Judy2

yes. i forget about it often, but Life is much more real and immediate than the finite person that i think i am. like even (and only) now. i [perceive] my surroundings and the body and the thoughts....so if anything, i am (my) Life, rather than some conceptual person at the interface of some external separate world i'm "interacting" with. it should be obvious but we overlook this so often. Life is a much simpler, united notion, as opposed to the conceptual separate self that is interacting with a separate world, undergoing a constant process of perceiving, doing, interacting.

isn't it the case that schizophrenics outsource this voice in their head more and experience it as intrusive?

i think i don't really know what schizophrenia means.

it's funny because i feel a lot of boredom during cardio, and then the one thing i could do is make calculations with the time and speed and distance, but my math brain shuts down when i'm running.

put like that, it sounds scary.

@Joshe how else am i supposed to know then? it took me a really long time to start figuring this out and now it's all wrong...

yeah, people differ a lot in that regard...

i've asked about this at least three times before, but never managed to fully lay this out for myself and find a satisfying answer, so here we go again:) first of all, i wonder how many hours of rest and relaxation (aside from meal times and sleep) are normal/necessary. this is confusing to me because i'm a bit extreme in how i'm either all depressed, low-energy, and feel like i need way more rest than i actually do, or hyperactive and stressing out about getting things done, so i'm unable to realistically account for the relaxation hours of the day and how i should even fill them in a useful, functional way. this dichotomy also ties in with my difficulties of balancing boredom and stress. aside from that, i'm also curious about the quality of the relaxation people typically get. does watching tv truly recharge people? probably not, but what activity/hobby does, without draining someone even further after a long day? both the quality and quantity of conscious rest and relaxation are confusing to me because my parents have never modelled this well. for example, my mum works full time, but her way of relaxing after work is just napping or low-conscious stuff like watching tv. i wonder if there are things that truly feel relaxing and like they recharge you, without having you go unconscious and basically seeking to dissociate from all of life. i feel as though many people define relaxation and rest after work as a permission slip to "go unconscious" and basically enter a state of oblivion - zoning out, taking a break from existence itself - even though this isn't truly recharging. but then i haven't really figured out how to relax in a conscious way while feeling like it increases my energy again, instead of draining it further. it sounds exhausting to be alert and present with myself all day, but i also feel super bored when trying to "relax" by doing something stupid, unconscious and useless like watching tv....but if i do something useful, it might stress me out again and not be properly relaxing. part of this confusion perhaps also stems from my ambiguous attitude toward being alive and living in the first place, and i don't even know if it's normal to "stay conscious" during all my waking hours...and if there are reenergising ways to go about this. i mean, ideally this should be the best and only way to recharge, but i don't quite know what it would look like in practice. is rest just a matter of doing an activity that's different from whatever else you're doing all day? so, for example, if your job is very social, rest after work can look like self-care and me-time, or vice versa, and if you have a desk job, physical activity is what's needed to balance things out. is rest about balancing out the kinds of activities you do throughout the day, or is there more to it? sorry if this is just a completely unnecessary rumination that would be answered more easily by simply living life and finding out what works for me. still, i would find it valuable to have some people who already set this up in their lives in a satisfactory way describe their reasoning for how much time they spend on rest and relaxation, what they do to recharge and how it's different from (or also similar to) their "productive" hours. thanks♡ and sorry if this is a stupid question.

yeah: ) but ideally, i'd want to feel obligated to stick to some person's yoga and meditation schedule they set up for me, and be in an environment with little distractions.

@Bjorn K Holmstrom i'd love to go on a yoga retreat next year, but they're all so expensive. do you know one in Europe that you would recommend?

okay, thank you:)

i might be wrong but i think many sleeping medications have antipsychotic effects. to quiet the mind. *not that many, but it's a thing.

yes, that's an interesting way of looking at it. i think i sort of came up with some of the values this way. especially trust, love, consciousness/awareness/presence, health and emotional regulation are values i chose because i've lived through their opposites. i don't value emotional regulation because i'm so good at it already, and i don't value trust because i'm already such a trusting person - but precisely because this is what i need more of, because i'm usually quite anxious, worried, and distrustful, and so i can see the tramsformative potential of becoming at least a tiny bit more leaned back (and emotionally regulated). is this a legitimate motivation for choosing a value?

