Jannes

I was in a f+ once with an obedient girl how you imagine it. I felt so lonely.

@Butters So you like to guide is what I am hearing?

Slept about 10 hours. I am in a constant state of emotional overwhelm. Would like to just not go to the old theatre club but that feels so wrong.

So.. they want to give shit to some big names to satisfy the public and to distract from Trump?

You found it!! 🥳

I think the reality of my social situation is that there is a fragment of myself which seems to ugly to look at. A part of myself is like a lost child. But in all other social areas I am well developed. I would need to find someone in the same situation. Thats why I felt so attatched to a few people, because I felt like they have the same dysbalance. Well right now I know people like this, but they lack behind across the board, not just in a few areas.

Whats great about it though is that at least there is full transparency that some things ARE hidden and roughly to which extend things are hidden as you can count the blank pages.

I subbed to some basic news channels on WhatsApp. In my minimum setup I get the most basic things in 1-2 mins a day. I am also not in a position where it would be wise for me to contemplate politics all day but this is still a lot better then not listening to politics at all.

I like rock e3 actually. It removes the black knights fork on whites bishop and rock and pins the black knight. If you took the black knight with your white knight queen e4 is hard to respond to. So this prevents this scenario as well. I was thinking about white rock to f3 as it puts a ton of pressure on the f7 square and also removes the fork.

I am looking so goddamn stylish atm. The vintage sweater just arrived. I knew the color combination of blue jeans with darker blue top worked well and now this extra detail just makes it extra stylish.

Just spent about 4 hours with myself fighting internally over going to my old theatre club for a show or not. Its interesting, I feel emotional overwhelm, stories going through my head, getting tired and sleepy to avoid it ... There is basically no emotional safe path back into it, basically all connection I had were bullshit in some way, no safe anquer and I dont want to fall into the same old dynamic again.

Even without medication my RV practice went well today. In terms of how it felt, not judging the results. Even when I tried to built a stronger focus it worked, my mind wasnt all over the place. Daydreaming was big though.

I really wanted to watch a show of my old theatre club and the only reasonable one is tomorrow. I am really scared to go though. I would likely confront more weird dynamics then healthy ones. There are basically no healthy ones.

Men I feel kind of helpless without my medication. Brings me back so much.

Socializing went really well yesterday. I just always experience a natural limit though in how much people I can let near me. And it creates an interesting parallel to my old theatre club. Ofc people wouldnt be as supportive if I dont vibe with them. Also most people introduce themselves with a hug for me first, its almost never me.

Thats what I am talking about. Imagine how much harder death threats trigger someone like her. Yeah its a huge accusation. I dont know why it wasnt covered elsewhere.

collectors value

Yeah its a better interview. I think her position that surviving victims arent responsible to uncover whats going on as they need all the energy to recover from what happened to them is interesting. Ofc she is kind of right about it, but also, they are in a uniquely strong position to really damage their abuser. It wouldnt be a life of some final peace but a heroic one.

Kind of scared to do body doubling as well. Havent done it for quite some time as well. Without medication THIS was the way. Entered a session anyway and I feel how I am stabilizing emotionally and becoming capable to do shit. Adhd is truly fascinating.

Havent taken my medication today and I feel good in a way but also I feel like I cant handle anything. Its time for socializing and a ton of fear is there which was just gone before. So interesting to see.

When she will reveal some of the names of people still alive they will put all their energy and power into trying to stop her. She has a gun to their heads with that story and half a gun to the head of the people who support these stars as their identity is attatched to them. So of course they wont go down without a fight to the death. She has every reason to be afraid. Only the moral fabric of society can protect her and that is not a guarentee.

Yeah I said I enjoyed the beginning part until he questioned her believabability and made it about all kinds of political topics completly getting off topic. Didnt you feel the vibe shift after an hour or so? Well his interview style is almost more important to focus on because he prevents further information to come out with this interview style. Which victim would like to be a guest on his show after watching this? Imagine the journey she took on to come to this podcast after 30 years of trauma work and he is about to fucking question and gaslight her. It has its place but I feel like it didnt come from a place of genuinely looking for truth but by fearing that it would hurt his political position. That being said yes its incredible what she has revealed in that interview up to that point. I appreciate how she could articulate what was going on inside her from a higher perspective and her perspective of the people in the circle. You dont get this kind of information anywhere else basically.

I enjoyed the beginning where he didnt interrupt her. Its unbelievable how cringe and pathetic he was.

I have largely outgrown my gymrat phase but somehow this stayed with me as it just flashed my memory. This is an interesting intersection. Ego meets non ego. Masculinity integrates femininity. Survival meets non survival. Mind meets artistic expression from the heart. Edit -- same vibe:

Also confronted my RV trainer today abotu evidence that customer actually pay for projects. Well he said he cant share that because of privacy concerns and that he does his own RV projects. Not sure how to feel about it, it is believable yes but also isnt proofing anything. He would be pretty insane for answering all my questions after I paid and being in 1 on 1 zoom calls and giving me advice and all that.