Judy2

it kind of seems like we all need to agree on a definition of insanity before we start debating its existential significance... insanity as the opposite of sanity would be an obvious one, but conventionally speaking, what we mean when we talk about insanity is less about a lack of health and more about mental flexibility or malleability (or i guess rigidity but in favour of a view on reality that is unconventional when compared to the rest of society?)- which can certainly go hand in hand with suffering and a lack of emotional health, but it could also be an expression of creativity and freedom from imaginary restrictions that socitey and culture conventionally impose upon "reality". in that case, insanity is associated with breaking free from limitations imagined to be real by the cultural status quo. of course any given culture or society likes to think of its status quo as "sanity" and quickly explain away all deviations as "insanity". labelling a person or a specific behavioural pattern as "insane" (=evil, deviant, unnatural) is a neat way to quickly dismiss and explain away, rather than explain, understand, or inquire into the causes and motivating factors of said pattern.

@integral okay that makes sense:) thank you

Thanks everyone:)

Okay i think i got it now:)

@Carl-Richard if i set a timer and i manage to stay seated during that time, does that alone qualify the session as successfully completed, no matter what happens in my mind and body in that time frame? or are there other criteria i have to meet in order to know that i successfully completed my meditation? essentially, how do i know that i am doing things right and not just wasting my time meditating inefficiently?

alright:)

Now it's getting confusing because there are so many suggestions and i don't know which method to use. The ones i try, i should probably try more than once to really give them a chance.

@Salvijus asking the difficult questions:) a bit more awareness and clarity, grounding myself in direct consciousness.

i've done that a few times, also on lsd. this has triggered multiple nondual experiences, causing the subject-object division to collapse in my direct experience, so i would say this can be quite potent as a method.

@Carl-Richard thanks for all the detailed suggestions, i'll try that:)

This is actually something that doesn't make sense to me yet, at least from my current point of view. It seems contradictory that meditation is about allowing intuition and feeling to unfold, while i am also supposed to discipline myself at the same time and resist certain impulses (like getting up and doing something because an emotion tells me to do that). How do i reconcile discipline and intuition in my meditative practice? When i'm too "intuitive", the meditative practice usually fails by day 2 lol.

@Someone here okay i'll try that:)

alright, thank you:) do you have some guided meditation to occasionally remind you of that, or is it something you remind yourself of during a meditation?

@Norbert Somogyi thank you for explaining, that makes sense.

@Someone here Yes, I have heard of that technique before. The problem I find with that is that supposedly there is some kind of difference between being aware of thought, and sitting and thinking while being unaware that that's what I'm doing. When I'm not focussed enough, which is 99% of the time, I'll just sit there and be so absorbed in thought that I don't even realise that that's what's happening. I assume that the goal of meditation should be to develop focus and meta-awareness of thought? And the question is, how can I get there without wasting hours sitting there and believing I'm making progress with my meditation technique, when in truth I am only thinking, rather than being aware of the fact that I'm thinking... absorbed in the content rather than aware of the structure of thought.

@Flowerfaeiry can you hear dead people's presence? i'm asking because clairvoyance sometimes tends to be associated with seeing deceased relatives, if i understand correctly.

this is something i have been thinking about lately. it might have something to do with the presumed personality disorder that i may or may not have, and the way i process emotions. people's emotions affecting one another and bouncing off of each other is so normal and natural, yet it can freak me out immensely whenever i notice it. i am not separate, and maybe that should be comforting...or maybe i would wish to be a separate entity. maybe i am trying really, really hard to be separate. i notice that i am this leaf that's blown in the wind and anyone and anything can just do to me whatever they want.... how very vulnerable. and i wish to be more separate, completely separate, invulnerable... (which ties in neatly with the realisation that loneliness is a function of the ego; it is not that i am alone, but that i am separate) now what's required might either be to become a more stable "self" and orient myself in such a way that my separation becomes steadier and less vulnerable to attack...which is probably valid and something to work on? so people can't walk all over me or use me or hurt me as easily. or i might need to deconstruct separation altogether? maybe both. i don't know if i am making sense here...

