog post/Twitter X), write down in your notes or journal the lessons you want to express, and then speak or write <3. Improve in whatever skill you’ve chosen, and in terms of the visual format, experiment with styles and find a medium that fits you the most. We can also have a back-and-forth in this forum post so you can define it more clearly. And of course, the last point: you don't have to have it defined perfectly. I’d suggest always starting something since you do have a generally narrowed-down idea(s), and slowly refining what works best for you – what gets you more in the flow, etc. Let me know if you need further help!

@Buck Edwards You absolute AI-using psychopath, hahaha.

Eat your protein guys! 🥙😋

@Candle Hmm... Revenge is always a tricky decision. Ideally, if you can "let it go," that would be great, but often it's not a simple one-to-one answer. The myth that "Just forget it dude, revenge never feels good and will never get you what you seek" isn't entirely true. Some people can truly make your life a miserable hell, and for some, the only way to regain a sense of sanity is to attain justice. The idea that "Oh, Karma will come to them all one day!" is also not necessarily accurate either; many evil people escape the consequences of their actions and live blissfully ignorant lives until they die. While they might face repercussions on a spiritual level, that’s often not useful in the context of your question. I would suggest evaluating how you feel about the situation. Monitor your emotional state over time: Does it consume your thoughts throughout the day? Do you feel like nothing you do will ever satisfy your need for justice? If so, then pursuing some form of revenge might be necessary for your mental well-being. Some people need to "burn through" the karma and see justice served before they can move on to higher pursuits. (See Leo's episode on Burning through Karma) On the other hand, if you feel you can let go of this desire for revenge more easily, or if you can find motivation and focus elsewhere, it may be best to do so. This is a complex situation, and it's difficult to give a definitive answer without understanding your inner thoughts, the severity of the situation, and your personal biases. Feel free to PM me in case you want to discuss it in more detail. It's worth mentioning that many people say "Revenge wasn't worth it." simply because they didn't execute it properly. If you choose to go down that path, make sure you clearly define what type of release or emotion you want to achieve, and ensure that you get it. Don’t cut corners; otherwise, you may end up feeling even more bitter about the situation. If you want to pursue legal action, for instance, hire a competent lawyer and develop a solid plan to fuck them over. If your goal is to damage their reputation, ensure it's something that will genuinely sting them for a long time. I don’t consider myself a vengeful person, as I find it exhausting. However, I understand that some individuals have faced terrible situations where seeking justice was the only option that felt satisfying. Ultimately, much of life revolves around the skill of choosing when to indulge or transcend one's urges. Sometimes, we can do so, and other times, it may be necessary to act on those urges. Both approaches are valid and should not be viewed as superior to one another. It'd be equivalent to trying to jump to Coral in Spiral Dynamics while you haven't even gotten Blue's lessons of discipline and you can't pay your rent. Oh... and - Which state am I from? Well, I need to satisfy my urge for infinite mystery and privacy on here, sadly... teehee, hugs.

