Optimized Life

"Pickup" "burn through the karma" "get through the orange phase" "Dating is so much easier for women ... average woman on tinder can get so much sex, and she's only a fucking 5/10 genetics!" "Did are parents have it easier" blahblahblablah. All of this is pure fucking, futile, brain rot, valueless garbage, buzz words, online lingo brainwashing Like NONE of that matters Why would you think about ANY Of this, it's all fucking nonsense. I dont think about "burning thorugh karma" I dont think about what my parents did or what an average woman has I don't intellectualize dating anymore or discuss it and debate it WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? Just 1. Look your best 2. Get the best logistics you possibly can 3. Approach and practice as much as you can 4. Keep going 5. Work hard 6. Dont linger on forums and talk shit about this and that, average women this and that 7. Enjoy life, take action, have sex, date ... until your dick stops working, because my libido is as high, if not much higher than it was at 19, nothings changed 8. You just DO YOUR BEST. You CANT compare your dating life to another man, let alone a fucking woman lol? Life is chaotic and unfair, everyone has different genetics, logistics, work schedule. You just DO YOUR BEST AND SHUT THE FUCK UP, IM FUCKNG SICK OF THESE DUM FUCKING BASTARDS THAT NEVER LEARN, I LEARNT TO SHUT THE FUCK UP YEARS AGO ABOUT THIS SHIT WHY JUST FUCKING WHY this forum is so painful to associate with I still use it because like i've said before, the journal has a good structure "Spiral dynamics, burning through karma, deadly sins" blahblah All these fucking words, are just pure fucking conformity Just stop thinking, stop talking, just fuck women its not complicated

I keep fucking ordering coffees in heated plastic cups and forgettng about it theres just so fucking much man .. Feels like such a losing battle layer of layerof later upon toxicity and stress and cortisol and plastics and metals and sleep problems and allergies and pesticides and BPAs and tflon pans and tap water and flouride and whatever else ... the list is INFINTE It just never ends .., If i was super healthy and functional i wouldnt care But im not and most people honestly arent these days Just 1 thing at a time 1 win at a time 1 highest priority variable at a time I suppose thats the great thing about chelation, it dont gaurantee everything, but it does gaurantee 1 thing if u do it right, u are guaranteed to have less mercury lead ect.. in your body. Maybe theres a conneciton too, maybe once u reduce mercury and lead, your bodies capacity to detox othe toxins increases and or sensitivity to other toxins decreases.

Te Journal Te ONLY Goals/Targets Daily Action/Metrics Trajectory W or L day 1. OUTCOME Goals : 180 - 185 Pounds, 11 - 12% body fat Get to 12% bodyfat precisely 30 days. Guaranteed 5K remote monthly income with maximum 40 hours of working Write 1 book 30 days. No Fap day 100 30 Day Reprogramming & Visualization + No Fap Magnetism 2. INPUTS Goals 6 Straight weeks of clean digestible chicken healing diet, NO more reactions Track calories and Diet plan - lose bf from 15-16% > 11-12% within 4-8 weeks. Cold approach minimum 5 women per day, every single day, no matter the context or logistics 1* Night game per week minimum, sober without alcohol 20 minutes of book writing per day Te Sheets journal - Track everything daily & daily review. 30 Day Reprogramming & Visualization + No Fap Magnetism - Start magnetism work every evening No Fap - Stay on track with kyrptonite life savers to prevent impuslive faps - find strategies like inmediately walking upon an urge ect..

