Yoremo

Honestly hearing about enlightenment freaks me the fuck out, not up to that shit in atleast 10 years or so

@Jakuchuwell then, what is enlightenment? My other goals are to not feel miserable in essence. I might just be all out wrong here, but what I am saying is that I wish to get myself to be able to socialize, to move again, to accomplish something I am really passionate about. I am not against enlightenment but I am just saying that I won´t even think about it until I can function as a human again. And if that is what I want then I am just unsure whether meditation is neccesary right now as up until this point I have not gotten anything valuable from meditation except for the good feelings during and for some time after the meditation.

@NahmSo the activity of thought is me getting scared and doubtful about continuing meditation? and yes, the video is really good. Michael is one of the best I have encountered doing guided meditations. I got really deep on this one

@JonasVE12Any good resource on chakras? But relaxing when approaching people like this how does that look or is it just relaxing into the emotions no matter how intense they are? because I find it hard to see how I can relax in that situation I am also trying to understand the things you stated above. Do you have any good books or something I can check into? I want to have an ongoing research while I am taking action so that I can get a more holistic understanding of this. what book/s of lester levenson do you recommend? the product by the fearless man, is that "the ultimate dating collection"? Did it help you only with dating or with other releasing too? Maybe that ain´t for me now as I live in a small place and the cost of error is quite large (socially and I am not secure enough to take that atleast not now) but maybe that is the perfect situation to buy it? the "1% rule" which you were talking about, is that in the book "the slight edge"? Feel free to add anything else you think could be valuable. Your post was a bit daunting to go through but in the end releasing is pretty simple right? Edit: I don´t know if you have heard of the emotional scale, which nahm speaks about. Does that tie into this in any way?

well, but is it worth it to do meditation now then? since I am not wanting to get enlightened and I am confused whether meditation will help me achieve the goals I want.

am doing shamanic breathing every week now! where did you find all of this out about shadow work? I am looking to just increase my understanding of the practice, not find other variations of it. Because with my lack of understanding of it makes it not as intuitive and good I think. the shadow work is pretty up and down I feel. Like yesterday during class I cried in the back of the classroom as I was realizing how little that meant for me, the shadow work makes me a bit more unstable in the short term I feel but I think that that will result in a more stable emotional quality long term.

