Jannes

Fried again. But pretty good night though. The hugging problem comes up again though. So a dude I barely ever talked to but who is kind of in our group gave me a hug today. AAaaah, this complicates the whole power dynamics thing, because when I give him a hug again but refuse to do so with other people, but doesnt it seem rude to not hug him ... blablabla .. It cost me an enormous amount to give someone a hug first. The underlying structure is that I am not truly confident in myself socially I think. .. I gotta give this new girl I have my eyes on atm a new name. She was constantly there for like a year and kind of grew on me. She has good style as well. I could combine these two and call her something like butterfly which both grew and is also stylish but I think I just stick to sylish. She is the stylish girl. I got this kind of love letter either from her or her friend which might be a pretty difficult situation. Men I got pretty tired at the end. I went to a restaurant with friends before which was great as it warmed me up socially but it was also a lot. So I am afraid that my small talk skills werent on point. We kind of found this group though which might grow somewhere.

The juiced up look is interesting. Relatively small chest and huge delts. Giant forearms as well.

I need to remind myself, that I have plenty of sexual opportunities. That I dont follow any one of it suggests that I dont really value it. Today at my social spot I was around a girl I vibed well with. But I dont know if I would really want to sleep with her, getting so near with somebody feels kind of too much.

Went to the other social spot alone today but it also helped me immensily get in warming up. And in the end I reached a light form of state!!!

Is the world going to be alright after all, or should one still wait to buy stocks until its more clear that things will stabilize? Whats the best strategy in the meantime?

Thats what acting is all about, the little details. Well at least thats what I love about it.

Men Jeffrey Epstein was incredibly smart. Thats kind of a trippy thing to acknowledge.

It was a joke

My interest in sex was kind of reignited yesterday after doing impro. It seems to be connected to my emotional state a lot.

Why I left the old theatre club without much talk is pretty simple. In terms of power dynamic, the old theatre club was much stronger then me. I alone couldnt stand up against a group. What I would have critiqued about the old theatre club would have affected most of the people there and it wouldnt have been acceptable for them. So I would have gotten gaslight in some way.

Today at impro I integrated more emotions. Before a game started I always got an emotion and that helped me immensely. I was actually pretty freed up afterwards, something I rarely ever felt. Huge! Got me thinking that I maybe need more structure in general.

Maybe it was just an analogy, not many to grab from when you look at global empires I found it a bit weird as well yes, but maybe not too badly placed to remind everyone that communism is not the strategy. I believe that society isnt ready for communism. He wrote the speech himself btw. (which is unusual)

physical and behavioural characteristics and then talked about how in sex the genitals are often not even seen which sounded like you made the point that when in bed you dont see her genitals and when you are still attracted to her it must be her behaviour because no genitals in sight. So I thought I must make the point that you can still be turned on by the rest of the feminine body But I misunderstood your point

Brushing your teeth. I was ahead of my time even as a kid.

The whole female body differs from the male body in proportions and detail.

Yeah I am with you. But no shame. I am fascinated how clearly I fall in the buttom left field.

This topic brings this graph to mind https://www.reddit.com/r/Destiny/comments/10brsow/aella_made_a_chart_of_sexual_fetishes_by/

Well you said you just wanted to be friends so you dont need to feel bad when you decline that offer. Its pretty invasive of her as well. Do what feels right to you. If you wanna explore you can tell her that you havent done it with a trans girl before and are unsure about it.

The more you can get exploited, the more you will get exploited. I wonder how it would be in my old theatre club now, being much more stable, or how it would be at my social spot now, being much less stable.

I like dicks as well, but not the rest of the male body. Thats why I dont even like trans women, anything that resembles manliness like a deeper voice or a manlier bone structure on the forehead is a deal breaker for me.

He is a prediccament I found about my feelings. Survival power is sexy. I found the kind of girls who can manipulate and cheat interesting BECAUSE they have survival power and yet the very same that puts me off. So thats what most Dating is about, is finding the right balance of survival powers, roughly matching the energy of the other person. Bone on Bone/ clinched in. Unless people are spiritual, that creates freedom.

"If you need help why dont you let yourself get abused?"

Partying is so though. When I feel all the insecurities creeping up in me, all the times I didn't take opportunities for moral reasons which now manifest as a lack of nessaccary confidence. Most of the time it's not that noticeable but at a disco its survival on crack. There is this sense in me that I need to get justice for it. But really and that needs to sink in, I won't. I was moral and kept my soul intact but it will hurt me materialistically.

And I thought at least Bill Gates, aka rich guy giving all his money away for a good cause, was something good in this world. Well people have many layers at least.

I am in such a decision overload right now. I can book for tomorrow or not. I dont know what I want to do tomorrow honestly. I have got my disco which I am just maybe going to. I could talk to some friends and do something. I dont want to pay for tomorrow gnnnnah but it gives me lots of options, like I can go outside a bit and then go back and chill as I like. Its kind of a no-brainer ..