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Everything posted by Asayake

  1. My first time playing Minecraft was such a cozy experience. I remember it was raining outside irl as well as in the game and I felt warm inside when I was finally safe in my shelter on survival mode. Such a cozy game!
  2. Hmm. I might have been a bit harsh to Talking with famous people. I do like ENTPs overall and I tend to like weed smokers, I have been one myself in the past. One of my best friends is an ENTP and Talking with famous people has that same ENTP charm that makes him very likeable. But it still does bother me a bit that he does multiple bong hits while typing people, because it seems to me like he genuinely gets sucker punched high in some of those typing sessions. But seeing that he comes from a background of doing harder drugs I guess the weed is a healthier coping mechanism. It's just a bit unethical in my mind if his heavy weed use results in mistyping clients who have paid for typing sessions. I like his girlfriend, she reminds me a lot of my sister. Regarding CSJ, his argument for INFPs being the biggest problem is that he thinks INFP is the smartest(most brilliant is how he puts it) out of all the types and that they can save the world but that they are too lazy to the point that they're wasted potential and stuck in idealism. This seems to make CSJ very upset. I get his argument but I feel like he doesn't communicate it in a good way in his premium content. When I watched the premium content it just made me feel bad without getting much insight at all. He was also repeating himself a lot. Over and over he is alternating between talking about how disgusting it is that INFPs are so lazy and how Robert Greene is the greatest human being of our time. What CSJ doesn't seem to comprehend is that the laziness is a coping mechanism for dealing with being an INFP. It isn't so easy all the time. I wish he could be a bit more understanding in his content.
  3. Status update: My problem is still remaining. It is not as intense as before, but it's still remaining and impacting my sleep. No spasms unless resting, either sitting down or especially lying down. I mostly feel good during the day, no spasms, unless lying down for rest and also some while sitting at my computer. But especially at night when I'm tired, the spasms increase in frequency and intensity, although it is better now than it was before. Also my heartburn has made a return and it has been working as a tag team with the muscle spasms to disrupt my sleep. It is hard to sleep if I don't workout, do yoga, eat healthy and avoid screen time for 2-3 hours before sleep. If i don't do all of these steps I only seem to get 3-4 hours of sleep now almost guaranteed. Eventhough I do all of the things I mentioned, yoga, working out, cardio, eating healthy, avoiding screen time and going to bed at 9-10 pm I still often only sleep til 1-2 am then I wake up, usually with heart burn symptoms. Then my muscle spasms make it harder for me to fall back asleep again. These are the hings I've tried so far and how they've worked: Electrolyte power: I tried an electrolyte powder containing Sodium Citrare, Potassium Citrate, Magnesium Citrate, Calcium Lactate, Sodium Chloride, Stevia sweetener. It seemed to make the problem worse. Shortly after taking the powder the spasming would begin, so I've stopped taking it for now. Magnesium Taurate: I tried taking magnesium taurate one day. It's hard yet for me to tell wether it was beneficial or not because I've only tried it once so far. However, my reaction to it was so intense that I'm not sure if I want to take it again for a while, maybe I'll try another form of magnesium/other brand. I took it at night before sleep. 1-2 hours after intake I started feeling mentally stimulated. I was feeling nausea/confusion as well. Anxiety was increasing, I had to run to the bathroom a couple of times, had what felt like anxiety induced shits. I didn't have diarrhea but I had to go badly a couple of times and I felt very anxious, fight or flight mode kicked in. A pretty bad anxiety remained for a few hours, I felt mentally stimulated and couldn't sleep. I had to focus on my breath and surrender to it all in fetus position in my bed, I finally managed to let go and be the observer of the situation and my anxiety melted away and I had a couple of blissful hours of relief before falling asleep. Then the following day my nose was very clogged up, I had a lot of mucus and couldn't breathe through my nose. I felt as if I had the flu or something, I was mentally exhausted. I had some randoms body aches just like when having the flu. That lasted for 2 days, but I was feeling increasingly better, both mentally I was feeling very splendid, but also the muscle spasms got better, less frequent and intense. But I can't tell if the spasms were getting better because I was not doing any excercise or because of the magnesium taurate dose. Changing up my workouts: I have decreased my workout frequency as well as intensity. I am now doing full body with just a couple of compound movements. Then some relaxing yoga in the evenings and light jogging 2 times per week. This seems to help somewhat but it feels like it will take a long time for me to make any progress training wise like this. I tried pushing myself with some progressive overload on one of my whole body workouts and in the evening the spasming was getting worse again. But the workouts feel good and are less taxing mentally than my old style of working out. Diet: I have been trying to include more magnesium rich and healthy foods to see if that can