@Shakazuluok:) i'm starting to have fun looking at a thing i'm doing and thinking about how many boxes (values) it checks. maybe i should lean more into this attitude. writing the values down in the form of a list is confusing, though, because it artificially breaks down something abstract into sub-components. my brain works the other way around; if anything, i learn other people's models, but i don't typically create my own.

had some weird dreams tonight and woke up again for a few hours. then i went to the gym in the morning, but had to leave early because i had a headache. the afternoon wasn't great, but i did less paperwork than yesterday. it's not like there are any deadlines atm, so i'm not missing out on anything if i take a day off? anyway, this afternoon i randomly started doing my make-up, now i'm listening to music and dancing and suddenly in a much better mood. thank God:) i'm still a bit stressed because i feel as though i need to do a better job at structuring and organising my values list (and all the sub-goals i'd like to assign to each value, for overview and inspiration), my dream journal, etc. it's all a bit of a mess and i feel as though it's always difficult to keep up with all the stuff that's going on in my head. i've also been wanting to start a new list with activities that help me relax.... atm there are almost too many ideas, too much creativity, i can't follow up on it all? but i guess that's better than being depressed, although i'm also struggling with the fact that i can't do everything as perfectly as i'd expect myself to do.

i have been experiencing some subtle anxiety all day, and whatever actions i took to sort things out weren't really enjoyable or relaxing either. i feel like i'm in some sort of full-body cramp, unable to let go or relax...anxious, worried, panicked about what i need to do to make things okay again. i was gonna say that i should do my daily hour of simply trusting now, leaning back, and so on. now, while writing this, i'm not sure if i can. even though worrying isn't exactly efficient, either. i hate worrying. it's ruining my entire life. there's always a new thing to worry about, too. it's not like it ever ends. so i might as well relax, or at least give myself some formal permission to do so. relax tonight, and take action again tomorrow....but never forget to relax inbetween, because that's at least half the work? but i'm still so resistant to it. i'm not sure if i can do this. balance sounds nice in theory but i just can't, i'm not safe.

today, i woke up in the early morning hours, and when i went back to sleep, i had a lucid dream. the dream started a bit uncomfortable at a hair salon with some hair stylist who was a bit weird...eventually, we walked down an elaborately decorated staircase, and as i felt the discomfort, i knew that it was my mind constructing it, nothing externally imposed upon me, and so i was able to change the impressions. it didn't last for long, and i didn't really do anything crazy after that. i think i dived into the solid floor (because that was suddenly made possible, to break free from the physical constraints i'd discovered to be imposed by my mind alone) and ended up in a new environment while maintaining a subtle awareness that it was all imaginary and less physical and rigid than originally assumed...but that's about it. anyway, it reminded me of a similar dynamic that tends to occur when i'm about to fall asleep and images start popping up in my head. sometimes these images are associated with discomfort, something not working out the way it should, like a bottle breaking on the concrete....and then i'm close to feeling despair about that, but remember that it's just a thought, nothing physical has taken place, and so if i want to i can simply let go of that thought and create a new one where everything is whole and harmonious again. what a lovely realisation, somehow:) maybe i should see this in the waking dream more often, too.

maybe you can generate some original thoughts on this issue.

Love (in the universal, spiritual sense, but in its implication to everyday life) Consciousness/Awareness/Presence: defined as "being more aware of the Dream", seeing the structure rather than getting absorbed in the content; pausing more often to take a step back and see the bigger picture again. Wisdom and Truth: balance and equilibrium, but also clarity of opinion and action. might also include understanding and curiosity, if these are not separate points. including truth and integrity here as well....not sure if this point is too crowded then, but if i list truth separately, it's a bit too abstract and i don't know what it means for me. i like truth better than honesty and loyalty because these two seem a bit rigid and ideological, whereas wisdom and truth maintain a certain cognitive flexibility and agency. Emotional awareness and regulation: joyful embodiment (rather than judgement and self-rejection) Loving connection and intimacy Trust: in myself, the universe, others; also defined as loving detachment; sense of groundedness; image of being leaned back, relaxed, non-anxious, and just trusting that things will go well. Respect, kindness, empathy Holistic health: energy, vitality, fitness Beauty: loving appreciation for a thing's existence; tapping into my potential to enhance my own beauty and the beauty of my environments. my notion of beauty includes harmony, aesthetics, order, and cohesion. and i'm applying this to all senses, not just visual beauty or physical appearance. i wish to recognise and create beauty in many other areas as well....music, nature,... Creativity: not sure about this one...still a bit ambiguous. i don't commonly think of myself as the most creative person, but i can see the value in being creative in unique ways. @Leo Gura i'd love to see your list, too, if you're willing to share it

