Fleetinglife

No problem! I also did it for myself so I would have the transcript of the convo saved somewhere to use it as reference point for my possible future thoughts, conversations and writings about it. Also to use it as a dispelling myth for someone not enough knowledgable, or critical about it, how maybe too much evangelizes about any of the topics raised in this convo ? This probably, IMHO, one of the most useful and most resourceful of Pakman's episode, that I have personally seen up until now and this point, and not an echo chamber, narrative reinforcement, regluing, solidifying, conformation bias, already agreeing and on almost the same identical wave length when it comes to thinking and feeling about current world issues and problems stuff guest, that I have seen pertaining to guest invites, since so much facts, useful info and important data points raised allowing some one to form a big picture, holistic and interconnected understanding of the actual current state of the world and world economy and how it is currently seen as a prevailing view to have to in order to properly function - operate and dispel some myths and hope clingy illusions informed by ruling class narrative and ideology that some people still harbour and cling to in only a twenty some minute snippet video - just goes to show what a holistic, deep economic thinkers mind such as Yanises is capable of doing in such a short time frame to an unsuspecting viewer, inducing a paradigm and how the world operates fundemental shift in a not so well informed, taught viewer and redirect him immediately to a more productive way of thinking about it and options for acting in it, again IMHO. ?

11:YV: "When Bitcoin came out, when Nakamoto published his famous paper, I poured over it, I studied it for quite a few weeks and I found it fascinating. I found it ingenious. But in an interview he gave for the Wired Magazine, I said that it is a fantastic solution to a problem we have not discovered yet. By that what I meant, and I stick to that assessment, is that it is not a currency. Crypto currencies are not currencies and they cannot be and they should not be. They cannot replace dollars and pounds and euros and they should not replace them. It would be catastrophic. It would be catastrophic if we replace fiat money with crypto currencies. That would create a new oligarchy, and it could cause massive depressions, primarily because the quantity of those currencies cannot be adjusted to economic conditions. So imagine if we had ethereum or bitcoin instead of the dollar and euro in 2020, when lockdowns reduced incomes by 15% What would you know, if we didn't have the capacity to print money and throw them at the problem. The recession of 2020 would be much, much worse than it is now. DP:"But the advocates of Bitcoin would say, no, no Yanis that is feature, not a bug, by having a limited supply, you are not going to have inflation problems that printing additional money creates. This what they would say." Yanis:"But yeah, that just goes to show just how ignorant they are, how dangerously incompetent they are. I mean I hear such sad stock into it. Look, think what happened in your country in 1929, under the Herbert Hoover administration. Yes, that's exactly what the BitCoiners say, the Hoover administration, the moment Wallstreet went pear shaped and you know the Great Recession started, which then turned into the Great Depression. What the administration did was to follow the lead of the BitCoiners of the gold bugs, to say: "Ah, okay now what we need to do is tighten our belts, certainly not print the money and let the market look after itself. The result was the Great Depression, the Grapes of Wrath. And you know if that mentality was ruling roost in the FED in the 2020s, we would have a lot more victims, a lot more deaths of hunger, actually, a lot this kind of, I call it the dangerous fantasy of apolitical money, that Bitcoin is and evangelists of various cryptocurrencies are. But having said that, I think that the block chain is remarkable, and smart contracts along the ethereum line can be very useful when it comes to creating various decentralised systems of keeping records to begin with, mutually trustworthy records. Also, when it comes to money, I am a strong advocate of central bank, block chain based digital currencies which I think will be the future."

Be wary of taking everything Curtis asserts in his documentaries as indisputable fact using his high accentuated seemingly rational, objective sounding British authoritative voice, and not something viewed and informed through a certain interpretative lens of his (rationalism, individualism, liberalism etc.) of the world in general and world history from his POV. ZeroBooks channel on YouTube did a great video exposing some of the limitations of Curtises docs and their assertions about world history and politics, it's not long:

I had similar thought patterns emerge when I am contemplating on some issues or usually sometimes as an unintended byproduct when engaging in an imaginary, mental debate with someone I disagree with in real life to trying randomly to quickly deconstruct the composed meaning or assume etymology behind certain words I hear being used, usually in English, or sometimes in the past I tried this with my first language on which I have a less solid grasp and knowledge of etymological roots behind words and more of my contemplative assumptions based on some stuff I learned from Leo's video as to how might they have originated from their original to current meaning and popular impoverished, reduced (mis)usage in limited contexts, for example, the latest - the English verb to declare, declaring - de - Latin origin prefix meaning to reduce, lessen - and - the shortened, transformed Germanic origin noun root in the verb clar, or imperfect claring from the noun clarity - meaning to see something clearly. Therefore one can speculate upon inferring that additional, ''hidden'' meaning [let's say coil spring reactive pulling down traction effect upon force upward exertion] behind the verb to declare [object - something] can also have the meaning of ''reduction or lessening the clarity of [for example; seeing something properly as the way it is]'' (so in sum to declare something can be a double edge sword in terms of lessening your clarity of actually seeing it and understanding more as it actually is when seen with clarity, or more clearly - so one can then forward a proposition that it sometimes better to stay silent in order have a better of seeing or understanding something more clearly as it is ), this is my assumption though that can come straight from my head like a sudden bolt of insightful thought that I think I have about something without checking out or doing any prior online research or reading in to confirm that my assumptions are correct about my speculative etymological root and meaning behind a word and the etymological origin and orginal meaning of the words that compose it that maybe different from the meaning of the word as whole as its accepted, normativized meaning. I get these sudden bolts about trying to speculatively on my own consider a deeper, or with more depth meaning to something than it is usually used in it's context's in society and interaction between people or taken for granted as being used like that when I am often pacing when having some streams of thought when I get sometimes perhaps emotionally triggered by something I see people try to argue, or say or I see and then have these sudden streams of thoughts when I have some insight and have an urge to breifly pace around the apartment that I am in, usually to the kitchen to grab something to snack on or drink and back , and to contemplate on quick streams of thoughts that I have about it when having an imaginary debate in my mind with them with how I imagine I would appraoch an argument or debate with them about some issue or topic either external or about the way they think and reason themselves Thanks for bring these streams of association that people may have when they are sometimes suddenly struck by bolt of energy of rushing streams of thoughts in their reaction to or insight into the perception of seeing something more in depth and nuance into attention with this post. I hope I didn't write out what I thought my similiar example of this might be too confusingly or ''unclearly'' or if I misunderstood of what you were describing of sometimes experiencing in the post and described myself something that it is off the mark and has not a lot to do with what you were getting at.