Also I have not consistently mastered dietary restriction yet, and lifestyle. So even testing for HM right now is (considering prioritees) a waste of money and time. E.G have i gone 100% dietarily strict for a month straight? And that for a month combined with a conssitent circadiam rhythym for a month combined with living in a better environment, psycologically/culturally/no winter What will my productivity and sleep results be then? Until then why am i even thinking about HM so much That said, I have decided to inmediately put a hard stop, pull the breaks on HM inputs. Because it could just be that actually i am a very good detoxer of HM, but i'm also acutely sensitive to itm e,g in a daily basis i consume HM exposure, and THAT specifically gives me brain fog for that day, but not in a long term must recover sense. So what am i cutting out : All chocolate, junk food & pastry (not even in moderation, the "should enjoy life" argument only works if u have no sensitivity and allergy to it, otherwise its fucking stupid and needs to be completely gone. I sense that i do have this, i ate chocolate yesterday, and hours later started sneezing and rubbing my eyes) All dairy sources (Temporary experiment) for a month All wheat sources (obvious) All forms of powder/grounded foods (within reason) **Too addicted to coffee to just quit - BUT MUST STOP INSTANT COFFEE. I CONSUME INSTANT COFFEE BECAUSE ITS MUCH CHEAPER .. BUT ITS MUCH HIGHER IN HM THAN FROM A CAFE, or i could just buy that stuff and do it myself Orange juice & fruit juice ... pretty obvious to me that this causes allergy symptoms, gut flares, its simply not healthy, i've heard leo say "just drink fruit juice for energy bro" ... bad advice, literally makes you crash and i've never felt energy from it, ever its bullshit. You cant bypass coffee, juice does not give meaningful energy, if you're fasting and doing some marathon run ofc then it helps because you're bodies craving glucose but .. on a standard day? no way man, just empty calories. Tap water???* This is tricky and awkward - i cannot afford a RM setup currently, and im uncomfrotable using plastics, also I dont own a house and will be living in rooms and switching rooms every couple month most likely, so this is not a convient thing to handle. I suppose my tap water is likely better regulated usa .. but can i really trust it? i Dunno .. 1 thing at a time tbh. Heavy metals aside, just for brain fog I am focusing on elimination process. What is non negotiable is protien, i am not cutting down on protien, I'll lose muscle, lose strength, facial features drop, skin hair, 170-200G daily non negotiable. But what i do know is i can tolerate chicken, so i may try carnivore, im sure ideally u have vegetables and more nutrient variety but, i need to remove variables. New Health & Lifestyle Plan (Summary): Chicken only + (non instant) coffee & water diet for 1 month straight Add 1 variable (or food item) at a time > Observe difference > take a note into google sheets ^ Start with highest impact/priority (e.g protien) > Try switching chicken for beef after weeks > observe difference, try combining ect.. Immediately improve lifestyle, environment, circadian rhythm, wake up earlier Look at negative thought cycles, overthinking, mental energy burn, decision fatigue, fear, micro fears, anxiety, mindfulness, introspection. No Fruit juice, No instant (dehydrated, concentrated grounded) coffee, no wheat No dairy (reintroduce 1 dairy item at a time, after a month of abstinence) - use alt milk or black coffee No protein powder or protein bars No caffeine after 12PM No diet sodas, no red bull, no dark chocolate (full of HM again & causes facial sweat) Manage Stress > Structure, Te, organization, planning, manage spending, rent & living expenses protected in separate bank account, multiple months of rent paid in advance, no paycheck to paycheck months Many steps, walks and early morning sunlight every day

As anecdotal reports pile up more and more from online on heavy metal chelation. More data will accrue and especially with AI and LLM, they will be able to easily assimilate all the dat together, form in tables and categories ect.. This will provide a much clearer map for building an expectation or possibility of the results Ofc its not perfect but, larger samples more data clearer it gets and if Online Te is encouraged as widespread use before people start the process, this is will contribute to a more refined and specific database with a clearer map. Example if people inmeidately start using tracking tools like google sheets to track imapcts of different dosas, qualitative measures alco, and keep it up overtime. P.s If only there was a medical break through were u could just walk into a doctors room, sit in some weird scanner thing and they do some X ray type sci - fi shit that simply removes all the lead toxins from your body within a day, and it was free for everyone to just do that. Medical industry too slow Forum page : "Lead Chelation (very different principles than mercury) - Health, Fitness, Nutrition, Supplements - Actualized.org Forum"

