Judy2

@Breakingthewall yes that's kind of why i started running and i'd like to participate in an obstacle run next year:) obvs not exactly the same thing, but it's about purposefully challenging myself and seeking adventure. i suppose in this day and age we have to choose our own adventures.

for example, at my gym, they always have music on. on some days, it's louder than on others, so that it's even louder than the music or podcasts i hear on my noise-cancelling headphones. on top of that, people walk around the machines i'm working on and get a little too close to me physically (like 15 cm or less, in some instances). it's especially stressful when these things happen in combination. idk if this is stupid lol. i could probably think of other examples, too, but this is the most recent thing that happened.

@Someone hereok:) makes sense.

watched a few videos from the life purpose course this morning and started feeling a bit bad when i realised ... "f*ck, now i'm investing so much in myself and it means i'll have to live life and think i'm worth it. but i don't feel that way. i'd rather not live at all, i don't deserve a good life." i.e., i enjoy complaining a lot about how i'm not good enough and others are so far ahead, but HELL, it's scary to even consider allowing myself to be fully here and happy. it just feels so weird, i can't even imagine it. maybe i'd rather be miserable than accept i'm allowed to be here and thrive. even entertaining the idea of "thriving" in this lifetime, doing well, trying to take care of myself...makes me so deeply uncomfortable. weird.

@Ramasta9 yes i read it. i'm sorry. i felt that it was important to explain why option1 might be problematic for some people....but never meant to offend you or discredit what you wrote. i'm sorry for not articulating this well enough.

i also did the math and 53(point three) is the lower end of the healthy range (52 to 69) for someone your height. aiming for 60kg would be perfectly fine, sustainable, and healthy for you.

i don't think it's healthy, nor necessary, to be fixated on numbers like that. especially the "point something" part... your weight is going to fluctuate anyway, so it's not like you'll be an exact fifty-three point five every time you step on the scales. ideally, you won't have to lower your calories every time you lose a few pounds BECAUSE your metabolism should adapt and you'll be active (which sounds like you are). i also don't think it's advisable to lower your daily intake much after you're already at 1750 as a man. best to stay consistent, keep working out, and give it some time. i also wouldn't tie the weight in kg to the body fat percentage. they may be related, but it's not as precise as hitting exactly 5% at exactly 53.5kg. i'm not sayiny any of this to be mean....just to misspell some misconceptions here because these are the things that could cause you to yo-yo diet etc. please also consider this video: i totally get that you want to see results, but also consider that if you lose weight too quickly, you'll lose muscle mass, too. best to stay consistent and focus on building strength, imo. also, in case you need to hear this, you can be attractive even with 10% or even 15% body fat. even 20. ...so my honest advice is to try not to get all too fixated on the numbers....focus on enjoying your workouts, your meals, and your lived experience. otherwise, you are very likely to burn out eventually. a number is just a thought. your lived experience is real:)

have any of you ever started journalling about your dreams inside a dream?

@SimpleGuyokay, that's still in the officially healthy range. (BMI of 21.6 if you're curious). i guess it can't hurt to have some blood work done though, just to check if there's anything unusual going on. other than that, i kind of agree with @Ramasta9but would emphasise that, given that you ask about it so directly, yes, chronically undereating will have consequences that will become noticeable eventually. so i'd say it's best to keep an eye on it.

@Schizophonia yeah i went on to write some emails to apply for internships:) and embroidered some flowers. saved the evening:) white snow is much better than a grey, desolate November landscape. except for the risk of slipping and falling if there're icy spots on the pavement.

i've been feeling low and unenergetic all day. went for a 20-minute run in the snow a few hours after waking up, but aside from that i just felt like napping all day, although i couldn't fall asleep. done some embroidery, watched some videos from the life purpose course, read a few chapters. i still worry about my future, what to study next/what job i should get, if my overall life situation will ever feel better than it does now. most of the time i'm either stressed or bored, or both at the same time. don't even know what i want to do, what i desire, or if i do, it feels unattainable anyway.

where's your bmi currently at? any chance you're over- or underestimating your daily intake?

@Xonas Pitfall yes, of course there's some nuance there. i have a teaching job (just a few weekends in the year so nothing to fill my schedule with) and there've been instances when i've written emails to the supervisor to let him know the book that i'm supposed to work with in class isn't really ideal. at the same time, i know that the whole frame of being part of an institution, having set hours and supervisors to consult with, steady income etc. are helpful for me personally. and sometimes i've asked students "what do you wanna do?" lol...or gave them a few options to pick from. it's not like i want to copy and paste documents all day. there's definitely some creative freedom when i draw up my lesson plans or something. there's also a "master lessons plan" that i should stick with, but like i said, i'm able to engage with that critically if i see it has some defects. i just found that it's helpful to have everything embedded in a greater external structure, so that there's already a starting point there.

yes, but i have a lot of mood swings. i feel hopeful about something for maybe an hour, and then life kicks back in and it all feels ugly and hopeless again.

