Esilda

To myself (inspired by one of my girlfriends on the forum), Feel into your your heart. Feel into your gut. This is all a brand new start. But always remember your but. I must stay true to who I am. For destiny may turn me into the damned. Love into me so true, so that I can love him (whoever he is) too. (thank you girlfriend your example is so beautiful for us all! )

@lxlichael a part of me feels like I have no idea who I'm dealing with even though I've read so much of your writing but then another part of me is too curious to find out how your mind ticks Take as much time as you need .

Oh I love Radiohead !

@Preety_India we both will ROFL !!!

I may walk the dork (walk ~ with you @RickyFitts ~ ) but two warm bodies in the cold are still better than one . Anyhow, I want you to stay away for tonight because I have entires I want to add to this journal and I don't need you interrupting me.

He said like now TWO DAYS ago that he would reply , I'm being polite about the fact that he's on thin ice . ...I feel its more than two days actually, like there was other stuff as well (no resting bitch face here its okay )

@lxlichael do you have time to answer my questions tonight? Just some of them.

@lxlichael

@lxlichael YOUR MUSIC IQ JOURNAL IS DA BOMB! Sending some encouragement your way! Liking your music journal by the way . Throws arms up in the air... I've been doing the Wim Hof method just recently as lxlichael reminded me of it and I'm learning that this is kind of example of how I can use my body to tune into my emotions more . Any other tips you got? I like these thank you!

To myself, Why do I feel guilt for laying down my ground rules, for laying down my boundaries for asserting myself? What childhood memories do I need to visit in order to rewire my brain to feeling okay here? If I'm creating the best path for myself, what is there to worry?

To myself, How do I exit from my bias in love? I get I have all these self protective mechanisms... but why do I need to hold onto defence so much? Why can't I just love freely? Is it just my ego? Is this whole thread just about a damaged ego? I know its more to it than that... ~ sleepy at the moment ~

@Marcel I just love your expression, sometimes I'm okay myself like I notice myself go up and down you know in terms of describing.. its like when I'm clogged it feels like I have no chance... maybe that's when I just have to try harder?

@RickyFitts lol we're creating one lovely home here you bring such a great energy @lxlichael yeah you've got such a great primal energy as well, its very very interesting

Yeah me too .

@lxlichael liking the new harmony hit on your X journal! (can't say anything on your journal ) European vibes, South African vibes... and then other vibes that are neither (just you?) You could easily do an album with this kind of variety that you've got there. @Loba lol I will do my best , sometimes I get a bit nervous but it feels so much easier because everyone here is making me feel so comfortable with myself . ... My notifications are working fine, how did this one work? @Marcel OH my god the way you express and understand your emotions you help me!!! @lxlichael has a lot of masculine energy but I can hear so many different textures in his voice show themselves from many different angles. You two should become soulmates! One might be more masculine/feminine than the other but you're just coming from different places, you could learn from each other!

@lxlichael have you gone AWOL here as well?

@Loba @RickyFitts ROFL! and my green tea was amazing!

... Distracted... decaffeinated green tea straight after this.... lol

... Feeling the tingles again lol, I forgot what this felt like!

OHHH WOW YES!!!! I totally forget about Wim Hof @lxlichael !!! .... Listening and trying my first session of this right now! @RickyFitts We walk the dork (talk)

OHHHHH! And @Loba , my apologies I nearly forgot! I hope you're well too and thank you again for welcoming me it makes me so much more at home here .

@Marcel I'm not sure where my journal is going anymore I will see how it goes but on top of you guys I'm also going to send a thank you as well to all those that contributed in their own unique way... @SLuxy (I haven't watched the video but you reminded me to get more in touch with my intuition!) @SriSriJustinBieber (I'm certainly no bliss junky yet but you've shined the light!) @modmyth (loved learning from your experiences) @IAmReallyImportant (everyone deserves another chance, taken you off ignore I hope you are well) Thank you again everyone I wouldn't have been able to come this far without your support !

I feel so much more confident with things now. Sending a big thank you to @RickyFitts and @Marcel I know I will continue to learn more and more from the both of you and a special thank you to @lxlichael for all of your writings that have helped me a lot and sharing with me your knowledge to the best of your ability so far. I only look forward to learning more from everyone and I will do my best to be as open minded as possible so long as everything that I've worked to create in terms of boundaries for this journal continues to be respected. Thank you to everyone, sending love to everyone on the forum .

God I feel like such a dork sometimes, I'm not. Promise.

PHANTOM LOVE, DIE DIE PHANTOM LOVE! ~ sorry just playing a video game at the moment ~