Sugarcoat

I see your point Several months since I was at the doctors for my mental health so I don’t know when next one will be Im not looking forward to anything in particular

I recognize that me imagining the future and feeling resistance is something that is unnecessarily being generated in the present moment. And that there is the possibility of stopping that. I’ve been trying to do that and had a little bit improvement . Trying to change my view of it into something manageable rather than negative As I said before the majority of the time I feel neutral. I genuinely don’t know how to feel good, I don’t know a method to produce good feeling. The negative resistance I can feel sometimes is very subtle btw. So I’m not able to generate strong negative emotions either. I just don’t know how to generate significant emotion

It’s a relative understanding , it’s like in the same way I can say that the sky is blue with certainty I could write a post going into detail about my story, it would be shocking to people, because it’s so radically different from anything anyone has ever heard. It’s beyond spirituality even. But I don’t write in detail or clearly about it because I don’t feel a need to. So yall that are commenting on me don’t know the entire story so your comments aren’t really grounded If anyone thinks I’m delusional to that I can say that I’ve tried two anti psychotics, one for over a year (I’m still on it) and it makes ZERO difference But I still see your point. It could happen that someone creates a narrative in their head that hasn’t really happened.

It’s just random self expression coming from a place of occasionally viewing suicide as an escape from this current life where in particular the future doesn’t look bright I don’t really feel joy . Most of the time I’m neutral or just so slightly worse than neutral

I see doctors yes I will try to just deal with it as long as I have it. As long as I can bear I find that my mental issues are a result of an irreversible process of self dissolution (not complete but partial self dissolution).But it sounds very weird so I’m perfectly fine if you don’t believe that. Over a year of mental medication has done absolutely nothing . If someone just can’t bear it no more I don’t see it as unjustified for them to kill themselves. Nobody has an obligation to live.

I’ve tried to not view it so negatively because it adds to the suffering. To not stress about it before hand in my mind. Some spiritual teachers say that pain and suffering is not the same. So suffering is pain+ resistance. It’s hard idea to swallow but I’ve been trying to identity the ways I resist in my mind and seeing if I can stop doing that, if it could help the pain. I see your point. It can apply to many. It’s common for people to apply a normal world view onto my mental problems that are in no way normal. It simply isn’t applicable in the same way I won’t go into if my problem is permanent or not because it’s not necessary but I do find I have an understanding of the mental aspect of my problems.

Because brain produces self illusion and psychedelics act on the brain to break down that mechanism that imagines a self Ive experienced how changes in brain changes self. So the brain and self go hand in hand. Mind creates self (maybe not all of it), but what produces the mind🤔

I wonder the same. Like if the self is the veil wouldn’t all of reality be revealed when the self is seen through or “drops”. The non dual nature of reality. And devoid of a veil what could be hidden? If awakening includes realization of infinite love, nothing, infinity, wouldn’t that all simultaneously reveal itself after self is dropped because it’s the only thing that has ever veiled it? Its one of the deepest questions you could ask

Years and years of self inquiry led me to a point of being almost devoid of a self. Stuck in this “in between “ state of life and death

🤫

I find the subtle depression (it’s hard for me to tell how depressed I am, but it’s not so severe) to be linked to it but not the rest

I have neurological issues that cause physical pain. Doctors haven’t came to a definitive diagnosis yet. Meds don’t help. Suicide can simply be because someone can’t bear their suffering. Even if the suffering isn’t permanent per se it can still be going on for a long enough time. If someone is suffering in unbearable ways, why does it matter that maybe in 2 years it will improve? It’s still unbearable in the present moment and for a long enough time. Some may not find it bearable to go through at all On top of the physical stuff I’m in this constant 24/7 state of feeling like I almost don’t exist at all, like nothing exists almost, severely empty, slightly depressed, like I’m walking around in almost a void. Zero emotion, zero libido, romantic nor sexual (that’s why I can’t date for example). Meds don’t help it either. I can have a positive thought but the thought is so weak, it doesn’t change my state both mentally or physically. A thought cannot create a positive emotion, it cannot fulfill me, it doesn’t have that power. That’s how it is for me at least. I find that the reason I haven’t killed my self yet is that it hasn’t gotten to an unbearable point yet The mental part is bearable. I can handle being empty and slightly depressed and devoid of emotion, libido and human connection. The physical has been kinda bearable too. But it could get worse Until then I’m holding on.

