Sugarcoat

I thought so too Well I am liberated from most needs. I dont have need for any particular self image. I dont have need for relationships. I dont have need to fit in or approval. The only fear I have is something like getting tortured. And maybe if I’m gonna take a psychedelic I’d be scared of having a bad trip if I take large dose So I’m free from most desires and fears. When my self was in the process of dissolving, my life would feel richer sometimes . But it was when I reached almost the end (meaning almost no center left) that reality started to become empty. Imagine that it feels like you’re reaching the end of reality. Like you’re almost at a point where everything seems empty It’s missing the fullnesss, richness, love aspect . That how it was for me If my self dissolved 100% maybe I would experience the richness and aliveness But for me having almost no self felt like dead reality

Are you asking that because you wanna help me?

I have transcended most desires. But new different desires haven’t arisen . I am simply devoid of most desires

I bet psychoanalysis doesn’t deal with the effect of excessive self dissolution on the brain

Basically you’re normal. Most people are pretty focused outside themselves. I am not like that. I don’t immerse myself in anything outside myself. I am immersed in my own internal experience, my inner world. The outer world doesn’t grab my attention. I’m disengaged from it I wanna do psychedelics. I feel it’s one of the very few things that affect me Other outside circumstances don’t affect me. I feel the same on vacation as at home. I feel the same every season of the year. I feel the same no matter who I am with, even if I like the person.

@Xonas Pitfall Do you write your posts yourself or use ai?

I find I am okay with not having great reason to live so that’s something I got down I feel odd anywhere I go so I can relate to that! Great that you’ve went in a positive direction!

Repression makes it sound like something is actively holding something down, caused by some belief “this is not moral” “this isn’t pure” (if you’re religious for example) or “this is taboo”. I don’t have anything like that. I don’t have a belief or self image I try to protect, (like being stoic, when I say I’m stoic I’m not attached to that image, it’s just descriptive of how I am nowadays) But sure if your definition of repression includes what I deal with then yes it could be that

Repressed is not the same as unconscious phenomena . Unconscious simply means going on in the background, not in conscious experience. Repressed means it’s some mechanism holding it back. In my case it’s that I experience a disconnect from my self , my inner life, so it’s like it’s not being able to “reach me” like the pathways in the brain have been sewered. It’s not the same as repressed

It’s not unbearable as of yet luckily

When I tried 5 Meo dmt (small dose) I experienced a kind of emptiness/nothingness. There was not really anything positive about it But I am open to the fact that it might have been the dose I took so I could have different experience if I tried again and yes it’s something I’d like to try I am not self less. It’s just that I have a very small self because most of it dissolved for me In my past : I could get attached to a crush I had, since my self almost dissolved I don’t get attached to anyone anymore I used to be attached to looking a certain way. I am not attached to my appearance anymore, that disappeared when my self started to dissolve I used to have social anxiety and I was attached to having a confident, charming self image. Now that’s all gone I used to have as a child chronic existential anxiety, that’s all gone Instead of all of this, which disappeared when I dissolved layers to my self: now different problems arose I barely feel I exist That creates a kind of emptiness Its almost like walking around in a constant void (almost, not completely because I’m not completely gone) It is like everything is a bit hollow and lacks richness Makes sense? If my sense of self was 100% dissolved maybe this problem would resolve Thats amazing you found a reason! Yes it could be worse after death so better stay here so long we can somehow handle it

I feel my condition is due to brain wiring so I’d have to rewire brain to change it

Bipolar sounds so tough! Ive never fit in either! I have always been very quiet i have no attempts either! I think its because I haven’t reached my absolute limit yet Stress can be tough! Luckily I don’t have a lot of that. What I have instead is this severe emptiness, dpdr(kinda), and slight constant depression It’s definitely hard to keep going sometimes!

The first point is legit! What if there is hell? We never know. I have a hard time with this idea of “it will pass” because I’ve been in this state for almost two years now I actually struggle a lot with my ability to enjoy social interactions

I don’t have unbearable pain either. I think that would be the last straw for me if I had it on top of my mental issues I am also kinda thinking “I can endure this for some more time” and it can keep me going. I haven’t reached my limit yet I am chronically in this “ill” mental state but it’s hard to accept

It’s when life feels never good those thoughts come

I’m not blocked.

Yea it’s like I have stereo type in my head how some US women are but I haven’t encountered it in Sweden Also I don’t meet a lot of people so it’s hard to make conclusions

Omg have we became a joke on the forum @Schizophonia

You mean you need something to look forward to?

You mean you need something to look forward to?

The pain of dying is one aspect stopping me yes It’s like all I know is what’s going on presently so if I can’t handle that then I don’t really care what comes after death so the thought of it doesn’t prevent me I find

So maybe I’m not the only one. User purpletree also mentioned getting those thoughts when life gets hard Especially if it lasts a long time and seems chronic But I still feel weak sometimes. Because I sometimes hear stories worse than mine and wonder how they get through it Thank you One aspect of my problems makes it so I barely can enjoy social interactions so I tend not to talk to people most of the time…

Do you think the brain is involved in enlightenment?

You have developed a strong mindset then. Good for you