Razard86

It will take me some time to unpack every statement you said but I will address one error you keep making. You said " I have the proof that I am valuable and society would be worse off if I killed myself. This is what I remind myself of when I try to fight my suicidal thoughts. I still struggle to love myself despite having a ton of proof." This type of thinking will mess you up. Forget about what society wants. What do you want? As long as what you want does not infringe on the rights of other people then what you want takes precedence!!! Society cannot live your life for you, you have to live your life, as such what you love, what you like, is of paramount importance. You cannot live for other people, that would be to not honor your personal truth and if you ignore your personal truth you will be living in a way that is not loving in your sight because love, and truth, and goodness are identical. There is nothing wrong with being selfish. You are literally designed to be selfish. As long as your selfishness is not excessive, as long as it is not predatory then nothing is wrong with it. If you want to pursue Chess tournaments then pursue it and forget about the money. Money can buy physical comfort, physical pleasure, and entertainment. It cannot buy self-esteem, self-fulfillment, self-acceptance, or self love. You probably need to separate yourself for awhile and teach yourself to accept yourself as you are. The proof that you matter doesn't even pertain to your accomplishments, I only said that because its a good exercise to help you realize that you give value in various ways. But the proof that you matter is the fact that you are here. That's the only proof that matters.

LOL Science is imaginary. You literally don't get it. Imagine writing a story where you created a world. And in that world you have scientists that believe everything comes from something and they deny you as the creator and claim that they will discover what is going on. How can they discover anything within the dream world you created of them? You created that whole world in your mind, and they deny that you created them and that they exist in your mind but instead they believe they exist in a physical world. LOL that is how laughable science is. Close your eyes, imagine a bird. That is the same creative power that spawned everything. It's that simple.

Exactly you get it!!! When you discover what Reality is exactly....your linear understanding of reality will be seen as bullshit. Why would an Infinite Mind need linear progression?

Happened 2 years ago. What you don't understand is there is no difference between beginning and end. The start of the Universe is completely identical to the end. If its Gods will you can live in any time period, in any universe. You can even relive your current life if its God's will.

Explain a paradox, Carl. Explain a contradiction. Explain how appearance literally is spawning from nothing. What is the mechanism? Since you are saying I lack clarity. Lets hear your logic.

It's not hard at all, conflation is imaginary. All someone has to do is this. No Universe= The Universe. Once you do that then you realize each life is not just the part but the whole. This means your life is the Absolute zoomed into a little human life. As such if something doesn't appear before you, it doesn't exist.

I hear ya but what I'm saying is we are phasing in and out of existence at infinite speeds, all movement is a replacement of an appearance with either something or nothing. Its a disappearance act. Look at this flipbook animation to get an example. Its not a perfect example but it can point to what I am saying.

I entered a state where the physical universe no longer existed and I became pure creativity, pure universal mind. When it happened I alone was there. This message is not complicated, telling you that you are God is the same as saying that nothing can exist outside of you. You are total, thus that means you are alone. Your whole life you have been talking to yourself, and that is all that has happened. Nothing to see here. Anyone making this thread is just chronicling their internal struggle. Do you take anyone with you into a Coma? No. Do you take anyone with you in a dream? No. You literally have to imagine other, for other to exist. What many of you don't realize is you are actually designed to not want this message. Absolute Solipsism kills you, it makes you feel dead inside. You become truly empty. The only reason you resist this message is because you fear the emptiness and that is by design. Spirituality is about going against the human design, deconstruction=destruction. You are literally mentally killing yourself. So of course you will resist this message....why wouldn't you? To believe it....is to go insane and you very much want to keep your sanity. Here is a fundamental question you all need to ask. How do you TRULY divide something when its truest form....is that which does not appear? Its completely invisible, has no qualities to it AT ALL? How would you divide it? You can't!!! All division exists in the realm of appearance!!! All division needs to be dreamed/imagined as an appearance. It's that simple.

Now we get to the nitty gritty. You said this: "Other times I just feel horribly depressed because I feel trapped and unable to address several complex life problems as if it is reflective of my self worth and objective value as a human being." ^^^This right here is the secret to life. When a person does not live up to the standards they hold true, they attack their personal worth and value as a person. THIS is the source of all depression. I'll give you a couple of things you don't control so you can learn to let those things that you think define no longer define you anymore. You don't control the year you were born, the planet you were born on, those parents/guardians who raised you, where you were raised, what you like and don't like, what race you are, how tall you are, how good your memory is, what your personality is, what types of people you came into contact with, what language you were taught to speak, what school you went to, how fast you learn and adapt to situations. You also cannot control whether people like you or not. So the biggest burden you have been carrying around you need to drop it. You had no choice in life in being who you are, because who you are....is who you are. You take full responsibility for every decision made with the understanding you are just one human in a world of trillions. You are not at fault for being who you are, because you can only be YOU!!!! Now what you should use Spirituality for INSTEAD is to teach yourself to love the human person you have lived as, and learn to accept them for all of their limitations. Until you learn to love the human person you have built yourself to be, you will never be able to truly love other people. This is why I told you to focus on the GOOD you have done. THIS is your evidence of who you are which at its core is LOVE!!! What would you tell a child that you love most? What would you tell your best friend? Be the parent to yourself you never had, be the best friend you never had. Seek to understand yourself at the deepest level, and you will realize all you ever wanted in life was to be treated with respect, to be comfortable pursuing what you love, and to share that with others. This motivation is universal. We all want to enjoy life in solitude and with others. Then to the best of your ability aim to be that person and then acknowledge yourself when you do. Be your own award ceremony. I always say, be a fan of yourself!!! May you discover the love within you.