shadow work I am going to work on the fear of people not liking me. I am afraid of being myself because I don´t want to face the pain of people not accepting me for who I am. AAI Awareness where is the feeling? This feeling is in my heart, and at the bottom of my throat. Also in my breastbone and radiating down the right side of the chest. how does this feeling feel? In my throat it feels like I am being strangled, it is hard to get air. In my chest it feels as though there is a sharp pain coming from inside my bones in my chest. Feeling like someone pokes me with something sharp. {crying a bit} How does this feeling look like? In my throat it is an almost rectangular or almost a bit pointy like a spear going up my throat from beneath. It is orange. The shape of the feeling is very hard to define in my chest, as the pain comes and goes and goes into very irregular geometric shapes, sometimes rectangular, sometimes a spiky ball and other weird shapes. I can not feel what color it is, the pain in my chest is harder to define than the pain in my throat. When I focus on the feeling the pain in my chest arises and changes quickly. When did I first feel like this in my life? I first felt like this when I was a kid, around the age of 7. I remember my brothers speaking to me very strongly about what they thought was good and bad in a human being. I don´t remember what kind of judgements they had about people, but I remember that I felt this almost worry-like feeling that I would be like that. The feeling was unpleasant and it felt wrong when they talked like this. I remember going into one of my brother´s room, with the wardrobe of wood on the left, his bed and wooden bedtable and the red rug and the wooden picture thing and his desk of wood also. I went in and felt a fear that he would think I was the wrong way. I was scared of what that would mean to me. I didn´t have any idea of what consequenses that would have, I was just very scared of his opinion. His opinion was valuable to me. So I played a role in his presence. I wasn´t myself, but I was a kid that joked a lot and I was quite irritating. But I was not myself and therefore I was safe. The person I was otherwise was a very mellow kid that wanted to talk about deep topics mostly, topics that most kids wouldn´t even consider to think about. I could do this with my grandma and my father and we talked about nature and some other stuff. I was very dependent on people loving me as a kid and being intimate with people, but I denied this part of me as that was not seen as cool enough and wasn´t accepted. I would probably have been called gay and bullied, maybe not from my brothers but from classmates. This was also true with my other brother, which during these years I liked more. He was a bit more childish than my other brother because he has autism for example and some other stuff. But this brother of mine I looked up to even more aswell, I remember wanting the same haircut as him and I was thinking about him a lot when choosing how to behave. I imitated him a lot because of this admiration, for example I got my backpack because he had one of that sort (don´t know what it´s called). There was a constant denying of genuine parts of myself because I wanted to be liked by my two brothers and also by their friends and my friends. This denying is the feeling I am feeling right now, and the reliance of denying myself has made me accustomed to it and therefore scared of being my genuine self. These moralizations were not only made by my brothers, but also done by my parents but most importantly my classmates and older kids. It´d be a constant chatter of things being gay, weird, bad, dumb etc. etc. This jargon made me afraid to express myself as I didn´t want to be any of these things. The state I went in was a very robotic state where everything I did was things I for 100 % certainty knew would be accepted and liked. where do you come from? I come from a defense mechanism against a very judgemental environment. There is no other way to survive in a firefight than to either kill everyone else (which is hard) or hide which is what I did. I come from these talks with people whom had very strong opinions about what people was wrong or right and what behaviour was right or wrong. I come from an inability to cope with these harsh conversations and from the lack of courage to stand up for who I am. I guess I know this, but nonetheless what are you protecting me from? I am protecting you from the judgement of your real self, of the only self that actually matters. I get what you are talking about. What do you want to say now? I want to tell you that whenever people made statements like those I felt in a very peculiar way. I felt like I was watching someone beating someone else up. I felt that what this talk was was not right, it was something wrong with it. It all felt so wrong and I kind of wanted to interrupt and just tell them to shut up, but I never did because I didn´t really know why it felt so bad and weird. Acknowledgement What made me feel this way? what made me feel insecure and bad? It made me feel this way because I felt that maybe I was some of those "bad" things they talked about. And the uncertainty of peoples reactions to me was just too much to bear. Also because of some criticism I felt that people watched my every footstep, I felt very watched and like people judged how I was doing. I don´t know exactly why but this made me feel weird and disgusting and shameful. I also didn´t have any role model to look up to, my parents, my brothers, my friends, my teachers all of these people were the same way. Judgemental they were and insecure, so I didn´t quite know what alternatives there were to how all the other people were living their lives. I didn´t know any better, I didn´t even know of the notion of not caring what other people think. I thought there was no alternative, I saw life very unclearly and couldn´t see how I could do and live different. This was completely impossible for me. There was no alternative for me, I was doomed to try and satisfy the people around me. I got indoctrinated a certain way without any other alternative even suggested. How should I have been protected so that I could go through those experiences safely and learn without getting hurt? here´s how the story would be: So a lot of people are condemning a lot of other people when I was young. I felt quite weird and almost disgusted as if seeing someone killing someone else and I couldn´t handle it. BUT, my life saver came into my life. A teacher saw how I was acting weirdly, and he saw through that and knew exactly what was going on. He then took me under his wing and became almost like a father to me and helped mentoring me to understand the functioning of the social game. He gave me invaluable lessons and made me realize deeply that no matter who I am I am going to be judged. And he made me feel comfortable being myself and getting criticism and hate on that, but to not get offended. He learned me about the human psychology and taught me how people are trying to fit in and how they want to do almost anything to do that. That´s why almost all people are doing this pretending game, because they think others will like them for it. And therefore there is no value in playing a part, nor value in valuing other´s opinions because they simply don´t matter. I got taught how to handle my emotions and how to work through difficult things and how to be a functioning human being. He cleared up the whole world for me and showed me how things actually work, he managed to get me to see clearly. Everything is alright, all the adults helped me and all the kids were nice and forgiving and conscious of the world and they never tried to hurt me, they tried to make me feel comfortable.' Integration I thank you for protecting me. I do understand you better now, and I do see why you protected me. And I am eternally grateful for that protection, and I want you to know that you did nothing wrong, you did exactly what you needed to do and what was the right thing to do. So you did everything right, and remember that this was not your fault, you are perfect just the way you are and I love you and accept you for just that. You can now be free of worries and troublesome thought, you can let go and be free.