help without giving me the extreme side effects the magnesium taurate supplement did. What I've been eating lately is as follows, I've cut out all that I consider junk. I now eat what I think might be pretty clean, in no particular order: Quinoa, Spinach, Turkey Breast, Salmon, Kale, Pumpkin Seeds, Walnuts, Bananas, Potatoes, Red lentils, Kiwi fruits, Whole wheat pasta, Sushi, Olive oil, Apples, Sardines, Bell peppers, Cucumber, Romaine Lettuce, Cod Liver Oil. This is all I've been eating the past week. I also drank a glass of milk once and ate some yoghurt once. I have been feeling good during the day for the most part, I think my diet improvments have made a positive impact on the spasming so it could be that the increased magnesium intake from food is helping. I have a lot of energy and am motivated to excercise and do yoga. My mind is mostly peaceful, I love running and feeling my breath. But at night when I'm lying down to rest the spasms are still there. Even though they have improved somewhat. And at night my acid reflux acts up too, it wakes me up in the middle of the night. Apple Cider Vinegar: To deal with my acid reflux I've reincorporated 2 tbsp of apple cider vinegar per day. Before I used to have sleep trouble from drinking it because it used to make me feel stimulated in the night, but it did solve my acid reflux completely during the time I was taking it at night. But now I'm drinking it in the morning & at lunch instead. I have no trouble falling asleep because of being stimulated from ACV now it seems. But so far it's not helping my acid reflux at night much either. However, it does make my digestion feel great whenever I use it. When I first take it in the morning I get some slight weird feeling and anxiety, I start feeling stimulated, like I drank a cup of coffee or something. Then that feeling becomes more subtle, the anxiety dissappears and my digestion kickstarts and seems like it's working better than normal in the early part of the day when I'm using it. When I'm not using ACV I have some indigestion/burping throughout the day, especially if I eat a big meal. I'm guessing it's tied to the acid reflux. I can't seem to wrap my hands around my health, it feels like everytime I try putting out one fire another one appears. Really frustrating, I'm writing this after waking up at 2 am from acid reflux and then having some muscle spasms. My plan right now moving forward is to try a couple more days of Apple Cider Vinegar in the early part of the day and to potentially look for another form and brand of magnesium to see if I can take it without getting so adverse side effects.
  4. So I've been upping my workout intensity and consistency, and I'm making progress. However, as often seems to happen in life, I've encountered an unexpected obstacle. When I'm resting, sitting down, but especially when I'm lying down to sleep at night I can feel my muscles having tiny spasms/twitching. In my thighs, calves, lats, back, and sometimes in my abs and even my feet too. Which area is spasming/twitching varies from day to day, yesterday and today it's been mostly in the thighs and calves when sitting & lying down, sometimes when sitting down my thighs are shaking slightly and sometimes occasional muscle twitches in my calves too. The twitching seems to come on in the evening on deadlift or squat day or the day after and lasts a few days before subsiding. It comes back again everytime I hit deadlift or squats which is pretty annoying because I deadlift 1 time/week and squat 2 times/week. It makes sleeping very annoying. I'm loving my workouts, I'm pretty careful with technique and I'm not progressively overloading too fast. I'm never 1 rep maxing, I'm in a 4-8 rep range on squats and a 4-6 rep range on deadlifts per set, 3-4 sets of each. Things I've tried so far: drinking more water, supplementing 1 mg b12(methylcobalamine) daily, eating more potassium(bananas, kiwis, potatoes, hitting 100-200% DRI daily), eating more salt(pink himalayan), apple cider vinegar before sleep, doing yoga for stress relief. Each solution seems to help somewhat, but they only make the twitching/spasming less frequent and intense, it doesn't go away completely until a few days of rest have passed. This sucks a bit because I want to go back to the gym, it makes me feel good and I want to keep making progress. But having twitching/spasms every night is impacting my ability to fall asleep so I'm falling asleep late and fking up my sleep schedule. Has anyone encountered something similar when working out? Did you find any way to fix this or do you just have to live with this until it eventually goes away..?
  5. I didn't know that. I have not looked into Anthony Williams work despite being aware of him. I will look more into the matter.
  6. Sadhguru also says Apple Cider Vinegar is poison, he has some weird takes.
  7. Perhaps the LSD is letting you know it's time for a break to work on yourself through other means. It sounds like you were already shown a lot in your earlier LSD trips, maybe it's time to focus on integration. How do you feel after the dark trips are over? How long does the despair last, is it worse on the come up or does it get worse throughout the trip? When trips start to turn dark like this I take it as a sign I'm in need for a break and time for sober integration of what I've learned, time to work on myself. Yoga, meditation, exercise, working on your nutrition, sleep habits, relationships, carreer, to name a few different possibilities of what you could work on moving forwards to help grow yourself and help release eventual emotions that are stored in the body.