Values List Reflection before sharing my values list, i'd like to share some thoughts on it because there are still some points i'm not entirely clear on. excellence: i do resonate with this to some extent, but given that i've suffered a lot from disabling perfectionism throughout my life, it breaks my heart a little bit to tend toward not choosing this? it's probably quite negatively motivated, as in "i need to prove that i am good enough" - so maybe this shouldn't be on my list for now. in general, i've noticed a tendency to select all the values that are the opposite of what my mental illnesses have made me embody throughout the years. ... trust, connection, balance. emotional regulation lol. way to go for someone with bpd. balance: i haven't decided yet if this should be a separate value or a part of "wisdom" - in my mind, wisdom balances notions of balance and equilibrium while also allowing me to demonstrate clarity of opinion and action where necessary. harmony: same question - is this its own thing or can i include it with something else...i mostly thought of it because of the value of beauty. harmony may or may not be a subcategory of beauty. motherhood keeps popping up, but i'm not sure if this counts as a value. ...it's probably more of a goal than a value, and it fuses the embodiment of several of my values (emotional regulation, wisdom, trust, loving connection, holistic health,...)? love: really a confusing value because it's an aspect of so many other values that resonate with me: gratitude, social/relational connection, kindness and respect... but i tend toward having love as its own value as a more spiritual principle, and then again as beauty, kindness and respect, loving connection? gratitude: again, should i list this explicitly/not? truth: i don't know if i value truth that much because it's a bit abstract, but it's better than saying honesty or loyalty because it accounts for the edge cases where honesty might be a rigid principle rather than a helpful tool. but not sure if i need this, if i also have wisdom on the list...which should include all that? consciousness: again, very abstract, i don't even know what's really meant by this...BUT it should definitely be on the list... i just need to define it a bit further. creativity: really not sure if this is "me". i don't typically think of myself as creative. i do think it would make me happy though, to pay a bit more attention to this and find my own ways of being creative. it can even be through cooking, baking, decorating, fashion, make-up, ...so i do enjoy being creative, it's just a matter of finding my own unique ways of going about it. still not sure if it makes my top ten though. so my current draft looks a bit like this, but i might need to make some changes: Love Consciousness/Awareness/Presence: defined as "being more aware of the Dream", seeing the structure more rather than getting absorbed in the content; pausing more often to take a step back and see the bigger picture again. Truth and Integrity: a bit like loyalty and honesty, but broader Wisdom: balance and equilibrium, but also clarity of opinion and action, might also include understanding and curiosity, if these are not separate points Emotional awareness and regulation: joyful embodiment Loving connection and intimacy Respect and kindness Trust: in myself, the universe, others; also defined as loving detachment; sense of groundedness Holistic health: energy, vitality, fitness Harmony Beauty: loving appreciation of a thing's existence; tapping into my potential to enhance my own beauty and the beauty of my environments Gratitude: maybe a part of some of the above; can't say yet. Creativity

not really feeling great today. still stressed out. i'm trying to tell myself that it'll pass. i'm hesitant to let myself take a break because i know that in the past, not feeling well has led to endless breaks. i don't trust myself to go about this in a balanced way...to have a day off and get back to work tomorrow. but i'm guessing this is what's needed. (btw, trust and balance are on my values list...so i'm guessing this is a sign...ah...)

@Entrepreneur thank you for taking the time to articulate this. it's quite reassuring. i think in general there are a few more nuances to this and it might be a mix of human/okay needs and my overreacting in one way or another. idk. it's always a mix.

Hey there:) A few weeks ago, a video about the heroine's journey was flushed into my YouTube feed. It referenced a quote by Joseph Campbell in its introduction: “Women don’t need to make the journey. In the whole mythological tradition, the woman is there. All she has to do is realize that she’s the place that people are trying to get to.” Personally, I feel as though "the woman is there - period." is a bit scarce. Not saying this to make any sort of feminist statement. I'm mostly just seeing this in the context of my own life experience, because every time I have been too self-absorbed in my "ornamental" function as a woman, my subjectivity wasn't really in sync. Nonetheless, I feel as though the quote touches on some of the questions I have been having about how to reconcile the intersection between femininity vs. masculinity and more general notions of adulting, self-development, and maturing in life. Coming at this from the other angle, a friend recently told me that finding a life purpose would resolve many of my emotional issues. It is true that I am complacent and irresolute in life. I don’t feel very “autonomous,” I don’t want to start a business, become an entrepreneur, be self-employed, or anything like that. I’m not a huge "gambler" in life. I don’t want my life to be a constant hustle. I value security and thrive in environments where external structure is provided and I am given clear instructions as to what I should do. For example, I was doing well when I was still in school, I loved doing homework and that kind of stuff. And as a young adult, the most challenging aspect has been knowing what i should even do with myself. I wonder if it is okay to double down on this personality trait, rather than telling myself to get rid of it. Is it possible to build a more functional, mature, "adult" lifestyle around this need for containment? Is it possible to somehow reconcile the need for security and "being told what to do" with not just blindly mimicking the sociocultural status quo and being a people pleaser? If so, how? Not sure if this fully articulates my confusion, and I'm aware that I'm probably not asking the right group of people about this issue here. But I'd be curious to hear your thoughts anyway.

depends on how you go about it. unfortunately, i think many people start these careers with a good dose of idealism and it's the system (long hours, little time for individual patients, being required to prescribe meds to treat surface-level symptoms rather than curing underlying causes, and so on) that implicitly forces them to drop some of their good intentions. however, there are certainly those who manage to hold on to their idealism and treat patients well despite the flaws of the health-care system. are you working as a nurse or as a doctor? what more do you think you are capable of?

sometimes i feel really uncomfortable at my gym because whenever classes are being taught, the music is really loud and there's a very loud beep-tone every minute that causes major discomfort. aside from that, it's all good.