Judy2

sometimes i feel really uncomfortable at my gym because whenever classes are being taught, the music is really loud and there's a very loud beep-tone every minute that causes major discomfort. aside from that, it's all good.

hm?

thank you, this is very helpful. i like the moment when i randomly try a guided meditation and my body starts breathing me more than i breathe it. happens very automatically, which is nice. my body knows how to do this, i just need to let it(?).

yes. i thought about it some more and whether i'm stressed or not isn't always a function of how much i'm doing. it's an attitude and has a lot to do with the stories i tell myself about all the things i am doing/am not doing/should be doing and whether i think they'll work out or not. it's also the anticipation of future conflict/discomfort.

i'm experiencing stress and anxiety around applications and all sorts of paperwork i need to get done.

noted:)

@Breathe thank you, i'll check it out:)

okay, so for you it's about balancing the kinds of activities you do to match your personal preference. thanks for sharing:)

when i was a kid, i was bored a lot. if anything, i was anxious to have more responsibilities and act more grown-up. when i look back, i think i had a hard time relaxing already. i remember having very deep contemplations on holiday about how to successfully relax while sunbathing. then i started daydreaming a lot but couldn't really keep my focus, so it was always a bit frustrating. (maybe this is ADD related? i don't have a formal diagnosis, but a therapist has voiced some suspicions.) while relaxing was hard, i certainly had things i was interested in and enjoyed doing. i had a few hobbies like riding horses and ballet (which i'd chosen on my own, they weren't imposed on me or anything), but started getting headaches and abandoned these hobbies. the headaches were real but i'm wondering if there was some psychosomatic influence.

okay i will, in a few days:) i still need to get clear on some of them before that.

okay that makes sense. i guess it's confusing for me because i can be too extreme in both directions. but really the quality of the relaxation/what i do to relax is the bigger issue. most of the time, it's either too boring or too stressful.

i feel stupid for needing to ask such basic questions.

this is a bit embarrassing and such a weird thing to ask. it's also so basic. at the same time, it's such a huge issue in my life? and i wish i could find ways to relax that are truly energising. apparently, i just don't have this skill yet, but it would make a huge difference if i could acquire it. to find purposeful, meaningful ways to relax. to wind down WHILE still doing something that feels precious and energising...(is that a contradiction? i'm not sure.) i feel so weird for needing to ask how this works in the first place. it seems like it should be so obvious, but maybe it's not.

Love is definitely on the list:) but it could actually be split even further, because there's love as in respect and kindness/ intimate connection ...

yes, the question was if it counts as a value. it's true that i still need to work on the precise definition, though. thank you.

the YouTube algorithm is really mean. for a few days now, it's been flushing all these clips from "me before you" my way. i think this is about the saddest movie ever. lately, i've had a lot of time to think about goodbyes, endings, and death. maybe i've grown at least a little bit wiser though, because my capacity to hold all these emotions within myself without tearing completely apart has increased a tiny bit. i've also found out that goodbyes get worse and only feel like they lack romance and splendour when you're trying to reenact all the past interactions that you feel are connected to wherever or whoever you're saying goodbye to. the past moments - the summer walks and the conversations - are past already, and there's no use cramping them all into the goodbye moments. memory itself is enough, and things are lighter if the goodbye is not too packed with heaviness. when the past is already the past anyway, but we can fleetingly look back and see it with a sense of sadness and loving appreciation. the past is the past already, it has been for years....so if anything, goodbyes are a lovely occasion to look back and see Love. ...and a bit of sadness and melancholy, still. which is sometimes tearing me apart, almost unbearably.... almost. which, i suppose, is exactly as it must be, to strike this chord of existential bitter-sweetness.

i wouldn't dismiss the concept of therapy after trying just one therapist....but it sounds like you intuit this already:) sometimes it just takes some trial and error. depends a lot on the therapist's unique personality and style, how the two of you vibe, and also the therapist's specific school (cbt, dbt, ifs, etc.). the length of the therapy depends a lot on your diagnosis as well as your own willingness to proactively tackle the challenges you seek support with.

i mean i might be wrong....really not sure. i'll just leave it here though, in case it's any good.

i feel as though the erratic posting pattern indicates you might want to seek professional help, after all:) even if you're experiencing awakening. there's no shame in that. if you're God and everyone's You, let God help you🙏🏻 just to help you calm down a bit, stabilise, and clear up your mind. when i had my first awakening, it was very real, but also deeply confusing. sometimes awakening and mental overload go hand in hand, and it's wise to recognise this and give yourself some space to cool down. wish you all the best and take care♡

does something along the lines of emotional mastery/awareness count as a value? as in, being in touch with my emotions and letting them guide me? and being relaxed and grounded while i let myself experience emotions fully? if not, is there another value this could be a part of?

i notice that i am still struggling a lot with the values assessment section in the life purpose course. don't really know what's getting in the way...probably the good old perfectionism, or a general sense of insecurity. i wish someone could tell me the answers, or that i could compare my results to some kind of answer key.

i haven't mentioned this yet, but during my 3-month break from the forum, my grandmother died. she'd been in a coma for over 15 years already, so aside from a hint of sadness, i mostly felt relief that she'd finally made it. i don't know what keeps a person stuck in limbo for so long, but it must have been something significant holding her back, and i'm proud, if anything, that she finally managed to let go. death is also renewal and rebirth - direly needed for someone who's been stuck in a vegetative state for so long, since the time i was still in primary school. my age has more than doubled since she got sick. it's good that she finally had the strength to move on, to whatever comes next for her. i'm sharing this now because i randomly remembered that a few months ago, i had had a dream about her suddenly waking up, and how i'm trying to come to see her. it must have been a few weeks before her death. i guess her waking up has always been a subconscious dream of mine, after all these years. don't know why....i guess it would have been cool. a bit of a miracle, perhaps. it would have made me feel safe, for some reason.

i think Freud and all the people trying to make sense of him deserve a place in Leo's part two on deconstructing rationality, cause this is really pushing the limits of reason.

for example some scholar's reading of Butler's reading of Lacan's reading of Freud said that.

@Husseinisdoingfine i think it's an unlikely scenario that they would become completely open-minded overnight though.