Truth

about 2 weeks ago, I became super conscious of my death, and it actually motivated me to do the 7 day challenge Leo recommenced. What I realized is I just kept writing things I valued, and things I thought wasted my time, it really gets my priority's straight. It's a scary thing but once you accept it, it can help ground you more than you think.

I understand that, but I Also see you trying to convince yourself when there is no self to convince. This stuff is very tricky.

That you that tells itself it's a "very competitive person", is the thing we are trying to get rid of, you're already shooting yourself in the foot, you already assume you know who you are, so that you that tells itself what it is "a very competitive person", is false, it doesn't exist, that’s an illusion, so by making it a "competitive race" to become what you already are right now is an illusion too and is the very thing stopping you from being it, you are the truth right now, always, you're just not aware of it.

I think of it as a automatic negative thought habit, because it pops up out of know where, and for a moment it kills and sucks all the joy out, you almost feel vulnerable. the ego trying to protect itself from an "attack". I think you should look into homeostasis to get more awareness and understanding of this. Leo has a video not directly related to this, but he still covers it in here http://actualized.org/articles/how-to-stop-backsliding

So, today I’ve felt, “not me” the more I grow and better myself, talking to others, the more I’ve kind of lost side of what I’ve felt like was “me” so I’d go back and look at old videos I used to watch and music, thinking I’m getting back to my “source” and started to dive more deep into this authentic self, and what I’ve found is that I use this method to not only hold me back but to stay in comfort. it’s like I started going outside my comfort zone, but something inside me said, “I just don’t feel like me.” even things in my past showing up, how much time I’ve wasted, I really feel not me right at this moment. The self/ego is getting in the way of who I really am and what I am capable of. Because what do I feel like doing right now? plugging into the system and letting go. this is the first time I’ve actually felt into that feeling of “running away” but I know better than to do that, how will that help me at all? I just remembered this quote, “Wyatt Woodsmall once told me that in order to improve yourself, you have to become not you. You can’t say “Oh well, that’s not me. I wouldn’t do that. I’m just not that kind of guy.” You can’t have limiting beliefs like that because if you do, you won't improve.” The authentic me is what I will become, not what I felt like I was in my past, or feel I am in my present. Even though this is still an illusion of the self, it helps.

Leo has a great video for building this vision.

Have you ever asked why you play video games in the first place? what is it you are really getting from it?

This is what they say when you "fall asleep" I struggled with this too, I'd be working, journaling about my thoughts and contemplating on my breaks. you find answers, you gain more insights, but eventually.. nothing improves, this is what some call being an insight junkie or mental masturbation, you have all these new insights blowing your mind, but nothing changes, what got me over this was just being "aware" of it, but what really helped was no matter how much I thought about shit, nothing was going to change, I had to do something different. "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always gotten, so you gotta take different actions." - nick sparks

If you're curious about books Leo actually has an amazing book list, there's a lot of information out there, but even with all Leo's videos he's still just scratching the surface, so, he has his videos in audio form that you can have on your phone or Ipod whenever you go out, that's been really nice for me, along with other Youtube videos and things for what you have plans to take action or mastery on. The first book I read was Mastery by George Leonard. that book is absolutely amazing.

So I was about to sit down to meditate, and I was looking at some emails, and an email of my favorite band was there, it said Switchfoot ted talk, and I was surprised, because I've been thinking about this band, and his metaphors, they are so abstract and I've always been so curious about his mindsets, he's always seemed kind of like a hippy to me in a way haha, but anyway. so I was watching it, he made me realize that there are a lot of truths in metaphors, I mean, you literally can't see them, but they are there. And the way he talks about music and the guitar as a metaphor got me thinking about why some people seem so "wierd" or "hippyish" It's a struggle to find truth within our inner reality, this is the only way we know how. So then he played "dare you to move" this song I listened to when I was like 12, ALL the time, and honestly I got really emotional because it made me see more of what he was talking about, how far I've come and where I was. Anyway, this was really motivating and powerful to me, I just wanted to remember this, here's the video.

Leo has a video on this, "How To Exploit People To Grow Yourself" in the beginning this helped me a lot.

I really like the insight here, but I still can't help to be very skeptical to opinions believed to be true by ego of words and other conceptualizations, the very attachment itself to ideas and conceptualizations or truth is never ending, justification of itself and ideas can be brought about from any source that serves it's reality. But I really like this none the less.

Firstly I created a vision for what I wanted, a year goal, and stick to a 4-6 days a week, no matter what, put a challenge on my board for 30 days, during my 30 days I assess what I will do for the next 30 days what I can handle where I want to step something up and so forth. right now I'm on month 3, I've been consistent ever since, ultimately I've decided that I will work out for the rest of my life, so long term planning is necessary, doing research is just the details, and really a part of the joy of it, keeps you motivated and you learn a lot about what makes others motivated.

this is something I really want to get into, I've been looking into health more and more, today I've actually been really motivated to get more into eating healthy, been diving deep into it this morning, a lot to learn, but I've started a strategy for a healthy eating routine, "start building a case" like you said in your "How To Eat Healthy" video, I love the talk about valuing your health, gonna watch this video again for more motivation Well I think you really should have a vision for what you want to get out of meditation, for me at first it was getting more peace of mind, clearing thoughts, the basics of Leo's meditation video, after doing that for a 30 day challenge, Leo posted his do nothing technique, and that was very very relaxing meditation for me, It felt really good to just let my mind think whatever it wanted and just wander, I got deep insights and ideas from doing that. So what I'm trying to say is, have a vision for what you want, there are many techniques for what you want to get out of it, for me it's enlightenment, all the insights, ideas, plans are all secondary and really just a bonus. In fact I’m gonna most likely be adding the determined sit + do nothing for an extra 20 minutes because I remember how beneficial it was purging thoughts and thinking about things.

