Truth

Remember it's both of your faults, not just hers but yours too. There's no point in placing blame on yourself or her and thinking about the past, the only thing you can get from the past is a lesson. So take this lesson and just let it go man. This isn't a bad thing, this could very much be a good thing. but whether you believe it's a bad thing or a good thing is up to you. choose good, you'll be way, way, way better off. If you choose bad, you'll have a lot of unnecessary suffering.

Well, I could tell you move on, never go back to her, because honestly that's the best option to what it sounds like. But I know how hard that can be, I also see it in my friends, going back to their ex, no matter how much they fight, how much they "talk it out". The truth is you have to learn how to love someone, you have to learn how to keep your girl, you have to learn how to talk to your girl, you have to find out what makes her happy, and more deep you have to know what you like and how to keep yourself happy, and be a man and know when enough is enough and have the courage to cut things off if its the best for both of you. Usually we just wing it and think it's gonna be okay. But honestly this shits like gravity, you're gonna feel needy or she's gonna feel needy, she'll be available, you'll hit her back up or she will then "work it out" and your right back in it. You honestly have to learn to "escape the atmosphere" if you know what I'm saying. If you have a friend that can help you stay away, all the better, because you'll be slowly drifting towards her without even realizing your doing it. Because the way I see it with most people, is their relationship has literally crashed and burned like a plane crash and there they are deciding whether to pick up all the pieces of the plane to pick it up and put it back together. And most people spend their lives doing just this. Move on is a complete understatement. and its one of the most hardest things anyone can do or has the courage to do. Don't go back to the plane crash man. This will be so much better for your happiness, your courage and personal growth. You can't put a plane back together if you don't have the right tools. and you don't.

23 apparently having a midlife crisis too after looking at all the signs haha.

This is just becoming a justification game, just because social conditioning keeps us from expressing ourselves doesn't mean we can't express ourselves. It also doesn't mean there aren't consequences to your actions, there are. What I am ACTUALLY talking about goes way deeper than just "is it okay to do this by society?" or "people in society would obviously do this to me." What I'm talking about is you living in fear and how you talk to protect your ego from whatever you think society will do or will not do to you.

To answer A, yes, admired/accepted, to answer b, you assume you have control over how people will think of you/how they will react. The truth is you actually don't. So the difference between whether you will get killed or live a fulfilling life is really a product of your thoughts and not in the external world. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy or the law of attraction. and c: We aren't talking about identifying with just gayness, we are talking about Identification of our whole entire ego, self, thoughts, assumptions that we make everyday. If someone is insecure with their gayness then that's an internal conflict, an egoic conflict and it doesn't actually exist in reality.

When your inner self is so powerful it automatically projects itself on the outer world, as you become more aware of the reactions your getting, you slowly learn what you are giving off, re-calibrating so your ego is satisfied. And being your True self doesn't care if people label you as weird, because you are internally grounded, you see "being weird" for what it really is. and third there is a distinction from inner world and outer world, Most people are caught up in thoughts and their ego, and realizing that there is no self/ego is the actual realization that you are reality. you are the inner world and outer world, and by you saying I'm here, and they are out there, is the ego, which is the thing we say doesn't exist, and when that distinction is cut off, there becomes no YOU struggling against reality, but you being aligned with reality. because if there is a self, there's a NEED to struggle against reality (to be accepted, get what it wants, trying to control things which you have no control of), which is cause for a lot of your suffering in life.

No, but this is his journey, and in a way he is documenting his way to enlightenment and putting all his insights and progress for everyone to see, and that's inspiring to me.

Or it could be exactly that, something happens in the exact same way and it flips something in your brain that recognizes it, it might not be exactly the same, but very very close. I don't really have any idea either but this is my explanation.

Yes that's true. but there's a saying Leo talks about "if you think you're right, You're right, and if you think your wrong you're also right." Purpose and meaning only exists in the mind. "It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy, If whatever you feel your purpose is in life, is what it is, you make your purpose. So that means, if you're a nihilist and you think that there is no purpose and that life is pointless, then that's what it is for you. And you will be right in that.And if you think your purpose is to go out there and to do something, to raise a family, go out and build a business, make contribution, whatever, that will be your purpose and that's pretty much the end of it." - Leo

Of course you can have your eyes closed! I find when I have my eyes closed it's a lot easier to fall asleep, depending on how tired I am, that's really the only difference.

