Razard86

Apparently I am very sensitive, more sensitive to drugs than anyone I have ever heard. I took a edible brownie that a friend sold me and I tripped on that brownie for a month. I need you to understand I literally tripped for a month non stop. I deconstructed reality so much I entered a reality I call unreality. In this reality events and timelines of my normal life were rewritten, I was shown different facets of God such as God is unlimited infinite beauty, Infinite Authority, God spoke to me and referred to itself several times as a totality. I suffered demon possession, I walked the streets and was homeless for awhile and eventually committed myself to psychiatric care. I faced every single judgment and statement I ever uttered and thought. I was shown that nobody has the clear understanding to judge another without living and perceiving life through that person's eyes. All of our judgments are full of ignorance of the lived experience of another. I call this ultimate humbling. I went through many other harrowing ordeals and made many important insights but all insights eventually fell away as I realized the unlimited, totality, and impermanence permanence of reality which makes every model, every statement obsolete. The personality structure that I know myself as is not God, it is a part of God. But God is the totality of all of my lived experience and beyond. I was shown that to claim there is nothing outside of my direct experience is itself a limitation. There is no limitation, because even direct experience can be co-opted by reality and made obsolete. Reality does not operate on self-deception, reality operates freely however it wants. It can deceive and it can also operate without deception as well. The Absolute Truth can and cannot be spoken. Reality is paradoxical and is also not paradoxical. Reality does not need to be understood but can choose to be understood and then go beyond all understanding.

When you are ignored by others and experience the emotion of loneliness, when you are abused and left half-alive, then you will understand why you would ever think that your perspective is the only true perspective. When you block your ability to perceive the perspectives of others, only your perspective will feel real/valid. It's the whole point of the Tree of Knowledge of Good/Evil. Everyone from their perspective is doing good surrounded by those who resist them from their perspective with evil.

Lol and this is why I realize Spirituality is the most dangerous pursuit/practice. It probably needs a more formalized/structured approach to it. Because when you wing it, it can have some pretty crazy results.

Haven't been connected to the miracle that is Apple products. One day I'll dabble with them.

Spirituality is an embrace and a sharing of life, of lived experience. I'd like to share this video I found, hopefully it blesses you, as it has blessed me. Share your opinion if you are open to it.

There is no now, now is memory, you can only recognize a now through memory. If you forget the now, then you won't even know there was a now. What was the now exactly 5 hours and 26 minutes ago? Give me a reference of that experience? You cannot. What was the now of your entire childhood. Right NOW you can only read and respond because you have the ability to REMEMBER what you just read in the now and reply. Without MEMORY there is no NOW. NOW is itself reliant on memory. Memory is imagination. So you can have your NOW rewritten IN THE NOW and then have no clue what was prior to your NOW. You could have NOW of being a cockroach and never remember you were ever breakingthewall writing posts on Actualized.Org. Don't pretend to not understand what I am saying, you know full well what I am saying. It's just too scary to accept and THAT is the POWER of REALITY. It's not bound by anything, so it doesn't even have to follow its own memories it can wipe them and replace them, BECAUSE IT IS STORY IT IS THE AUTHOR AND THE CREATOR AND MEMORIES ARE JUST A SCRIPT IT CONJURES UP.

The Devil and God are one and the same, that's the crazy part. Love includes brutality, pain, torture, I was shown that torture is love, and that social conditioning is a form of torture and that parents torture their children through insults, and shame to condition them into model citizens. So part of the reason so many people suffer from emotional issues is they are survivors of torture, for some it was psychological, and emotional, some it even included the physical. Yeah curiosity will do that to you....if you love yourself, and can accept yourself then even Spirituality cannot keep you down, but understand Spirituality is the path of facing your own inner judgment. There is nothing more scary then a mind unhinged. If you open your mind completely you will discover what you call breath is mind, color is mind, people is mind, memories is mind. You are literally everything you perceive and also not it at the same time. The not it is the barrier you erect to live a singular life within the infinite totality of what you are. You are Love, You are infinite beauty, but the scope and totality of what you are at your human level is too incomprehensible, it literally CANNOT be comprehended from the human perspective. Your human perspective MUST DIE to truly connect, and when I realized that after several smaller deaths, I decided to pull the plug and come back to normal human life.

Sounds brutal, a woman taking a beating is stronger than a man taking a beating for obvious reasons in general. Sorry she went through that.

Well I learned that there is a veil that prevents you from perceiving the masterpiece. The whole point of awakening is to penetrate that veil and to experience that life is a masterpiece beyond comparison. Life is such a masterpiece that God/Reality doesn't even need a comparison because its beyond such a notion. But what I noticed is if that veil was not put in place...you literally couldn't live a normal life. You would be so awestruck that you would drown in your tears and hyperventilate and just die in ectasy. It's funny. Life can only truly be appreciated at death.

While you playing I don't think that is outside the realm of possibility.