Glad this thread was randomly revived after a 7 months hiatus randomly I presume by @Danioover9000 and @Julian gabriel users rekindling the discussion so I can see it and the posts in it and chime in: I've been thinking about Hitler, or rather my experience of him in films of him that I saw while looking my posture at the mirror while contemplating on some other unrelated stuff pertaining to my life purpose, calling, etc. and having some imaginative mental exercises of how could of that unfolded differently than it did and an idealized mental image of what I would have/ I would actually do if I had the opportunity now and courage reflecting honestly of how I feel and think should honestly most of it be done and carried out - the posture that I assumed was as same as him the same as he was preparing for giving his speeches at the mass rallies came from the thoughts and feelings that I had some collective purpose of fulfilling for the nation I was being born into and I deeply felt and thought for a moment that it was actually some sort of fate calling or destiny I had to answer too or a very important historic service I had to provide for thy said people I recognize as belonging to and being a part of for transition to their historic mission and end point destination for transitioning out of this stage of their development and being very open and frank at least in my head of what I thought are the things that I think are severely holding them back and to allowing of them to see or admit to themselves the truth of some collectively emotionally tense matters they refuse to acknowledge and are to painful and traumatic for them to admit and let go off and undermines their whole ideals, stories and identities formed and centered around them - it was a strange feeling I must admit when I started seeing myself unconsciously assuming that posture when thinking about thiese idealized mental scenarios in my mind of what felt most honestly emotionally to myself of what most ought to be said and done to have the most effect in stiring up and waking up the public and when I saw it in myself slowly assuming that posture I immeditely recognized it some time ago where I saw it before in the most immediate assocation that came up in my mind of surfacing up comparamentalized past information and knowledge was the Hitler speech preparation at some Munich or Nuremberg rallies before taking power, I am not sure, in video at the British Pathe channel that I watched in the past. So I felt strange in that moment breifly when I thought that I understood and empathized with his perspective at some extent, in the sense when you have feelings that you have/had some sort of historic mission or needed impact or social obligation or duty as being part of and living in the same society as they do and experiencing all of it's collective dillemas and programmed feelings of emotions were called on by duty or fate to do something out of the accepted norm in that society in the way it you think it behaves, thinks and it's mentality operates for people that you deem are in some very hard trasitioing phase or crisis filled with confusion, pain and trauma etc. that you feel destiny or fate put you for reason to belong to or feel that you are a part of for some reason that you have reason, duty or obligation to complete for them for some reason that you intuit or don't know exactly why or can't precisely yet nail down - so yet it was a strange feeling unconsciouly assuming that posture and hand position and noticing and recognizing that I did and immediately getting that association of where I first saw it before. So yeah I taught at that moment when pacing around the bathroom and looking at myself in the mirror I understood him for a bit of where some aspect of his feelings might be coming from. As for the painting's I see a lot of, honest projection on my part, an attempt and insertion of a perfectionist feeling or desire in them, and an enrapturement of and with some idealized wish at perennialism (or timeless permanence to translate its meaning from Latin) of the local culturally familiar national heritage architecture he is trying to immortalize in his paintings being one's entitled, given and gifted heritage forever to be marveled at and it's a duty for its beauty to be properly captured in some idealized form to properly honor the allowance in being born into a nation or people that allows you to feel a familiarity with around, identification with on a deeply personal level as part of the joy of being able to experience such beauty of the perfectionality, flawlessness and mastery you see in its cultural heritage as by luck or chance given heir and inheritor and for the bestowed upon the honor of being able to capture it in an idealized and immortalized form as it is standing there and in that picture in this brief moment of existence and lasting and expected joy of being able to share your artistic work with generation's of your people to come who will be appreciate it and value it deeply and feel deep familiarity of it as it is part of their cultural heirdom and inherited and living experience within it to be able to appreciate in this idealized, essentialized and unchanging form of it's captured immortalized essence from it's ages and ages to come - in sum an obsession with an imagined idealized recreation and capturing of an immortalized, unchangnig, undying essential form and converting it into a Platonic ideal of a thing as duty of preserving in that intact, pure and natural form in which the cultural heirloom appears to you and that you were given the opportunity to experience familiarity and deep connection and indentification to capture it in a painting for future generations of people living there to experience through this idealized immortal form of painting it's raw, unfiltered beauty and familiarity, indentification and appreciation the same way you did as you tried to capture it in a timeless, perfectionistic, immortal and idealized form as it's archetypal essence - in short a fear of death, change, dissapearance and of waning away by frantically trying leave behind before you go artistic remnants of architecture, landscape, natural world through and idealized form of a painting to capture it's unchanging immortality as it's essence in the moment you thought you experinced and perceived it as such as it being it's essence in the captured perceptual Platonic ideal of it's essence you were trying to recreate of it. in short, trying to capture that feeling of unchanging and timeless familiarity with something in a perfectionist, immortalized, idealized way as if it's the essence and proper way of experiencing it as if it will be always that way as you first experienced it, thought about it, interpreted it, and felt about it that way the first time you saw it and to preserve that memory of it as you experienced it that way and to cherish it and worship that same way forever as if it will never wane away, change or eventually disappear in that form or die out. Well at least that's my projection of the interpretation of its intent, I could be severely off in interpreting it this way as a layman in artistic and aesthetic interpretation terms.

Thanks a lot as well from me and I appreciate it also a lot, the down to earth easily understandable explanation of Heidegger's concept of Dasein (Being-in-the-World) as well! Helps me a lot now compartmentalize, integrate, and better contextualize my leftover prior knowledge of encounters and experiences with works of the phenomenologist (such as the Construction of the Social World by Alfred Schutz) philosophers such as Schutz and Husserl that I did work on, and read a bit in University in the first years.

So we can fight the next one afterward more peacefully and less harmfully with sticks and stones, they are tools with more child friendly security anyways

Yeah that would be nice, to end the worshipping and fetishization of each one separately, and view each other and create stories about each other either to the limited, self culturally biased prism of orientalism or occidentalism (or the problem of isms in general for that matter), to sum up, my approximate current view on the existing issues regarding them

If I can just provide my personal preference, input, and word of layman's (or rather history of a consumer) advice, with no personal experience and knowledge behind the craft, and idiosyncratic assessment on your dilemma regarding the possible future trajectory of the cultivation of your preferred style or genre you might dip your feet into as a comic book artist. I would provide my personal assessment, as a relatively past and less current casual free time spender consumer, addict/fan, and time sinker reader of the anime/manga/manhwa/manhua, etc. genre Eastern comic book style, that comic book industry could you use more non-indigenous artists and creatives coming from different places in the world in their comic book output that could revitalize, innovate more in that industry providing new creative ideas and a paradigm shifts within in its styles and genres, since, I deemed it in consuming its content, of a large part of it commercially successful part of to be a lot of the times and still locked into standardizing self-repeating, imitating style within sometimes the only refrence and inspiration behind it being other works of art style within that same genre produced before with the intent to try to imitate their commercial success and informed by too much by being locked within the paradigms and rules of their own culture (let's provide a simplistic typification of calling it by generalizing term Far Eastern, or East Asian, be it Japanese, Korean, Chinese, etc.) of where those respective artists come from and get their inspiration and creative ideas from and it could maybe use artists from different parts of the world, from different cultures and inspired by different creative ideas and inspirations to revitalize, diversify, enrich and creatively inspire that comic book industry to put it simplistically, that might give them a competitve edge over the typified and generalized ''established art and artists'' within that field. Especially given you shared and opened up a personal bio on this forum serving as an inspiration (with the ideas of Tulpas etc. being added into the fray) you might prove to create truly unique and inspirational works of arts within freelancing in that genre and style industry that pulls originality based on actual experiences from different parts of the world (not imagined ones within the paradigm locks within your own specific culture and or orientalist/occidentalist representations of different cultures of your own often stemming from being in that said imaginative lock without any experience or contacts with those other said cultures) linked together to create something truly original, creative and new within that genre and more appreciable, approachable and available for a universalized global consumer base. But that's my past consumer of this specific genre take on it and hopefully to some extent useful and relevant suggestion and word of advice on this dilemma and topic, I don't know the actual empirical logistics, strategic approaches, and efforts that need to be taken into consideration when aiming to create within that industry, get into as a freelance artist and be successful and gain a competitive edge within it, apart from gaining straight from the start on the ideas and the merits of the uniqueness of your artistic and style inspirations and the background experiences that lay behind them as an inspiration within that industry over potentially more standardization and standardized mass cultural production and re-production that I mentioned is more present in it as one of it's, IMO, currently lacking backdrops.

Or as I saw one philosophy and political analysis account on Twitter also define it in terms of political affairs using Freudian and postmodernist terms: ''you can find similar stories of mass political liberation followed or even accompanied by a corresponding executive crush from 1790s France to Reconstruction America to post-colonial Africa to revolutionary China, this reterritorialization of a mass libidinal politic, of course, the nature of the reterritorialization is different; sometimes it operates in the name of the mass politic, and sometimes against it, ultimately the procedure always encompasses an appropriation of the libidinal force unleashed in the liberation. Totalitarianism demands attention, it demands desire, it demands a level of engagement in the charade of the body politic from all people. It is a consumption of all into its own dramatis personae. If fascism could be said to be anything it is the appropriation; i.e. reterritorialization; of mass libido-political force in the service of a pre-existing industrial capitalist world order.''

Yes, ignoring to do such may be interpreted as yet another emotional ego shield actually self-serving mechanism of justifying itself on the notions of a twisted version of ''pacifistic non-action'' and ''hypocritical posh below me moralism''.