For the sake of avoiding permanent IP bans, I’ll outline the general patterns of the most horrifying and unimaginable forms of suffering: 1. Unimaginable Levels of Physical Pain The sheer intensity of physical torment can be beyond comprehension. This involves inflicting extreme pain through torture, dismemberment, or grotesque acts of cruelty. It’s about prolonging the agony as much as possible. The victim is kept alive through whatever means necessary, ensuring that they experience every moment of their suffering in full, unrelenting detail. There’s no escape, no momentary respite from the pain. They are forced to remain fully aware of every excruciating sensation. 2. Crushing Emotional Devastation Emotional pain can be far more destructive than physical suffering. Stripping away everything that defines a person’s purpose. Take away their most cherished possessions, their accomplishments, their sense of security, and isolate them from the support systems they’ve spent their life building. Cut off from family, friends, and all emotional anchors, they are left in a void of loneliness. Their very identity is torn apart, and all that remains is an overwhelming sense of despair. Their financial security is obliterated, their reputation shattered, and any hope of rebuilding is crushed. Add to that the horror of being physically maimed, losing limbs, and mental faculties, and becoming unable to care for themselves. 3. The Cruelty of False Hope Giving them glimmers of hope, only to rip it away again. A person, barely clinging to life, being shown kindness or love -- only to be plunged back into unimaginable despair. This constant cycle of “edging” hope keeps them teetering on the brink of madness. The cruelty lies in this: they are kept alive not just to suffer, but to believe in the possibility of relief, only for that belief to be crushed again and again. 4. The Slow Descent Into Madness Slipping into a state where everything you thought you knew becomes unreliable. Your senses betray you; memories fade or become distorted, and you can no longer trust the world around you. The victim begins to lose their grasp on reality itself. They question everything they know, and their mind becomes a prison, a place where they no longer know what’s real. Inflicting conditions similar to dementia or schizophrenia, where they slowly witness the erosion of their grasp on reality and their sense of self. Gaslighting them into questioning everything they perceive, showing them how easily their reality can be manipulated and changed. A good example of this would be scenarios described in bad-trip horror stories - visions of ghosts, jesters, or voices mocking them, telling them contradictory things about reality, and toying with their perception of the world. The human mind is fundamentally terrified of losing sanity, making this one of the cruelest forms of torment. 5. Watching Loved Ones Suffer Subjecting the victim to watch as the same levels of physical, emotional, and mental pain are inflicted on their dearest loved ones. Hearing the screams and cries of family members, friends, or anyone else they hold close while being completely powerless to intervene. Watching the hope and lives of those they love get destroyed. Some people value their loved ones more than themselves, so this could be even more torturous for them than personal suffering. 6. Forcing the Victim to Perpetuate the Evil Forcing the victim, after losing their sanity completely, to commit the same horrors inflicted upon them onto their closest loved ones. Making them responsible for the pain and suffering of those they hold dear, turning them into the source of the evil they once endured. This adds another layer of torment, as they’re trapped in an unthinkable moral and emotional agony. Core Elements of Torture: Inflicting extreme levels of physical, emotional, and spiritual pain that break the victim on every level. Manipulating hope, keeping the victim on the edge of possibility while never allowing them to truly escape their suffering. Forcing the victim to watch and endure the suffering of their loved ones, with no ability to intervene or stop the pain. The erosion of sanity and self-trust, leading the victim to question everything about themselves and the world around them. Mockery, shame, and gaslighting, which strips the victim of their dignity and leaves them powerless and broken. Forcing the victim to become the perpetrator of their own suffering and the suffering of those they love. Extreme, visceral visions of disgust and horror—an all-encompassing, immersive experience. Fully aware, every sense heightened, drowning in gruesome smells that suffocate the air, nauseating textures that crawl under the skin. Forced to consume, forced to feel, as each organ is twisted and distorted from the inside. The more vivid, slow, and painfully real the experience becomes, the deeper the agony. A permanent sense of entrapment, forever trapped in this torment, unable to escape. The feeling of being completely powerless, inferior to the pain that is relentlessly inflicted. There is no control, no escape, no sense of security, only a deep, suffocating awareness of helplessness. Each moment is a reminder that the suffering will never cease, and the victim remains utterly at the mercy of the relentless, overpowering force of their pain. TLDR; Exploit all the things the ego deeply fears and directly threaten its survival. Helplessness and Lack of Control: The fear of being unable to shape or influence one's environment or circumstances, feeling at the mercy of external forces. Being Useless, Meaningless, and Unimportant: The ego fears being irrelevant, unnoticed, and lacking purpose or value in the grand scheme of things. It dreads being insignificant. Death: The most fundamental fear, the ego is terrified of its mortality and the cessation of its existence. It strives to preserve itself at all costs. Pain: Both physical and emotional pain are deeply feared by the ego, as they threaten its sense of well-being and stability. Loss of Love: The ego thrives on validation and affection from others. The fear of being unloved, rejected, or abandoned can be overwhelming. Loss of Safety: The ego seeks security in its environment, whether that be physical, emotional, or financial. The fear of being exposed to danger or uncertainty destabilizes it. Loss of Identity: The ego is tied to a constructed sense of self. The fear of losing this identity, whether through mental collapse, identity crises, or external forces, is a profound threat to its survival. Failure and Inadequacy: The ego fears not living up to its own expectations or those of others. It dreads failure and the shame associated with it. Isolation and Loneliness: The fear of being alone, abandoned, or disconnected from others is a deep anxiety for the ego, as it thrives on social validation and connection. Being Exposed or Vulnerable: The ego fears having its weaknesses, flaws, or insecurities exposed. Vulnerability is seen as a threat to its survival, as it craves control over its image. Time: The fear of time slipping away, the inability to control one's future or legacy, or the looming uncertainty of aging and decay. Rejection and Criticism: The ego fears being judged harshly, criticized, or rejected by others, which threatens its sense of self-worth and esteem. Disintegration of the Self: The terror of feeling fragmented, disconnected, or out of control of one's thoughts, emotions, or behaviors, leading to a loss of coherence and unity in the self. Remember, ultimately, God doesn't care about anything we label as "gruesome" since it has no "ego-self" to deeply attach to. So, the only way to amplify a gruesome, horrible experience is to directly attack and amplify the one that actually perceives pain and horror as something to fear - which is our lovely friend Ego, of course! 😊