Question: why would you make anyone do anything? ever considered it's not the words they are hearing but what you are giving off? People don't like having their world views questioned, if they get the sense that you won't budge on the "facts" and become slightly dogmatic what's the point in having a conversation with that person? whose mind is really closed here?

" But if you attempt to rewire this urge because you don't want to need anyone " This is a huge trap, and it's something I've fell into, and Leo talks about this with the law of attraction effect, it really comes down to you being insecure, by focusing on not being something it's exactly what you bring about, but if that were to change to something like "I want to be happy with myself and if people want to be in my life that's cool, and if they don't that's cool too. " that stops focusing on being needy and into something that you just generally want as a human being. not because you need it. being detached from the good or bad and being totally okay with it. Attraction is just curiosity. If your out to get something out of it, people can see that in your body language. Josh pellicer put it niceley when he said this " There's something that everyone goes through called polar opposing insecurity compensation. Polar opposing insecurity compensation, or POIC, occurs whenever a person focuses on something that they don't want to be because being that way or having that quality makes them insecure. In order to make themselves feel like they've gotten over that insecurity, they become the exact opposite of that thing. So if you are insecure about being too quiet, for example, you would become louder and perhaps even arrogant because at the end of the day, you'd be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say "No one could accuse me of being too quiet today because I was so loud that they would never have a reason to." "Because this kind of compensation is always born out of a desire to be something - to not be shy, not be easily aggravated, not be weak, not be unattractive - a person experiencing it will simply switch from one extreme to another, rather than finding a healthy balance between them. Instead of fixing the problem, this kind of manic personality change indicates that you are unable to face your own insecurities. In fact, it highlights them! If you focus only on what you don't wan tot be, you cannot be confident and attractive. Polar opposing insecurity compensation will destroy your value while forcing you to make decisions based on fear and the perceived need to conform to a limiting personality type. In order to become truly confident, it's necessary to uncover what your insecurities are and overcome them without going to the extreme in either direction."

I want to get to an hour in time, they say it's best to focus on one change at a time, and Leo talks about not discounting the power of focusing on making one change. Strong determination sitting + do nothing technique has given me deep insights into my body/resistance/control that I have(or think I have), if you haven't done the 2 hour determined sit I really recommend it, that really blew my mind.

Meditation has been the best habit I've put into place, the more I do it the more I realize its importance. I recently started doing it in the mornings, I wake up, look at my values/ goals/ journal, meditate for 30 minutes, I recently started a reading habit so I read for about 45 min to an hour, highlight and take notes, then go to the gym for 35-45 min, then the rest of the day I focus on doing things I value and that I feel are important. the more I do it the more I love it, it feels good keeping myself disciplined, backsliding was a real problem for me, it was so easy to just sit and watch Youtube, or browse Facebook, I've never been the routine type, but that has completely flipped. Integrity is at an all time high for sure.

The way I see motivation is VISION, "When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful." - Eric Thomas being able to see yourself there, wanting it so bad you cut off all distractions from it, everything else becomes secondary. and going even deeper and realizing that talking about it right now is a distraction from it. knowing your values and what's meaningful to you really helps with this.

I just wanna say that the life course would do wonders for you and really answer some questions for you, Leo goes deep to finding in yourself what's truly meaningful to you, what you value, but sadly all he can do is try to point you in the direction, and in the end it's up to you to find that. Start looking inward for solutions, not outward.

From doing mindfulness what I've learned is when I have that thought of, "oh shiz I need to be doing this", I either procrastinate or do it, It really is that defining moment, you either do it or you don't, what I've realized more and more is that, each time I just did it, it's built up this "muscle" and it gets easier to do those things over time as long as you push through the resistance you feel, (building that muscle) it really does get easier and easier to get over that resistance. Leo's videos I recommend watching - Willpower, How to stop procrastinating, Self Control, Self Dicipline vs freedom, how to stop being lazy. just keep watching and watching and gaining more insight, you'll find your solution.

"For there is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so." - Shakespeare This is probably my favorite so far.

I've listened/watch this video about 8-9 times, along with his spiritual enlightenment intro, FAQs 1,2 and 3, free will vs determinism, understanding awareness, if you seriously look closely its almost as if Leo is doing his very best pointing at this blind spot. Meditating and gaining knowledge and not distracting yourself with media and entertainment I found really helps.

Never heard of this, reading more on it, sounds really, really interesting, definitely gotta experience this.

It's just a guide, and it also builds this big picture that he talks about, having finished it, what I can say is it cut out a lot of the guessing games, I now have more practical ideas and a more focused outlook on the direction of my life, it's not waffly anymore like it was, even if you go through this course and all you get is one little piece of information that could make your life better? to me that's worth but I gotta tell you, I got way more than that, it takes a little wisdom to see what this course could snowball into in time. I finished it a little over a month ago and I'm only now starting to see the benefits, and I'm so glad I went through the work and put in my best, it builds my self discipline and makes me realize how much hard work can pay off.