I often don't like to use WWII as an example because of the often moralistic notions often hiddenly entrenched within existing societal norms regarding its history as resulting from their attempt to form the future unshakeable basis and foundation for the post-war international order as always portrayed as the ''righteous war'', ''just cause'' and the ''war that needed to be fought'' that often misses, ignores, mystifies and sidelines the other crucial points that can be made about it, that you just demonstrated using your pre-existing knowledge in viewing by using the dialectical framework from the philosophy of history. I will use also another example of the Iran/Iraq long 80s war and its later consequences leading up to the Kuwait 90's war and 2003 Iraq war as being and their consequences and also possibly to some extent parts of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and current Russia/Ukraine crisis, IMO, the prime example of the dispelling and disproving the legitimacy of the ideas of political realism in the post-war world order in regards to using it as a lens to base and center great power foreign policy around based around the ideas of, as fp advisor and political scientist Stephen M. Walt defines it: ''realism begins with the recognition that wars occur because there is no agency or central authority that can protect states from one another and stop them from fighting if they choose to do so. Given that war is always a possibility, states compete for power and sometimes use force to try to make themselves more secure or gain other advantages. There is no way states can know for certain what others may do in the future, which makes them reluctant to trust one another and encourages them to hedge against the possibility that another powerful state may try to harm them at some point down the road.'' to be replaced with the following fp notion: ''Liberalism sees world politics differently. Instead of seeing all great powers as facing more or less the same problem—the need to be secure in a world where war is always possible—liberalism maintains that what states do is driven mostly by their internal characteristics and the nature of the connections among them. It divides the world into “good states” (those that embody liberal values) and “bad states” (pretty much everyone else) and maintains that conflicts arise primarily from the aggressive impulses of autocrats, dictators, and other illiberal leaders. For liberals, the solution is to topple tyrants and spread democracy, markets, and institutions based on the belief that democracies don’t fight one another, especially when they are bound together by trade, investment, and an agreed-on set of rules. After the Cold War, Western elites concluded that realism was no longer relevant and liberal ideals should guide foreign-policy conduct. As Harvard University professor Stanley Hoffmann told Thomas Friedman of the New York Times in 1993, realism is “utter nonsense today.” U.S. and European officials believed that liberal democracy, open markets, the rule of law, and other liberal values were spreading like wildfire and a global liberal order lay within reach. They assumed as then-presidential candidate Bill Clinton put it in 1992, that “the cynical calculus of pure power politics” had no place in the modern world and an emerging liberal order would yield many decades of democratic peace. Instead of competing for power and security, the world’s nations would concentrate on getting rich in an increasingly open, harmonious, rules-based liberal order, one shaped and guarded by the benevolent power of the United States.''

Not at all, quite the opposite I think you are more alligned that way of being more truthful and realisitc towards yourself and the society that you are currently living in. It is as you say, imo, rather a convineint unconscious emotional and ego self protective cloak for a person and the people that he is living with I would be more rather inclined to say, to facing up to the rather unpleasant and bitter pill reality on the capability of themeselves to become such people they often demonize and distance themselves from as ever potentially being capable of becoming. The Balkans (or the ex-Yugoslav spaces) are a picth perfect example of the peaks of the heights of the utter twistedness that this type of behaviour might reach and cognitive biased and moralistically warped, limited and narrowly directed emotionality to pre-selected and biased group favorites I think. For example, many groups on the Balkans will decry and feel their moral and deep emotional traumatic outrage over the extent and depths of fascist/Nazi ''inhumane'', ''hate-driven'', ''bestial'' and ''sadist'' behaviour and collaboration of their opposite group counterparts during the WWII occupational times while at the same time actively shielding, ''whitewashing'' and justifying away the very similiar and almost qualitetavily non-diferentiable behaviour of the members from their own group they identify with. And these collective (tribal) representations and notions remained firm and were later used to push, in a revisionist way, the later set of Balkan and Yugoslav dissolution wars that unfolded 50 years later. This also applies to more differentiable groups and their notions of themsleves and each other carried over from even earlier pre-WWI and WWII wars that unfolded in this often historically conflict and war stricken region. In other words, the depths of their empathy, solidarity and understanding ends to the most and largest only towards members from their own group that they feel like they belong to and that they identify with, nedless the say, the oligarch-controlled media here is happily pushing that divisiveness view that they economically and culturally profited from before at the onset of the most latest wars. So yes, you captured the essence of that self-deceptive use of that (real) pinned down emotional traumatic energy and moralism over the inherent humanism of each and everyone human being here, in its limited extent and rules of exception of those deemed and collectively defined as the ''out-group'', as a mechanism the shield oneself's ego to the extent of his moral and emotinal hypocrisy in feeling different towards other human beings deemed different from his own group in which's security and safety he profits and benefits for the advancement of his own survival enhancement psychic and physical needs. It is still inherently very self survival-serving in its emotional rawness, as the recent behaviors of IDF snipers towards Palestinian civilian rebels and protestors in Palestinian zones of almost all age groups demonstrates and the current active fascist/Nazism historical and current political revisionisms of some groups with that past and ancestral background demonstrates. Instead, one should rather aim to ask and exploreoneself radically honestly and introspectively, in a way Horst Mahler, one of the former West German-based leaders of the radical left militant and terrorist organization Red Army Faction honestly put it forward his parents and his friends and comrades were ''To which extent Nazi are/were you, were you a little bit of a Nazi, here or a bit more Nazi, there???'' when honestly approaching one's relationship towards these types of questions and topics and to perhaps tap more honestly and deeper emotinaly into the "potential and parts of the little Nazi still sitting there within you right now?'' in order to unlock that true depth empathization and understanding of that suffering since you remove your Nazi shadow part that prevents you from seeing that some of this and/or an aspect of this could have been done by you or inflicted upon you as this also a possible aspect of yourself given the right circumstances and it's potential inherent tragedy, and ther you unlock the potential of the universal self accepting all parts of itself, the Nazi one and the Holocaust one, and seeing it all as part of itself ordeal and trial and error seacrh for it's true self and it's ultimate love and self-acceptance. To finish it on one of the lessons that might entail in striving towards an ultimate non-dual perspective and its implications for every aspect of yourself's existence and its uncompromising self-acceptance and self-recognition.

Journal Entry Exports from: Meditation/Contemplation Journal 10.8.2021. 25 minutes attempted vipassana session: ''My mind feels so painful inside. Thoughts came up to me that got me wondering and pondering why God even brought me up in existence if it can be so painful and miserable like this. Thoughts also came up imaging what it must feel like with bums, homeless people, and people begging for money on the streets to eat and survive. I thought to myself is existing like that without any higher meaning and purpose worth it for a sentient self-aware being with no striving for some higher joy or experiencing in life, but just getting and scarping by - I thought to myself that maybe if I was in such a position that I would kill myself then rather live like that the rest of my life and days - without any hope of things getting better or improving things for myself. Though I sometimes feel like a bum and homeless person in my head, mind, and how I experience life and existence sometimes like I am just barely just scraping by and holding by emotionally and physically - but only in the brief instances when I am feeling really unwell and bad. And also ask me is it worth living like this the rest of my days with no vision, passion, meaning, joy, or purpose in life. Damn it to hell sometimes my thoughts and emotions do feel so much painful and miserable. But back to the track, I really do feel like I hate myself and I am sick with myself deep inside with how low I have allowed myself to fall and have denigrated myself physically, mentally, cognitively, and emotionally from where I was starting as an in contrast to who I was born to and what's the success of my lineage and ancestors. What a miserable and pathetic little life I created for myself I think now at this time and moment from all the shit ignored and I let get to me. I Will continue this tomorrow feel uninspired to dig deeper into the memories of thoughts I had at that point and plus I got distracted by a phone call by my father and Twitter scrolling for news.''