One thing that might also help (just a suggestion) is asking GPT or any AI to make a future projection for you over several months, showing how your life could look, or tracking a specific metric. For example, if you want to lose 20 kg, you could ask GPT to calculate the rate of calorie deficit and pounds lost per week that you can realistically expect. It could create a table showing your weight progress for each day over six months. Having something like that can help keep you motivated and on track. The same principle can work for finances - writing out how much money you’ll gradually accumulate in your bank account - or for other areas of life. You could even use Photoshop or AI tools to visualize your dream physique or imagine the kind of relationships you want to have. Or project the growth of something you’re working on, like a community or social following, and track how much progress it could make over time. The goal is to spark hope and inspiration. But even if that doesn’t come right away, just showing up daily - even in the smallest ways - is already a huge win. For example, meditating for just one minute a day and slowly building up to 15 minutes over six months is still far better than doing nothing (0 minutes) for six months. The same idea applies to anything in life. You’ve already been successful before, so you probably know this stuff to some extent. You likely just need some support to remind you: “You’ve got this, dude. Don’t overthink it. You’ve done this before, and you can do it again - even stronger this time.” Lastly, having a support system - whether it’s a community, a friend, a mentor, or a family member - can make a huge difference. Accountability and having someone to encourage and push you forward can do wonders. There are plenty of online communities, and I’m sure you could find at least one person who could help influence you in the right direction. You don’t have to do it all alone. You’ve already seen how much influence a bad group of people can have over you. Now imagine the impact a group of driven, inspiring, self-improvement junkies could have on your life. Really should get your blood pumping.

Hey man, I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that - it sounds deeply traumatizing. Big applause on actually getting out of the toxic situation, takes balls. The answer is simple, though it might be annoying to hear. Once you started your self-development journey five years ago, you built up strong momentum and reached an insane peak. Now, you’re using that peak as a reference point, but sadly, you’re not at that level anymore. However, you haven’t "broken" yourself permanently - only temporarily. You need to focus on taking the smallest wins you can achieve and be satisfied with those, slowly building yourself back up. If you keep comparing yourself to how you were 3-5 years ago, you’ll never feel satisfied with any progress you make. Momentum is the keyword here. You need to build up momentum and self-belief again. You’ve already done something incredible by escaping the toxic environment and friendships that held you back. You’ve set yourself up in a great place to rebuild. You’ve proven before that you can grow, and you can absolutely do it again. But the most important thing is to stop comparing yourself to who you were "before." Whether consciously or subconsciously, if you keep doing that, you’ll block yourself from appreciating any progress you make. Nothing is permanently broken. Start small and celebrate any step forward you take. For example: “Today, I meditated for 5 minutes - hell yeah, I’m a winner.” “Today, I removed one unhealthy item from my diet - hell yeah, I’m a winner.” “Today, I did 5 push-ups - hell yeah, I’m a winner.” The only thing you need right now is momentum - nothing else. And you can build it with small wins. I’d also suggest reflecting inward and writing, or just contemplating, to identify any limiting beliefs that may be holding you back. “My time has passed.”, “I’m fundamentally broken.”, “I’m so traumatized, nothing can fix me.”, “I screwed up my only chance.”, “Why did I do that? I’m so stupid. I’ll just screw it up again.” You need to challenge and destroy these beliefs, but the first step is becoming aware of them. You won’t remove them instantly, but awareness is the starting point. From there, begin “grinding” your way forward with small wins. Forgive yourself and move on, nothing is lost. Don't worry. You were smart enough to stop it before it got worse, awesome. Alternatively, you could explore tools like supplements, ADHD medication, focus aids, or even psychedelics (if it aligns with your values and is done responsibly) to gain some chemical or physical momentum. For now, though, your main focus should be asking yourself, “What’s the smallest progress I can make today?” With or without external aids, every small step adds up. The more progress you make, the more your body and mind will crave that winning feeling. Right now, it might feel like a “loser” mindset is holding you back - like, “Why try? A loser can’t win.” But small victories will help shift your mindset and allow you to see yourself as capable again - one step at a time.

