Sugarcoat

Yea if you’re in bad condition inside then small things can trigger, and I can imagine if anxiety is very overwhelming it’s not easy to make sense of thoughts. If you have moments of less anxiety then you could maybe think “ what is it about this moment or my state or thoughts that is different from when I’m in panic?” Just some thoughts. But I guess maybe you’re already in your mind too much , so then approaching it from a place of trying repetition of relaxation exercises could help…Sounds super basic but still

That is so sad to read I’m sorry you feel like that Even if you can’t pin point specific thoughts or situations related to the fear, I think theres some quality to it that could be identified For example, is your anxiety related to a state of disconnect from the world/yourself, emptiness, ungrounded ness in the body ? As in more of a disturbingly detached state (not the spiritual use of the word…….) Or is it more in opposite direction of feeling too much, like you feel every little thing inside and the outside world with inputs is overwhelming? Thoughts that occur during anxiety could give clue what it’s about. But then if it’s too many different things it can seem like it’s not anything in particular. So there’s nothing that gives you some ease? Because the mind is good at suffering but it’s also good at finding coping mechanism, those could also give clue.

Yea it’s a tricky thing.

I can relate to that. I have had moments where I’ve thought along the lines “I wish I didn’t understand anything”, because ive felt my narrative, collection of worldview, in my mind contributes to suffering. I’ve been playing with the idea, could you reach a state where you strip everything of language/meaning you’ve learned and you just experience reality more purely. But then I’ve also thought how a lot of thought is imagery, so even if you drop language you could still imagine things in images that could evoke certain emotions. But as you say it can be positive too

If your goal with the running is health, you could gain similar benefit from doing shorter runs (like intervals, 800 meter repeats or something). It can remove the boring part. Because for me, when I do intervals, I’m running high tempo and intensely, it’s not possible to be bored because your mind is laser focused on propelling you forward, it’s like you’re zoomed out from everything and all you’re aware of is the feeling of running, and it’s so intense that yes it will be hard, but not boring, the boring gets replaced by the struggle of it being intense. I’m not saying you should go extreme, you run at the level you can handle, but just that shorter more intense running takes your mind to a different place where boring will be the smallest problem

Does making myself look more attractive increase my chances of someone finding me attractive… hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Easy problem just be religious about sunscreen and you’re safe

People define awakening differently. Although a trend seems to be to become more aware of something, and that creates a shift. But that can be on intellectual level, when people call it awakening that they’ve realized “society is corrupt” or something and they deeply question the mainstream and enter more spiritual thinking. And for sure it stirs up emotions and it can feel expansive so it’s not purely intellectual but they still stay on level of human psychology and the self. Or it could be becoming increasingly self aware, and connecting to intelligence of higher development (like deeper intuition). But still on human development level. But for me I feel there is one thing about reality that stands out from all those things and that would be insight/experience that goes beyond the self/mind. The term awakening can be useful for those above too but this is the ultimate I think. (I don’t know directly if reality is non dual but I resonate with the idea and have experienced shifts in my sense of self strengthening this questioning if it’s actually real) So increasing metacognition I think can bring you a step closer to the ultimate truth because when you become aware of something more subtle in you, it might have required breaking down something greater in order to be able to notice the more subtle (or just moving your awareness inward) So it can be one step in process of deconstructing the mind/self. It can maybe go both ways, if you are deeply immersed in something, someone may have temporary experience of “forgetting themselves” which might be a glimpse of some sort into non duality in some cases . But also by doing the opposite, focusing on your mind and self might aid in the deconstruction of it (my experience) so you tackle the very thing “in the way” by firstly having lots of awareness to it. So basically there seems to be layers and subtleties to our current reality and something like increasing meta cognition no matter your starting point might be a step to deconstructing that reality

I think we want originality because duality works in contrast and identity is duality so it needs contrast to be itself strongly. If everyone’s funny nobodies funny kind of logic. Lol why am I treating this like color theory or something . Well it’s not ONLY that ofc. Originality could be many things : breaking world record in maximum amounts of avocados eaten in one day is original, but it’s not automatically desirable because of that. So it’s about being original in something you value and see as “high”. So you have those things, then you wanna enjoy an identity related to it, but in order to enjoy it strongly it needs contrast to stand out (exist more), which is other people who are NOT that. It’s like you need others to contrast and highlight and strengthen your identity. How would you identity if you were isolated on island? Thought experiment if you want