Journal Entry Exports from: Meditation/Contemplation Journal Posted October 8, 2021, · 10.8.2021. 30 minutes attempted vipassana session: thoughts and feelings that came up; ''Extreme anxiety of not feeling safe and fear of killing myself and dying. Of losing everything I have and everything I know to be. The fear came up of me killing myself in the near future or feeling extremely unsafe in my objectively non-threatening environment that I was going to die and lose everything I know about myself, my identity, my current achievements and level of development, EVERYTHING, FOREVER, and would therefore throw the waste the life that was given to me and all the perks I am enjoying now with it, that I would squander the gift of life and being born in the environment that I am born given to me by my mother and my ancestors, especially my grandfather from my father's side - for whom I'd always almost had deep respect and admiration. Fear of losing all that privilege given to me by my ancestors that I just simply inherited from them. And I felt deeply bad that was one of the main things causing my fear of death and not the fear of losing my life itself as it is and myself as a person that I am and an identity - like I did value my own life and personality enough but only the fact it was given to me by others before me. I felt like a slow state of depression and dying - or to say more appropriately losing myself into nothing. A deeply ingrained and non-resolved complex of inferiority detected that was allowed to fester in the unconsciousness in my psyche? Well, yes it certainly seems that way. Why am I afraid of myself killing myself and why did I feel so insecure about my environment feeling that at any moment it was going to lead to me killing myself? Why so much insecurity and a lack of self-confidence and faith? Why? Why did it feel so tiring and draining? Like I was trying to let go of myself and be consumed by the abyss. Why am I afraid of getting tired and weak? Why do I fear it would lead me to death? What am I anyway? What is this? Why is letting go into dying so contrasted and opposed to the feeling of living and being alive? Why so much fear and resistance? Why am I so afraid of dying? Why does it feel so tiring and draining? I do not want to just die this way. I can just let go of my life now. Why do I feel that the memories of the personalities of my ancestors haunt me? Why do I feel that I am not worthy enough of them with the way I am living and experiencing my life? It feels almost like an unending road of depression, aimlessness, hopelessness, and a lack of motive and purpose in life? Why do life and my experiencing of it feel so bleak and alien to me? Why do I feel like I am an alien to experiencing existence? Why do I feel like an alien and stranger to existence and life? Why does nature seem alien to me and yet I feel bleak familiarity, safety and take comfort in its presence, and have a distinct and unexplainable feeling if I go I will be welcomed in familiar arms, its an unexplainable slight feeling of ease and security and hope and comfort around it. Like it will open me with open arms even if I decide to go now, earlier than I should. Why are so many thoughts of suicidal ideation popping out briefly and then going away? Why do I feel uncomfortable with my present life so much, why do I despise it and hate it so much? 7.10. 2021. Around 10 PM yesterday something. Walking Contemplation Near Trees by the Danube River in Zemun quay, Why do the trees and nature around me feel like the only thing familiar around me despite my feelings of depression? Why does the breeze feels so good, and making me feel like I am a part of the life-world and natural world even though I feel like currently a human person? It feels like even if I wasn't and ceased to be I would still belong there and return there like some long-forgotten home of mine before all these personal experiences, history, and memories. Like a place, I sprang from an intuitive level and I will spring back to once I am no more here as a person. Only my experience of the leaves rustling in the night breeze and of sensing and seeing the bark of trees, of a various different kind, te names of and species of most I which do not know, in the night by the flowing river like a long lost lifeworld to me which I was once a part through which I know now only intuitively through same faint remembrance and recollection only through the intuition of my senses. The surrounding artifacts and remnants of human civilization seem so alien and dry and foreign to me even though I am a part of it experientially all my life and depend on its system for sustenance for me to sustain and facilitate this experience of enjoyment and pleasantness with moving around, observing, sensing and experiencing the pleasantries and smoothness of the natural world in vibrant and alive phenomenology appearing before me. The natural world's pull I sense from time to time is where I feel I want to belong. Yet then why do I feel anatural to myself then? Why do I feel so corrupted and perverted from the natural order? Why do I feel estranged to it, like I was damned not to ever feel it in its fullness by the corrupted and perverted ways of mind? When will I free myself from myself? Nature - the breeze, trees, and the river feel very soothing and calming they feel like a part of me. Does nature want to talk to me in the language I have forgotten and no longer understand? How and why did I allow myself to forget it deliberately and cast it aside as unimportant to my life, which I have brief realizations is inseparable from it even if I fool myself in my day-to-day experience and mind it isn't so? Why did these low consciousness fleeting desires and their brief pleasures and always temporary void filling stemming from succumbing to neediness take precedent over wanting to experience nature in its pure and undiluted form? Why the sacrifice of wellbeing for the fleeting, why the succumbing to fleeting desire and fleeting instant gratification and wish fulfillment, over experiencing life more fully, vibrantly, and lively as much of the time as possible when I make opportunities for it? Why the selling myself short of wanting to take care and retain this experiencing ability? Why lose myself in this transient, temporal, and not last for the sake of wish fulfillment and instant gratification and lose out on the serenity, peace, and calm of nature and the natural in attune with it. My thoughts are full, my mind empty. I need to go back to my ancestor's residential beehive building. I will finish this and try to remember more of this later when my thoughts untie themselves around each other, my mind remembers itself and my feelings feel themselves again and not tiredness and burn out. To be continued when my thoughts and memories catch up. ''

Journal Entry Exports from: Thoughts and Contemplation Journal Posted October 14, 2021 (edited) · 10/14/2021 ''The greatest of sins and mistakes of this region where I live in is the willful and unwillful ignorance of the terms used to communicate, not knowing the essence and meaning behind those terms just borrowing them for quick descriptive reasons and then parroting them out.''

