Vibes

Gonna grab my cup of @Keryo Koffa now.

AI. Look at the shadows and blood vessels in the eye.

I watched chuky at that age

I really doubt that you can be in a state that you see torture and cruelty as beautiful ways of God no matter what the circumstances. That's something beyond, not just a ligther way of seeing things and bullshitting yourself about it.

So only free in high states and / or dead. And since we can't stay in higher levels, I'll struggle until the day I die.

Sure. But how can I stop rejecting and see beauty in animal suffering? Everytime I see it is like pouring hot water on a exposed wound. You mocked me the other day and said that I won't overcome all my biases. Now you say I can understand that animal suffering is Gods love. Can I ever get past this and truly accept that God is love and good? I wish I could be at peace with what I see in this world.

Just had the desire to make one and enjoy the night and if I had the logs that day I'd have made it. But ended up not making it.

How can I stop rejecting and see beauty in animal suffering? You mocked me the other day and said that won't overcome all my biases.

@Leo Gura Once I was in need of logs to make a bonfire. The next day a neighbor gave me many bags filled with logs. I didn't ask him, he just simply gave it to me out of nowhere... How do you explain that?

That is the only real hard break to suicide. The unknown of what to come next... I guess almost anything is worth bearing through because it could always be worse than what it is right now. But even so, if you get kidnapped and tortured, you could say in that case suicide is really the best option, but that's still a belief because a miracle could happen and you get rescued or something. And if you can maintain an open mind and surrender, all the bad shit will end and you might be better in the future because of what you've endured. @Leo Gura This ties with your ego not having control over what the next dream will be, but when you lose the ego, is it totally out of your hands and form will just simply keep changing and morphing? Is God an infinite ocean of forms moving without control? Here's where shit gets really scary...

-6:39:00

If I need Leo to assure me that he is a projection of my mind and there is nothing outside my mind, that is me creating an other already and no matter what other says, they are already created. So just by asking I'm creating a sense of world and other outside my mind.

The ants are the most loving of all, lay on the ground and they start taking piece by piece of you

We already had 2 Jesuses in the forum, it's 3 of them now!!

@Leo Gura I've seen that, and when the time for the body to die (which actually never dies because it's not alive the way we think anyway) comes I'll remain here awake, but what comes next is not my will is it? The same way I can't control 'hard reality' right now. So what happens, will I witness all changing and transforming or the world could disappear to blackness and I could be back somewhere else in a different place or something (infinite possibilities)? But who/what determine anything???

@Leo Gura That actually explains everything. I could have been born in a universe with totally different laws of physics. Feeling like a human on planet earth with all this richness of detail all around and how everything makes sense and fit together is one possibility.

I've said that a few times in the past because it doesn't make sense to experience every single possibility, but they want me to live in fear and existential despair waiting for my next dreadful life and looking over my shoulder at every step in this incarnation... But whatever, what do I know anyway

Again with this? If 'Water by the River is playing his role of keeping us dreaming', wouldn't be good for us if you clarify and answer every single thing he wrote?

You don't take me seriously do you?

Still, it feels wrong to deny anything even tough I hate some things.

It feels like some kind of betrayal to not accept all of life.

I'm taking about embracing / accepting the horrors of life. When an innocent animal has to endure torture, can you accept that God is that and life is like this?

And that's the most difficult thing to embrace in this life. Is it even possible? What would I become if I surrender to horror?

Yes...