Something Funny

@Leo Gura @Ulax is there any practical way for me to giving a girl some value when approaching her? I've noticed that my current mindset is really focus on taking, to a point where I feel guilty approaching. I want to change that so that I feel like I am doing something nice when I approach a girl. That I am making her day better, positively impacting her life, etc. But I don't want this to just be a mindset that I have. I want this to actually be the case. Where even if it doesn't work out with a girl, after an approach, after a date, after sex, I still leave a net positive impact on her life. How do I do that?

@Ulax I want to learn pickup. But I want to learn it so that eventually, when I meet a person who I will want to build a relationship with, I can attract them and be smooth and confident, instead of shaking, blushing, and stuttering... Edit: I am definitely in my head, and definitely lack experience. So Leo is probably right and I should just stick with it and do what I am told, instead of trying to reinvent the wheel.

@Leo Gura also you are right, I've just started so maybe like you said I just need need to push through this initial phase of confusion and then I will start to actually like it. I am not going to quit anyway, but I was wondering if I can make some adjustments so that the process feels more enjoyable and authentic.

Guys, that's kind of confusing I can see the value in fully completing the set. But is there any way I can tailor the process for myself so it feels more natural?

But I don't want to build emotional connection with a girl when I know I am just using her for practice and for sex. I guess I am kind of afraid of hurting her eventually when I will have to leave her to continue my pickup journey. I've also noticed that I don't want to approach girls who I would genuinely want to date and have a relationship with because I am kind of trying to save them for the future, when I will actually have serious intentions. Idk if that makes sense.

So not even trying to get a number, just having fun interactions? I feel like this would be more authentic and could work for me.

I've found a few people who agreed to go out and do pickup together. Both the nightgame and daygame. The thing is, I am a total noob and they sound quite experienced. This is good, right? I am looking for advise on how I can be a good wingman and how do I make the most out pf those sessions. Any specific exercises/challenges that we should do?

Wait, are you saying that we are supposed to approach one girl together?? I thought it would look something like one of us is approaching and another is looking from some distance, taking notes? Approaching a girls together sounds weird, no?

I am meeting up with some guy tomorrow and am supposed to meet up with another one on the next weekend I can't believe for how long I've believed that it's impossible for me to find a wingman.

I want to find a wingman but game global group for my city has like 30 members and it looks like nobody is active on it. There are only self-promotion spam posts and nobody responded to my message. Any other ideas where I can find people?

@Ulax I actually decided to pm all 30 people from that group and got quite a few responses, so I think I might find someone

@Ulax thanks, I will try. Although the chances are probably low cause I leave in Poland

Emm, no he shouldn't? Sure there is always a background competition going on, where a person has another potential dating options and chooses whichever they like the most. But he definitely shouldn't explicitly compete with anyone over her as if he is on a reality tv show. That's just toxic. How does flirting with another person while you are on a date helps you heal and develop trust issues? It helps you to build a giant ego, that's for sure. She was being a dick, idk how this is even a point of discussion. First of all, going to a yoga class to pickup some girs isn't "living in a spiritual community". It wasn't probably even some spiritual class, just some hatha yoga where teacher saying "connect with your inner self" while everyone does sun salutations in their yoga pants is a peak enlightenment experience... Secondly, once again, I have no idea how someone can view flirting with another person during a date as "healing" or truing to "develop trust", lol?? Is it "those evil men hurt me in the past so now I am gonna make them feel bad in return" type of healing??? If that's what you mean then we can also say thay it's okay for a guy to play a girl into thinking that he looks for a relationship and then fuck and dump her after a first date. And do it intentionally to hurt her cause "those evil women deserve that" and this is his "healing" process. Hell, by that logic shooting up a school can also be part of your "healing" process, lol. Intentionally hurting random people cause you are bitter and resentful because of your past experiences isn't healing

I think I disagree. Imo, it's a pretty basic requirement that both parties treat each other with respect. If you are already on a date with a certain person then be nice even if you don't like them that much. Flirting with someone else is definitely a dick whether you are a guy or a girl. So if you were on a first date with a guy at some bar and all of a sudden he got up, turned around, flirted with another girl next to him and took her number, you would just ignore it as if nothing happened??? And then went on a few more dates with him until you finally talked about it and made a decision on how to proceed? Self-respect aside, don't you think it's a complete waste of time?

@BlessedLion so, just to clarify, you didn't leave her wherever you guys were, but still walked her home?