@Michal__ I am @Droo_ going to try that out, have heard of it but never actually tested it out

Btw, I bought it from superfruit, and that´s organic but I find it hard to see whether they are good or bad. They look good but every company does.

Additional question to the turmeric and ashwagandha, how do I know if they are good? So that I am not soaking up a ton of bad shit? or is this not something to worry about? Also I added lion´s mane to the moon milk as I already take that, is that ok?

@peanutspathtotruthI am a complete noob when it comes to nutrition, but cooking doesn´t reduce the nutrients? just wondering. Then another question, I have been doing shadow work and going deeply into my emotions and letting myself feel it for hours. This has led me to feel worse the last couple of days. Is this a normal response to facing my emotions? Because I have never felt as depressed as I did yesterday and that is what made it I think. Is this ego backlash?

@Nahm Okay, so I look at the emotion and I express what I feel and what arises. So there is no need to actually express the "I am feeling irritated"? I am just expressing what I feel when I see "irritation" on the emotional scale, which will be very random I suppose. Sorry for asking so many follow up questions, but if I wouldn´t I don´t think I would do it at all. Thank you for being so patient with me

@Nahm okay, so I just did it. And I did feel better. 4 questions. 1: can I do this like if I am in school or any other kind of "stressful" environment? because up until now I have not been doing that there and therefore I stoped. 2: this expressing emotions, is it just "I am feeling irritated" or should I actually play out the emotion of irritation like "I am so pissed that he did that" or a combination of the first and second example? 3: I have learned about the sedona method which is basically just feeling into emotions and then they stop controlling you. Does this correlate to that in some way? 4: the last time I did it I noticed I had more negative self talk, was maybe this because I expressed and found the negative emotions creatively as in the second example in my question nr. 2?

@Michael569 I´ll definitely try to get out during the sunny days. Would a breakfast of fried eggs and fruit be good? or should I switch out the eggs toward like porridge?

@peanutspathtotruth I´ll try the moon milk and listening to nature sounds. Thanks bro! @lostingenosmaze thank you, got some good stuff from there. @Salvijus yeah, the shower usually becomes sort of a meditation for me before bed. @Michael569 my day routine on week days is: wake up, brush teeth and make myself ready, ride the bus to school and meditate, go to school, get home and workout, eat, shower, go to bed. Basically. During the weekends though I usually workout by 12 am. My sleep schedule is consistent throughout the week except for some weekends when i have severely fucked up then I´ll take a couple extra hours of sleep in the morning. This is great stuff, thanks. I can´t get sunlight though during the weeks as sun goes up super late here in sweden and I am stuck in school during the days so when I am out of school it´s dark outside again (depressing af). I have done intermittent fasting for a while now but I will break that of now as it gets in the way I feel, do you think that is a good idea? Then could I just do like a small cycle of pushups and pullups in the morning as exercise? I can´t run or anything in atleast a couple of months as I am injured. I have tried blue blocking glasses but they don´t really seem to help that much, and they don´t quite fit me so they glide down all the time which makes me not use them. As a evening routine, could I just sit and be in quiet and just kind of think and meditate, no real structure just sitting in my chair and just sitting and then when i am sleepy I go to bed? I however don´t want my evening routine to be too long as I already have very little time to do things and sleep. As for food, I am restricted by what my parents cook me and what I get in school. And I have tried to speak rationally to my parents and tried to initiate a change but as you probably would have guessed that did not go very well so I am just trying to eat as good as I can when I can choose to I guess

@Nahm But how do I use the emotional scale? It always gets so unpractical, I don´t know how to make it a habit without making it. hassle

a good purpuse and great meaning in life will make your mental health a ton better

hey guys! So I´ve always been bad at socializing and I´ve been moaning about it here on the forum for a while now. So right now the only people I hang out with are my family, the guys in my class (can add that I am a guy) and like 4 guys from my parallell class. I never get invited to do something, I never get invited to partys or anything, and for good reason because most of the time I can be quite boring. Now I ain´t from a big city, I´m from a small island with like 50k people in total spread on a good amount of land. And 1k goes to my high school and maybe another 1k goes on the only other high school there is (know like 1 person there though). That´s why it´s such a big deal that I never get invited to places, because there ain´t nothing but private parties here. So, I am not a socially retarded person but I am very insecure in some instances and that makes me fuck up and to not want to speak to people again. So my goal this year is that I basically want to transform myself into a extroverted person from the kind of introverted incel person which is me right now. So what I want to ask you guys is, how would you approach this? Mainly what I need to resolve is the fear revolving social interactions aswell as building up my skills at social interactions. And I am not really sure where to start, because what I´ve done in the past is just kind of getting a bit driven to change and then stuff change but then I don´t really have a plan for it and then I stop. Also, another question which has been bothering me related to this, how am I myself? it just seems like such a fucking weird concept, I am a different person for everyday that goes of my life, so what kind of person am I? I am NOT asking for a spiritual "there is no self" answer, more just for an answer for how the fuck to find my authentic self in socializing and rest of life aswell.