whenever i notice that i am not a separate entity in the sense that my own emotions are highly susceptible to be influenced by the people around me and their emotional states.... i feel very unsafe and vulnerable. for example, if i speak with my mum on the phone and she's in a bad mood, that will necessarily have some kind of impact on me, even if it is very subtle. this is kind of obvious and normal, but at the same time scary, if you think about it. although i probably wouldn't be too happy being all on my own either. the mere fact that such a transmission of emotions can happen makes me uncomfortable even in situations when the real effect i notice is only subtle. i wonder if it is possible to reframe this physical, emotional transparency in such a way that it stops being scary. not sure if this is relatable in any way@Flowerfaeiry if it isn't, that's okay and i might just be a bit weird in that regard.

have you found ways to deal with that?

in the mood to share some mean, unenlightened thoughts i'm staying with grandma for now. it's probably 99% a me-problem because i admit i'm difficult around people....don't know what it is with family, but somehow having them around makes me oscillate all the way from being clingy and attached to trying to distance myself as much as i possibly can. grandma's idiosyncratic. she's overweight, probably obese. 93 kg (205 lbs). i know because i managed her medical stuff when we were on holiday. i feel disdain for that woman when i look at her. my mum has gained a lot of weight, too - probably because of menopause. it makes me shudder when i think that this might be my genetic destiny....i don't want to end up like them. i don't ever want to look like that. anyway, more complaining....grandma's got that hectic energy. she storms into rooms and around corners in a way that literally startles me. yesterday i screamed out twice because of the manner in which she suddenly, abruptly entered the living room. today she entered the kitchen in a similar fashion and i startled again, and when i told her about it, she immediately deflected and said how i (standing there calmly) am the one who's hectic ...because i had put something in the dishwasher which apparently did not belong in there. maybe it's the age difference...56 years just make it so that we can't really relate and don't have a lot to talk about. you can tell that she's kind of conservative and very rigid in her mind. she probably received an education that was very different from mine...so i can't really blame her and i guess it's okay that we aren't totally at ease with each other. i remember really liking her when i was little and she taught me a lot about how to cook, bake, and do things around the household. so i don't know....still not fully at ease, but i guess it is what it is.

Does it ever get too loud?:) it sounds like this could be very overstimulating.

what do you want/need us to say in response? whatever we say, is it truly going to satisfy you? if you're scared of death, how reassuring will it be to hear Leo say that you needn't fear death? i can only speak for myself, but when i'm scared....having people tell me i needn't be scared isn't just magically gonna make me say "oh, you're right! now i'm no longer scared". maybe instead of desperately looking for external reassurance, you can try to look inward....why is death scary? who's scared? what is your agenda in wanting to know that death will look a certain way? what is your agenda in wanting a certain theory about death to be true, and another theory about death to be false? ....not sure if this resonates at all, but this is what came to mind here:) it's not intended to be mean or anything, but i'm trying to point to the redundancy of the question, or, i guess, the impossibility of you receiving a satisfying answer in the form of a textual reply by some person on a forum. and of course, if you feel like this topic is destabilising you too much, please drop it for now and ground yourself in something simple and tangible:)

@LastThursday that makes sense, thank you:)

Sorry if I can't respond to everything individually, but I have read and appreciate all the advice🙏🏻 And yes of course I have heard about outlines and how to write them, it's just that I tend to struggle with this part because there is more than a single right way to do this and the thematic chapters are a sort of artificial division I have to decide on myself....and I am always wondering if there would be a better way to do this that I am not aware of yet.

No that's not it. I was told that I am free to break my topic down into 5 thematic chapters and that I should analyse these 5 themes in both of the novels I am writing about. In theory, yes, but in practice it's all very complicated in my head.