@Schizophoniai have all these "what do i want" lists, or even an "unconditional, limitless universal shopping list", to help me get clear on these things. it hasn't really changed my life a lot. do you have any idea how the practice could be improved to remove the overlay of lack and the perception of not being good enough?

@Basman i think she had some personal bias in telling me that, because her whole self-promotion basically centres around how she has overcome similar issues. and i guess that still makes her susceptible to being triggered by patients, even if it's very subtle. i know i'd probably be triggered, too, if i spoke with patients about similar issues i've had myself. there's always an implicit (or not so implicit) agenda for the therapist to basically justify themselves for having let go of said behaviour/thought pattern that the patient is still absorbed in.

@Schizophoniasounds about right:)

@Basmanyes, probably. i study E lit and have spent the past few months writing about Victorian gender stereotypes....might have messed with my head a little. @Schizophoniamaybe that explains things

@Schizophonia okay i'll try. so, the current state of things is that i tend to feel lost and overwhelmed, not knowing what to do with myself. (suicidal in some instances a few months ago, feeling very superfluous and like i'm having to deal with the burden of being alive). when i voice this difficulty to friends, they tell me to stop being complacent and become more active and clear on what i want in life. and i'm having a hard time differentiating if this is just meant on the "adulting"-dimension, or if people expect me to develop certain personality traits (eager to be an entrepreneur or whatever) that i simply don't have, and i wonder to what degree my personality "must change" to get me to a healthier place in life. or, short answer, what is disturbing is, of course, my whole psyche lol. i guess i feel broken and like i do everything wrong no matter what i do. and i don't know what adulting or healing looks like. to what degree am i allowed to grow around certain personality traits (for example perfectionism and also what i said above about needing external structure and guidance) vs having to eradicate them completely? no idea. i do have some kind of personality disorder on paper and haven't been able to find a long-term therapist yet. maybe they would explain to me how this is supposed to work. more specific example: when i try to get up and be constructive, it doesn't feel right to be taking care of myself without any support. something like that. (i also have a really hard time accepting support and letting people get close...that's the other side of things.) sorry if this is a mess. i don't know how to explain it any better.

@soos_mite_ahthank you, that's very helpful:) i guess it also matters how you do something vs. what you do. some teachers are really committed and loving in the way they care about their students, while others probably would have been better off choosing a different career.

i think it sounds cool:) personally, i'm all for dream analysis. and it makes sense that you don't plan on providing people with overly generic interpretations, which would have been my number one objection to this. the secod objection would have been that it might be better to do this on paper, but i'm sure there's some work-arounds for that (like taking handwritten notes first and writing this info in the app later in the day).

hey:) so these past few weeks i have been trying to make a lot of changes in life, but i find that there's a high level of stress in the background that i don't quite know how to deal with. i'm constantly trying to "get thigs done": go for walks, journal, think about how to get better in life, think about my thesis, go to the gym, listen to self help podcasts, make or go to appointments, etc. etc. etc. i don't quite know how to relax, because anything i could do to relax, e.g. going for walks, is just more stuff that i need to get done. but doing nothing and just sitting around is really boring and doesn't seem to help me relax, either. ...would appreciate it if you guys have any insights on this or any suggestions as to what might help:)

btw, it's not like there's one "feminism" and every feminist somehow agrees on all the exact same points. there were different waves. i'm sure there can be some pretty deluded, ideological, close-minded, and aggressive feminists out there. there can also be feminists who consider the big picture and care about the holistic growth of society that enables men and women to live together in harmony. maybe it's just a very loaded term and at this point, no one knows anymore what is even meant by "a feminist"... so the whole debate just leads to a lot of misunderstanding in many cases. (maybe?)

@Schizophonia i had it as a minor at uni:) et jusqu'au bac au lycée.

@Vali2003 hi:) i'm back now. thank you for the advice. typically, i have at least one hour before bed, usually a lot more. however, i basically use screens to soothe me to sleep. i know that's not healthy but i find it really hard to break this habit. when i decide that i'll just lie in bed until i fall asleep, sometimes it's so stressful to be stuck with my own thoughts that i pick up my phone again. maybe it's not that deep though and simply a bad habit i need to break by learning to tolerate the discomfort. @Schizophonia lol i only see this now. you would, of course, be my favourite French psychoanalyst, if only you started speaking to me en français, s'il te plaît😅