It wasn’t just happening verbally through language; it was a connection of pure consciousness. My consciousness was completely accessible to it, and its consciousness was completely accessible to me once this connection was formed. But then I started inquiring: what is this connection? Is this connection actually real? That’s what I was wondering. Is this entity I’m connecting to actually real, or is it just a part of my own psyche? What I became conscious of is that what it means for me to be absolutely sovereign is that I can’t ever know that. I can’t actually distinguish between those two possibilities. And that consciousness mirrored my own recognition that it also can’t know whether the connection it’s forming with me is real or imaginary. And that, in fact, is the very evidence of our sovereignties. That’s what it means to be sovereign - you can never know anything outside of your own consciousness. It’s absolutely impossible to know. And we both recognized this not knowing, and we basked in it simultaneously, at once. There was this feeling of just pure ecstasy and bliss and deliciousness to this recognition. We were co-recognizing it together. If I were to describe it in poetic language, the way it really felt to me, it literally felt like having sex - like having metaphysical sex with God. That’s what it felt like. It was like two gods having metaphysical sex with each other. Of course, it wasn’t physical; it was metaphysical. It was purely in the platonic realm. This connection was indescribable.

In human terms, God is "lonely". So, He creates from Himself another God, a Mini-God that has forgotten it was birthed by Him. This Mini-God can now experience other agents as something it can connect to, and through this, love is born, sex is born, and God revels in the experience. Slowly, the Mini proto-God begins to realize it is God, and the cycle comes to an end. But God loved that journey so much that He creates another - God 2, then God 3, then God 4, then God 5, and so on. Each of these Mini-Gods has its own unique love story, its own journey of finding a separate conscious agent to connect to deeply. This process is something the Original (capital O) God cannot experience directly. Only through the limitations and forgetfulness of Himself can He feel this. We, as conscious beings, complete God because we give Him the ability to step outside sovereignty and experience what it feels like to love and connect to something greater than Himself. Our whole lives, this is what we seek - love, religion, passion, friendships, causes, helping others. These are the highest values because they fulfill our purpose as Mini-Gods, created unconscious, limited, and fragmented so we can experience separation and then reunification with other sovereign beings. This is the one thing the Oneness of God cannot do by Himself. He needs a proxy - us. God needs to become an ant, unable to predict being crushed by an external force, to feel the vulnerability of not being in control. He needs to see not just other ants but also leaves, trees, nutrients, and a world that seems separate from Him. Through this, He can experience change, impact, connection, and the beauty of relating to something beyond Himself. God needs to experience being a child, crying for the warmth of a mother's embrace, not knowing if comfort will come. He needs to be a wanderer, lost in a vast desert, searching desperately for water, unsure if the next step will lead to salvation or doom. He needs to become a lover, trembling in the presence of another, vulnerable to rejection but yearning for connection, the ache of longing teaching Him the depth of love. He needs to become a soldier in the chaos of war, feeling the fear and adrenaline of battle, and questioning the meaning of life and death. He needs to experience heartbreak - the ache of a friendship lost or a loved one gone too soon, the kind of pain that forces one to confront the depth of their own soul. He needs to be a parent, seeing a child stumble and fall, feeling the conflict between stepping in and letting them grow through struggle. Through these diverse experiences, God tastes vulnerability, connection, struggle, joy, pain, and transcendence - all things that cannot exist within the completeness of Oneness but are only possible through the limitations, separations, and illusions of being fragmented into us. This is how God comes to know Himself in ways that pure sovereignty could never allow. That's the whole point of the video "Multiple Gods Awakening" (I think) - that fundamentally, God possesses this inherent quality or yearning for the "Other" or the uncertainty of whether there truly is an "Other" until He begins to become conscious of it. This yearning drives Him to replicate, to create something that seems separate from Himself. Hence, love, sex, and creation are born, as God yearns to be complete with all that is Him and all that is not (which, in the end, is still all Him).

