Jannes

All of what I have found in the LP course is correct I think. But my vision is very clouded and I couldn’t reveal everything about myself. I have always had a certain existential optimism about life. There is a certain beauty about every experience when you connect it to its existential structure where killing stems from a place of love and so on. And you experiencing reality and getting involved get first hand experience of this drama and can therefore marvel at the existential manifested. And it’s also about self love in all of this. You can deeply love not how bad your situation is but how deep you try to do the best and can structural beauty in that and fall in love in a deeper way with yourself. I was profoundly incredible at self love. This is maybe the best I can describe it, it’s hard to think of how I were thinking. I just feel like most people don’t value these traits and I feel so depleted. I have given up a little with falling in love with life or I am just so out of touch with it. Sometimes when I take a nap at noon or at random events some sunbeams of that once felt inner bliss still sting me for a short while. If I would write stories/ create art this is what they could be about. The inner struggle of falling in love with life. That’s how I could articulate it: Seeing the existential structure in fucked up situations to love reality profoundly.

There is a search of what higher forms of intelligence and creativity are because we need them to compete with AI. Psychedelics give us access to very high forms of intelligence and creativity. Will psychedelics therefore become more popular?

Thanks, that's a piece of the puzzle I didnt know I needed.

So I didnt have a hookup with a girl but it was very similar to a hookup in that I got really close to the girl, we intensely chatted for hours on end, I slept at her place, we snuggled multiple times, we just didnt have sex. She was a little fucked up from drugs she took earlier in the evening and also sad she had bad experiences with hookups. Now it feels so weird. On the one hand we got really close and I feel a deep connection there on the other hand we got close way to fast and I dont feel a basic connection. The world feels upside down.

No, I just want to learn from the situation more and I dont know how it would turn out if I met her again but I guess I just have to find out.

I have mixed feelings I thought I could clarify in this thread. I dont know I am still confused. I am pretty certain that I dont have deep feelings its just when you open yourself pretty deeply to someone even if its just an evening that stays a little with you. I might visit her again, she made very clear that I am welcomed if I want to visit again.

Yes I wanted sex but that I didnt get it doesnt mean I left with nothing. We had a good talk, I warmed up socially and even talked about problems in my mind. I didnt feel like a hero coming home but I felt pretty fulfilled actually. I disagree with your point that men fundamentally see women as sexual objects. Yes sex is a prime motivation for men to get a women and yes there is quite a lot of manipulation going on of men pretending too feel emotions for women when they just want to fuck - but there are other beautiful things then sex when connecting with a women damnit.

Okay.

We are all emotionally driven, even people who identify as really rational. It can be more direct or more underlying though.

And I am not a rational mind i have a rational mind. What do you want to say?

But you are (partly) an emotional being..

Thats okay but you literally put your worldview above mine. If I understood wrong you can clarify.

Okay Chad.

I see your point but I am in a relatively unique situation and I dont want to brag at all but I often had problems finding girls who would just vibe with me or help me as many I met wanted a romantic or sexual connection I wasn't emotionally ready for as I was a complete emotional mess the couple of years. So in a weird twist I benefit a bit from getting "exploited". I chat with her to the degree that it feels good to me.

Oh wow, didnt think of that. Thanks.

I dont think it's possible to correct the title. If it is explain me how to do it.

I thought about friendship. I am not primarily thinking about a relationship with her, we just live to far away.

Yeah... All true. My relationship with my mother is pretty okay, I dont know if I should rely on her emotional support as an adult though, if thats what you mean. Yes maybe she was filling a void as well.

WTF NO! I started some sexy things and asked for consent which I didnt get so I stopped. Be civil.

Yes but when I was in the club I felt very socially awkward. I needed to warm up. It was a blessing talking to her as she got close very fast to me with body contact and stuff. I liked the atmosphere as I warmed up socially a lot and enjoyed her company but it also confused me a little. I asked if she was up to sex pretty early and she said she wasn't which was cool to me as we vibed but it confused my mind why she got and stayed so close to me.

I am writing with her and I have mixed feelings.

No I dont think I really like this person. We vibed and there is a bit of an emotional dependence almost, like I needed some deep hugs that I got from her. If we got to know each other more, maybe something long term is possible but I dont think it's likely. You mean sex?

No we literally got super close without really getting to know one another beforehand.

Can you explain your point further?

Thanks for the reply there is a lot to cover. Combining my LP with making money is pretty difficult atm because it would make my LP more stressful and I am still in the process of finding it. There are like 5 different things with potential I am just dipping my toe into, so I really dont know what it's going to be in the end. I am also in the process of healing and finding myself from all the years without meds and help so taking time some time for myself and letting things clear up naturally seems wiser then jumping straight into the hustle. In terms of making money: 1) Teaching would be purely for that. It would take me some time to finish my studies but it would be a good option then. 2) Doing some sort of start up would be an option as well but I DONT have experience in that field at all and it would be pretty risky because of it. And because a startup wouldnt even be my LP I dont think it's the best option for me right now. 3) Earning money through my LP is a distant dream EXCEPT if I study to become an actor. But I dont know if becoming an actor really is my LP I think it just misses it. I want to have something to show for before I promote myself. Ideally I would like to do it freely because I love it and not because I have a massive audience which gives me confirmation. 4) Also connecting with people, doing behind the scenes or social media work isnt really something I am good at, I think it would drain me more then studying. I could maybe start doing YouTube stuff though thats an idea.