AndylizedAAY

@Husseinisdoingfine Did you message Leo on the forum, privately, or did he come up with the idea for this new forum himself? Both "new" sub-forums from 2022 both have their first topic saying "First!" but not all sub-forums.

@Michael Jackson Honestly, I haven't noticed this new sub-forum until over a month later but I'm now following you because of this first "conversation" here.

"He who masters resistance masters this physical time space reality" -Teal Swan Enlightenment requires my concentration but just how long can I focus on spirituality? If external interruptions never applied, could I concentrate on a wall for long periods of time (even if it seems silly)? What about on a question or excercise? How do I know when to move on to the next one? This is crucial when it comes to Leo's enlightenment questions and excercises. I try to get up early not only to prevent external interruptions, but more so, to prevent interruptions from myself. I also need to learn how to take better notes on what I am reading to read important material for longer periods of time. Also, do you know this game called Lapse? It's basically a game in which you are the president are your goal is to escape the infinite time loop you are in by finding someone for this mysterious person (I'm still trying to find out who they are). To survive long enough for that to happen, you need to balance the environment, the happiness of the population, the military, and the economy. Why am I bringing this up? It feels like each day is like an infinite time loop unless I radically change myself for enlightenment and a life worth living. This loop can last until I die (and beyond if reincarnation exisits). Will I need to control my state of consciousness for me to stay focused, or would I already be awake? When Leo says become conscious of _______, is it something that simply needs to be done, am I missing something, or was I only in a temporary high if I did become conscious of what Leo said? Also, I am not saying that I cannot have fun, if spirituality is boring, then I'm doing it wrong. If I'm being indescisive on how to go about it, then it will backfire and so will not seeking enough options.

@ZzzleepingBear @ItsNick That's exactly what I posted about AI creating art:

@Leo GuraHow do I know how long I should work on each excercise? I also don't understand why there cannot be a perceiver if that is what awareness does.

I found this video in my recommendation feed and I think that it's worth sharing: https://youtu.be/0fDJXmqdN-A

I remember taking notes on balancing theory vs practice but I never thought about posting it on the forum. I will try to look for them and post them.

Are these notes added in the Actualized.org textbook? I think I have different notes.

I can't believe I forgot about these excercises. I will get to work and make sure I focus on them without interruptions.

@Leo GuraI am focusing on multiple questions at a time during the hour, is that alright or should I seriously focus on one question? I also wanted to upload the screenshots of the instructions from my phone and it's on "do not disturb", is that alright? I'm doing nothing else but seeking enlightenment right now. Should I use my computer as my digital timer instead?

@Amanda Valenti Yes, I think that I am one of them but I don't want to get too cocky here since the forum generally speaking tries to go for a higher conscious experience.

@Preety_India I also have autism, but I don't know how to use those models myself. Is your autism bad enough that conventional therepy doesn't work? What are you trying to accomplish?

@Kksd74628 Vishudda Das had a very similar experience with mine when it comes to religion. I started to question Christianity. I asked how hell can be reasonable if there are some who are not Christian. The answers from Christianity didn't explain much. I came to the conclusion that people only accept the Christian kind of hell out of fear or they do not find it convincing and that I wanted to find out why. No one would want to live an easy life for eternal damnation. I also questioned the popularity of Christianity and how relative the persecution of Christian really is. I then became an athiest for a little while to further deconstruct Christianity and other religions too with athiest YouTubers along the way in secret. I then came to the conclusion that God existis because it is eternal and is the source for all scientific explanation of the origin of the universe which is why I am looking for God on my own. These are just a few examples with Christianity. If I take VIshudda Das too seriously, I might become hypocritical with a different form of dogma. I doubt that Advita Vedanta is the best, but I will be looking into it. His content resonates with me so far. There can also be really long interruptions from myself with masterbation. I expanded my options like hypnosis and restoring the sacral chackra because I was masterbating too much and yet it comes back. Is there some unmet need that is causing this distraction? How do I make sure that this never happens again? I noticed a sense of boredom before it happened but not only that, the masterbation occured after going out with my Dad. Was that a subconscious trigger to seek out some form of entertainment? I mean that is all and good but I find other things more fulfilling. Honestly, I do not even know why I am doing any of this. I grew up in the same background. I find my desires to be groundless or having an infinite regress problem. I either want to do something, or I am forced to do something. I cannot be a victim to external circumstances so there is nothing grounding my state of consciousness, there's nothing underneath it.