An amalgamation of World Class Ideas from a 130 IQ Brain

Te has changed my mind and will change my life in many ways. I have been labeled as an ENTP (just a label i know( imo, ENTP is "high variance" in a high variance slot u can place many spins but it almost never wins, then when it does win it wins big, maybe 50-100X, 1000X I feel like 99% of my thoughts are pure noise, occasionally i say something cool However I also feel that Te and self improvement largely solves this problem Why? Because Intentional Te provides structure to action and thought How? E.g If i just share ideas about this and that ... mercury is this, health matters, make money blahbalh it's all so sloppy and random and noisy But if just create 1 journal, e.g "Mercury chelation journal" ^ Then every content is now contained within and structured and bound within that journal Now that journal becomes extremely valuable, thorough and full of connections, dots, information, metrics, a clear progress arc, inspiration and it all is because of the structural containment of the category. Such a simple thinkg if u think aout it, its not intellectualy advanced idea, yet few do it. Liteallly just categorizing, segmenting, focusing on 1 topic within a structural segment. yet makes such a difference So yeah maybe that is me going forward... Maybe i finish this journal Maybe i only allow myself to post bound within specific themes and structure. E.g 1. Heavy metal chelation journal 2. ect.. But maybe not this place like i can do this with commonplace book, makes searching and filtering/linkingthrough notes easier. It might sound "uncreative or restrictive" or whatever but honestly that shit is a fucking luxury *Well not a luxury, actually the irony is that structure increases creativity, massively.

It's been years since I watched leos heavy metal chelation guide video. And i somehow Read the AC book Watched the video a few times But never took action and was decisive about starting it .. Why? Because i got put off by the risk and or initially feeling worse However that was more my mind closing off instinctively, it wasn't like i consciously and deicisively chose based on weeks of thorough study and cross referencing anacdotal reports, looking at all the best cases, average cases, worse cases, factoring all the different details ect.. If i'd just fucking done that, I could've got many round over and have got most of the benefit already and be benefiting from it now. If I am honest, I have absolutely no idea how much toxicity is in my body .. and it is only a question of how much, no one is 0% toxic. I have no idea Also, it could a be a unlucky case - that i have a low total quantity load, but whatever I have (maybe lead specifically) for me is hyper concentrated and lodged into my brain tissue? . This could in theory mean even a short duration of targeted rounds could make a massive difference if it targets that. My physical health doenst feel so bad but my mental distraction, brain fog ect.. is possibly off the charts .. possibly because like a fish in water ive had it for so long, and have no reference of what its like to be a mentally functional human that I dont even know what bad means and im just normalized to it ah It is an inconvenient and burdensome process The longer and or older someone is to start the least likely they are to do it .. If i just let this be a thought again .. i will forget and life will pass me by again. I have no idea how much better my memory could be, or learning capacity, or energy levels or ability to focus. I have no idea because I have no idea when I developed toxicity. But also, I was never particularly good at focusing or memory even as a kid .. which complicates things. 1. that could mean i was exposed at a young age 2. Could mean that I have a separate issue which wont benefit from chelation This is not easy to think about ... THen again I regret not just trying this 3-5 years ago because there is clearly a massive reward to risk asymmetry. Given that it is a controlled and measured process, following a specific protocol and gradually managing dose, its not like i start and then instantly all the HM get severely redistrubuted inmediatley and then i just become disabled and my lifes over and i have to commit suicide. However hwen I first shallowly felt the risk of this years ago, my mind probably instinctively jumped to that feeling and then closed off, because the mind is full of fear and hates ambiguous risk So yeah upside is huge, downside risk is real but its managed, its measured, its controlled for to an extent, and i can just stop protocol it is overwhelming. Obviously i need to take the tests first and not jump to conclusions Another blindspot of mine, like 99% of people my mind closed off and I never tried this.

