Consept

Yeah exactly, you need to understand how woman work, red pill, mgtow etc is a good way to do that, however dont get too caught up in it cos a lot of it comes from pain on their part. But a lot of it is quite realistic in terms of female nature. One main aspect, although im sure youll disagree op, is that women can be quite manipulative (mostly unconsciously) as they, on the whole have a higher emotional intelligence than men, so they can use this to get what they want. As men we can also do the same with what we have. But in general it sounds like she doesnt really have respect for you and even you getting caught up how you have, saying how great she is etc is blue pill 100%. Youve given her so much validation she probably doesnt want to lose that

I don't believe there's free will, for the simple fact that no action takes place independent of anything else. For example, you could say the fact that you were born as far as you know was not your choice, so any choice you make after that can't be free will because you wouldn't have been able to make a choice without this foundation of being you have which was not your choice. On a smaller scale say you want to choose your breakfast, you might choose muesli because you heard that it was good for you, but then you're only making that choice because of what you heard, if you didn't hear that you wouldn't have made that choice. You don't choose to think thoughts, if you did where did the thought to choose a thought come from? So essentially free will is an illusion, by definition it can't really exist, as everything has to have a cause otherwise how would it come into existence?

Yeah you messed up, no one's sure of their feelings at this stage. Furthermore girls will say stuff like this just to test you reaction, to see if you're easy going or high status or whatever. If you're high status you would just kind of brush off her saying that, almost like she didn't say it, something like 'ok cool, when are we meeting again?'. Also it's not really an ex to be honest with you, more like a prospect lol. Anyway good luck getting it back, it's very possible to do so just be cool and laid back about it like it's not a big deal and just have fun with her

Listen, get out while you can! You've only been with her 4 months (4 days a month at that) and you're talking about all this unconditional love stuff. Did you ever think she's just telling you what you want to hear to keep you around? She knows what you believe and she sounds pretty dysfunctional so it would follow that she may, even unconsciously be manipulating you. There are some big red flags here, she's 30 and essentially the problem she has with you is that you're not developed enough yet she knows your 23, not only that her last boyfriend was 23, if she wants someone more developed, logically she should go with someone older but she doesn't as she wouldn't have the same control. Also she's saying all this negative stuff about her ex usually is a very bad sign, most likely if you do break up with her she'll tell the next guy how crazy you were. Even though he's crazy she still wanted to get back with him and said she can't control her feelings, lol ok. Well if that's the case what if she meets a new guy and can't control her feelings? There are a lot of girls out there, it seems like you have a scarcity mindset around this girl, but you really need to let this one go. If you want to test it, tell her you're leaving her explain why and see how she reacts. If she cares about you she'll be understanding and maybe say something like, let's take a break and I'll work on myself. If not she'll probably go crazy or try every manipulation tactic in the book

It's to do with abundance and scarcity mindset. So the guys sleeping with loads of girls have an abundant mentality when approaching new girls, essentially if they meet a new girl that won't have any qualms to move on if they don't like the girl or for whatever reason. Whereas because you have a scarcity mindset you're more attached to the outcome and it's more important to you that the interaction goes well, meaning that you're less loose, less present etc. An example is if you're going into business with someone who has already done well business, looks like they have money etc you'll feel more confident working with them than someone who's desperate and never had a business work, looks broke (think Gill if you watch the Simpsons). So the trick is to get yourself in this abundant mindset, either by getting lots of girls or by loosening your attachment to outcome and realising that it's not that important if however many interactions don't go well. This mindset is probably the best thing you could do to attract women

Yeah that's a cool example and explains why most people live the lives they do. Why else would you be in a job you didn't like if you didn't fear for survival? But I would still argue that most fear we experience is false, you only have fear because you think about it and also because you have a belief of what's undesirable. Because we are attached to thought in that we think we are what we think and also our brains are fined tuned to seek out fear so that we can avoid harmful situations, we can't distinguish what is real and what's not. I would say 99% of our fears are bullshit but we're so accustomed to it we can't live without it

