Judy2

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Everything posted by Judy2

  1. it hurts. clarity comes and goes, and when it's gone again i can feel so incredibly inferior. i'm so ugly, i'm not good enough.
  2. Wisdom tells me i am Nothing. Love tells me i am Everything. Between the two my Life flows. ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj
  3. "beyonding."
  4. "laisse-moi tomber afin que je puisse réaliser que j'étais toujours capable de voler"
  5. every "moment" is so new and fresh and crystal clear
  6. "A woman especially, if she has the misfortune of knowing any thing, should conceal it as well as she can." Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey
  7. sometimes i can see something sweet and good and beautiful in myself i'm scared though and have a hard time allowing for this perspective to solidify i KNOW that i'm not good enough, that i'm not perfect - and i guess i want people to know that i know this. at least i'm not deluded about being pretty or smart or more likeable than i actually am then. at least no one can say i am arrogant or too confident about the wrong things.
  8. i think we all are actually very deeply in love with Life. to the point that this Love is inexpressible. it's just that sometimes we get so caught up in our twisted emotional patterns and stories. but even when you think you hate "your" life, you will always be in Love with Life itself. always. no matter how much you hate everything else, you cannot escape this tiny spark of Love that shines at the root of every single thing and being. find it, and let it grow.
  9. i don't wanna be "respected" i wanna be wanted and admired
  10. "All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." ~ Edgar Allan Poe
  11. i'm scared of needing to be someone in this life. if i weren't there, nothing about me could be wrong.
  12. some things in this world are simply too beautiful for me. i wish they could just be without me. i wish they could be for someone more beautiful and perfect than me, cause i simply don't fit in here.
  13. i guess i'm just a terribly awkward person, and that's always the first thing that shines through when i'm not actively censoring myself. maybe i express some emotions and attitudes too freely in environments where i actually shouldn't. no idea what i can do about this, other than to apologise constantly and compulsively. "i'm a bad person, i literally am so weird" "i'm sorry"
  14. "Still, our Steppenwolf has at least discovered a Faustian duality within himself, has found out that no unified soul inhabits the single entity that is his body and that at best he is just starting out on a long pilgrimage towards such an ideal inner harmony. He would like either to become wholly human by conquering the wolf in himself, or conversely to renounce his human side in order at least to live an integrated, undivided life as a wolf. He has presumably never observed a real wolf closely, otherwise he might have seen that animals too have no such things as unified souls; that the beautiful, taut frames of their bodies house a whole variety of aspirations and states of mind; that wolves suffer too, having dark depths within them. Oh no, human beings are always desperately mistaken and bound to suffer when they try to get 'back to nature'. Harry can never fully become a wolf again, and if he did he would realise that even wolves are not simple and primitive creatures but complex and many-sided. Wolves also have two and more than two souls in their wolves' breasts, and anyone desiring to be a wolf is guilty of the same kind of forgetfulness as the man who sings 'What bliss still to be a child!' The likeable but sentimental chap wih his song about the blissfully happy child would also like to get back to nature, to his innocent origins, but he has totally forgotten that children are by no means blissfully happy. Rather, they are capable of many conflicts, a host of contradictory moods, suffering of all kinds. There is no way back at all, either to the wolf or the child. Things do not begin in innocence and simplicity; all created beings, even the ostensibly simplest, are already guilty, already full of contradictions. Cast into the muddy stream of becoming they can never, never hope to swim back up against the current. The road to innocence, to the state before creation, to God, doesn't run backwards, either to the wolf or the child, but forwards, further and further into guilt, deeper and deeper into the experience of becoming fully human. Nor is suicide, poor Steppenwolf, a serious solution to your problem. You will just have to go down the longer, more onerous, more difficult road to becoming truly human. You will frequently have to multiply your two selves, make your already complex nature a great deal more complicated. Instead of making your world more confined and your soul simpler you are going to have to include more and more world, ultimately the entire world in your soul as it painfully expands, until one day, perhaps, you reach the end and find rest. This, in so far as they succeeded in the venture, is the path taken by Buddha, by all great human beings, some knowingly, others unconsciously. Every birth entails separation from the cosmos, enclosure within limits, isolation from God, painful self-renewal. Returning to the cosmos, overcoming the painful experience of individuation, achieving God-like status: all these entail an expansion of the soul to the point where it is once again able to contain the whole cosmos within itself." Steppenwolf, Hermann Hesse
  15. "What i have found to be unanimous about people is that they guard and act like they don't want you to touch the places inside them that they are the most desperate for you to touch." ~ Teal Swan