Whim whoff and this ice age movement is the biggest psyop. Lol It's not fucking healthy to live in Iceland freeze your hands to death, and why would u even seek that, have some fucking self respect. WHim whoff essentailly is a MARKETER, his son is literally a marketer, he marketed his movement. I wouldn't exactly call him a "scammer" because people get what they pay for, a trip to go and freeze your balls off for hours. These morons are fucking paying for this shit. Like, someone for once just create a business where you go to ibiza and bang bitches in the heat? The taboo around sex and healthy things in society leads people to literally pay to torture themselves. Who actually wanna be in iclenad with a bunch of dudes freezing your nuts for 4000 USD lmao We're literally evolved for warmth. Winter itself is a psyop as well Adolescence is also a psyop School systems a psyop past literacy and basic stuff Alcohol is a psyop Another psyop is the idea of symmetrical dating. E.g men & womens dating agenda and outcome is assymetiral. Imagine being suck a cuck, that YOU ONLY DATE 1 WOMAN HAHAHAHAHAHASDJKBFSDKJBFKJSDBFKJSDKJFGSDKJFG JESUS FUCKING CHRIST BRUHHHH 1 WOMAN HAHAHAHAHAHA This is the law of asymmetry and its where masc/feminine polarity comes from. Youre strong shes soft. You fuck around, she commits. Fucking cucks man hahahahahajskdhfsd Fucking cucks!!!!! Online dating is a massive psyop (u think those 7+ women on tinder are actually available? lmao they are OF accounts, women just bored or seeking validation, massive psyop when all u need is logistics sunlight and natural interactions, they want u stuck in winter, scrolling on tinder for hours , hungover, simping for some 6/10 anglo american trash lmao Btw "WHO IS THEY" That sounds soo conspiratorial... In a sense, its everyone If i'm down here, and im insecure, depleted and envious, i dont want some other guy to shine a light and be all up there, so unconsicously i will act as a force of the social matrix. This is mostly how the psyop works,too works at the marketing level, ads and im sure Owne Cook talks about this. As much as he annoys me sometiems, owen cook is a great source of "woke" truth, his woke is justified, grounded and extremely relevant, not performative.

Honestly i feel like it took me 8 months of posting 100+ times on this journal just to acknowledge that I have an overthinking addiction. Are some of these ideas posts that cool or valuable? I duuno maybe like 3 of them ... I feel like chat GPT's basic summarys of concepts i've shared outweigh all my posts combined (in direct utility) I think I just need to STFU I had an overthinking addiction for decades it is what it is I just wanna make money lmao God man, the mind is such a twisted, deluded, self-incarcerating son of a bitch. My WW2 post was the best thing i ever wrote, I would put it on my gravestone. It came out of me, I didn't try, i dind't perform, it wasn't planned. My intellectual & literary peak is over, that moment is over. I will never come close to that. I humbly accept this Most of My thoughts are mostly pure waffle From now on I just share other peoples stuff, clips, quotes, posts 50 Cent Naval Ravikant Peter Ralston Grant cardone Robert Greene maybe ect.. Leo obviously Tim Ferris a bit (hes boring af, but 4 hour work week has timeless segments) True greats Wiser, older, successful, spiritual, whatever the fuck 1. Naval Ravikant : "What is wasted time?" Clip

My Gut is specifically permanently intolerant to chocolate protein shakes My Gut is specifically permanently intolerant to chocolate protein shakes My Gut is specifically permanently intolerant to chocolate protein shakes My Gut is specifically permanently intolerant to chocolate protein shakes My Gut is specifically permanently intolerant to chocolate protein shakes My Gut is specifically permanently intolerant to chocolate protein shakes NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026 NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026 NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026 NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026 NO MORE PROTIEN SHAKES 2026

22.01.26 My Gut is specifically permanently intolerant to chocolate protein shakes I can never forget this I got sick like 6 months ago I thought it would be ok after time Some reason, 6 months later, I have the same ON (Optimum Nutrtion) chocolate protien shake, and the exact same feeling comes back, I feel moderately sick, concentrating is harder, its unpleasant, i lose energy, all my energy goes towards my gut. I sometimes forget, at the gym out of convience I get one of these bastards. Never again man. Must remember MUST BEAT MY HEAD MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY TO TELL MYSELF TO NOT HAVE ONE OF THESE FUCKING SHAKES EVER AGAIN! THIS IS SO WEIRD I'm literally permanently intolerant to it, wtf.