  8. I think Talking with famous people is an ENTP. I think CSJ is an ENTJ. He's smoking a cigar and has a similar talking style like my ENTJ friend. The two people I know who smoke cigars is an ENTJ and an ESTP. CSJ typed Talking with famous people as an ESTP. Talking with famous people typed CSJ as an ESTJ. I think they're both somewhat dishonest with their typing of eachother and doing it mostly to annoy eachother. But I think ESTP is closer to Talking with famous people than ESTJ is to CSJ. But I still think they're both just trolling eachother, which I don't necessarily like. It would be nice if two of the most prominent voices on MBTI took their roles a bit more seriously. I have watched a lot of both their channels and they both have some golden content as well as some flaws. I bought the CSJ premium INFP content and was not impressed with it, I feel he doesn't like INFPs and sadly it shines through in the premium content. Some of it was insightful but some of it was just downright hurtful and didn't feel like it was well intentioned. The premium content is mostly a lot of rambling about how INFPs are the biggest problem with mankind and how basically the only actualized INFPs are Robert Greene and Keanu Reeves. The premium content was not very relateable for me. However, I did find a lot of the content on his YouTube channel very valuable, probably more so than Talking with famous people. Talking with famous people although very theoretically knowledgeable on MBTI, is just too high for his own good all the time. He seems to me like he's a tormented soul dealing with repressed emotions. He's doing multiple bong rips in the middle of his typing session and typing people way too confidently, just to later completely retype them when they do a retyping session. Some of his typing sessions are good but in some of them he just goes for too many bong rips and as a fairly experienced weed smoker I can tell when he gets too high to properly type. It feels irresponsible to me. Some of his typing sessions I think his typing felt way off. With that being said he too has his nuggets of gold on his channel. But man he should really stop getting super blazed when typing people live. I think he doesn't have a healthy relationship with weed or drugs in general, being that he also made a drug tier list where he if I recall correctly recommended people to try opiates and meth.
  9. Nice to have you back man. You seem to be on a good path with the retreat and your other upcoming plans. I'm also working through repressed emotions right now. I think most people these days have repressed emotions resulting in stress, anxiety, depression and physical ailments. I agree with you about intergenerational trauma. I think it's more common than not, and the more sensitive the child is, the more traumatic 'normal' disciplining and upbringing can be. I became aware of this in July when I was triggered to tears by my parents during my visit there, despite having a normal upbringing my relationship with my parents is complex. My mother is a very stressed person in general and my dad is emotionally unavailable. In other words they both likely carry intergenerational trauma that's manifested itself in different ways and it's been passed on to me unconsciously. I've been doing yoga regularly the past months and it has brought up emotions and memories of events which were traumatic to me when I was a child. I now know the root cause of many of my problems and just knowing that has been a big relief. Although I'm still in the middle of the healing process, I now believe growth is possible as long as I keep up my Yoga practice, keep accepting and letting go of the past and getting in touch with my repressed emotions. There is a power there waiting to be unleashed. Good luck with all your endeavours!
  10. When I googled it said ACV has some potassium yet other sources also that it decreases potassium levels, weird. I'm not doing keto. It might be true that it increases my T3, I did get a lot of energy to the point of almost overworking myself when I was taking it. I was dilluting 1tbsp in half a glass of water and taking 3 times per day, 2 before my main meals and 1 before bedtime. Sadly the dose before bedtime seemed to be the one that really helped my heartburn. I would notice it because I would have no heartburn when trying to sleep as well as I wouldn't have a bad taste in my mouth when waking up. But when I only took ACV earlier in the day, I still got heartburn at bedtime. However, my heartburn seems to have be slightly better after doing ACV for a few days eventhough I'm not currently doing it. So I may try another round next week and see if just taking it earlier in the day still has a net benefit on my heartburn in the long run. Another interesting thing is my muscle twitching issue, that has been improved but is still remaining. I tried magnesium for 2 days but had a very strong reaction to it. However, I think ACV as well as Electrolyte powder I tried as a remedy might have been making my twitching worse. But I'm not sure about that yet, I will make a longer status update about that in the relevant thread tomorrow.