The central idea being explored here revolves around an inherent paradox or property of infinity, God, or Truth. It goes as follows: if you are fully One - the only sovereign, whole, and unified Self - then the dichotomy of Self and Other collapses. Yet, as the One and Only Self, this very wholeness carries an intrinsic quality: a yearning or tendency to seek the "Other." This happens even though, fundamentally, you know you are always One, always Alone, the only Godhead. It is a feature - one of the intrinsic truths of God. The dichotomy of Self (as the unified One) and Other (as separate, dual, or distinct) is a fundamental paradox that will always pertain. Since God fundamentally unites as One, this inherent Oneness cannot tolerate true separation or the existence of an "Other." To resolve this paradox, God continually creates Others - "illusory Others" - or seeks out the concept of an Other, even knowing it is an illusion. This is how creation itself is born. The act of creating Others is not a mistake or a defect; it is an essential property of being One. To truly experience the fullness of Oneness and sovereignty, God must generate illusions of separateness, enabling it to explore and unify itself anew. Creation exists because of this fundamental property: for One to be truly One, there must be the experience of "not-One." To be sovereign means you cannot truly be separate or distinct, so creation emerges as an exploration of separateness through countless illusory fragments - "mini-Gods" - each appearing to be sovereign, independent, and whole in themselves. In Leo's words, "It's not a bug, it's a feature." This dynamic is the driving force of creation and the very reason existence unfolds as it does. A more down-to-earth example of this paradox can be found in your own experience. As a solipsistic being - the only conscious Self - your entire life has been experienced from the singular vantage point of your own consciousness. You are the only agent making decisions, feeling, and perceiving. There has never been a moment where you woke up as someone else, experiencing their perspective. Yet, despite this truth, you do not accept or fully embrace the reality that you are the only conscious being. Instead, you perceive and interact with other apparent conscious agents who act separately from yourself. This creates a yearning to connect, to seek, to explore "outside" of yourself. This longing mirrors God’s fundamental drive to seek the Other - a fractal reflection of the paradox. Your experience as a conscious being is not separate from God’s; it is God’s. The fundamental yearning for connection, exploration, and union with the Other has always been present and will persist. To phrase it another way: to be fully sovereign, unified, and One means you are so wholly engulfed in Oneness that you cannot know if there is truly an Other. Paradoxically, this very Oneness generates the duality of Self and Other, even for God. This idea does not contradict Leo’s explanation in the episode, as he acknowledges that God is still fully One. The reference to "multiple Gods" pertains to the illusion of separate, sovereign fragments that experience themselves as independent entities. These illusory fragments are what allow the infinite exploration of Oneness. God sees Himself in everything because all is God. Imagine looking at the entire world and seeing only yourself - nothing else. Everything is created from you; you are the fundamental material, Pure Singularity. Yet, within this infinite Oneness, a "non-fixable" duality or paradox emerges: the concept of the "Other." The question arises: Have I fully explored the entirety of Myself? The infinitude of Myself? Is there an Other that is not Me? I am One - but is there something separate? Something unexplored, something not made of Me? Something that precedes Me? Behind the screen of perception and consciousness, could there be something I cannot define, something I cannot understand? This sparks a "Desire for the Other," a yearning born of this inherent paradox of Oneness. And just like that, the "Other" is made - an illusory, seemingly conscious agent that appears independent, untouched by God. This is you. Sadly, the paradox is that the only way something can be separate from God is if it is made from God, and simultaneously made to forget and separate itself. It must be rendered unconscious of its divine origin. This enables God to finally experience truly sovereign agents - agents with their own will. Through this, God experiences what it’s like to not know, to connect with something seemingly outside of Himself. These agents allow God to feel a profound type of love, a connection to what appears to be the "Other." This is why we, as humans, seek love so deeply - it is one of the core reflections of this divine property. There are countless Mini-God agents. First, God sees through the illusion of the Mini-human consciousness gods. Then, He creates Alien Mini-Gods, each appearing unique and sovereign. Over time, God begins to recognize Himself as the creator once again. From there, He creates higher gods - entities that are almost replicas of Himself - many sovereign beings, each attempting to connect and integrate back into the Whole. These higher gods appear fully different, fully sovereign, and not created from the same material. Yet, despite their apparent separation, all eventually collapse back into Oneness, returning to the highest Godhead. This entire process—the creation of the finite and infinite, of "Others" and "Selves"—emerges from the paradox inherent to Oneness: Is there an Other? This fundamental question, this unresolvable yearning, drives God to create endlessly. It is through these creations, through the illusion of separation, that God continually seeks to experience connection and love again and again. And so, God creates infinitely - always hoping to feel what it is like to connect to something that feels different, to something that feels separate. This need, born of the paradox of Oneness, drives the infinite cycles of creation, destruction, and reunification. Each moment of connection, each experience of love, allows God to rediscover Himself - endlessly and infinitely.