22.01.26 Introspectively pre-emptively catching the decline No Fap has been long gone for 3-4 weeks now Emotional states are volatile Feel constantly on the brink of collapse even when im doing things right Constant stress, micro tension, facial tension Constant looping, b.s Mind drifts into blame, excuses, catastrophising Fear Fear of aging, fear of wasting my life, fear of staying broke, fear of bailiffs, fear of faliure Keep falling back into scarcity, drinking more caffiene at 5PM "just to push through" even though I know it damages my sleep and I should just wait and not borrow form tomorrow Not doing enough Te, not writing down my tasks and goals being decisve enough every day again. SO what do I do? I become a psychopath again, 50 cent type stuff Ultra disciplined psychopath Thats it Military type stuff Nothing else Just ruthless daily discipline I cant think of anything else yeah im desperate im tired im stressed I have to ovecmpensate with pyschopathy Psychopaths jsut dont give a shit & force their way through the world Get the fucking money Te record every day Net worth No fap steak Fapping is a bitch activity dont listen to leo .. .u wanna be like leo lmao? fuck that

Brutal thing about the captailist system and reality is that If a guy accelerated his wealth by scamming and manipulated a lot of people, for hundreds of thousands or multi millions, and functionally got away with it with no unfixable national or global reputation damage (happens more often than people get caught, (I actually know a guy who did this personally, but when I say he "scammed people", i dont mean some provable giant ponzi scheme that gets the FBI involved, guy was a smart, strategic sneaky guy although when if you consider it from a literal truth stand point (He knew it wouldnt work and they were essentially handing him a lot of money for a hyped up dysfunctional product) from a legal, technical, court system, provable data based lens, he basically did nothing wrong, he just did business. And thats how most scamming is, its very clever, it cannot be proved, and the burden in a sense is on the buyer for willingly falling for it, so in a sense it is legal and correct, even though its not fair. And then that guy still has work ethic and competence to hold/use the capital then from that point forward, from the markets (and realities) POV, he IS valuable, because the world doesnt even care about his karma, the legit employees and associates he then hires aren't thinking about it, because he literally has the capital now! and everyones just scrambling to survive. So even if they know their mind will rationalize it awy or, or just not think about it. Then he will go on to build some legit or "legit" empire, become a centi millionaire and get away with it. Then he'll also give his bullshit speech about how the world's fair and you just have to work hard, as he gorges himself on his pompous $30K dinner in dubai. Oh and that guy uses the scammed funs to then buy an apartment that then he uses on social media as credibility and leverage that then opens him up to way more deals, networking and social media which then creates his real wealth. I suppose he can't get away with the aura and spiritual damage? Maybe? is it true or is it cope?

Cock addiction keep women young.

19.01.26 I normally avoid the main forum 24/7 Its not because its actually that bad .. its okay But its just another instagram I am here to work, here to focus, here to get results and be serious (playfulness comes when you are not stressed) I am a playful person but now is not the time to fuck around another day, anther start Goals, affirmations, intentional thought patterns, results, subconcious mind, approaches, money, logistics, strategy, consistency, success.