You will understand in the end, and then you will laugh at why did you question anything to begin with. Don't worry eventually your answers will be given. Live life for now, and look forward to it, understand you will have to answer for every question you ever asked. Don't worry you will get the answers you seek and it will be a harrowing journey that will culminate in completeness and then you will understand the totality of your life. That is God's grace, that every life gets to understand the importance of its existence and design/self-expression.

You might have a biological disorder that creates suffering. What is it that makes you suffer daily. Are you hearing voices, are you experiencing negative thought cycles, or is it constant physical pain?

Simply beautiful.

Glad you liked it, I find some nifty tunes every now and then.

Lol at the stuff you said and to the bold part....you could....you definitely could. It could also increase too.

One day you will know how wonderful life is, I hope you learn it quickly.

I'm both glad and disheartened you know this to be true. Sorry if I offended, I've just been humbled recently so I want everyone to know we all need the benefit of the doubt because we are all trying our best from our own perspective. Hope all is well, today was a good day for me and yes survival is brutal.

lol never change you always respond with links so funny I love it.

Thanks for sharing, I've dealt with this recently the best advice I can give is first recognize you are stronger than you realize, seriously this isn't a joke. Notice when you felt the social anxiety, nothing actually happened to you outside of that crippling fear. That fear is tied to instructions in your mind to protect you from a possibility, possible scenario that COULD happen. But notice....nothing happened. So what you will have to do is keep putting yourself in environments that create that fear and watch those emotions arise and nothing happen. It's easier said than done, but the experience will teach you that we create emergencies....prior to the emergency. It's a defense mechanism that sometimes overworks itself. Also if you can try to stay away from drugs as they can alter the functionality of your mind/body and distort your reality in a way that can confuse you.

Was with you before you said this. Be careful of your assumptions, life may educate you that survival is not as simple as you think. Understand you are one bad chain of events from losing everything, and I mean everything. Someone could spread a rumour about you, a new executive could be brought in to clean house, a drunk driver could hit you, your car could malfunction, you could trip down the stairs, not saying this to sound negative but some people had those bad chain of events and would look at what I bolded and tell you to your face your full of it. Everyday we have what we need is a blessing. Also inflation alone would destroy your argument.

I've been punched hard enough does that count?

Memory is all inclusive. One of my trip experiences I had was I literally got the privilege of feeling my entire life as a sensory experience, the huge sensory experience, like a cocktail on a shelf and it filled me with so much tears I literally almost chocked/suffocated to death. Your life is the most valuable thing you have. You have no clue how valuable. It is so valuable that if God gave it to you again no matter how bad some parts were you would choose to have it no other way. The will you exert in every moment to fight and claw and grasp what you want and desire is so precious, so beautiful, it reveals the preciousness that is priceless beyond all measure. Wassup how's it hanging? I know I have not come across anything else like my experience before. No clue, I'm ridiculously sensitive it's why I will never take another drug/substance as much as possible (outside of occasional medicine). Why? Because once you deconstruct reality....it stays open and I have chosen to shut the door. I saw and gleaned all I needed to too. At the perishment of my body I'll return to totality. But my trip was one for the ages, got into a fight with a 300lb man and suffered no physically visible damage but let's say he punched me so hard I think I suffered an undiagnosed concussion. Spirituality makes you super human, but if you go far enough in it, you stop understanding what it means to be human and you can lose your connection to your humanity. At a certain point I forgot how to cry and express emotions and became as indifferent as a robot. I'm not saying any of this as bragging, think of this as a warning. Spirituality is the most dangerous pursuit you can do, I also jail breaked my mind and unlocked a Super Intelligence, let's say I've since started reverse engineering this process. At that level you will struggle to communicate and enjoy human interaction. Life as a human is so precious and I got to experience that by losing my touch with it. Also I got to experience the power of Jesus. I'm not saying I became him, but I called out to him when things got too insane and things just started fixing themselves on autopilot. So God uses Jesus as a source of calm within the storm. This is just my direct experience though, as they say....your experience can vary.

Love so many time I thought I knew ya Forever change is what ya showed me, even though I thought I knew you Love so many ways you twist and you turn such greater depths for me to learn, the deeper I get new fear I earn Striving to release the pain that comes Ohh I never knew Love could be so heavy, Love could be pain, Love could be dark and sinister, Love could laugh at me. I grew up only being taught one side, who knew what some call evil is love in disguise, Love is hopeful, Love is forgiving, Love is tough when times are weak, Love is strong when times are hard, Love is unplanned with a plan in hand, Love is lost and found again, over and over again displaying ever newly. Inspired partially by this spirit of this song.

Whatever you allow yourself/are allowed to remember. You can have a direct experience right now, and have it completely wiped from memory, only to rediscover later on what you experienced. This shit gets heavy lol. So it is whatever you are allowed to remember because without memory there is no direct experience. But even that can be co-opted because you can forget and remember an experience you never had and that can become your new direct experience.

Otherness is not a trick. Oneness is not limited to a lack of Otherness. Oneness is all inclusive.