Journal Entry Exports from; Writing out the Negative: Anger, Contempt, Disgust, Fear, Judgement. Depression etc. Posted October 11, 2021 ''I am having escapist lucid dreams more and more lately basically after a month or so, unfortunately, I didn't write them in the journal, but the latest ones that I remember I plan to do. They basically boil down to stuff happening that is a wish-fulfillment in my dream of the stuff I failed on, was too afraid, indecisive, impatient, weak, selfish, or cowardly to do in the past and recent present which I had a deep longing towards or dreamt of in real life of fulfilling in my future to sort of achieving which I failed on being a possibility anywhere soon or at all in my life. Though a recent example not having anything to do with wish-fulfillment from a couple of days ago (three days ago I think in fact) was a dream of being scanned for my fingerprints and blood flow to my fingers by a mini floating UFO of a flying disk shape with a red tractor beam (at least what It seemed like it was doing) and floating around my head while I was lying down in my bed where I sleep in this apartment somewhere at very early morning time with the sun barely coming out. I dreamt of myself basically being in a half-awake groggy state and barely being able to move or recognize it and being too tired or weak to do anything about it. Also in that dream earlier, I dreamt of being aware of family members entering my room while I am lying down sleeping in my bed also in the morning time and talking to something to me while I am too groggy or tired to respond or do anything about it but I only aware of them being there faintly through my senses and then suddenly during that same time in the morning (be it 5 or 6 AM) I have the desire to move and respond to them but just as I move in my dream in my bed I wake up I realize I am still in that bed but there is no one in the room and there is dead silence in the morning and I am lying there now awake trying to grasp and come to my senses was I just dreaming that what I just perceived happening in my room a moment ago in the early morning time while I was in the same position in my bed as half-asleep and being faintly aware of it all happening and trying to slowly come in to grasp and discern up until what point was I dreaming of being at bed sleeping in the early morning and being aware of all that happening in the background in my room and at what point did I wake up in the same position that I was in during the dream in my bed it would appear roughly at the same time in the morning. This difficulty to discern what was the dream and what was me being awake in the morning came up roughly at the same time during the morning when I would wake up in shock and would later go back to sleep. Note: I didn't watch or have read any UFO-related or alien stuff in a long time and was skeptical for a long time and during the supposed Pentagon release of footage and confirmation of the existence of UFOs about almost a year ago and considered them just to be cover of the flight of secret experimental US Airforce planes and technology since the sights would usually happen in America and few other places in the world as far I followed it when I was briefly interested in it a while ago as a teen. The wish-fulffilment lucid dreams were either a product of a wish being fulfilled or an unlikely scenario playing out of which I had deep longing towards happening and me realizing in the past especially during my time in high school and of being a product of my imaging of interacting with some people or being a real-life witness of their interactions happening that I know from watching online on YouTube for some time or that are known as online celebrities mostly in the English speaking domain of the Internet. For example, I faintly remember of dreaming being in a cafe as a customer or something of a sort and watching the interaction in real-time of Jordan Peterson and some other figure which seemed to resemble the online YouTuber Vaush from his ponytail appearance (though I have watched neither of them for a long time, almost a year on YouTube just saw their faces and pictures from time to time on Twitter or recommendations for their videos on YouTube), they then briefly went to finish their conversation on the second floor of that cafe and then suddenly I found myself on the street in some rural area that seemed like somewhere in my country Serbia and I felt lost there and started looking for directions to get back where my apartment is in Belgrade and started asking people around, I asked an old grandad (who In facial appearance resembled almost my own grandfather who passed a year ago now) he pointed me in the direction towards the station there and then I encountered Peterson and asked him for some reason as if he knows which bus line in this rural place looking place should I take that goes to Belgrade and for him to point to me on the map where does it drop me off in Belgrade where it is nearest and closest from my apartment and taking another city line from there and then right when he was showing to me where my bus line will end and on which station of that bus line should I exit in Belgrade I woke up. Weird dream. The wish-fulfillment lucid dream that I had today had to do with me being in an open place almost an ancient greek amphitheater of some sort in the woods all covered in vine and mostly overgrown by nature with familiar but facially indistinguishable faces sitting there ( it is as if I knew all the people sitting there intuitively from my encounters with them in real life but couldn't really see their faces or name exactly each of them who they have just had a familiarity of their presence) and then from the back of my eye noticed and caught a glimpse of a very familiar face in the backdrop of that overgrown natural amphitheater and other ancient building space that looked exactly like the face from the pictures of the 19th and 20th-century French sociologist Emile Durkheim that was walking away and I started running towards him and people sitting in the naturally overgrown amphitheater spaced asked me: ''Where are you going!? What are you running towards!?", and I replied to them laconically filled with pride in myself and joy (even though it is very likely now in my depressing and existential and purpose crisis because of this real life that I won't be able to graduate and become a certified sociologist at all, given how many exams I have leftover from previous years and how I am currently feeling mentally strong in my intellectual capabilities to do so from developing 'brain rot' and lack of willpower due to a chronic addiction to entertainment, procrastination, and porn on the Internet during the past year especially and before that vastly diminished my chances of accomplishing this in the remaining years left of my studying and receiving a family pension from the state while being a full-time student),: ''Well, I am a sociologist myself. It is my duty to get an autograph from a man and sociologist such as Durkheim who works I was exposed to in high school (especially on Suicide given my family history) got me interested and fascinated to want to study sociology in faculty and become a sociologist in the first place!''. Then in my dream, I consciously ran towards the figure that was walking back on the road behind the amphitheater surrounded by a crowd of adoring fans that I thought looked and resembled the famous sociologist and when I came up to that figure it turned out it was a woman wearing glasses surrounded by a crowd following here that resembled him slightly in facial appearance and appeared to be a female writer of some sort, I apologized to her for running up to her impromptu and kind of disappointedly gave up on my autograph. Then the next thing I know I was standing on large blocks of stone on the wall of some seemingly old fortress from medieval times that resembled slightly the Kalemegdan fortress in Belgrade and my highschool girl crush and then thought possible and potential future soulmate that was put there for me in life I then had a feeling of and thought of her as that (she in some facial aspects and personality-wise even resembled Leo (I can't post here picture here I feel like it would be a against her right to privacy on an unknown forum and privacy rule here in general), like a younger female version of Leo in Serbia, which I found later kinda weird since when I watched Leo on YouTube I would be slightly reminded of her because of the similarities of his and her facial appearance ), and I knew here and went with here in highschool up until 2017 even before I found Leo's channel and then after I left high school and was in faculty still had a deep crush on her for some time, and this was before I found Leo website and channel on YouTube back in 2017 and slightly later when I just started watching his videos on his channel back in the summer of 2017) I went together in high-school with appeared together with a guy friend of hers in high school who was also an almost all As an excellent student like her (she rolled in a different faculty than me in the University of Belgrade and I have also found out recently that she had graduated in law school recently and became a certified lawyer just in the basic studies graduation term for studying for for 4 yeasr) in high school also appeared and approached me and started talking to me. I had a conversation with her in my dream that felt as it was very intimate, like with a very close girl friend that I knew for some time (in contrast to very brief interactions I would have with her in highschool and my mostly platonic love for her during that time in my life), and then she suddenly out of the blue told me that I don't have to go or rush anywhere since we will be all staying here (including her best straight As highschool guy friend) and sleeping over together tonight (In some supposed tour house I guess for all of was to sleep in and stay the night from highschool) and then I suddenly very casually in her way directed a very very lascivious joke regarding opportunities and possibilities for me and her in that sleeping together arrangement (spontaneous horny dreams what out me forcing them what can I do...) (that would probably have been too outrageous to say to her in real life given our degree of closeness and friendship then and especially now when I am out of touch with her for four years and have only seen her last time when I invited her to my grandfathers funereal last year) and then backtracked with another joke disputing the meaning of what i meant that made her and her best guy friend from highschool laugh in the dream. She then started walking on the edge of the wall of those stone blocks on the fortress as if playing with the height and chasm below with her best guy friend from high school and I followed them both expecting to interact with them more and the dream ends there and I woke up. The only way I can interpret this last dream is that I am idealizing that deep sense of longing and want I had of her when I was going together with her in the same high school and sometime after that when I had another short failed hook up the attempt in faculty (that I also told directly once that she reminded in her pale skin pigmentation of the idealized first crush girl from high school) almost two years later in 2018 and afterward the fantasies and longings and wants of her resided a short time after that as well. Just goes to show how deeply did idealize her as being my missed opportunity future soulmate and the one meant for me, how much the deep longings and wants of her lasted, and how much I remained obsessed with her for some time, though mostly unconsciously it seems, that I projected and valued and got attracted to other girls appearances based on how much it resembled her own and her personality and how much the time I thought I was in love her lasted that I projected her onto other women and had memories and fantasies of her appearing to me during the day. An unhealthy obsession with mostly a figment of imagination, an idealized image of a woman I had a crush on in high school (who also I found out briefly indirectly from one of her gestures of touching my fingers on my hand and whispering my name so I can just barely hear it during a shared photo of the entire class in high school in the second year also I had a brief crush on me, but I was to much of an introvert and coward to act then at 16 or 17 fearing to be in relationship with her at that time since she was bullied and mocked by some classmates then and I didn't have really developed crush towards her then) and never had developed an actual friendship or meaningful interaction beyond my platonic love of her and projection of my own mind of her in short. It also shows how deeply lonely I feel now and how a lack of experience in any relationship or being in an intimate or partnership relationship with the opposite sex has impacted my psyche, I am 23 now with no experience of being in an actual relationship with any woman up until this point, that I am fantasizing in my dreams, maybe subconsciously, my idealized crush and then thought of missed soulmate in life from high school, that I am having these dreams of her in my wish-fulfillment scenarios stalking me after this much time has passed since high school and also how much I have failed up until this point in my original intent and aspirations of graduating and becoming a certified sociologist in my basic studies term time or much more even the possibility of becoming a certified one at all now given my state and missed opportunities, studying procrastination, distractions by entertainment and porn weakening my discipline and mental willpower and fortitude to study long term, with patience and seriously with no distractions, excuses and procrastination and experiences in not taking and chickening out of some exams this summer and in the past semesters that piled up in these 5 years since my enrolling in faculty in the sociology study group in 2017. Experiences full of failed dreams and wishes that are now manifesting themselves as wish-fulfillment in my dreams as means for my psyche to cope with the living experiences of knowing them and having memories of them in the real-life where I am now experiencing a lot of suffering, mental pain and above all regret, daily life filled with the memory and knowledge of regret, of not coming even close or lifting a finger realizing all of these aforementioned things above that was at the time and still in some sense very dear to my heart and felt a strong emotional drive towards and that I felt life put it there for me to realize them and actualize them for a reason but I failed on that promise and are now sitting there like dead dreams and wishes, unrealized now and unpotentialized, and me only retaining a memory of them what I hoped and how I felt at the time I thought they were doable, within reach and that I could achieve them as my life purpose goal when I felt a strong emotional drive towards them. And now because of my laziness and procrastination of some stuff during my daily life due to the felt mental and emotional resistance and finding intolerability of my current life existence and future prospects of it, with no strong drive or purpose towards anything apart from keeping and saving my conditions for receiving welfare from the family pension (based on my passed mother's accumulated work internship while she was still alive and working) from the state while I am a regular student till 26 from the Pensioner Security Fund so I don't have to search for a job and work full time while I am still a student and studying (I am aware current after a wasted year giving only two exams I cant use this as an excuse indefinitely to postpone having to work and find a full time paying wage slave job or any job for that matter). I am aware that not the way to live to hope on keeping receiving welfare while using part of the pension from my grandmother to cover some other expenses while I am living together with her and while she is still alive while even my father works for some unsteady and unfixed income teaching basic English and German at private foreign language school chain while using as only being a student as an excuse so I planned and thought to try to find a part-time job somewhere via maybe the Youth Employment Center to get some income of my own and to start to feel better about myself that I am not so depressed and mentally incapacitated in my overexaggerating mind due to the feelings of prolonged or chronic emotional and mental pain, suffering, sloth, and laziness that I can work and earn an income for myself on my own even as part-time job coupled with still studying and passing some leftover exams from previous years or year this winter semester. Thanks also for anyone having the time and mental energy to sort through and respond to this incoherently written and all over place journal entry with word of advice, I wrote this mostly for myself to stop procrastinating and resisting mentally and emotionally with distractions, pleasure, and excuses putting these emotionally uncomfortable and painful thoughts that I have been chronically thinking about during some days into the text or at least a part of them that I have been avoiding or being too lazy to write out (even for a year in this case it accumulating) in text somewhere from myself to release them from me obsessing about them cathartically and to better understand them as well, leave a mark of them for others to know what's been mentally and emotionally plaguing me in my mind and most importantly to feel better about myself after forcing myself to write them all out, if not coherently or polished but just to feel that I got them off my chest somewhere where it is readable.''