  11. Apple cider vinegar seems to help me a lot with my heart burn. But it makes me feel like I'm on some sort of stimulant and makes it very hard to sleep. Any idea what could be causing that? I used to intermittent fast a lot because I didn't eat breakfast and I've never been fat but I've never been that muscular either. I think I've been eating low calories for a big part of my life. But in recent years I've developed an annoying heart burn that seems to be worse when I do it because then I end up being hungrier at the later part of the day, resulting in big meals close to bed time, which seems to be a recipe for heartburn for me.
  12. Yeah, Gabor Maté's definition of trauma is different than the conventional one. I'm going by his definition, which is that trauma is not necessarily that the child was abused sexually or physically or some other extreme form of abuse, although those are experiences that most certainly would cause trauma too by his definition. But rather his definition of trauma is that there is some aspect of the childs need that weren't met, which leads to surpression of certain emotions, which leads to high stress levels, anxiety and depression. By his definition, trauma could look like for example being told to go to your room when you're not behaving as your parents want you to, being told not to be so emotional and be more rational/be a man when you're showing sadness. Being ridiculed by others for not being brave enough, being yelled at for acting out/not behaving. Being told not to be so lazy. Basically being told you can't be the way you are/express yourself the way you are expressing yourself. Being made to feel shame over expressing your emotions, Being made to feel that your parents love is not unconditional, but on the condition of good behaviour. A child that is screaming at dinner because he's angry does so as a natural way to cope with the anger he's feeling, expressing the anger by screaming is a natural way for a child to express and process the emotion of anger. In today's society if a child is screaming or not behaving most parents will discipline them, tell them that's wrong to do. Not by punishing the child physically anymore(for the most part), but by being shamed in various ways, for example by being told what they're doing is wrong, being told to sit still and be quiet, being told to go to their room. This makes the kid feel that they're doing something wrong when in fact they're simply authentically expressing their anger. Boys today are being told over and over to sit down and behave in the classroom. And at home as well, the parents don't want their kid to be the one that doesn't behave at school and be forced to deal with the shame of being 'that parent' that can't discipline their child. Many children today don't get the unconditional love that they need, they feel like they have to behave in a certain way and jump through hoops to make their parents love them. The parents will keep shaming their children for behaviour that doesn't satisfy them, even when the children are adults. This summer I had an emotional breakdown because my parents were dictating so much what I could/couldn't do when I was visiting their place and it made me feel like I had to behave in a certain way in order to please them, I couldn't just relax and be myself. Stress is what happens when we lose touch with our authentic self, so to speak. We can't just relax and be the way we are, instead we have been programmed to jump through hoops and do things in ways that we feel are not in line with who we really are, our emotions are surpressed and stress is the bodys way to try and let out some steam. Today this is considered normal, sadly. The trauma is passed on in generations according to Maté, a stressed out parent is stressed out mainly because of under the circumstances they were raised, and they will pass on some of those circumstances to their child without realizing it. The child will be able to tell that their parent is stressed and will learn the parents stress coping mechanisms as a way to cope with their own surpressed emotions. Parents who are shaming their children for expressing their emotions likely have some surpressed emotions themselves. And they too have been taught it's not ok to show those emotions. Depressed & anxious parents have higher likelyhood of having depressed and anxious children, stressed parents have a higher likelyhood of having stressed, anxious/neurotic children. It's a cycle that goes on and on until someone breaks it.
  13. Lookup Gabor Maté on YouTube, he has a theory about how addiction is rooted in coping with stress and other feelings and how stress, anxiety, depression etc is rooted in repressed feelings/trauma. According to Maté trauma is not what happens to us but what happens inside of us as a reaction of an event. A seemingly not traumatic experience can cause trauma, especially to a child. We don't even remember all trauma we have because some of it is stored only in our nervous system memory, from when we were toddlers and unable to form memories. Stress/anxiety is a natural reaction to uncertainty. Maté says that when we are kids, optimally we need the following: A non stressed, unconditionally loving and emotionally available parent that is always there for us. If the parent fails to meet one of these criteria Maté means that it is not an optimal environment for a kid to grow up in. A kid growing up with a stressed parent(e.g. poor and stressed about making ends meet) the parent will pass on this stress to the child and the child will be have an increase likelihood of learning problematic coping behaviours for dealing with the stress. If a parent gets angry at the kid for showing negative emotions like anger, fear or sadness(the parent might tell the kid to go to their room because they got angry as a punishment, or tell the kid to man up and stop being a wimp for being scared). The kid will end up repressing these emotions and they will manifest later in life as stress, anxiety, depression. For which addiction is yet again a common coping mechanism. The way to deal with this seems to be to get in touch with your repressed emotions. Maybe you're like me and are Mr Nice Guy for example. I've been too nice to people, surpressing my anger which has resulted in poor boundaries, letting people run over me and undermining my masculine side. Working on getting back in touch with that has been fruitful for me lately, learning to be better at saying no and standing my ground. What you have to work on might be different depending on where your addiction is rooted. To find the cause of the addiction and anxiety/depression you can for example start doing yoga regulations to help get in touch with your inner self and start becoming your own guide. With time emotions might come up, or memories of some event that was traumatic to you as a child. Then you can start processing that by acknowledging and accepting it as a part of your past and then it will help you release stress & emotions and pass on eventually. This process can help you get more in touch with yourself and empower you to take the next step, which is quitting smoking. That's going to release even more stress that you're using the smoking to surpress but with the yoga and dealing with stuff that's already been brought up you'll be more prepared to deal with it, the withdrawal won't last forever but there'll be a healing process. On the other side of pain is growth.