@ValiantSalvatore nevermind, we are talking about different things

There is so much wrong with this post ?‍♂️?‍♂️?‍♂️

@ValiantSalvatore I agree with what you are saying in general, but some of it is besides the point. Especially the argument of modern environments and choosing who you hang out with. Most people in the world don't leave in "modern environment" so for them this topic is much more relevant. What I am talking about is something like this: let's say you are walking down a street and somebody cat calls your gf, or grabs her butt or whatever. And you just totally ignore it. How do you think she would feel? Even if she doesn't believe that you have necessarily to do something, she would still will kind of "meh" about the situation in general, right? Especially compared to an alternative scenario where you stand up for her. Or if this happened when your male friends were with you, are you saying that their opinion about you isn't going to be affected at all, or if it does, then they are degenerates? It's not about any particular scenario or how realistic it is. The question is about the concept itself, our ideas of what makes a man look good and attractive and what doesn't.

This was my first impression as well, but now I think that it was phrased like that intentionally. If you ask this question to a person from older generation, like your grandpa, they will probably say yes to it without thinking that it's a weird question. But as I said that problem is that I, for example, disagree with this statement technically. But then in real life situations, like if you are out with your girlfriend and you get insulted and just "eat it", you will probably look less in her eyes then if you stand up for yourself, right? Or even amongst man. Let's say you, as a man, know a guy who is a total doormat. Even if you are open-minded and do not agree with the above statement logically, you still won't have that high of an opinion about him. On the other side if one day he really stands up for himself, your respect for him will naturally increase. It's not even a conscious process.

Seriously though. If you want practical solution, this is the only practical solution that will actually change something. Sure, all those little psychological tricks can make you living situation 5-10% easier, but they won't change much. You need to start seriously considering the option of moving out and planning for it and in the meantime you can try to survive through your current situation and make is as good as you can. If moving out is not an option within your country, then move abroad. Research what countries you can go to without visa with your passport or where it's relatively easy to get a visa and what are the requirement. Research living costs, research what kind of job you can do, develop new skills if necessary, etc. For example in Poland, where I live right now, there are a lot of relatively cheap college options, some offer a possibility of paying a monthly tuition or making 2 payments per year, instead of a full payment. I think you can even get a visa for a weekends only courses, this way you can work 5+ days per week. You can apply for a college here, get yourself a student visa, move here, rent a room in an apartment or a dorm, and find yourself a job that will cover both your costs of living and your university tuition. I don't believe that there's literally 0 chance for you to move out. It takes work, but it's possible.

The most effective technique that helps me with this is to just lay down on the floor and stare at the ceiling. Do not distruct yourself with anything. No phone, no internet, no tv, etc. Just lay down at stare at the flow. Eventually you will grow tire of it and will just naturally want to do something. So you can start making regular small steps like that. Try doing it for one day as an experiment. Set a rule for yourself that you are either doing at least something productive or are staring at the ceiling. Maybe it will help you as well. You know, as one song says: "we are not alone in our loneliness".

Wow, those guys actually also have a reverse sexism test https://www.idrlabs.com/reverse-sexism/test.php What I find interesting is that a lot of qualities that are encouraged in personal development, such as the ones below, are technically considered sexist. - A real man is in control of his emotions - A real man should be daring and strong - Real men recover speedily from emotional disturbances - A good man is someone who is ambitious and financially successful - A real man should defend his honor when insulted - A real man stands up for what he believes in, even at great risk to himself I guess there is the difference between saying "a real man is/should" or "a good man is" (kind of like a universal standard) and just saying that those are desired qualities. But still... It's pretty obvious that a vast majority of people would consider these qualities desirable and attractive in a man so we might as well says that this is kind of a universal standard of what it means to be a good man. And what's tricky is that it's not just some artificial social standard as in case with something like "women should be stay at home moms", these qualities in a man feel genuinely attractive on a subconscious level for both men and women... So let's say I am trying to improve myself and develop emotional mastery or become more courageous and start standing up for what I believe in. Am I being sexist towards myself? From one side yeah, cause I am not being accepting enough of who I am right now. On the other side there are clear survival benefits of me developing those qualities, right? What if I am pushing my son to develop this qualities? Am I being a caring father who worries about his well-being or am I being a sexist towards him? A lot of Leo's advise for men is sexist by those standards, haha. @Leo Gura, @Emerald any thoughts?

@Devin yeah, I know what you mean. I guess my logic was that part of their own definition is And from statement "Women have nurturing capabilities that men could never achieve." one might conclude that women thrive better in nurturing roles. Especially if you claim that this is something that men could never achieve, as per the original phrasing, than you might say that this is women's natural position in society or even a social obligation. Which is why I found it weird that it isn't counted towards benevolent sexism.

My sister got a higher score than me, lol

@Devin