That's an egoic reaction, no ego likes hearing it doesn't have control, I didn't like hearing this, but the ego's control that it thinks it has is actually the cause of suffering, because you believe you have control, but you actually don't and you suffer because of that. The problem is the ego likes to have control, it likes to have a purpose, it loves chasing after things, and you take that away, the ego feels useless, hence the egoic reaction. You can still go after these things, but your relationship to the suffering and pain you feel trying to control everything can be taken away.

Ooh I really like these. good list.

I'll definitely use these, thanks

Haha love your name and avatar. I experience this too, I think your question is, is it okay to move during meditation? I think you should question why you think you need to have your back straight

Do you actually sit down and meditate and contemplate very honestly? Because anything we say to each other the ego just tries to find justifications to serve it's own reality (yes including mine), so to accept any ideas that we tell you doesn't change your view if you've never seen through the illusion of self, the person whose questioned the assumptions they've made about reality and their beliefs (there is no self/ego and our choices) is the difference between finding truth and not and also the difference between what's true about our perspectives (personal biases) and what's actually true in reality.

"We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." - aristotle

Yeah he's actually pretty active. And most of his content and hard work goes into the videos he shoots, he can't do everything for you haha, read some books, research topics, Leo's videos/forum is not the only place for amazing information/answers you know.

If you've seen Leo's video he lays it out very clearly, your explanation of "reacting" to things and choosing to react to negative or positive things doesn't mean you have free will, and by someone being motivated externally, triggered into getting healthy, you see that? triggered, externally (watching leos video.), he didn't will that motivation. Leo talks about this EXACT thing in his free will video @ 55:50 The thing he gets at is that there is no self inside that is willing these things, only the illusion that there is a self inside willing these things, and he explains that in great detail, not just in this free will video but other videos that relate to this.

In Leos "Contemplating Your Own Death" video at 33:25, he gives an exercise and a challenge to really grasp and realize how important your life is and how short it is and it prioritizes your time.

Had a big insight during meditation. Am I addicted to knowledge and concepts like I am when someone says something positive, or in a way I eat sugars, or a gorgeous girl smiles at me? I mean I'm trying to figure out why I'm trying to be so certain about every little thing. Is this just this thought mechanisms job? Like a habit? Conceptualizing, building models, making guesses and assumptions to give the best possible solution in order to survive? Counter intuitively trying to get truth when you are the truth. But the Illusion of self, creates more and more self biases, self deceptions. Creating this jumbled mess of half truths and dogmas, maybe even less than half truths, completely false, clinging to beliefs to truly protect itself. If the self holds a fact about reality and that becomes false, the whole wall is broken, destroyed and the self is left vulnerable.. But there is no self to be vulnerable, only the illusion of vulnerability. It started with me asking why I want to be so certain. I found my answer and now the self inside me is satisfied, it loves finding answers. The awareness that I actually am is able to see and intuitively make judgments. It's like, I'm watching the screen, and the words and ideas and concepts pop up, but I'm identifying myself with the words that pop up on this screen. And I've been doing this my Whole Entire Life. And the words aren't true, but the ideas and thoughts that pop up are only conceptualized through my being. That which I've come in contact with empirical data. Which is repetitive, and not interesting to the ego. No matter how deep I go I can find answers, even false answers that seem right and intuitive, I can tell myself anything if it satisfies my ego and the answer feels right.

It's more about a realization and seeing through the illusion of the self/ego, the more you see through this illusion the easier it becomes to transcend the ego.

I think you should do your best on one project (song) and write down what you could improve and use that for your next song, and the next and repeat this process. Also I recommend a book called Mastery by George Leonard, goes into depth about being on the plateau (where growth and skills aren't developing) and mastering or (becoming world class) at what you do.

I think of affirmations as helping you become what you already are. and as you have more experiences this really helps the subconscious get on board.

Can't get enough of these two!

Well, since your feeling the stages of mental masturbation, you should take action, because the the more you sit on the computer the more that higher part of you is going to create more tension. "The point of all this is simply, you need to get off your ass NOW, if you've been falling into this rut watching actualized videos (self help) thinking they are making you smarter and cooler, and all this stuff, Stop That Shit. Take action on the things I'm telling you, every video you should be thinking "how can I take action on this?" and the ratio watching videos to taking action should be 10 times action taking, 1 part watching a video... Whatever you want, what is it? a career? more money? A relationship? Happiness? Meditate better? Decide the result you want, Make a project out of it, get off your ass, start doing it, hold your feet to the fire. Feel that burn, and learn to love that burn." - Leo