  14. Hadn't heard of Aaron, I will check him out! I find Gabor's work very insightful, grounded, practically useful, wise and still tangible for the layman. Really love his work!
  15. You're in for a treat . I am still thinking about this book from time to time, it has proven unexpectedly relevant for what I'm going through right now.
  16. Thought I'd put up a quick book review here. I wish there were spoiler tags on the forums because there are some specific things in the book I'd like to share my thoughts about but I can't do so without risking spoiling the book for people who haven't read it. This book was, in my opinion, amazing. It was a very sad and beautiful read. I was tearing up on multiple occasions while reading it. There's one part in particular that I can't mention without spoiling that was incredibly beautiful and made me burst out crying. I had to cry for a few minutes before I could go on and finish the book. It is incredibly creative and dynamic. It touches on subjects like philosophy, spirituality, religion, science, poetry, relationships and trauma. It's just an incredible book that makes you reflect on a lot of things. On top of this this book really gets you in touch with your emotions and empathy, invites you to reflect on your own life in many ways. The book is about Charlie Gordon, a mentally retarded guy who works at a bakery. Gordon undergoes a new science experiment in an attempt to make him into an intelligent human being. The rest you'll have to find out for yourself. I discovered the book by seeing user @peanutspathtotruth and others talking about the book in another thread somwhere here on the forums. Thank you for shining light on this book, because of you I've had the luck to get to read this book, and for me it was a very beautiful, emotional, reflective and therapeutic reading experience. 5/5 - I highly recommend it, if you're ready to shed a tear.
  17. Hey, I've seen them live 6-7 years ago
  18. Love love love Frank Sinatra. My way, For once in my life, Witchcraft, Nice 'n' Easy, If you go away, Somethin' Stupid Are my favorites.
  19. To me Nofap seems to have some validity to it in the same way that a fast has some validity. It can give discipline benefits for people struggling to abstain from masturbation/who masturbate often as a cope. I've tried it and it does seem to have some sort of alteration/impact on state of conciousness. Perhaps it's because of testosterone, dopamine or maybe it's abstaining from porn that gives most of the positive mental effect. In either case when I've tried it for a few days to a few weeks, it does seem to increase my productivity, sense of self control and energy levels somewhat. However, I think masturbation can also have some self bonding properties that can be benefical too, it can be a way to relax and show yourself some love, it's a way to experience something beautiful with yourself. But it can become a problem when it becomes an obsessive coping mechanism to get rid of boredom or other tough feelings too often. Then it becomes an escape from facing yourself. And porn can be problematic in the sense that there's a lot of unethical porn out there exploiting poor women and taking advantage of that for short term pleasure, who knows what the subconcious implications of that is. I think porn can also contribute to objectifying thoughts about women and have a negative impact on society as a whole. I think watching porn everyday certainly is not healthy and yet a lot of men do this. Porn & masturbation also serves as a substitute for contact with women for many incels which is another way it can be abused in an unhealthy way. Some psycho people like Ted Bundy have said porn was what pushed them over the edge, and while it's not a big problem for everyone I think there are many signs hinting about potential dangers with porn for some people. This is just my two notes from my own experiences with masturbation & abstaining from it. I think masturbation is good, but too much of it or doing it as an escapism of some sort can be bad. I think porn is the biggest problem though. Nofap can be a useful experience but you got to watch out so you don't take it on as an ideology. Because then you might be downloading other ideas that you didn't sign up for to begin with.
  20. Working out This forum Music Biting my nails Chocolate
  21. I began taking an electrolyte powder with potassium/magnesium/calcium/sodium today. Hopefully it helps! I'll be back in the thread later with an update