Journal Entry Exports from; Writing out the Negative: Anger, Contempt, Disgust, Fear, Judgement. Depression etc. Posted October 8, 2021 (edited) · ''Why do I have judgment and feel contempt towards my traditional, mentally undeveloped, and uneducated fellow countrymen - I don't consider these people to be cognitively and emotionally developed enough to be considered citizens - they are a specific ethnic folk of sorts - all these also as well judgments by the way? Why do I consider them barely human beings with reason and cognitive thinking skills as I know them and not some this ethnic folk species of animal of this region with the only aim to reproduce and maintain a life of more of their same ethnic genus - since it seems most of them are a lot obsessed by that as bigger group solidarity meaning and purpose to their lives rather than finding their own that fills their emptiness and void and makes them happy about themselves and the lives that they lived. Why do I hate and despise their naivety, stupidity, and lack of thinking skills so much? Is it because I see it as a present danger to my safety and wellbeing of living in this country and a fear of being ostracized by their own judgemental, uneducatedly narrow, and rigid point of view that I consider so delusional and detached from the reality of present things in the country and culture of this country, a kind of coping mechanism if you will for their despair filled lives that only rely on hope from others bestowed upon from someone they legitimize and give credence to being an authority of some sort on any issues they are clueless or ignorant about and don't even bother to put in the effort to research it on their own. I don't consider them as fellow citizens, I consider them as subjects to the regime in this country - subject in terms of mental slavery to its ideology and economic slavery of terms of them barely surviving and getting by as wage slaves barely covering their living expenses and the costs of life - in other words, internally hopeless slaves that cling onto hope and charity from others and their rulers - I see it as a pathetic existence not worth living if you are mentally aware of this fact of your life and you do not repress it or ignore it or delude yourself into thinking from a non-reality based belief system in order to cope with this kind of existence and a fact of your life. They used to say here and coined the term in the old Yugoslav times - Better a grave than being a knave. In fact, I know why I hate and despise them and why I can't stand their voice and sentence stringing and the utterly irrational and illogical way of thinking that goes behind it. It is that I consider them as being unworthy to be my authority on anything related to thinking and opinions in this country and to determine my fate of living in this country by voting for autocracy and authoritarianism and continuously drumming the nationalistic chauvinistic contempt and hate-filled prejudices drums of hate, ignorance, contempt, conflict, tensions and ultimately warmongering towards other peoples in the region that I see as a threat to my own safety and physical and mental wellbeing living in this country. But that's not the worst of it. The worst of it is that they want ME to feel and think the same way on these issues as them - they act as ethnic gatekeepers for all their people. Who is not loyal to these ideas, criticizes, condemns, and tries to distance himself from the current mafia state and its party held by this self-proclaimed nationalistic and patriotic oligarchic cabal centered around their beloved autocrat and states of affairs in the country, and tries to rationally communicate and bridge a gap between himself and other peoples in this region is targeted, by the most vocal and chauvinistic of the hate vitriolists, who it seems crave deep inside them their own self-destruction (Durkheim, paraphrase: Hate groups and those who seek and take pleasure from the destruction and humiliation of others are driven by impulses and desires for self-annihilation - out of their lack of self-acceptance and self-love from themselves. Hedges, paraphrase: They externalize and project the act of moral cleansing of themselves onto others through violence and war - the cover for their own vapid despair and emptiness inside them that they can't share with others out of fear of being called and mock as weak, denigrated as cowards and socially ostracized from their own uniform, conformist, totalitarian and homogeneously thinking group). obsessively search and hunt for others who they see as the fifth column, traitors and unpatriotic and un-ethnic enough elements in their own country who do not tow their uniform line in ideas, feelings, and acts in the online political spaces and in their mass media broadcasts and channels, they externalize these threats and manifest enemies among their own people and others people in order to obfuscate for themselves their own contempt and hate towards their own lives and their own selves for their unrealized dreams and potentials - the root cause of illiberal sentiments and proneness to totalitarian thinking and group homogeneity maintenance and retreating. In fact, they hide their own insecurities and cowardice through the homogeneity of their group thought. The mass media channels (that my grandma now watches) loyal to this autocratic and partocratic regime are complicit in this - turning the switch for their own uneducated and gullible, non-free thinking conformist viewers from vitriols spilling ethnic hatred, prejudices, stereotypes and contempt, conspiracy theorizing and aggrandizing the relevance of the role American politics has (depicting Trump as being anti-establishment versus the liberal establishment who were behind the bombing here and the advocacy for a part of our territories independence, as being more pro-us in the region, as if he knows anything about us or cares about anything but himself and his own political survival and maintenance of the fake populist image) (one of the biggest offenses to me was here when the tabloid press here convinced my now passed former war veteran and Yugoslav air officer grandfather shortly before he passed away that Trump gave a shit about this country, region, and us, was pro-us and cared more about us with his dealings in this region - a big lie and grand conspiracy propagated by one of the ultranationalist and populist parties here to help the major one-party state that rules the country nowhere get support and votes from the rest of their own 'nationalist and patriotic demographic voting base'. He died believing a lie that a tabloid press convinced him off and still propagates in this country as a conspiracy theory for explaining why Democrats and liberals in America are anti-us to this day to aid and justify and explain away this regime's support and bets for Trump being re-elected. What non-sensical mind poison selling and injecting and brainwashing opportunists and profiteers of public disinformation, lack of access to contrasting information, despair, hope, and ignorance of their readers and viewers- screw the bastards.) taking into account the importance of this region and this country - inflating the fragile nationalist self-relevance ego of their own viewers from this tiny nation - with these grand geopolitical conspiracy theories - us vs them, and then switching it down soothing and acting as televised as non-credentialed counselors for their mind, health, and wellbeing with astrology and bioenergy non-credentialed con artists and pseudoscience advocates who run a small business and business coning desperate, uneducated and uninformed this way - and these media channels platform and advertise these con artists to siphon money and resources from desperate and stupid people and for them, I guess they get the share out of those profits for advertising for them - they also invite priests and self-appointed healers who perform and talk about the same shtick to their gullible watching and uneducated audience. They basically advertise for and platform con artists that prey on people's despair and stupidity with certain heavy life issues that they have. I will not go quietly into the night following them blindly as I paraphrase Churchill. Btw interesting quote by Hedges I think that relates to this on some level but in a different context but still relevant to the one I live in since it is also a product of economic and cultural globalization: ''Positive psychology is to the corporate state, what eugenics was to the Nazis" - Chris Hedges I am done with my venting out and ranting, for now into text, I need to re-learn to think and write clearly my thoughts and ideas so people who decide to read this journal won't see it as incoherent gibberish of a person venting unconnected sentences and words with no logic and reasoning behind them and not conveying any deeper understanding of his feelings and the situation he finds himself in that he thinks also cause him to feel this way. Its judgment and judging others I know but it is not without good reason and cause pertaining to my own individual wellbeing and survival - In fact, I think it would be self-destructive and suicidal for me not to since it directly pertains to and threatens my own survival, it is a form of sanity retaining and mental self-defense to the poisonous imposition of ideas and feelings by others as I see it and feel it. I will write more in detail later about other causes of my other negative feelings and suicidal ideations from time to time - about the lack of meaning and purpose in life I feel and my resistance and fear to falling into this conformist, hopeless, mind-numbing, and brain-dead trap as I see it that people I mentioned above I see as living - stripped of their individual humanity and potential by returning back to these aforementioned sources of their misery with life and self-loathing and despair that they repress are not conscious enough of themselves how they relinquish their individual autonomy to media at hand doing the thinking for them. Until then thanks also for anyone finding this interesting enough to read for themselves and thinking to themselves that they are not wasting time in having the patience and time in reading this, though I wrote it to unearth the cause of these thoughts, judgments, and feelings mostly for myself here as a journal.''