Yesterday, I had so many interruptions that I was unmotivated to meditate, do self-inquiry, do shamanic breathing, etc. I tried to go outside to meditate but I got interruptions from random people. The thing is that I don't think that the people who are interruptinng me would think that the list above is Christian. Also, if Leo trancended religion, how come it seems Hinduistic? I mean Vishudda Das (Koi) says that we are all one and claims to be a student of noon-duality. Would you agree with this video, if so how do change my sleep schedule? If you don't think that I should be getting up earlier, what should I being doing instead? Would you agree that there is a most spiritual time of the day why or why not? https://youtu.be/IegzPgJ8mz4

I have read, The Road Less Travelled, Define Your Why, and am currently reading the Actualized.org textbook. My notes are just biased "important points" but I am not applying anything or doing any serious reflection. How can I fix that?

In my earlier years, I discovered spirituality and Actualized.org but something caused me to forget about it and here I am more developed. I predict that college will cause me to forget about the deeper aspects of life and that I will come back stronger. Regression is inevitable right?

I've noticed that my life has been out of balance and I think I know why. Maybe it is because I am desperately searching for something and that it is taking too much of my time. Come to think of it, YouTube is artificial way of receiving connection which is why it might be overused instead of doing the spiritual practices or the work that I am expected to do. My intuition told me to check out Teal Swan's YouTube channel so maybe that will change something if I take action on what is being said. My parents are not really the same as having an actual friend. I think that people who appear more important online will appear more important in real life so I think that it will be a mistake to ditch social media. Also, Instagram does not actually load for me properly, isn't that just reinforcing the state that I am in? Does that come first or my reality. Do my thoughts on my reality come first or reality itself?

There are 2 things that I am struggling with: Catching up on my homework and preparing to move. It seems like I am avoiding the truth that I need to do these things. I am tired really easily, have sudden mood swings, low appetite or the exact opposite, cannot sleep very well, and I don't have any close friends currently in my life. Could I be depressed? Why do I receive shallow answers for it like not enough sleep, COVID-19 or the Russian-Ukrainian War? I am starting to remember experiencing this even before Covid.

I have been deeply contemplating the meaning of my social life and I came to this conclusion: The things that I do privately comes from a desire for connection. I think I just had an insight with my social life. Here is what my direct experience says: Whenever I try to start a conversation, I only get a one or two second response which is the same when joining another conversation. Now either I can think it is because of my autism, because of lack of forgiveness subconsciously with how I use to be like, because of the Law of Attraction, etc. All of those ideas are just concepts that is being added onto reality. Whenever I go to someone for help about this, it changes my direct experience of the situation entirely since the lack of interest in me from someone ceases to exist. The solution is entangled with the existence of the problem. There is some truth with the idea that I cannot blame other people for my problems but that is a relative truth and I am not blaming other people for my problems, I am just deeply thinking about the meaning of my life. No one else can validate my direct experience of my social life but me. Listening to podcasts, to Teal Swan and going on the forum, etc. are actions coming from a subconscious desire for connection. Me trying to hard or not being engaged are also just concepts that is being added to my social life. Overusing YouTube is an artificial way of receiving a nice story which is a distraction from my homework which creates suffering but gives more pleasure in the moment. Failing to be invited on the school podcast, lockdown, being rejected with acts of service, being left behind etc. are like threshold guardians when it comes to my true potential. All of these things are just coming from the social matrix and I need to question why things are repelling against me. The idea that I don't deserve something is just a concept. Which way does it work, my self-image being a self-fulfilling prophesy or my reality creating my self-image? I can always use my autism as an excuse for ignorance but the reality is that I can use contemplation and self-inquiry to gain insight from direct experience. Inauthenticity can be sensed, but ultimately I have to decide if that is true based on my direct experience. The scenario of my social life was ingeniously thought up by the Mind of God.

How come I don't see my comment with the comments I have posted? I can see how what Leo says is a big deal but it didn't seem that way when I watched the reuploaded video.

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@SeaMonster But which comes first, the self-image or my reality?

@ll Ontology ll This is how the scenario is recontectualized as a win-win scenario.

Before I begin, let me tell you a backstory I have. I wanted to take notes on Actualized.org and uploaded pictures of them to Google Drive to keep my work. This idea came later after I wrote down all of the the things that I am about to say. Now, I am afraid that my parents might discover my notes but the physical version has too much sentimental value. The reason that I am bringing this up now is because I cannot afford to lose access to Actualized.org or any spiritual guidance I might need for my spiritual journey. I would agree that attachment really does create suffering and I want to fully embody that principle. The notebook talks about consciousness, spiral dynamics, a different view on God, etc. Me and my family have to leave the apartment in 15 days (less than that now) and I want to be able to just throw away the notebook permanently. I also watched Leo's video on letting go but the thing is that I want to physically let go of this notebook permanently. How do I do that?

@ll Ontology ll I edited my notebook to untrap myself and had some profound insight while doing so. It's difficult to explain in full detail but I will post it here once I remember what it was.