The idea of "adult vs infantil" is a subjective and illusionary boundary A true man learns to play and not always take himself seriously Only a rigid, repressed lil man bitch has to exude this aura of sincerity 24/7

18.01.26 No fap Day 0, (streak day 2 killed last night) Eye contact & presence has become weak, woman looked back at me and i looked away as she looked like a child, wtff, it's partly because of my state but i dont like excuses for this Introspecting : Frustration, anger, bitterness, pain ect.. Motiavtion still very strong though Focus ability has improved again somehow despite all this

Problem is when u fart like a mff & go 💩 💩 💩 on public transport ngl Then u gotta calculate whos the 6/10 Vs the 7+ so u can selectively choose Ur collateral damage ngl 💩💩💩

17/01.26 Helath update Been eating a lot of tuna recent months to save money and get my protien, instead of animal meat But i am regretting it There could be other variables but i do feel worse I was told heavy metal accumulation is only negligible in the short term and significant after years of consistent consumption But then what the fuck do I know? The point is i have no idea, and likely the people who say that have no idea So i can only be cautious for cautions sake Reminder, get the fucking money too Cant be cheap with my diet

17.01.26 Psychological Te Reminder I have to switch from outcome based dopamine loop >> effort based dopamine loopi "all of life about getting results" Yeah but thats a by product of constant inputs So no its about inputs only "Whats the point if u dont get the result though" .. ... Literally impossible given enough time if the inputs are there Of course, u could have the wrong inputs, ineffective inputs So : 1. Inputs 2. Reflection / Data 3. Adjust/Iterate inputs 4. Results = by product

15.01.26 : HONEST TE JOURNAL UPDATE I AM BEING A HYPOCRITE. I keep getting lost in my head I keep drifting I am forgetting structure I am not being decisive I am moving too slow I am hesitating again I am not decisively setting goals, metrics and targets, deadlines. I am not breaking down goals and big tasks > into micro tasks and steps, and inmediately acting on it until completion. I am being a useless ADHD little bastard. Genuine, decisive, mathematical Te from here only, results only, clear deadlines, no ambiguity, no leaving anything to chance, no hesitation, no half assing, all the way until I achieve what I need, no fucking time off, it's war mf. Update : Cold Approach 1 : Alone, cold dark, bad mood. 6.5 - 7.5 25 - 32 Normal small talk Got WhatsApp Feel relieved and more powerful again Almost didn't approach because i was in my head about my failing finances

15.01.26 Coffee gives no mercy. Tried taking caffiene pills for days becuase I am whitening my teeth at night and it is non ideal to drink acidic or dark beverages during this period. Truth about caffiene pills : Very mild and short lived alertness Still impacts sleep onset just as much, perhaps even more BUT does not provide any noticeable dopamine, energy, cognition boost no matter how much I take AND I STILL feel withdrawn from coffee as if I've have not taken any caffiene at all, have brain fog, low energy and cant focus. Some sort of meta science lesson perhaps about how rationalism tries to break things down into their base elements (caffiene) and assume that you can just switch form and it functions the same & is qualitatively the same? (clearly it doesnt) ^This leads to actually far worse sleep because then take 400-500MG just to try compensate, and it still doesnt work Caffiene pills fucking suck, what a scam Coffee addiction is COFFEE addiction, not caffiene I had a coffee, and inmediately felt alive again after 3 days of struggling, its not merely about the MG content 200MG coffee >> 500MG Caffiene pills "not ideal" whitening but should be fine if i simply wait a couple hours, use a straw and rinse inmediately. As for another micro goal to add to money motivation : I need about $1500 and plan to get prosthetic veneers done, not my life priority, not some deep goal, but just a nice mini goal surface motivation boost THANK GOD I need coffee and not crack FUCK CAFFIENE PILLS. EWWWWW APPRECIATE COFFEE WAY MORE NOW

15.01.26 Anxiety stress pressure : 8/10 Focus capacity : 3/10 Feel like I need meds, feel like the safe healthy path isn't working, feel like i need to take risk to brute force my way into momentum, feel like I was just dealt a difficult hand in life, feel trapped again . Feel like I need modafinil and xanax and this and that to modulate myself and get through the day.