You could look at the literal translation of fear as resistance. So in which case fear is needed sometimes, if someone attacks you physically you would want to resist that. But in most cases I think fear isn't real (False Evidence Appearing Real), or rather the input of fear is mind made and not a thing that is happening now, in which case a resistance to this either thought or emotion is usually what we call fear, but without the resistance there is no fear

Yeah trust me i was playing on Achilles tendonitis for years, i just didnt want to stop, which probably made it worse But it showed me that anything in life can be taken from you at any moment and you have to accept it which im quite proud of myself that ive done. I do weightlifting as well so its a bit of a substitute. Man Utd for me since i was young, but liverpool are looking good i have to say

My point with that is that avoiding situations will not really work out your social anxiety and thus you won't achieve enlightenment. Also to think of enlightenment in those terms really won't work, it's not like you log a certain amount of hours and then become enlightened

Its interesting, a lot of what hes saying i would agree with and essentially i think most religions have this idea of God baked into them, the issues usually come with interpretation, but he has interpreted it well i would say. However, this is one aspect of religion that most dont get, where problems come in is when they use this 'truth' to justify other morals or rules in this case it gets a bit murky, but i believe there is a lot of truth in religion. If someone is sufficiently intelligent they should be able to bring it out but they should also see the flaws in religion and not use this kernel of truth to promote an ideology Another video i watched recently which is similar -

Hey man, so you've got the right idea, it is about making yourself solid and focusing on yourself for now esp as you're only 24 you have time. Also don't be friends with her at least not initially, that can just lead to yo yoing with her which is pointless. I think where everyone kind of goes wrong is that they think they need a relationship to complete them, as if their life's not fulfilled without this, really see that these are beliefs that you have learnt and are embedded in you from society, media etc. For example you stayed with her for 6 months, 33% of your relationship even though you knew it wasn't working, so in that case you thought it was so important to have a relationship that you put your happiness second to that. Ideally you should go into a relationship already being happy and not really needing it, not needing someone to fix you, if you go in with this state then it puts let's pressure on the relationship and also on yourself to keep it going, which counter intuitively may make it last longer. Obviously it helps if the other person is that way as well, although that is hard to find. Also you don't necessarily have to have a 'girlfriend' you could have girls that you see or a girl that you see doesn't have to be a long term thing yet. Again you're 24 so there's really no rush. Having a friends with benefits situation can work well if you can handle it and teach you a lot about women. But either way I think a breaks a good idea, which I'm gonna do my self, but just to conclude don't revolve your life around women, always put your happiness above everything else, not in a taker, arrogant kinda way but love yourself fully and first way.

But this is the equivalent of going off and living in a cave, which is fair enough if that's what you're looking to do but probably not for everyone. Is there something you're looking to get out of it ie enlightenment?

I agree with this, a relationship, especially one where you spend a lot of time together can take a lot of effort and take a lot out of you mentally, if youre worried about your finances at the same time its a recipe for disaster. So get that sorted and then if you want a relationship go for it, but be careful as a lot of relationships can stunt your growth, ideally you grow together but its not always the case as youre taking on someone with their own issues, so choose wisely

You attitude in terms of not caring about the girls coming up to you is kinda good and it will work to a point, but as soon as a girl feels rejected its over from that point, so you have to balance it, get lost in the music etc but i you see a girl you like come over then definitely talk to her but still keep the attitude of shes detachment, so you want to be fully engaged with her but detached at the same time, which basically means youre enjoying spending time with her but you could leave at any second. Also it seems as though youre looking for a 'girlfriend' but i dont think you should necessarily go into anything with that mindset. Clubs traditionally are not the best place to find that but they can be a way to build up your confidence and make you more comfortable striking up conversations with girls. Ive found that its always better to transition from a friend with benefits situation to girlfriend, rather than just girlfriend off the bat or even friend and then girlfriend. So if you really like a girl in a club no harm in seeing her again and just see where it goes, theres no real set rules. You may find dating apps a bit easier as you dont have to deal with all the club stuff and at least youll get one on one time with her

