Esilda

I am petrified of spiders just in general so I'm not at all going to try and pretend like I'm queen bee here . (reading comments to discover insight for my own bug life dilemma)

COMPLETELY AGREE!!!!!! Dudes just need to find their self fulfilment. They've just been spooked.

@Marcel Arrived home now reading your journal Oh where I go ballroom dancing is absolutely amazing! We have our own live band, we dress up, its so much fun , its just a great time to have a little bit of champagne with my friends as well afterwards. I mainly stick to Appletiser though rofl, I mentioned before regarding my sensitivity to alcohol. It was a bit cloudy so we didn't have a picnic, we just strolled through in the mild chill. I still took off my loafers and put my feet into the fountain with my friend for fun though lol. Wowza how did u end up with that fear do you feel? I've always had a thing for feet in a bad way myself, sometimes too more so just depending on my mood.

Please keep me updated

DIFFERENT TIME ZONES @Marcel! And it was lovely thank you, there's nothing that both shows my feelings and releases my feelings than when I'm dancing with someone, ballroom dancing with many people just makes everything so obvious there lol. I've been wondering by the way, you're in such a state of flow don't feel bad if you share your insights on love... I'm feeling... out of sorts at the minute right now that I'd love to be inspired by your enthusiasm of late. I feel like tomorrow I'm going to go to my local gardens and have a picnic with a girlfriend if she's free, just take off my shoes and feel the earth beneath my feet while wetting them in the fountain nearby as I dawdle absentmindedly, it really helps me feel everything that's happening inside of me.

@RickyFitts SOooooo chaotic in my head right now wondering what my next love entry is going to be on... not sure what to choose! Same here @Marcel

@RickyFitts I'm certainly not perfect though... i just follow the feeling, sometimes the feeling doesn't always make people happy, other times it does, - shrugs shoulders -

@RickyFitts Or maybe I'm too much of a people pleaser? rofl. I don't think so though, I feel that I'm okay, I just like seeing others around me happy for the most part, its not really an active inner process, something that's automatic for me. Thank you I look forward to it

@Marcel Thank you darl! That's what I do on this forum now, I'm just hunting through all the conversations seeing what I find interesting and then jumping in or just observing what's going on like an alien! That's so refreshing to hear, you've started on such a brave journey that is only going to make you stronger and stronger with every day. So many people are so stuffed inside their emotional cocoons, you'll be an inspiration to many people now

Going ballroom dancing tonight @Marcelits going to be so much fun .

@Marcel that is so beautiful I am so proud of you for admitting that to yourself! Sending you the strength, confidence, liberation, joy, belief, ecstasy, beauty and love to be your true self Reading now...

@Vrubel I'm just not feeling you is all. I need to feel you more.

@Vrubel yeah i totally agree that there are subtle bio triggers that need to be properly mapped that account for and beyond truncated societal views on male compared to female in their social dynamics, its an ewey religion with false tape guarding us from the truth. These platforms shape human behaviour as well. I just want the guys I date to have more awareness. I get it, men have hormones, we all do, they make us think thoughts that we didn't put there but is sex really the end for them? What's their purpose in their life, their vision with me? Just to "get their's". It's so impulsively casino, why are we endorsing the casino of sexuality? It makes no sense for us to collectively agree on that as a "thing" we work towards spreading between us all. As a self actualised female, I want my man to be self actualised.

@Vrubel okay whatevs. I just don't feel like you're trying to connect with me in this conversation.

@Marcel wow you're so open, I've thought about being a male, how about a hermaphrodite? Gay? Lesbian? Orangutang? We all need to encourage our imagination and just have fun with it . That's such a deep question for me, it makes me sink into my energetic experience immediately, I feel trees, I hear the wind, I see beautiful scenes of lakes and then I feel the centre of the earth giving life to everything around us in this moment. It has no past, it has no future, it is just the manifest of the ever-present now. There's nothing to cling onto but there's everything to feel and experience with the full intensity of the life force of love that springs into our hearts and gives us our life.

@Vrubel there's plenty of guys that want connection first and you can say the same for promiscuous women where they don't care as much about connection. Does connection mean beta and sex priority just alpha? It would be icky if we devolved there.

@Vzdoh is it a greater level of intimacy you want or is it the loneliness that you struggle to self sooth over? There's definitely some nuanced communication issues I'm feeling, what do you think they might be and how do you they could be worked on?

@Farnaby It's the way social media is designed, it's the way tinder is created, it's the way... pretty much all societies want to puppeteer our emotions and psychological preferences. They market things in such a way that we're purely dispensable tools for consumption. PUKE.

@Vrubel these just seem like generalisations to me. Men don't get married just for sex for example and women don't have sex purely for intimacy. I only really go for guys that look like they can connect on a deep level. I have standards around this.

@RickyFitts thank you lovely that's so wonderful of you, feel free to let your spirit run wild here to find yourself as well!

@Marcel let all that love out this is beautiful! Take back your self, feel everything, feel the loving embrace of mother nature cradling you in her arms like the wonderful spec of dust you are!

@Marcel Stay away from psychiatrists? They're generally the only ones that prescribe medication. I agree though that sounds like a terrible way to go about handling a client. I've personally never had an experience like that, I guess I've been pretty lucky but if there was anything I would be looking at to gauge a therapists ability it would be their empathy. Feel free to continue to hash out your emotions here if you think you'd be able to contribute in your own way, this journal was all about promoting self discovery about our understanding of love in the first place so we don't generalise the way most cultures condition us to do about our most cherished experiences . What are your feelings about the feelings you have about those experiences? Like that was a pretty big thing you shared there as well, do you feel taken away a little bit by that vulnerability? In my first entry and even my later entries I sometimes felt a sense of shame, even guilt for some of the things that I said, upon noticing that I've since started documenting all of the feelings I have from the emotionally difficult and vulnerable things that I share.

@RickyFitts LMAO!

I am honestly sick of anyone that says "that's virtue signalling" these days, its like a little thing goes off in their head of "this makes this person look good so they must be trying to virtue signal", its really asinine. It's really just the relationship between men and women that I'm concerned about, it seems so odd to me that the context around men and women in the 21st century is still centered around sex. I don't feel that guys are girls really have the right influences when it comes to sex, like we need to backdate our history and just sort of start again here if we want to have any positive dialogue that puts both sexes in an esteemed view. It's a conversation about the person as a person as well, that's what gets me, men are being so triggered these days to put women at the centre of their identity or vice versa, its culturally masochistic to me what these pickup guys do to other guys.

@Marcel catching up on your comment