I've been brainwashed and conditioned by the video now to read this whole paragraph of text with the Matriarch's dialect and accentuation on 'Regeneration' and 'Wholeness' But I see what you guys are saying and trying to explain to and point me towards regarding this and my aesthetic complaint. I think I got part of it of what exactly the whole thing was trying to communicate to and in the style and presentation that it did it in. I earlier found the Philipino sociologist and activist Walden Bello also somewhat of a good exponent of some of these ideas with his 'Systemic Alternatives' approach.

Testorone. Jk. Idk for myself for sure, but I think to it's to be happy with yourself and your existence and life in general.

Damn, this part really hit hard home for me. Recognized a large part of my own self-survival, self-evaluation, self-worth , and approval mechanism for my own self in it which I have never really tried to honestly explain, introspectively question, face up to and wonder why it's there and what purpose does it serve me in the first place or why do I get enjoyment from it in the first place, trace the origin to and clarify it for myself why do I need it, use it and why do identify with such an image of myself by using that type of humor to maintain unconsciously for myself that part of myself which I have a strong identification with the way you did just now through summarizing it in words in a report form and self-introspection. Thank you for your radical self-honesty and openness to others here regarding that here, it helped me as well by providing me with a major insight into it, so I appreciate it very much for providing that insight into it which can help me to deal with and tackle this self-gratifying habit of mein as well. Thanks for sharing the way you beautifully and succinctly summarized your trip report and the openness you shared with other people here whom it might help in dealing with their own shadows.

Interesting and educational brief, non-time consuming introduction into the communication of some of the basic, fundamental aspects of those ideas and their reprogramming and paradigmatical shifting intent. Thanks for sharing it here, although I must say I was getting heavy stage Green utopic energy and vibes while watching through and listening through the whole thing - with some '60s and 70's hippie idealism with the whole aesthetic presentation and in the style of how the whole affair was presented and communicated to the audience I don't mean this in a derogatory sense since the ideas they were aiming to present and communicate were done pretty understandably and straightforwardly for anyone new to this theoretical concept of the 'Game type in human affairs and perception' watching it the first time.

Is this your lion? Last known photo of a Barbary Lion (i.e. Atlas i.e. Nubian Lion) (now officially extinct in the wild when the last one was supposedly shot and killed in 1942 though there were several unconfirmed reported sightings by Algerian communities of this breed of lion in the wild up until 1964) live in the wild was taken in the Atlas Mountains near Morocco in the Sahara in 1925 by a French explorer and photographer Marcelin Flaunders.