I can’t know if my problems are due to ego because I don’t know if they would be there if my ego was fully dissolved. But it does seem to me like my problems are due to ego, the self reacting to a disconnect within the self/lack of self Self dissolution is self dissolution, it means what it says. My self almost completely disappeared: and it hasn’t came back to normal for over two years. It feels empty because there’s a lack of a sense of “something”. The appearance lacks significant substance. My skull feels hollow like I’m barely there, same with other people. I used to feel bliss when my self got thinner: but it was a temporary bliss. Ultimately it led me to an almost empty state. You can’t really compare me to Ramana because he reached full enlightenment and I’ve never been there.

I deal with physical pain and I have been able to shift my mindset to think less negative about it but only to a certain degree . It’s like it’s so deeply ingrained in us to have aversion to physical pain it feels extremely difficult to think positively about it. I have been trying to stop resisting it and have found it help a little bit I find I understand why I’m suffering I am in a quite unusual state. Years and years of self inquiry left me in this very empty disconnected state that I’ve been in constantly for over a year now. Its not caused by my thinking. No I don’t expect life to just be handed to me. I don’t know why you’d ask such a question

Strong🙏🏻

I’m coward to actually do it 😆

Thanks

I have also found changing your mindset can help in overcoming some of the suffering. But then it’s also so ingrained in us to feel negative about certain circumstances so it can be hard to stop the mind. Emotional numbness is a symptom of the state I am in. I am slightly depressed and that’s also a symptom of the state I am in. The enjoyment I feel from connecting with people on here is like a 1 out of ten in strength. It’s really weak. I have a subtle wish to live To answer since you asked I am alone sometimes but it doesn’t bother me. I can talk about my struggles to my family but I don’t feel the need to. I don’t have much of a need to talk about it at all. I have a more casual view of suicide than the average person. I believe it’s up to me so I don’t mind having things around that could help

It seems to me letting go is a big piece of the puzzle because there’s a lot of energy that goes into maintaining the self But I don’t feel like it’s the entire puzzle. It seems to me like my mind/brain somehow maintains a kind of core self without my own effort or doing

That’s what this community is for

I think the openness you describe will lead to a gradual dissolution of the human structure, and all the neurosis that comes with it. Some non dual people talk about how there’s natural change to the human structure that happens after enlightenment. So in the end it will lead to what spirituality talks about, the elimination of the human structure, at least to significant degree. Because the human structure is deeply flawed in the way that it causes a lot of suffering, almost any pleasure except sensory pleasure comes with attachment, so it has its backside, when someone is on vacation they’re afraid of having to go home. When someone is performing well they’re afraid of failing. Even the sensory pleasures that has not to do with self image has a backside: addiction. It’s wise to want to eliminate this structure. Because a lot of what you are , are your attachments. So to undo the attachments goes hand in hand with undoing what you are. It’s attacking the source of your suffering : you. It’s just that the approach fails. Because spirituality becomes another idea to get attached to, another identity, so it’s acting from the same structure you’re trying to dissolve. Unless it’s seen clearly it won’t be transcended. You need a kind of different approach, and the openness you talk about is an example of a different approach. That goes beyond the human structure. And it will lead to its undoing because there’s no longer energy directed into its maintenance

Smooth rizz .

Same that’s why I changed my profile pic to a more anonymous one because if someone who knows me looks for me they can’t identify by picture

My parents found out about this forum as they’ve asked me and I’ve answered , otherwise I wouldn’t talk about it. Some of my family have a negative view about it, like they have a stereotype of this isolated person disconnected from the world that hangs out on online forums, like a loser or someone who risks getting radicalized. Some of it is close mindedness, like they have a set idea about something in society and views it negatively because of that. Also judging some aspects of spirituality as just being people’s delusions, which could be due to a lack of spiritual experiences themselves. Also a judgment of psychedelics as just feeding into people’s delusions and viewing anything significantly mind altering as “dangerous”. It’s like they have an idea of what’s normal and things that deviate are judged

LMAOOOO