Okay are you actively thinking suicidal thoughts or do they happen passively?

The two paths to God.....mental suicide, or physical suicide. I'd suggest the mental suicide. True Deconstruction of the Ego is literally torture. It destroys your sense of control to reveal that the human vessel has been controlled by God this whole time and any control given to the ego was an allowance by God. This ego then realizes everything it ever accomplished was only by God's allowance, and realizes all issues it has with life it must take to God. It must learn to forgive itself, forgive life, and ultimately to forgive God as God is itself and how can it not love itself and accept itself. This path will deal with crazy, madness, possible psychosis and hallucinations. As you dissolve the boundary between the physical and mental to realize it is all mental you embrace what you consider evil, and even seek it out to reach greater acceptance. This is the path of the MADMAN, the CRAZY LOVER. God is a lover of Infinite Separation and Unification. WHAT MADNESS!!!! Take this for example: This was you, and this was me....look at what we did!!! Tell me God is not crazy from the egos perspective!!! Its like why would you allow this? Answer? Because God wants itself to discover true love without being forced into it. Sigh.....Since we are everything...WE DID THIS!!! Do you like your reflection?

You are who you are because you were raised to be sane. Spirituality is the path of the Crazy. You literally have to throw away your human story to make any real progress (you'll get it back if you want though some never reclaim it) so your fine. Spirituality will be the hardest thing you ever do if you do it right. What's the goal of Spirituality? Attempt to the best of your ability to love everything. And I mean everything!!! The shit is bonkers!!! Who can love everything? Rape, Torture, Poverty, Discrimination, Pain, Loss, Depression, etc. How well can you love what you hate? That's the work. It's why most people can't do it, because it's supposed to break you, thus showing....that you are both the strongest and the weakest simultaneously. Watch this to see an example of Spiritual work....but also realize....Leo was CRAZY to do this LOL. It's why he puts so much disclaimers in this work. If you go far enough in this work....you can become Suicidal....so tread lightly and at the same time be kinder to yourself. You are exactly the person you are supposed to be. The big secret? What is looking through your eyes....is the same looking through my eyes.

I know its an example but you give Microsoft to much credit. Still got beef with them, an update years ago deleted my files.

This man is a genius of skill and time on your hands. Shout out to his producer as well.

Every beginner is stupid, stupid just means you are ignorant so you do stuff you shouldn't. Nothing wrong with admitting it. If you put me behind the wheel of a plane, I'm a complete idiot.

You got it!!! Don't forget its also completely in love with itself, and has no barriers on what it is willing to create and experience. What helps me understand God more deeply is that God loves everything so much because it loves limitless creativity. This means it loves Genocide, discrimination, torture, suicide, insults, weakness, crying, despair. As a human ego coming to terms with THAT is when you really go deep. The funniest thing is when you discover even God thinks its evil. God allows all perspectives, and honors all perspectives, so when God as a human calls God a Devil God accepts that unconditionally.

Yes and So are you.

Whatever is...is what I am, and what ever isn't is also what I am.

That's a distinction you are creating. That which is aware....is itself a thought. Awareness is made of a thought, it's just an infinite thought that never ends. This thought is neutral, its only thought is that it is aware. It's always thinking that it is aware forever. That's what the I am awakening comes from. God is called the Great I Am.

You are a dream woman lol.

Well that's the secret, imagination is alive and intelligent. Reality is made up of thought, the structure of reality is thought. A dream is a thought, imagination is a thought, so everything is just a thought. God/Reality turns the abstract into the concrete. I am a concept in the mind of God, Consciousness can magically make a thought real. Here is an example using a cartoon. Johnny Bravo temporarily gains the power of God.

LOL when it's all imaginary in the end you can create distinctions and then dissolve them. The fun is getting Consciousness to actually SHOW you it can dissolve a distinction. At a certain point you just give up all rationality and logic because it obliterates logic. The best bet dealing with Infinity is just say everything is true, not true, and nothing ever happened and leave it at that.

I'm confused answer what exactly?

Yeah the path to God is radical open-mindedness. If you are afraid of losing your mind then you will get stuck in this work. Just remember REAL is a mental construction. For example a person would tell you that a paper clip can't have a personality. That person isn't really awake. There is no difference between a conversation with a candle stick, and a conversation with a person. Can you break the boundary between Sane and Insane? Can you realize that the source of the conversation you had with the paperclip is the same source that gives rise to human speech? Then there are the paranoia stories your mind can make up. How is that any different than the normal stories your mind makes up? Its still the same source. It's this type of radical thinking that opens up your creativity. If you open up your mind....cartoons will speak to you, and...you can even become them!!!! Curt has no clue what real open-mindedness is.

You got it, its why its so funny to me. God is an infinite story teller, that created every life story from nothing.