I’d say I mainly associate consciousness with this experience that “I’m here and there’s something going on, something here that’s not me”. Dual. In this moment, we can agree “there’s something going on”. And that something includes you. That to me is what consciousness makes possible, meanwhile in itself it might be nothing, but not nothing as in the fabric of existence but rather something relative to you. (it’s a very conventional definition but it’s what I first thought of for now) It’s weird have you noticed a split in your self; you are aware of yourself simultaneously as you are yourself directly and can’t thus exactly pin point yourself so maybe consciousness actually needs THREE . I think I just invented THRUALITY Some may say increased consciousness is when you’re more aware of nature of reality, but if that nature is nothing then to me it sounds it would more be an undoing (undoing the sense of limitation, self) , because how can you can become aware of nothing in itself when there would be no reference point? That’s assumption tho, it’s because all I know is this dual (or thrual ????) experience so I just assume I need myself to be aware. So if we say someone like sadghuru is more conscious than average person (I don’t know THAT much about him but just impression). Some may say well he is aware of no self nature of reality. BUT how can you be aware of absence….You can only be aware of something. So it’s more that the undoing of the sense of self, creates situation where the person is less absorbed in thinking and image, so they’re able to be more aware of other processes (in body etc). They’re less attached to things, less neurotic, more aware of immediate moment, sense perceptions. So that combined makes them more conscious. AND maybe they’re able to describe reality as non dual, no self etc as a CONTRAST to the experience of duality they used to have. So it’s not in ITSELF recognized, but everything else is seen through so it’s known to be NOT THAT. Idk

Thanks

I had a thought, some say awakening is dissolution of self, or do you consider it differently? Nonetheless, a profound spiritual transformation that leads to something better is good regardless. Not trying to pick at people here

How does the the table being broken in anger relate to karma? I thought objects were outside this karma dynamic. So you mean for example a hateful mindset has low vibration and thus bad karma? I am a bit unsure about the term karma because I’ve heard it used in different ways. I’m not expecting you to explain it tho

Yea sometimes something can put us off balance too far so we need to find balance again and recenter ourselves but at a better place than before.

Agreed.

That is indeed a profound experience. You said it had lasting positive change so thats good.

Yes. If you get rid of all your fears, a significant chunk, if not all, of you will deconstruct as well. Challenging your fears is spiritual

If time is eternal, then there is endless opportunity for anything to happen. If reality has the possibility of creating anything, and also the sense of consciousness and self has the ability to arise in form, then it seems all of us will go through absolutely everything no matter what we do in this life, sooner or later. Maybe there is some limits, like think of the most random thing: a triangle made of marshmallow that lives in a world without gravity and eats pumpkin seeds to survive. Maybe that’s not a possible form, except it being able to arise as image in our mind, because it doesn’t make sense logically how it would function, maybe form needs logic, so even the most paranormal activity we can encounter has a certain “logic” that somehow fits into this reality we live in. And with regards to self awareness, many forms might arise which never develop self awareness in no universe or timeline. Maybe a table is always unaware so it doesn’t suffer when it’s broken. But even considering possible limits, there’s still infinite opportunity for you to be tortured so many times in all of eternity. So it is more than enough 😂 I do think there may be some truth to this karma thing you talk about, so there might be connection between this reincarnation, the previous and the next. But that connection I don’t think is gonna last forever. Some time in eternity, you’ll still go through all the shit no matter what. Doesn’t mean morality doesn’t matter, if you have human psychology, you’re gonna suffer somehow inside yourself if you cause too much harm, so that’s the most direct “karma”.

Yes Whatever reduces stress yea I think. I have wondered tho how important joy is for longevity, in case someone is quite apathetic to a lot of things but still has low stress, and thus chooses to isolate but not out of fear but rather a lack of deriving much joy from it. Do they live shorter Hmm

How would you describe that particular awakening you had, if you don’t mind? Yea the lack of seeking out connection can come from different places, not all of them fit into a defined “disorder”. I have also felt calmer lately than previously in my life, but simultaneously I lack emotional intensity, so I relate to that trait in the disorder, but not all of it like you said.

You sound a bit schizoid like me (I have been evaluated and gotten no diagnosis but can relate a little to some traits)

I can relate to that. It’s a trap. What I find is tho that the mind is very good at telling you what’s wrong. And the more it’s purified the better it will become. It can be something like, you’re at home about to go to bed early because it’s healthy, but you feel somehow bad about not taking th opportunity to go out and socialize. Just an example, could be many other ways And what’s cool is that improving other parts of your life will actually improve your health! (Not 100% of the time, for example if you overwork yourself to improve finances), but more in the long term. Because they’ll improve your mental health (if the goal you’re aiming at feels aligned with higher self).

Thats cool. I wanna experiment with food soon and ill see if I try something along those lines.

Why ?

It’s one way ig