Its funny i had the exact same thing with football as we call it in the UK, i loved playing it but i noticed after my ego would grow so big if i had played well or really get me down if id played well, recreationally or official games. I also got injured so that shutdown that avenue of ego, although at its best it offered me a way to get into a flow state so its a shame i cant play anymore. Aside from that I used to have an ego drive to get really wealthy, a business I started doing well, not crazy but at least something so i didnt have to 9 to 5 it. From that i saw that increase in wealth makes 0% difference to how you feel internally, you have less to worry about but as Sadhguru says your problems really start when you get what you want. One ive kindve been dealing with recently is being a player or getting what i want from a relationship, i think its obviously cool to get what you want from a relationship but when you think youre so great for doing it and almost like youre winning its probably a problem. Finally there is an ego drive to be free of any mental issues and/enlightened, what i mean by this is i feel like i need to have a completely clear, fully functioning mind so i can be the 'best' me at all times, i get down when i cant be this way all the time. Also when i do have a clear mind ego eventually gets attached and claims credit for how great 'i' am. This ego thing is really complexed lol

Just broke up recently as well and i kind of got an insight while we were dating and that is that this whole a relationship is all we need to be happy is bullshit man. I kind of knew this before but recently its really hit me, the importance is built up by media, rom coms, society etc to make you feel like its so important and that its the solution to all your troubles but honestly its not in anyway and can cause a lot of problems in fact. Thats not to say that you cant have good relationships because you definitely can but only when you realise that theyre not the be all and end all, in other words being able to let go of them if need be. Of course youll hurt now but what youre hurting over is not necessarily all about losing her, its also the fear of going into the unknown, but there are many benefits of this. When youre with someone you have to put them into consideration and you cant really focus on yourself and what you need, thats ok if you dont have any issues or are fairly content as you are by yourself, but if you do like most it can just be a distraction from those issues rather than a solution. Some are happy to distract for the rest of their life even of the relationship isnt that good as you might have done, so theres pros and cons on both sides but take this time to be alone and use it wisely

Your lack of attachment to an outcome is probably what she found attractive in the first place. But yeah go for it, just because somethings pointless doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. On some level everything is pointless anyway, so just go with it I would say, with your presence

I agree with @bejapuskas you have a lot of ideas about what you need to do but all I see is someone trying to escape themselves anyway they can think of. You have to see that you have a belief in what religion or finding or girlfriend would do for you ie make you a happy guy, but what your saying to yourself constantly by doing all these things is that 'im nothing now'. Religion isn't a case of I have enough knowledge so now I'm happy, true religion is dropping all these ideas and seeing what you really are and accepting that fully. On a practical note, getting a girlfriend 100% will not solve your problems, in fact if you go in with the expectation it will make you a happy guy I guarantee you'll be worse then when you started. So drop all ideas that something external will make you happy because it won't and you're probably making some progress as I think you're starting to see that although you haven't given up yet, truly give up on external happiness and things will change