Just discovered an interesting folk religion, via a Canadian scientist, scholar, and specialist on the history of Indo-Iranian civilizations and religions named Richard Foltz, who wrote about it in his recently published scholarly book in 2021 about the history and culture of the Ossetian peoples in the Caucasus called The Ossetes: The Modern Day Scythians of the Caucasus, the Scythians, of course, referring to the famous group of migratory nomadic tribes that ancient Greek historians gave a collective term for after the ancient Greek term 'Skuthoi' meaning 'Archer' or 'Archers' and wrote extensively about during the time they once occupied the Eurasian steppes in the first millennium BC and implying that modern-day Ossetians have a direct ancestral lineage to one of those groups of Scythian nomadic tribes, namely the Sarmatians, better known in history as Alans (i.e. 'Aryans' or the i.e. 'Iranians') genetically wise and through the retainment of the culture, religions and folk practices of those ancient nomadic peoples that inhabited those areas. It is called 'Assianism' meaning the religion of the "As" or "Os"—an ancient name of the Alans, from which the Greeks drew, Foltz says, the name of "Asia", which is preserved in the Russian and Georgian-derived name "Ossetians", that started to be revived in a conscious and organized way in the 1980s, as an ethnic religion among the Ossetians. Its collection of 'holy writings' that it draws its inspiration from are called the 'Nart Sagas' which are a series of tales that form much of the basic mythology of the folklore of ethnic groups in the North Caucasus including the Abkhazians, Circassians, and to some extent the Chechens and the Ingush, the author Richard Foltz defines them as a ''"typical Indo-European heroic epic". Despite claims to antiquity, categorizes it and analyzes it in the framework of it being part of 'new religious movement' phenomena and terms it as being a kind of 'Scythian Neo-paganism' but immediately notifies the reader that he uses the term 'neo-paganism' to classify it and describe it for the purposes of the practicality of scholarly work and scientific research in religious studies since he warns in advance that: ''the adherents of Assianism object to the use of the term "Paganism" to refer to their religion, such term having strong derogatory connotations in Ossetian language and being still used by Christians and Muslims to ridicule traditional Ossetian beliefs and practices.'' Foltz, Richard (2020). "The Rekom Shrine in North Ossetia-Alania and its Annual Ceremony". Iran and the Caucasus. Brill. 24 (1): p. 42. note 2. To the extent that the culture and practices of most well-known and famous peoples among the group of Scythian nomadic tribes in Western European History the 'Alans', to whom the modern-day Ossetians are the sole existing and still surviving modern population that can the most claim direct descendency from in terms of keeping their cultural and linguistical lineage mostly intact and preserving beliefs and rituals likely dating back to times of their Scythian religion, impacted the development of culture and civilization of early Western medieval Europe, Foltz details: ''Allied with the Germanic Goths, the Alans penetrated west into France, Italy, Spain, and other territories under the Roman Empire. The Romans tried to manage the threat by hiring them as mercenaries in the cavalry, or, particularly in France, by buying them off as landed gentry. Many toponyms in France, such as Alainville, Alaincourt, Alençon, and others, testify that they were territorial possessions of Alan families. Alan equestrian culture formed the basis of Medieval chivalry, and in general Alan, culture had a significant role—though rarely recognized—in the development of Western European culture.'' and also according to Foltz and the Russian author Shizhensky: [the Scythians] ''widely worshipped [chief among their lesser deities, which in some cases were later adaptations of the names of Christian saints, whose original Scythian names of the deities were not kept, Uastyrdzhi (whose name derives from "Saint George"), the god of contracts and war (the Iranian Mithra), but also the general archetype of men and of disadvantaged people] through altars in the form of a sword planted in a pile of stones or brushwood, a cult perhaps reflected in the Arthurian legend of the sword in the stone, likely brought to Britain by Alan regiments settled there by the Romans in the first century. The cult of the sword continued among the Alans as late as the first century CE.'' Foltz, Richard (2019). "Scythian Neo-Paganism in the Caucasus: The Ossetian Uatsdin as a 'Nature Religion'". Journal for the Study of Religion, Nature, and Culture. 13 (3): p. 315. and pp. 318. - 320. ''The most important symbol in Assianism, according to the Dzuary Lægtæ ("Holy Men"), is the Uatsamongzh (Уацамонгж) or Uatsamonga (Уацамонга), a bowl, goblet or cup mentioned in the Ossetian Nart epics whose name means "indicating (amongzh) truth (uats)" or "revelator of divinity". It is a symbol of truth representing the inverted vault of the sky, which can saturate the worthy ones (the hero of the Nart epics) with unearthly knowledge. The origins of this symbol go back to the earliest Indo-Europeans and it is also present in later Celtic and Germanic cultures. In medieval Western European legends, the magic chalice took the Christianised form of the Holy Grail.'' But to get to the point here is the most interesting thing I found about this 'neo-paganist' Ossetian folk religion, is the Assian theo-cosmology which their leaders themselves define as being based around a form of 'pantheism' and 'non-dualism', it's tenants are as follows: ''Assianism contemplates the worship of a supreme God, Xwytsau (Хуыцау), who is the creator of the universe and of all beings and is the universe itself, or the universe is "the body of God", comprising both the immanent material world of the living and the transcendent spiritual world of God, where the dead make a return. It has "no tangible, personal qualities, nor extension in space and time", and it is pure light. The transcendent spiritual dimension of God is the "World of Light" (Рухс Дун, Rukhs Dun) or "True World" (Æцæг Дун, Ætsæg Dun), while the immanent material dimension of life is the "Illusory World" (Мжнг Дун, Mæng Dun). The supreme God may be called upon by a multiplicity of epithets, including simply "Styr Xwytsau" (Стыр Хуыцау), meaning "Great God", but also "Duneskænæg" (Дунескæнæг), "Creator of the Universe", "Meskænæg Xwytsau" (Мескаенаег Хуыцау) and "Xwytsauty Xwytsau" (Хуыцаутты Хуыцау), meaning "God of the Gods". Assian theology affirms that God is within every creature, is "the head of everything", and in men, it manifests as reason, measure, and righteousness (bar).'' Schmitz, Timo (2015). "Etseg Din – Caucasian paganism from Ossetia" pp. 1-2 ''God and its triune manifestations: The supreme God unfolds in triads. The fundamental triad is that of God–matter–spirit: Xwytsau / Xuitsau (Хуыцау, "Heaven") — is the supreme God of the universe, the source of it and of the highest wisdom attainable by men, creator, and patron of worlds, without either image or form, ineffable and omnipresent; Iuag (Иуаг) or Iuæg (Иуæг) — is the substance-matter of everything, both uncreated and created worlds; Ud (Уд) — is the universal self, that is attained by an individual soul when it identifies with Mon (Мон), the universal mind-spirit, i.e. God's manifestation; ultimately, Mon and Ud are the same, and they are Xwytsau's manifestations. On the plane of the phenomenon, God's universal mind-spirit further manifests as the triad of: Uas (Уас = "Truth", "Good Word") or Ard (Ард = "Right", "Law") — the order of God, which produces well-being in reality; Uastyrdzhi (Уастырджи) — the good-spell incarnated in men, who are bearers of divine reason, enlightened consciousnesses, awareness of God; in other words, Uastyrdzhi is the archetype of the perfected man, follower of the order of God, and is the mediator of all other deities; Duagi (дуаги; pl. дауджытæ / дауджита → daudzhytæ / daudzhita) or duag (дуаг) and barduag (бардуаг) — gods, deities, forces which continuously mold the world alternating forms according to the order of God; the most important among them are the arvon daudzhita (арвон дауджита), the seven deities of the seven planets. Another distinction is established between the three cosmological states of:[39][40] Zedy (зэды, pl. задтæ → zadtæ) or zhad (жад) — tutelary forces, generative deities, which accompany the birth and development of beings according to the order of God; Uayugi (уайуги, pl. уайгуытæ / уайгуыта → uayguytæ / uayguyta) or uayug (уайуг) — destructive forces which violate the order of God and distance from light; in mankind they are the cause of passions, fears, pride, and nervous diseases; Dalimon (далимон) — the lowest possible state of mind when it identifies with the brute matter, chaos; its meaning is "lower (dali) spirit (mon)" and is also a category comprising all terrestrial unclear entities, contrasted with ualimon (уалимон), "upper (uali) spirit (mon)", which comprises all celestial clear entities.'' Shizhensky 2018a, pp. 130–131. ''According to Assian doctrines, human nature is the same as the nature of all being. Mankind is a microcosm within a macrocosm, or broader context, and the same is true for all other beings. The universe is kept in harmony by Uas or Ard, the order of God, the foundation of divine reason, measure, and righteousness (bar). The deities (daudzhita or ualimon) form the world according to this universal law, while demons (uayguyta or dalimon) are those entities which act disrupting the good contexts of the deities, and are the causes of illness and death. Every entity is governed "by it itself" within its own sphere of responsibility; God and its order are not seen as an external force of coercion. These positive and negative forces also influence humanity's consciousness: A man may take the side of either deities or demons, and this choice will shape this man's life and action. If a man is able to subdue passions, not putting exclusively egoistic material motives in his actions, he becomes open to the Uas, or its receptacle (уасдан, uasdan; good-spell receptacle), a wise noble who perceives the order of God and higher spirits and receives their energy, acting like them by producing good, truth and beauty. On the contrary, if a man's actions are driven by egoistic material ends, Dalimon and demons own him and he becomes a source of evil, lies, and ugliness. In the words of Khetag Morgoyev, mankind is endowed with the free will to choose between good and evil, deities and demons.'' Shizhensky 2018a, p. 130. ''The "Three Tears of God" (Trislezi Boga), a symbol representing Assian theology and three most important Ossetian shrines, was first "perceived" and drawn by the architect and painter Slava Dzhanaïty, and has become the most common symbol of the faith, "seen everywhere throughout North and South Ossetia on t-shirts, car stickers, and advertisements". Within the three "tears" of Dzhanaïty's symbol there are three equilateral crosses; "cross" is said dzuar in Ossetian, the same term for the manifestation of divinity. The three most important Ossetian shrines that the symbol represents are the Rekom Temple, the Mykalygabyrtæ Temple to the southeast of Rekom, and the Tarandzhelos Temple located south of Mount Kazbek in Georgia.'' Foltz, Richard (2019). "Scythian Neo-Paganism in the Caucasus: The Ossetian Uatsdin as a 'Nature Religion''' pp. 328-330 So what do you guys think is this just an attempt to revive, reinvent, or reconstruct a traditional basis for Ossetian nationalism and its traditional national folk religion, that survived through the millennia and centuries in the culture of their folk practices, through a 'new religious movement' that gained traction and became popular again in the 1980s and that bears strong resemblances and similarities to other 'neo-paganist' ones around the world (including the Rodnovery one among the Slavs that refers to the movement of reviving, preserving and repopularizing the 'Slavic Native Faiths' - which is were this image of Russian Rodnover Ynglists in Omsk, Omsk Oblast practicing the Scythian ritual of the sword planted in brushwood is from), though according to, one of the researchers and scholars on this subject, the Canadian scholar and author Richard Foltz, that if that is the case then: ''the movement has become so widespread among the Ossetians that its success is "unrivalled" among all Neopagan religious movements. According to the 2012 Arena Atlas complement to the 2010 census of Russia, 29.4% of the population of North Ossetia (comprising Ossetians as well as ethnic Russians) were adherents of the Ossetian Pagan religion. Authorities of the religion itself claim that a large majority of over 55% of the ethnic Ossetians are adherents of the religion. Ruslan Kurchiev, president of the Styr Nykhas in 2019, prefers to define Assianism as a "culture" rather than a "religion", claiming that what it champions are rituals and values which are encapsulated in the Ossetian tradition. Similiarly representatives of the Dzuary Lægtæ ("Holy Men"), the council of the priests of the Ossetian sanctuaries, define Assianism, by citing the folklorist and ethnographer Soslan Temirkhanov, as "[...] a worldview [...] that arouses that holy spark that raises a person, illuminates and warms his soul, makes him strive for good and light, gives him courage and strength to fearlessly fight evil and vice, inspires him to self-sacrifice for the good of others". According to them, this Ossetian worldview is "not some form of perception abstracted from the material, productive activity, but on the contrary, it is interwoven and reflects all aspects of being, at the same time being the very basis of being, an ontological principle, which we can phenomenologically characterize as pantheism", a worldview characterized by "intertwining, interconnection, interdependence" which favors a natural "logical-conceptual type of thinking and discursive thinking". They articulate a historical critique of Christianisation: For them, Orthodox Christianity is an "alien religion" that "seeks to captivate and corrupt the souls of the conquered", and in Ossetia, it was spread by foreigners and by the tsarist autocracy through coercion, by police measures and by luring children and the poor with gifts, a process which led to the disintegration of families and to the ruin of farms. According to them, Islam spread among the Ossetians as an alternative to avoid forced Christianisation. The Russian Orthodox Church is for them a "socio-cultural and cultural-political problem" in Ossetia, as it has "neither knowledge of the peculiarities of Ossetia, nor interest in its culture, nor concern for its future. The movement of Scythian Assianism has attracted strong hostility and complaints from Christian and Islamic authorities. The Russian Orthodox archbishop Leonid in Moscow sought to silence Makeyev by trying to ban his books as "extremist literature", calling on his personal contacts when he was a general in the Federal Security Service. The Russian Orthodox Church has also been trying to have the Rekom Temple destroyed and a church built in its place, but without success so far.'' Foltz, Richard (2019). "Scythian Neo-Paganism in the Caucasus: The Ossetian Uatsdin as a 'Nature Religion''' p. 331 or is there some deeper spiritual non-dual teaching that can be derived from it from its seeming claim to stem from some sort of universal perennialism? Thanks to anyone who sets their personal energy and is interested and has the time to share their thoughts and views and engage with me in a discussion of this particular topic, question, and subject! As always much appreciated by me in advance

Iran's President Ebrahim Raisi had vowed to take revenge against Trump over Soleimani's killing. Iran released an animated video of former US President Donald Trump being targeted by a drone on a golf course. The video was showcased on Iran's supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei's official site. I found this animation video very funny and laughed, the Iranian leadership has a very dark sense of humor when they feel an injustice was committed against them out of vanity and selfish reasons and that nobody has been held responsible or accountable for it or that they have been adequately compensated for it out of the inflicted trauma and pain.