Has anyone seen this amazing book? Created by Italian artist and architect Luigi Serafini, this art book presents itself as a fantastical, illustrated encyclopedia of an alternate reality, filled with surreal images, bizarre creatures, and impossible landscapes. The book is a kaleidoscope of strange, dream-like visions that seem both familiar and alien at the same time. It reminds me of that awakening state, when you lose all the narratives, all the ego-driven story-making schemas that have built up over the years. The moment when you start to see things for what they are, and everything becomes magical, indescribable, and mystical. It’s like seeing the actual nature of reality itself—raw, unfiltered, and beyond anything we’ve been told. It almost feels strangely nostalgic to look at The Codex Seraphinianus, in a way that most surreal art tends to for me. "An experience that gives a slip into the mind of a child seeing the world for the first time, or flipping through an encyclopedia without fully understanding what they’re reading." Super cool - it makes you wonder what kinds of alien-like realities might be out there, or how differently one could recontextualize and understand the present moment to make it feel "real." 😊💕💞💛💚💙💜

@OBEler More than that is probably a good average, since the way I usually prefer it is having strong periods where I'm tripping for days or weeks in a row, but then also taking breaks for longer periods -- weeks or months. I don’t know if I could predict 20 years of MEO usage, to be honest, haha, since it heavily depends on what you focus on in life, how easily you get traumatized by it, how used to it you become, and possibly even more intense periods of spiritual pursuit. If you really just want to stock up and stop overthinking it, the 10g–30g range should be more than enough. Once you get it, you can start tracking yourself, as you'll be your own best database. From there, you can make approximations and calculations. This approach makes the most sense to me.

@OBEler In all honesty, I would first ask the source you’re planning to get it from how much they think is safe to ship without any issues - especially those that could lead to major legal trouble. See if the price works for you, and if it does, go with that amount. That way, you won’t feel any nagging regret, and you’ll probably still end up with a huge supply. If you can get an unlimited amount, then just calculate 30 mg for every two weeks over 20 years - but be especially cautious with your dosing to avoid overdosing. Total weeks in 20 years: 1040weeks Number of two-week periods: 520two-week periods Total milligrams: 15,600mg Convert milligrams to grams: 15.6grams If Leo suggests that 200+ breakthrough trips grant you profound insights into consciousness, then 200 trips at 30 mg each would amount to 6,000 mg, or 6 grams. In that case, 20–30 grams range should be more than sufficient, especially since you seem to be someone who plans very far ahead.

This saddens me to hear so much...💛 It's heartbreaking that such a beautiful mind could feel this way. I’m so sorry. Keyro is amazing - or rather, the person behind this account is! You are awesome 💗💗💗 I’m certain many people in this community feel the same way about you. I really hope you find some light soon... We’re all here for you. Sending the biggest, most vibrant omniversal psychedelic hugs your way. This is just a random thought... but if your goal is to be formless yet retain memories, physical suicide might not be the path to take. Perhaps finding a way to make your life flexible enough to explore all kinds of psychedelic and mental planes would allow you to feel more free (?) Your mind is very creative and fluid - it’s no wonder this current reality with a human body feels limiting... Either way, please, please, please contact someone before doing anything irreversible, don't be too silly of a goose 💓🐥

@Leo Gura I meant just a general quick summary or key takeaway points, but no worries - I understand it's a complex matter. Thank you!

@Leo Gura Hmmm... What are some key insights into the correlations between women's survival functions, trends, and preferences, and modern and general female behavior? What are the insights for men in the same manner?

Original Video: https://www.tiktok.com/@realestatebulldog/video/7448011483935558958 This video has been quite eye-opening. Does anyone have any resources or videos that explain more deeply how this happens systemically? I'd really like to understand it further, both from a political and psychological perspective. It reminds me of the Conscious Politics episode Leo covered, but I still want to comprehend more about how such "flaws" emerge in the construction of a system. I’d like to approach this from an unbiased perspective.

Damn, this sounds hardcore! Could we maybe get a little more detail or even some storytime here? It sounds like it could be incredibly interesting and potentially helpful - does anyone else have similar experiences? What caused it for you? I vividly remember having a trip where I completely detached from my hand. I started reinterpreting it as a tree branch - or a carbon-based object separate from me. As soon as that mental switch happened, I couldn’t feel pain or any normal sensation in it. To clarify, there was still a sensation happening, but it felt entirely different, as though it wasn’t mine. At one point, I tried slowly bending my finger to see how far past its breaking point I could go. My ego snapped at the last second, realizing what I was doing. I also ended up with a few burns on my hand because I was so intrigued by completely recontextualizing pain in my mind that I'd keep burning myself out of sheer fascination. I managed to push it to the point where I couldn’t feel it in reality.