I think theres a couple reasons why these groups are catching fire recently - one is that people do have a lot of pain and are unhappy, (quick google search shows 16 million in the US), and feeling like this you have 2 options you can either take responsibility, work on yourself, improve your life etc or you can blame others or external factors. The first one could take years and can mean facing up to all your pain, the other is easy, you can make a youtube video or post on reddit and can be done in minutes, only issue is that you have to keep on doing it to feed your newly acquired ego. If you look at depression as a spectrum, those that are severely depressed and want to blame external factors can also infect those that are moderately depressed as they offer an easier option for them. Which is why these things catch on. The other big factor is obviously the internet, so before if you felt like this youd probably have to face up to your issues as it would just be difficult finding others that felt the same way. Now whatever issue youve got, you can find 100 other people who feel the same way. That being said it doesnt mean that there isnt truth in what the groups say, i think there is truth its just that its a slice of truth that benefits that group, and is usually weaponised against their opposites. For example, with red pill it would serve men to know womens nature as a lot of young men dont and treat women how they see in romcoms rather than as real people. For me thats not a bad message but it can be skewed and used as a means of attack against women which is not right. MGTOW has a lot of guys that have been through divorce etc it allows them to blame women, this to me is not going to help them get over this pain it just provides temporary relief at great external cost.

Yeah that is just as bad to be honest lol from one extreme to another. But if you take the general message of how to listen a lot of conversations would be improved. I didnt even finish the book to be honest but the message is quite clear and easy to incorporate

Ok so youre thinking about this wrong, for whatever reason shes put the brakes on it and she feels like she can do that because she doesnt feel like youll go anywhere or shes just not feeling you like that. Which maybe a result of you just not making a move. Now, you not talking to other girls actually looks to her like you 'cant' talk to other girls, which is to say other girls are not attracted to you (might not be the case but its how she'll see it). You think that talking to girls will put her off but actually its the complete opposite, if she knew you were talking to other girls and she liked you she would step up her game and show that shes interested, if she didnt like you in the first place she wont but you cant really change that. Its counter-intuitive but you should talk to other girls and not in a manipulative way, just be open to girls coming your way and make choices for you, if you dont like a girl dont take it further. Also if youre not having sex or being affectionate (consensually) with her dont give her so much of your time, this whole thing of im just gonna hang around until she lets me know she likes me rarely works, see if there are any signs if there are make a move. If you really arent sure then say how you feel and if shes not into it then move on but the worst thing you can do is get stuck in this limbo, its bullshit. Anyway good luck, let us know how it goes

I heard somewhere that 90% of your conversations during the day are completely unnecessary, not sure how that's calculated but just from experience most conversations are small talk and are not really needed. I was with my family for dinner recently and there was a kid (my mum's friend's son) of about 4, and he was typical of that age, annoying, noisy, can't sit still. But I noticed he would actually try and talk to people, he would say stuff that's only relevant to him, but you could see it was a way of doing what the adults are doing and engaging with others. Obviously he has terrible social skills but the intention was to connect he just didn't know how exactly. I think a lot of adults are like that as well, essentially they want to connect but they don't really know how, and they're too worried about getting attention. Connecting with someone means finding a common ground between you. If I'm trying to talk to someone I usually think of what they could be interested in, I'm aware that I'm not that interesting so I wouldn't really talk about me but not everyone is aware of this lol. The book 'how to win friends' really helped me and I think it should be a must read for everyone

@Emerald Just to say i respect a lot of what you have to say, you actually give a real insight into being a female. I dont agree with everything you say but i appreciate your perspective and how its communicated

Might sound crass but have you had sex with her yet?

I think humans naturally have a drive to grow and improve, but what has happened is that this natural drive has been co-opted by marketing and business to make you think that you grow via external, material possessions. So you think that by collecting watches it will let you grow as a person and not only that people will see who you are because of these possessions. But as you've seen a new watch only gives you a temporal state of that feeling of achievement, probably the time you get of feeling great about a purchase is correlated to how much you're bought into the idea that you've bettered yourself by buying this thing. By not falling into this trap you can come to realise that growth is only an internal thing and as long as you believe it's not you'll always want something external. I used to get a real buzz buying clothes, phones, computers etc but now it doesn't and I don't expect it to either which means I'm not really even thinking about the next thing I want to buy. But I think it's happened over time, so just like working out a muscle you have to really feel that want and refrain from buying it, once you do it enough you won't even notice. That's not to say don't buy something if you need it but there's a distinction between want for a buzz and want because you need it