@Danioover9000 financial situation: have 10k saved up for me from my parents till´I´m 18 but like 2k that´s mine to use now my social circle: the guys at school in my class basically, I only hang out in school my situation in high school: I don´t know what you mean but I am probably looked at a bit odd and like I am a bit of a loner and kind of to myself and a bit boring perhaps. Otherwise I have decent grades my relationship with my family member: not good at all, we live in a small house and I can´t tolerate them. Completely my fault though as I usually get mad at nothing my relationship with my sexuality: don´t even know what this means, I am a virgin but I feel good about my sexuality in general and confident. The only sexual thing I do is to jack off what hobbies I have: I just started to play guitar, other than that not much. My life got so empty since the biggest thing in my life was soccer before but my body is injured all the fucking time. I like to work out though but can´t really do that now. I like to go out in nature aswell as being with animals. But I basically do none of these as I am just coming out of a long depression. What fitness I´m into: running, weightlifting, soccer or any other sports really. I like biking to lakes around my house too during summer aswell as taking walks in the forests. I fucking love to move, but I don´t do these things much either since I am pretty darn injured What I do for leisure: mostly watching yt and movies. Feel bad about that though. Maybe petting the dog. Not much here personality type: I took it a while back, got INTP-A or INTP-T, but this is bullshit I feel because the person I am now is so far from my "personality", this is just a consequense of being socially liad back for my 17 year life aswell as my 1 year depression. Do with that what you will. I think I use sight mostly, but it´s hard to tell. when I am unsure if people like me or when I am unsure whether we have the same opinion. I am also insecure when I meet hot girls, and other people I look up to, also guys. I am also insecure meeting new people and I am insecure that people will think I am bad in some way. I am afraid of people judging me, I kind of feel this feeling that I want to protect my "innocent self image" (that´s how it feels, I know that logically it doesn´t make much sense) and I am afraid of people judging, I have some images that I sincerely don´t want other people to view me as and I feel very obliged to keep people from viewing me in these certain ways examples may be I don´t want to be seen as a player, a loser, unconfident, immature and the list goes on. One big excuse for me is that I live 45 min from the only "city" on my island and that makes it easier to come up with excuses. My main problem is just insecurity, I have already decent social calibration but all of this is of course thrown out the window the days I feel unconfident. I guess it´s always about confidence when it comes to social interactions. I also feel that the main thing making me feel bad except for not socializing is because ever since I couldn´t play soccer my fucking world got collapsed, and so I have kind of given up more or less (except for some futile attempts) on my life the last year or so just focusing on getting healthy. But I feel I need to get my shit together too to make me feel better

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZmUMRAN-qc this is basically all I need for my social life, that plus the how to get laid series is all I need, now this video is even more actionable, will make out a plan for this in a couple of days, lesssss go!!!

@Nahm adding it to the dreamboard? So it really doesn´t matter how I am doing it, should I just do it intuitively?

@Nahm I´ve tried doing that but I just don´t seem to get very inspired by it, like I am still trying to do it again and again but maybe I´m just doing it wrong?

@roopepa thank you for that answer! This resonated very good with me, definitely going to reread this when I am not this tired, thank you!

@Spaceso you didn´t take notes? How is that good? I´m honestly wondering, wouldn´t it be better if I also took notes or not? Maybe I read it wrong, so yu´re just saying to not be so rigid about the process, just be curious Because many times I take notes on some book or videos and then not really do anything about it and that can´t possibly be the right way to go, right?

@Dryas will do, thank you for suggesting that. @Ulax I will try the see, hear and feel meditation. I have tried it in the past and felt kind of overwhelmed but I will try to just let go and do it to the best of my ability. you seem so nice! And I will let you know how the therapy goes